


Post-Post Traumatic

by IsolaVirtuosa



Series: Post Traumatic [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Addiction, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Depression, Love, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 15:13:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 77,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10879425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsolaVirtuosa/pseuds/IsolaVirtuosa
Summary: A series of "drabbles" following the events ofPost Traumatic.10 Years Later: the Post-Traumatic chapter 700The First Time: 2 years after Post-TraumaticThe Second Time: 6 years after Post-TraumaticThe Last Time: 9 years after Post-Traumatic10 Years Later, Happily Ever After: Sasuke's perspectiveThe Last Word: my attempt to stop writing Post-Traumatic "drabbles" and bring the series to a close





	1. 10 Years Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 10 years after Post Traumatic

            “Home, sweet home.”

            Shikamaru raised an eyebrow at me.

            “What?” I asked, rubbing the back of my neck.

            “Nothing,” he said.  “Breathe in that dry desert air.”

            “Okay, so I guess Konoha is a nicer place to visit, with its trees, and its not sweltering heat,” I said.  “But home is where the heart is, and all the crap.  You know.  Where our wives and kids are.”

            “I don’t know how many times I have to remind you that jokingly calling Sasuke your wife is going to get you killed one day,” Shikamaru said, pointing to my house in the distance.  “He has exceptional hearing.”

            “And every time, I remind you that Sasuke is never going to kill me,” I said breezily.  “Seriously maim and injure, sure.  But, come on, it’s nothing that Kurama can’t heal.”

            “As your second-in-command, I cannot approve of this continued reckless behavior.”

            “You’re such a fuddy duddy.”

            “A… _fuddy duddy_?” Shikamaru repeated incredulously.  “When did you become a senior citizen?”

            I made a face at him.

            “Naruto-sensei!”

            It was suddenly difficult to walk with two little rugrats attached to my legs.

            “Which ones are these two?” Shikamaru asked, scratching his beard.

            “Tokibi and Jaga,” I said, patting their heads.  “They’re twins.”

            “I can see that.”

            “Come play with us!” Jaga demanded, tugging on my pants urgently.

            “I’ll leave you to your brood,” Shikamaru said, giving me a wave and meandering in the direction of Suna.  Our house was far enough away from the city that it was only a speck on the horizon.

            “Okay, say hey to Temari and the kid for me,” I said, attempting to walk forward.

            “Don’t forget the meeting tomorrow,” Shikamaru called, his voice barely audible from the distance.

            “Play!” Jaga said insistently.

            “Play!” Tokibi echoed.

            “Race you to the house!” I said, and both kids let go of my legs with a shriek as they sprinted ahead.  I chased after them, but suddenly found myself being attacked from all sides.

            “Naruto-sensei!”

            “You lost!” the twins taunted me when I finally emerged from the pile-on of kids.

            “I demand a rematch!” I cried.

            “Don’t be such a sore loser,” Mari said with a snort.  She’d been with us the longest, going on eight years now, and she was in her snarky teenager phase.

            “I’m not a sore loser!” I cried, flailing around.

            “You’re so embarrassing,” she said, shaking her head.

            “Naruto-sensei’s embawassing!” Mikio, one of the younger ones, declared.

            “Wow, looks like all the brats have got you figured out.”

            I looked up to see Sasuke approaching with Juugo.  Our gazes met, and he was definitely giving me _those eyes_.

            I launched my attack without a thought, and Sasuke countered just as easily.

            One of the kids let out a whoop, and they all gathered around to watch the fight.

            At first, I was just showing off for the kids, but Sasuke was being too serious for that.  It turned into a real brawl that ended with us both on our backs, struggling to catch our breath.

            “That was so cool!” Tokibi said, bouncing on my stomach.

            “Oof,” I grunted.  “Yeah, I am pretty cool.”

            “No, no,” he said, shaking his head.  He leaned in, casting a furtive glance towards Sasuke before whispering, “Sasuke-sensei was really cool.”

            I wanted to be mad, but seeing as how most of the kids were afraid of Sasuke, I was kind of relieved.  “Yeah, he’s not too bad, huh?”

            Then Jaga jumped on my face.

            I emerged from the pile of shrieking children, worse for the wear.

            Sasuke shook his head at me.

            “What?” I said, scrambling over to him.

            “You shouldn’t let them run all over you like that,” he said, taking my hand as we walked towards the house.  “They should show you respect.”

            “Respect is boring,” I said.  “Anyway, hi.  I missed you.”

            “Lame.”

            “Shut up, you missed me, too.”

            “I did?”

            “You did.”

            “Maybe a little.”

            “Ha.  You liiiike me.”

            “Don’t remind me.”

            “You loooove me.”

            “Ugh.  Go wash up.”

            “Come with me?”

            “No.”

            I stuck out my lower lip as Sasuke diverted towards the kitchen.  “Who wants to take a bath?” I asked, turning back to the crowd of kids who had been keeping their distance.

            “Me!” most of them shouted.

            We’d put in two shower rooms when we’d built the house; one for girls and one for boys.  They’d started to get crowded, though, the more kids that showed up.  We usually took baths in shifts, but today all the boys wanted to crowd in with me.

            Mari started pounding on the door after an hour, telling us to hurry up.

            “Make me!” one of the twins yelled.

            Mari threw open the door, and I seemed to be the only one in the room who cared that a teenage girl could see my ding dong.  “You want me to make you?” she growled.

            Jaga pulled down his eyelid and stuck out his tongue at her.

            “Dinner is ready, and you all look like raisins,” Mari said, whirling around and stomping off without closing the door.

            “Have you all been driving her crazy while I was away?” I asked, scratching my head.

            “Nooo,” all the boys chorused.  It had to be the most suspicious answer possible.

            “Okay, then,” I said.  “Let’s move this bathing process along,” I said, picking up the nearest kid and sticking him in the tub.

            I got to sit in the tub myself for all of about five seconds before I was being dragged off to dinner.

            Sasuke shot me an amused look as he meandered towards the bath.

            “Hey, it’s dinner time!” I protested.

            “Already ate.”

            I made a face at him as he went to have his leisurely bath time.

            Sasuke tolerated the little makeshift orphanage that we had somehow started running.  He just didn’t want anyone to think that he was involved at all, or that he might care about the revolving door of kids.

            Most of the kids didn’t realize that it was Sasuke who walked through their rooms at night, covering them with blankets and picking up stuffed animals from the floor, nestling them back safely in their arms.  They didn’t see Sasuke fixing up the medical kit and rushing out to find me when one of them was hurt.  They didn’t see him draining his chakra to get more water to our little oasis farm plot so that there’d be enough food for the current eleven residents at our house.

            They didn’t see his little smile when he turned his head away after they’d done something good or clever.

            They didn’t see the way his eyes lit up when he talked about them to me.

            And that was okay.

            Sasuke didn’t like attention.  He didn’t like kids hanging off of every available limb.  He liked quiet to read his books.  He liked privacy.  The kids gave that to him.

            And I got to be the nice, not-scary one that the kids adored and climbed all over.

            It worked out for everyone.

            Most of the time.

            “Come on, guys, I’m exhausted,” I complained as we were finishing washing up the dishes.

            “You’ve been gone _forever_ ,” little Riki complained, sticking out his bottom lip.

            “It was only three months,” Ao commented, flipping her long hair over her shoulder and acting disinterested.  She’d just turned thirteen and seemed to be following Mari down the path of being a too-cool-for-school teenager.

            “A whole _three_ months!” Riki cried.  “You _hafta_ play with us.  You _hafta_.”

            “Fine,” I said, peeling off my dishwashing gloves and hanging them over the sink.  “We can play.  But just for like thirty minutes, okay?  I was travelling all day, and Sasuke and I n-“

            “Yay!” the younger kids cheered, swarming around me.

            An hour later, we were still outside, absorbed in a very intense game of hide-and-seek.

            “Mikio, Riki, Kanon!” Mari called from the doorway.  “Get in here and get ready for bed!”

            “No way!” Riki cried, which made his hiding place really easy to find.  He squealed as I picked him up from the wheelbarrow.

            “Found you!” I said gleefully.

            “Sensei!” Mari cried.  “Stop playing around and get the little ones in here now!”

            Riki and I exchanged pouts.

            “Five more minutes!” Kanon yelled from the grove of cacti.

            Riki and I exchanged grins.

            “I’m getting Sasuke,” Mari said irritably.  As much as she acted like a sullen teenager, she also liked to act like everyone’s mom.

            We gleefully ignored her and started chasing after Kanon.

            I had most of the kids found when Sasuke came to the door.

            “Naruto.”

            “Hey, Sas’, did you wanna join us?”

            “Get in here.”

            “Yeah, I just gotta find Tokibi and Jaga and, uh… who else is missing?”

            “Sanma,” Mikio said with a big yawn.

            “And Sanma!” I said.

            “If you don’t find them in the next ten seconds,” Sasuke said.  He never needed to finish his threats.

            “It’s not even our bedtime!” Tokibi complained, sliding down the roof and walking down the wall using chakra.  Jaga and Sanma followed.

            Sasuke just stared at them impassively.

            “Spoilsport,” I complained, poking Sasuke in the stomach when I reached him.

            “You look like you’re about to pass out on your feet,” Juugo commented from the kitchen table, where he was drinking tea.

            “Nah, I’m fine,” I said, sitting down next to him.  I yawned loudly and rubbed my bare arms for warmth.  Summer nights in the desert could get cold.

            Sasuke poured some tea into a mug and passed it to me.  Then he poured tea for the older kids who hadn’t been ushered off to brush their teeth by Mari.

            I cupped my mug with my left hand, trying to absorb all of its warmth.

            Sanma took a seat across from me.  He was the oldest boy at 12, and the most serious about ninja training.

            “Did you work on your Katon with Sasuke?” I asked.

            He nodded.

            “Yeah?  How’d it go?”

            “I’ll show you tomorrow,” he said with a grin.

            I grinned back, and I caught Sasuke with a little smile over by the sink where he was washing out the teapot.

            “Let’s play cards!” Tokibi declared, slapping a pack on the table.

            “Old Maid?” I asked, then covered my mouth as I yawned.

            “No cards for you,” Sasuke said, taking my empty mug.  “Bed.  Now.”

            “But it’s not even my bedtime,” I complained.  I yawned again.

            “Yeah, it’s not bedtime,” Jaga protested.

            “Naruto,” Sasuke said.

            I sighed, pushing my chair back and dragging myself to my feet.  “Sorry, guys, gotta submit to my hubby and all that.  Have fun without me.”

            “Hubby?” Sasuke muttered, pushing me towards the stairs.

            “Night, Sensei!” they chorused.

            I detoured to the little kids’ room, where Mari was trying to wrangle everyone into pajamas.

            “Naruto-sensei!” Kanon cried, attaching herself to my leg.

            “Night night, Kanon,” I said, patting her on the head.  “Night, Riki.  Night, Mikio.”

            “Night!”

            Sasuke finished getting Riki dressed and set him on his bed.

            I had to walk Kanon over to her bed, still attached to my leg.

            Once all the little ones were tucked in, we went up the stairs and into our room.

            “I’m exhausted,” I groaned, flopping face first on the bed.

            “I think all the yawning gave it away.”

            “Ughhh.”

            “Go brush your teeth,” Sasuke said, dropping something on my back.

            I rolled over onto my stomach and picked up the PJs that flopped onto the bed.

            “Go,” he said pushing me off of the bed.

            “Hey,” I complained from the floor.

            Sasuke went ahead, and I could hear the water running from the bathroom.

            I sighed and dragged myself after him, changing my clothes as I went and dumping the dirty clothes on the floor.

            “Pick your damn clothes up,” Sasuke growled from the bathroom.

            “What clothes?” I asked, bending over and retrieving my clothes as quietly as possible.

            Sasuke didn’t answer, so I carefully deposited the clothes in the hamper in our room.  He gave me a look when I joined him in the bathroom, though.

            I smiled innocently.

            He handed me my toothbrush, already covered in toothpaste.

            I took it and started brushing.

            Sasuke was rubbing some girly-smelling cream on his face.  “Shut up,” he said, glaring at me in the mirror.

            “I diwint say anyfwing,” I protested, toothbrush in mouth.  I pulled it out.  “I appreciate how you want to stay young and gorgeous for your man.”

            Sasuke snorted and turned his attention back to his own face.

            I rinsed out my mouth and spat, setting my toothbrush back in its holder, between Sasuke’s and Juugo’s.

            “It wouldn’t kill you to moisturize,” Sasuke said, thumbing some cream around my eye.  “You’re starting to look like an old man.”

            “They’re called laugh lines,” I said, poking him in the stomach.  “They make me look friendly.  Approachable.”

            Sasuke ignored me and rubbed some cream around the other eye.

            I settled my hands on his waist, smiling dopily.

            “What?”

            “You’re cute.”

            “Ugh.”

            “I missed you,” I said, leaning in and kissing his nose.

            “You said that already.”

            “Yeah, well, I did.”

            “I know.”

            I gave him a squeeze, and headed back to the bedroom.  I flopped on the bed and promptly passed out.

            “Are you seriously sleeping right now?” Sasuke asked irritably.

            “I thought you told me to go to bed?” I mumbled, squinting an eye open.  I was still feeling fuzzy from sleep.

            “Naruto.”

            “You’re all ‘go to beeeed, Naruto, it’s your bedtiiiime’.”

            “Naruto.”

            “You’re so bossy, jerk.  I’ll have you know I’m the hokage, the boss of the whole damn Le- hey, are you not wearing any pants?”

            Sasuke frowned as he stood at the end of the bed, clearly not wearing any pants.

            “Did you not want me to sleep?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

            Sasuke crawled onto the bed, managing to make pissed-off look very sexy.  “You have been gone for three months.”

            “Yeah,” I said, rubbing his thighs as he straddled my waist.  Then I yawned.

            The glare got deadly.

            “I’m sorry!  I’m just really tired.”

            “That’s fine, just lay there and make me do all the work like usual.”

            “Hey, now, you don’t… it’s not like… I um…”

            “Are you at least a little hard?”

            “…yes…” I answered unnecessarily with Sasuke’s hand suddenly in my pants.

            “Thank god for small favors.”

            “Nothing small about it,” I mumbled.

            “Oh?” Sasuke asked, tilting his head to the side as he seated himself.

            I gasped, my whole body jerking involuntarily.

            “Relax,” he said, cupping my cheek.

            I turned into it, kissing his palm.  “How’m I s’posed ta relax with you riding me like that…?”

            “Feels good,” Sasuke said quietly.

            “Yeah,” I said, rubbing his thighs.  “You’re really wet.”

            “It’s called lube, dumbass.”

            “Yeah, but I didn’t put it here,” I said, rubbing where we were connected with my thumb.  “Did you get yourself ready for me?”

            “Ugh, stop talking,” Sasuke said, sticking a hand over my mouth.

            I squawked out a protest, but was ignored.

            Sasuke closed his eyes and focused on moving.

            I watched him, feeling my heart go all fluttery.  I gently took his hand from my mouth and cradled it against my cheek.

            Sasuke’s eyes slid open the tiniest bit, and I could feel them on me.  ‘I love you,’ he mouthed silently.

            ‘I love you, too,’ I mouthed back.

            We finished up with Sasuke on his back, and I was so exhausted that all I could do was collapse on top of him.

            He didn’t even complain, which spoke volumes about how much he’d really missed me.

            I kissed his neck, then nuzzled into his chest with my eyes closed.

            “Hey,” he murmured, letting his fingers drift down my spine.

            I kissed the skin under my lips, otherwise unmoving.

            “Hey,” he said more forcefully, grabbing my butt cheeks and bringing our hips together.

            “Hey, hey, hey!” I said, waking up.  “No way, no more sex, I can barely move.”

            “You don’t have to move…”

            “You are _insatiable_.”

            “You’re just lazy.”

            “Lazy?!” I cried.  “ _Lazy_?!”

            “And noisy.”

            I growled and bit him.  Which was a mistake, because that only wound him up even more.  “Sasuke, hey come on, seriously, I’m tired,” I said, trying to not grind back.

            Sasuke pouted but stopped trying to molest me.

            I sat up and yawned, rolling my neck around.

            Sasuke fumbled over the nightstand for his cigarettes and lighter.

            “You’re quitting for real this time,” I told him, stealing the lit cigarette and taking a drag.

            “Oh, are we?” Sasuke asked, looking amused.

            “Yeah, we are,” I said glumly, handing him his cigarette back.  I didn’t bother telling him that I’d actually bought cigarettes while I was in Konoha, because I knew he already knew.  I’d been taking more and more drags from his cigarettes to the point that I was almost smoking more than him.

            Being Hokage was stressful.

            “You want to try the gum?” Sasuke asked, blowing his smoke away from me.

            “We could try the Shikamaru Cold Turkey Method.”

            “Ha.  Sure.”

            I sighed, smooching his cheek.  “Smoking is gross.”

            “Mm-hm.”

            “Hey, I’ve got pictures!” I said suddenly.

            Sasuke looked at me funny.

            “Of your nieces, _your nieces_ ,” I clarified.

            His expression softened.  “Why didn’t you say so sooner?”

            “I’ll get them,” I said, taking the last drag from the cigarette and stamping it out in the ashtray.

            Sasuke got up, pulling on a pair of pants and disappearing into the hallway.

            I squirted some of the antibacterial on my hands that Sasuke kept next to the bed, then got up and started digging through my bag.

            When Sasuke returned, I was still looking.  He stared me down for a long moment.

            “They’re in here somewhere,” I said.

            He shrugged and locked the door.

            The lock wasn’t particularly effective in a house full of ninja-in-training.  The general rule was, if the door was locked, don’t come in unless it was an emergency.  The looser interpretation of the rule had become that if you woke up early in the morning and wanted to crawl into bed with us, Sasuke probably wouldn’t kill you.  And I probably would be wearing pants.

            Living in a house full of kids had taught me a lot about the dangers of sleeping naked.

            “Ah- _HA_!” I said, pulling out the little envelope of photos.

            Sasuke propped up his pillow against the headboard and leaned back, waiting.

            I plodded over to him with another gigantic yawn and handed him the pictures.

            Sasuke took them and started flipping through, not even paying attention to me as I wrapped my arms around his waist and snuggled into his chest.

            “Are they coming to the Kage Summit?” Sasuke asked, drinking up the pictures with his eyes.  Yurina was ten now, with Uzumaki-red hair and her mother’s temper.  Tsubaki was blonde and gorgeous, already a heartbreaker at eight.

            “Yeah, Ino wants to know if you can babysit,” I said.

            Sasuke didn’t even have a snotty comment about that, just said, “Yes.”

            “Thank you, love, that’ll help them out a lot,” I murmured.  Ino was Sakura’s second, and we’d all be hectically busy at the upcoming summit in Suna.

            “Tsubaki’s gotten so pretty,” he said softly.

            “Yeah, who knew that Ino and I would have such good genes?”

            “Not me.”

            “Hey, say nice things about your husband.”

            Sasuke rested his free hand on top of my head.  “You’re really handsome, Naruto.”

            “That didn’t sound sarcastic at all…” I said, confused.

            “It wasn’t.  You’re good-looking.  Besides all those wrinkles.”

            “I don’t have wrinkles!”

            Sasuke smiled, holding up the picture of Tsubaki next to my face and looking down at us.  “I mean, she looks more like Ino, but I can see you in her.”

            I smiled.  “And just like me, all she ever cares about is, ‘Where’s Uncle Sasuke?’”

            Sasuke snorted.  “Some things can’t be erased from DNA.”

            “Mm,” I agreed, watching his face as he flipped through the rest of the pictures.  He really loved those two girls.

            I’d asked him if he wanted to have kids of his own, but he’d refused.

            _“Nothing good can come from making more Uchihas.”_

            I didn’t agree with him, but it was his choice.  If he wanted to be the last Uchiha, then he was going to be the last Uchiha.  It just seemed like a waste to let an entire clan die out.

            _“A mentally ill clan with a useless doujutsu that requires a transplant to use it fully anyway.”_

            Sasuke did not accept arguments that the sharingan, even in its unevolved form, was one of the most powerful kekkei genkai.

            _“If it’s not the eternal mangekyo, then what use are you?”_

            So Sasuke had chosen not to have any biological children, and instead doted on mine like they were his own.

            _“It’s not like the sharingan will disappear.  Orochimaru’s growing them in his lab.”_

            That was an unsettling thought.

            “You falling asleep?” Sasuke asked, petting my head.

            “Mm.”

            “You realize it’s about nine o’clock, right?”

            “Mm.  Long day.”

            I lay down on the mattress while Sasuke put the pictures away, keeping one out and tucking it into the mirror.  It was a picture of the five of us: me, Yurina, Tsubaki, Ino, and Sakura.  We were all laughing at something Tsubaki had said, natural and unposed.  I liked that one the best, too.

            Sasuke came back to bed, reaching over to switch off the light.

            “You don’t have to sleep,” I said, poking him in the side.  “You’re not tired, right?”

            “I want to be with you,” he said, turning off the light and curling up against me.

            I smiled sleepily and snuggled back.  We still usually slept back-to-back, but sometimes cuddling was nice, too.

            “I have some business in the Land of Water.”

            “Hm?” I murmured.  “When?”

            “I was just waiting for you to get back.”

            “I’ll come with you.”

            “Unnecessary.”

            I whined about it, but Sasuke ignored my complaints.

            “I’ll be back in a few weeks,” he said, kissing my forehead.

            “’Kay…” I said, clutching his shirt a little tighter.  Of course, it was convenient to be sharing a bed with the leader of the most advanced intelligence network in… well, the world.  I mean, if I wanted to know something, all I had to do was roll over and ask.  Payment was usually collected in chores and sexual favors, which worked out well for me because being Hokage didn’t pay all that well.

            I still worried about him, though, and I didn’t like him going off to do dangerous things without me.

            Sasuke had been off of his meds for almost a year now.  The first time he went off his meds, he ran away because the voices in his head told him to.  The second time, he got addicted to opium.  Maiko- I mean Dr. Maekawa said that the only way the third time was going to work was if we went into it with a plan.  She was actually a pretty smart doc, even if her bedside manner was terrible.

            Things were going okay.  I knew that Sasuke got depressed sometimes, way more than he ever did when he was medicated.  But he also got happier.  He smiled more, bright enough to light up a room.

            I guess in the end I trusted him to do what was best for himself.

            I woke up to Riki climbing into my arms.  From Sasuke’s irritated, “Hmph,” I assumed that Kanon had joined him.  All of the boys might be afraid of him, but he still had a way with the ladies.

            I woke up again as the sun started rising.

            Sasuke was still sleeping, lying on his back with an arm around Kanon.

            I slipped Riki into his other arm, and went outside to meditate while things were still quiet.

            The house slowly came to life, a dull buzz that grew into a roar that finally got impossible to ignore.

            “Naruto-senseeeeeei!  Breakfaaaaast!” the twins yelled, circling me like a couple of hyperactive hyenas.

            My eyes slid open, and I felt relaxed despite the noise.  “Nice, what are we having?”

            “Ramen!” they announced.

            “Is it my birthday?!” I cried, racing them to the kitchen.

            After breakfast we all did some training.  Sanma had mastered the Katon, and Ao was showing promise with her new lightning jutsu.  I had the feeling that the both of them would be moving on as soon as they were old enough to take the genin exam.  It was a bittersweet feeling.  They would all leave eventually.  It didn’t mean that they’d never come back.  It just meant that they had to move onto the next stage of their lives.

            “Deep thoughts?” Sasuke asked, coming up beside me.

            “As a matter of fact, yes.”

            He raised an eyebrow at me.

            “You going now?” I asked, eyeing the bag on his shoulder.

            “Yeah, I want to meet Suigetsu and Karin before sundown.”

            “Oh, hey, tell them to come by soon,” I said.  “Haven’t seen them in forever.”

            “Where are we going to put them?”

            “Oh, uh…” I trailed off.  Mari had taken over Karin’s room after it had become apparent that she was always in Suigetsu’s room anyway.  Then, after the two of them had gone out to man the new intelligence hub for Taka, Ao had begged for Suigetsu’s room.  “Juugo’s room?”

            “How about your room?” Juugo suggested, making me jump.

            “Where did you come from?!” I cried.

            Juugo shrugged.  “Taking the kids on a nature walk now.”

            “O…kay…” I said.  “Oh, hey, have them all come over here and say bye to Sasuke.”

            As Juugo was gathering the kids, Sasuke turned to give me a serious look.

            “What?” I asked, feeling fidgety under his gaze.

            “No drinking with Gaara,” he said, frowning.

            “Hey, we only streaked through town the one time…”

            “No drinking with Gaara,” Sasuke repeated.  “And no stealing my cigarettes.”

            “Why would I want those nasty things anyway?”

            “Yes, Naruto, why do you keep stealing them if they’re so nasty?”

            “Okay, already, I get it.  No bad behavior while you’re away.”

            “I won’t ask the impossible.  Just the two requests.”

            “Hey!” I protested.  “I’m good!  I’m so good!  They carved my face in a mountain as a testament to my goodness!”

            “Just don’t do anything stupid,” he said, squeezing my hand.

            Sasuke worried about me just as much as I worried about him.

            “Yeah,” I said, squeezing his hand back.

            The kids came over, some looking nervous, while Kanon and Mari both hugged Sasuke goodbye.

            “I’ll be back within three weeks,” he said gruffly, moving to take his leave.

            “We’ll be waiting,” I said, blowing him a kiss.

            Sasuke made a face at me despite the dusting of red on his cheeks.

            I watched him leave until I realized that I was going to be late for my meeting with the kazekage.  I took a flying run in the opposite direction from Sasuke, heading towards Suna.

            Being apart from him didn’t freak me out any more like it used to, though.  I knew the path that we were both on, and no matter how much it diverged, we were always heading to the same place.

            We’d both be home soon.


	2. The First Time, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 years after Post Traumatic

            “Come on, Sleeping Beauty, it’s almost noon,” Naruto murmured, kissing my nose.

            I refused to open my eyes.  My mouth tasted like death and my bladder was unpleasantly full, but I just wanted to sleep.

            Naruto sighed in defeat and let me be.

            I woke up again feeling hot.  I kicked off all of the blankets, which served to remind me how very full my bladder was.  I stumbled down to the bathroom, but the door was closed and locked.  I scowled at it.

            “Ginnan’s making a number two in there, it’s gonna be a while,” Kurumi informed me as she walked by on her way to the kitchen.

            “Fucking… fuck…” I muttered, too hungover to come up with anything better.  I considered pissing outside.

            Kurumi gave me a disapproving look.

            “What?” I snarled at her.  “And when the hell is Naruto going to finish the second bathroom?”

            “Since Naruto-sensei is busy being, you know, the hokage and all, why don’t you, who have nothing better to do than get drunk all day, do it your damn self?” Kurumi suggested.  She had that perfect combination of venom and sweetness in her tone that couldn’t be more irritating.

            “Said the freeloader,” I growled, fumbling a pack of cigarettes from the utensil drawer and lighting one.  I stomped back to the bathroom and pounded on the door.  “You’ve got thirty seconds.”  The loud noise made my head hurt, but I ignored it and smoked my cigarette.

            “Not for much longer,” Kurumi muttered.

            “Thank god.”

            “It’s not coming out!” Ginnan wailed.

            “Then get out of there and eat some fucking prunes or something!” I snapped, pounding on the door again.

            Kurumi clicked her tongue.

            I thought I was going to go insane.  Well, more insane.  This small house with all these annoying brats running around, disrespecting me and stinking up my toilet…

            _It would all be so easy._

            Kurumi got quiet.

            I realized that I was having trouble breathing.

            “Sasuke-sensei…” she said, taking a step towards me.

            “Where’s Naruto?” I snapped, turning my back to her.

            I heard the front door open and close.

            I sank to the floor, dropping my forehead to my knees.

            Ginnan eased the bathroom door open and raced past me.

            I didn’t want to get up.  I just wanted to stay there, to sink into the floorboards and disappear into the desert sand.  But I was an Uchiha, so I got up and went into the bathroom.  It stank.  I slammed the door shut and unbuttoned the front of my boxers.  It hurt at first, then felt amazing.  I closed my eyes for a moment, feeling relief almost tantamount to an orgasm.

            “Wow,” Naruto said, peeking his head in the door.  “You’ve been peeing for like a minute straight.”  He’d obviously been doing something physical, his cheeks flushed and his skin glistening in a sheen of sweat.

            “Hn,” I said, continuing to pee.

            “You want some breakfast?” he asked.

            “Isn’t it after noon?”

            “Lunch then?”

            “I’m not hungry.”

            “Well, I’ll make you some coffee,” he said, closing the door.

            I continued to pee.

            “Did you get the world record?” Naruto asked when I came out and sat at the kitchen table.

            “Yes, Naruto, the world record in peeing.”

            “That’s my baby, the best at everything,” he said, dropping a kiss on the top of my head.

            “Dummy,” I muttered.

            “Your coffee is brewing,” he announced, sitting down next to me with a sandwich.  He took a bite, then held it out to me.

            “I don’t want your used sandwich.”

            “It’ll help with the headache.”

            “Who says that I have a headache?”

            “Okay, lightweight,” Naruto said with a snort, taking another bite of the sandwich.

            “I’m building a tolerance,” I muttered, snatching the sandwich away from him and taking an angry bite.

            “I don’t want you to build a tolerance, you’re perfect just the way you are,” Naruto protested, snapping a bite from the sandwich while it was still in my mouth.

            “You just like being able to beat me at something,” I muttered.

            “Yeah, I do,” he said with a grin.

            “Too bad it’s the only thing.”

            “Bastard, I can beat you at anything!”

            I hummed at that, taking another bite of the sandwich before passing it back to a flailing Naruto.

            “I can,” he whined, getting up to get my coffee.

            “It’s quiet.”

            “Yeah, I sent the kids off with Karin.”

            “Poor kids.”

            Naruto put my mug down on the table in front of me.  He hesitated for a moment, then slid his arms over my shoulders, pressing his cheek to mine.

            “When are you going to finish the bathroom?” I asked irritably.

            “When I get the rest of the materials.”

            “Which would be…?”

            “You are such a goddamn princess, Sasuke.  No one else is complaining,” he growled, drawing away.

            “Everyone is complaining.  There are ten people and one toilet in this damn house.”

            “It’s not so bad.”

            “It’s bad.  And if you keep picking up a new stray every damn time you leave the house…”

            “They’re not strays, they’re _children_.”

            “They’re not our problem.”

            “Then whose problem are they?”

            “Not ours.”

            “I get that you’re upset about them leaving-”

            “Do I look upset?”

            “Yes.  Very.”

            I sipped my coffee sulkily.

            “I’m gonna run a bath,” Naruto said.  He moved towards the shower room.  “Come join me.”

            I flipped him off and continued to sip my coffee.  It was hot.

            Naruto was rinsing off when I finally joined him.  His smile lit up his face, and it pissed me off.

            _Ungrateful brat._

            I sat on the stool and started lathering up the soap.

            Naruto started washing my hair.

            “Did I ask you to do that?”

            “Nope.”

            I frowned and continued washing up.  When I washed off the last bit of soap, Naruto seemed about to explode with stupid smiles.

            “Come on,” he said, tugging my hand as he stepped into the freshly drawn bath.

            I found myself sitting on the idiot’s lap while he cuddled me to death.  “Are you quite done?”

            “Nuh uh, no way, I missed this.”

            “Missed what?”

            “You.  Me.  Naked.  We’re so much better together when we’re naked.”

            “I actually can’t argue with that.”

            Naruto kissed my nose.  Then he kissed it again.  Then he kissed my mouth.

            I slid my arms over his shoulders, looking into his eyes.  They were big and blue and beautiful, and I was starting to feel less hateful.  “I don’t mean to make everything so… hard…”

            Naruto had that look in his eyes, like he really wanted to latch onto the double entendre I’d stupidly left dangling in front of him.

            I glared him into submission.  We were being serious now.  Because things had gotten bad, and we both knew it.

            It had been good for a while.

            After we’d… gotten more committed… we’d picked out a tract of land and started building our house.  Naruto was a master carpenter now after all his clones’ experience fixing Konoha.

            We suddenly had a home.  We still travelled a lot, but we had this place to go back to, and it meant something to us, something we couldn’t explain to other people.  It didn’t matter.  We both got it.

            Life was turning into something.  There was a future ahead of us.

            I’d gotten used to the three brats.  Goma wasn’t a bad cook, and Kurumi wasn’t a bad ninja.  Ginnan… was there.  I didn’t mind him, though.

            And then suddenly Naruto was having arguments with the raikage, the tsuchikage, and the mizukage almost on a daily basis.  They were suspicious of Konoha having two hokages, especially when one of them was living outside of Konoha.  They were suspicious of Naruto’s relationship with Suna.  They were suspicious of his relationship with me.  They were suspicious about Naruto fathering Sakura’s children.  Everything was an issue, and it started to wear him down.

            The Counsel was just as bad.  You’d think things would be easier now that most of the elders were Naruto’s mentors.  Since they weren’t sucking up to him to get him to agree to be Hokage anymore, I was banned completely from the Land of Fire.  I couldn’t see my niece.  I couldn’t visit Ino, who was on bedrest until my new niece was born.

It was asinine.

            Construction on our house stalled as we started to realize that despite being the perfect isolated spot surrounded by nature, the desert was actually a terrible place to build a house if you wanted things like running water and a garden.

            Kurumi started talking about becoming a genin.  That meant becoming part of a village.  A village that wasn’t Suna.  A village that wasn’t even in the Land of Wind.

            I was having trouble sleeping.

            I got my medication readjusted and started sleeping, but it made me feel like a zombie.

            So I started drinking.

            Which brought us here, to our bathtub in the middle of the day, me hungover and Naruto stressed out.

            “Why is it so quiet?” I finally asked, breaking up the silence.

            Naruto had been half-asleep, rubbing my back.  “Huh?  I told you.  The kids are with Karin.”

            “Okay, but why would Karin agree to take them anywhere?”  Karin didn’t mind the kids, but she didn’t go out of her way to be around them.

            “I may have bribed her.”

            “Do I want to know?” I asked, lipping his neck.

            “Sasuke,” Naruto said, running his fingers up and down my spine.

            “What?”

            Naruto took a breath.

            I rolled my eyes.

            He frowned at me, deflating a little.

            “Just spit it out.”

            “I know you’re not taking your meds.”

            “Okay,” I said, focusing on my fingers resting on top of the water, just barely touching it.  I was perfectly calm.  No red alerts flashing through my head about how I was caught.

            “Sasuke, I get it, okay?” Naruto said, nudging my nose with his.  “You’re very clever with disappearing your pills, and the only reason I figured it out was because… you’re _you_ again.  And I’ve missed you lately, you know?  Even if all you do is bitch and argue with me.  I like my Uchihas fiery and passionate, not all… you know…”

            I gave him a look.

            “You know what I’m saying,” he said, pushing out his bottom lip.  “Ever since the doc started readjusting your meds, you’ve just… disappeared.  So I’ve been trying, yeah?  Not freaking out about your drinking and stuff.  But I’m at my limit, okay?  Kurumi and Ginnan just came to me, scared of you.  We need to start making some changes.”

            “Are you done?”

            “…possibly.”

            “We’re getting pruney,” I said, standing up.

            Naruto watched me get out of the bath, a conflicted expression on his face.

            He wanted to tell me what to do.  He wanted to tell me that I needed to go back on my medications.  He wanted to tell me that I had to stop drinking.  I could read it in his eyes as clear as day.

            But he stayed quiet, trying to respect my right to make the big decisions for myself.

            And that pissed me off.

            I hated this mature, reasonable Naruto.  Why did he have to be so damn understanding?

            _You’re a mess_.

            I tightened the towel around my waist, avoiding those stupid, adoring blue eyes.

            _You’re dragging them down with you_.

            “Hey, Karin promised to keep everyone busy until dinnertime,” Naruto said, following me to our room.  “Why don’t we go for a walk or something?  And when I say _something_ , obviously I mean that we could sex each other up.”

            “I just want to be alone,” I said, dropping my towel on the floor as I changed.

            “Uchiha Sasuke turning down sex?” Naruto gasped, trying to make it a joke.

            I ignored him and crawled back into bed.  Despite the coffee, I was still tired.

            Naruto looked at me uncertainly, then picked up my towel and hung it on the back of the door.

            _They’d be better off without you_.

            I closed my eyes.

            I was drifting off to sleep when I felt the mattress dip slightly.

            “I love you,” Naruto murmured into my hair, spooning in behind me.  “Even if you’re a jerk.”

            I closed my eyes more tightly.

            _Faggots_.

            ‘Shut up, Father…’ I mouthed into the pillow.

            _You’ve shamed the Uchiha name_.

            I ignored him.  It was the same tired shit over and over.  I didn’t care what the ghost of my dead father thought.

            _You will respect me, boy_.

            _Enough, dear, please_.

            _You have no say in this_.

            _He’s my son, too_.

            _He is no son_.  _He is no man_.  _He’s a pathetic stain on our clan_.

            I fell asleep with a buzzing in my ears.


	3. The First Time, Part 2

            I took my medication like the idiot wanted, and now I was nothing.  I wanted to be angry, but every time I tried to work my way up to it, there was this heaviness in my head that kept me from ever reaching my anger.  I was chained down, grasping for something, _anything_ , but there was nothing.

            It didn’t matter.

            Nothing really mattered.  Everything was monotonous.  Not bad, not good.

            Maybe it was for the best.  I wasn’t depressed.  I couldn’t feel enough to be depressed.

            “I’m gonna kick your ass today, jerk,” Naruto said cheerfully as he set down a big plate of food in front of me.

            I put down my coffee and started eating.

            “Nothing to say that, huh?”

            I chewed.  It was what I was supposed to do.  It was easy to do things that people expected you to do.  I didn’t know why I always had to be so contrary.  It was much easier to just go with the flow.

            Karin was sitting across from me, picking at her food.  Stray Number 3 sat next to her, singing to herself and swinging her legs over the edge of the too-large chair.  I couldn’t remember her name.  The boys were in the living room, playing some kind of game that involved a lot of yelling.

            “Are you coming with us to train, Karin?” Naruto asked.

            “No, I’ll be in Suna all day,” she said.  She stabbed a piece of food, brought it to her mouth, then put it back on the plate.  “I think Sasuke should come with me.  See his therapist.”

            “Whaaat, come on,” Naruto complained.  His eyes were flicking to me worriedly, though.

            I didn’t have an opinion on the matter.  Whatever they decided.  I focused on moving my fork to my mouth.

            “Sasuke?” Naruto repeated.  I didn’t know how long he’d been calling me.  “Is that okay with you?”

            I moved my eyes from my food to his face.  It took more effort than it probably should have.

            “We’ll train today?  And I’ll take you to Doc Nakano’s tomorrow before I leave?”

            I shrugged.

            _What are you training for?  To lie around being the hokage’s whore?_

            If I could, I would have smiled.  My father never had anything new to say.

            Naruto and Karin exchanged anxious looks.  I didn’t know what they were so worried about.

            I went into Suna with Naruto the next day.  He usually had to bribe me to get me into Dr. Nakano’s office, but I didn’t feel like arguing, so I just went.

            Instead of being happy about it, my compliance seemed to make Naruto even more nervous.

            “And how are you feeling today, Sasuke?” Dr. Nakano asked like he always did.

            Naruto tensed next to me, knowing how stupid I thought the question was.

            “Fine,” I said with a shrug.

            “Have you been sleeping all right?”

            “Yeah.”

            Dr. Nakano pushed his glasses up his nose, giving me a long look.

            “The changes you made to his meds to help him sleep made him a zombie,” Naruto said, flailing his arms around.  “He doesn’t yell at me to pick up my clothes off of the floor!  I kicked his ass at training and he just _shrugged_!  I called him ‘my beautiful Uchiha treasure trove’ without getting punched in the face!  He doesn’t get mad at me for saying stupid things at all!”

            “That’s true,” I agreed.  “I’m not even mad right now.”

            “He’s not even mad!”

            Dr. Nakano nodded and wrote something on his notepad.

            “So you’re going to put him back on his old meds?” Naruto prodded when he didn’t say anything.

            “Sasuke said it was hard for him to sleep, and he was also having some stomach issues with those medications,” Dr. Nakano explained.

            “I can just drink myself to sleep,” I suggested.

            “Yeah, he can just dr-” Naruto started, then gave me a wary look.

            I shrugged.

            “Oh my god, would you stop shrugging already?!”

            I shrugged.

            Naruto almost fell out of his chair in his exaggerated exasperation.

            I wanted to smile, but I didn’t think the expression quite made itself to my face.

            Naruto took my hand, looking worried.

            “Stop worrying,” I told him.

            “It’s what I do.  I worry.”

            “Since when?” I asked.  “Don’t you just barrel into everything without thinking?”

            “That is the old, not-Hokage Naruto.”

            “I’m pretty sure it’s Everyday Naruto.”

            “I do think.  There’s a lot of thinking.  And I’m the one doing it!”

            “You both seem more at ease now that you’re fighting,” Dr. Nakano observed wryly.

            “We’re not fighting,” Naruto said, looking genuinely confused.  “Do you think this is us fighting?”

            “And what would you call it?” Dr. Nakano asked.

            “I dunno, talking?” Naruto said, looking to me for guidance.

            I shrugged.

            “Bastard!” he roared, still holding my hand and rubbing his thumb over the back of it tenderly.

            “Just to be clear,” Dr. Nakano interrupted.  “You are bothered by the fact that Sasuke is speaking to you more kindly and treating you with respect?  And you would prefer that he be physically and emotionally abusive to you?”

            “Don’t say it like that, you make me sound like some weird masochist,” Naruto complained.

            I knew I was supposed to make a joke about that.

            “What have I said that isn’t true?” Dr. Nakano pushed.  “This isn’t the first time I’ve expressed my concern.”

            “It’s not that I want Sasuke to say rotten things to me!  It’s just who he is!”

            “Idiot,” I muttered.

            “You can’t help that you’re a jerk, baby.”

            I stared at him.

            “See, you’re supposed to say, ‘my name is Sasuke, not baby, you moron,’ or something, and get huffy to hide your secret smile.”

            “What secret smile?” I deadpanned.

            “The one you get whenever I address you lovingly.”

            Dr. Nakano was watching us, scribbling madly on his notepad.

            I watched him back.  He hadn’t asked yet, but I was fairly certain that he wanted to write a book about me.  He’d moved to Suna just to be my doctor when he’d heard I was looking for a new one.  I’d never liked him, but he was more competent than my previous doctor, so I tolerated him.  For now.

            “The point is, it’s not that I want Sasuke to be mean to me so much as I want him to be nice to me because he _chooses_ to be nice to me.  Not ’cause he’s so medicated that he just doesn’t care enough to be mean.”

            “I see,” Dr. Nakano hummed.

            “I’ll try harder to insult you,” I offered.  “Loser.”

            “Thanks, sweetie, but it’s just not the same,” Naruto said glumly.  He pressed a kiss to my temple.

            “You’re ridiculous,” I said without much feeling.  “And you’re the one who makes me take medication, anyway.”

            “I don’t make you do anything!” Naruto protested.  “But you get so depressed when you’re off them, and really self-destructive...”

            “Yeah,” I said.  “Are we done now?  Let’s go home.”

            Naruto furrowed his brow.  “Your meds.”

            I turned to Dr. Nakano.  “Have you got a new prescription for me?”

            “Let’s try changing your antidepressant and lowering your dose of lithium,” he said, handing me a page from his prescription pad.  He continued talking, but I tuned out and let Naruto listen.

            Since we were in the city, Naruto decided that we should go on a date after picking up my prescriptions.

            “Just how long are we leaving the kids with Karin?” I asked.

            “She’s so worried about you that she won’t mind,” Naruto said breezily.

            “Ah, so you’re using my mental illness to manipulate her.”

            “Yes, obviously.”

            “Nice work,” I said, trying to smile.

            Naruto grinned.  He cupped my jaw, pulling me into a slow kiss in the middle of the street.

            The people of Suna did not care.  They went about their lives, simply side-stepping the obstruction in the road.

            “Hey, there’s my Sasuke,” Naruto said, grinning even brighter.  He kissed my nose.

            I pulled him back in, feeling a little spark, a little flicker of life.  I dominated his mouth, the spark growing brighter.

            Naruto eyes were sparkling when I let him go.

            “Let’s get a hotel,” I said.

            “Ha, like you’re getting out of our date that easily.”

            “A hotel room can be a date.”

            “Yeah, if one of us was a prostitute, maybe.”

            “Prostitutes don’t go on dates.”

            “Shut up.”

            “You shut up,” I said, letting him slide his hand in mine.  He always walked on my right side.

            “Let’s go to a fancy restaurant!”

            “So I’m paying?” I asked.

            Naruto got a sullen look at that.  I easily made more money than him with my mercenary intelligence-gathering network than he did as the co-leader of Konoha.

            I wanted to needle him more about it.  I did, but I couldn’t think of anything to say.  My thoughts were all fuzzy.

            We ended up at the most expensive restaurant in Suna, Naruto having a conversation with himself while I sometimes listened.  It wasn’t that different from usual.

            “You’re not even listening to me, ass face,” Naruto complained, playing footsie with me under the table.

            “Who’s the ass face?” I said, glancing up from staring at the table.  “You’re the one always eating ass…”

            “Why is that the only thing you’ve heard me say in the last ten minutes?!” Naruto sputtered.

            “Because I’m not interested in your childish exploits with Gaara.”

            “They’re not childish!  And HA, you were listening!”

            I shrugged.

            Naruto looked at me like he was expecting more sarcasm and jibes.

            I stared back.

            He chewed on his bottom lip.

            _You’ve let me down_.

            I was staring over Naruto’s shoulder.

            “Baby,” he said, forehead crinkling.

            _He deserves better_.

            “Sasuke, look at me,” Naruto said, directing my face towards his.

            I looked at him.

            He studied my eyes, like he was searching for something.

            Our food arrived.

            I shifted away and started eating.

            “You can talk to me, you know,” he said, poking at his food with his fork.  “If something’s…  You can talk to me.  Or Juugo.  If you don’t want to talk to me.  Okay?”  He took a bite.  “Oh, hot shit, this is good.”

            I continued to eat.

            _When are you ever considerate of him?  When do you think about what he needs?_

            I wasn’t sure why my brother was such a big fan of Naruto’s.  I’d bet that Dr. Nakano would love to tackle the topic.  To tell me how I still held resentment about when my brother had wanted Naruto’s power and not mine.  Or how it ached that Itachi had confided his plans in Naruto and not me.  Blah, blah, blah.  I would never talk about those kinds of things with that quack doctor.

            “You’re beautiful,” Naruto said suddenly.

            I gave him a funny look.

            He blushed and looked away.  “I didn’t mean it.”

            “You didn’t mean it?” I asked.

            “Okay, fine, I meant it!  Are you happy?  You’re freaking gorgeous, even when you’re off in your head being crazy.”

            “My, Naruto, but you know how to deliver a compliment.”

            “Uh, I didn’t mean that last part.  I do not judge you for insanity.”

            “Yes, you do.”

            “Okay, a little bit.  But only ’cause I know that you’re hiding something!”

            I sighed.  I was feeling a little spark again.  It was either anger or exasperated love, I wasn’t quite sure which.  “We’ll talk later.”

            “Yeah?”

            “Promise,” I said softly.

            “Okay,” Naruto said, nodding vigorously.  “Okay, okay, okay.  We’ll talk later.”

            He knew.  It was obvious to me now.  Me being a zombie was nothing new.  It happened every time I had a change in medication or went on lithium.  It wasn’t something that he worried about.  He didn’t like it, but he didn’t _worry_.  He didn’t take the day off from work right before an important meeting to waste with me.  He knew that all I needed to do was get my medications adjusted and I’d go right back to telling him what an idiot he was.

            _You’re a burden._

_He’d be better off without you.  You know that._

_Stop bringing shame on our clan._

            “You still wanna get a room?” Naruto asked, looking at me in a way that he probably shouldn’t be in a room full of people.

            I glanced down at my empty plate.  I didn’t remember eating anything.  I looked back at Naruto, his gaze still intense.  It was embarrassing.  “Don’t you need to get ready for your trip?”

            “Making love with my baby is all the preparation I need,” Naruto said, grinning in that wolfish way of his that showed off his canines.

            “How do you say shit like that with a straight face?” I asked, incredulous.  I tried not to blush, but I knew that I was failing.  He just said the stupidest things, and I was embarrassed for him.  “Try being a man once in a while.”

            “I’m feeling very manly right now,” he said, nonplussed.  “I’m really gonna miss you while I’m gone.”

            “It’s only a month,” I muttered, trying not to get sucked into his eyes.  It was a losing battle.  The spark grew into a little flame.

            “I’m sorry I won’t be here while you’re readjusting,” he said, reaching across the table and touching my cheek.

            “It’s not a big deal.”

            “Yeah,” he said, nodding.  “Yeah.  I know.  Write to me?”

            “Maybe.”

            “Maybe?!”

            I smiled a little, and I knew it reached my eyes.  I picked up the check and paid.  We walked down the street to a little hotel that we’d been known to frequent.

            “I am not a babysitter for your collection of wayward rugrats,” Karin growled when we walked into the house sometime after midnight.

            “Sorry, Karin, Sasuke needed a lot of therapy,” Naruto said, grinning dopily.

            “A _lot_ ,” I agreed, my good arm attached firmly to his waist.

            “You two are gross,” Karin said, rolling her eyes.  She wasn’t mad.  She looked relieved, even.

            “The grossest,” Naruto said, nuzzling into my neck.

            “Yuck,” I said.  I ran my fingers through his hair, stroking gently.

            I still felt dull, but there was _something_ , and the voices were quiet.


	4. The First Time, Part 3

            I was rolling cigarettes at the kitchen table when Juugo and Suigetsu got back.

            “Did the transaction go smoothly?” I asked, placing the cigarette I had just finished rolling between my lips and sparking it with a lighter.

            “Smooth as a baby’s bottom,” Suigetsu said, disappearing in the direction of Karin.

            I turned to Juugo.

            “It went well,” he said, sitting next to me.  He started shaping the tobacco into a line.

            “The daimyo was pleased with our intel?”

            “He said that he’d like to retain our services again.”

            “Good,” I said, taking a quick drag before rolling my next cigarette.

            “Naruto’s gone to Kumo?”

            “Yeah.”

            Juugo nodded, fitting a filter into the cigarette he was rolling.

            I felt more at ease with Juugo next to me.

            “Those things will kill you,” Kurumi muttered as she passed by.

            I blew smoke in her direction.

            “You know, we all need to eat in here.”

            “Aren’t you supposed to be leaving?”

            “Not soon enough.”

            “We can agree on something.”

            Juugo gave me an unfriendly look as Kurumi stomped out of the kitchen.

            “Don’t start on me,” I muttered.

            “You’re acting like a child,” Suigetsu said.  He took the milk out of the fridge and started drinking it straight from the carton.

            Juugo and I both gave him a disgusted look.

            “I’m gonna finish it,” he said, tilting his head back and downing the rest.

            “Who’s being a child?” I asked.

            “Look, by not using a glass, I’m saving you all from having to wash more dishes,” Suigetsu said.  “What’s more adult than that?  And also, I’m not the one bullying a teenage girl ’cause I’m in the middle of a temper tantrum.”

            I was still on a high enough dose of lithium to give him a completely blank stare.

            “Seriously, it’s just like back in the day, when you’d be all scowly and ‘I’m gonna kill Naruto’-y,” Suigetsu continued.  “You’re not gonna try and kill Kuru-chan, right?”

            I continued my blank stare.

            “God, are you still on your zombie meds?  I thought you switched to drinking.”

            “I switched back.”

            “Ah, the missus?”

            I decided to just not respond to him anymore until he went away, not that that ever worked.

            “Suigetsu, leave us,” Juugo said.

            “Why?” Suigetsu asked, wrinkling his nose.

            I didn’t see the look that Juugo gave him, but he ended up walking away.

            “That’s enough for now,” Juugo said, moving to put away my tobacco.

            “I need a few more-”

            “We should talk about the daimyo,” Juugo said, and I found myself following his lead.

            We walked around outside, making our way to the oasis a short ways away.  We talked business.

            Juugo didn’t make me say all the stupid, meaningless things out loud.  I didn’t have to say that I missed Naruto.  I didn’t have to say that my meds were making me sick.  I didn’t have to say that I didn’t want Kurumi to go.

            He knew.

            I wondered if he knew about the voices.  Probably.  If Naruto the insensitive dunce had picked up on it, then Juugo must know, too.

            I didn’t want to go back to the hospital.

            I tried to focus on my work.  I was constantly developing contacts and gathering information.  It had gotten to a point where nothing went on in the ninja world without me knowing about it first.

            So I knew that Naruto would have another damn stray with him before he was even back in the Land of Wind.

            “No,” I said, shaking my head.  “No way.  There’s no room.”

            “He can sleep with us, then,” Naruto said with a shrug, cradling the half-starved orphan boy against his chest.

            “Naruto.”

            “I couldn’t just leave him in that cave.”

            “How do you even find all of these kids?” I muttered, walking away.

            Naruto came to find me after he’d gotten the brat settled in.

            I was meditating, keeping a little flame glowing over my hands.

            “Babe, let’s talk,” he said, sitting across from me.

            Without opening my eyes, I aimed the flame at his face.

            “Not cool,” Naruto growled after falling on his ass.  “Hey, come on.”

            I cracked an eye open.

            “Are you mad at me?” he asked.

            “I’m not capable of being mad.”

            “I thought the doc reduced the dosage of your lithium.”

            “Yeah, well, even a little bit of lithium is plenty.”

            “And the new antidepressant?”

            “Made me sick, had to go on a different one.”

            “Did you go back on clozapine?”

            I caught the little hesitation in the question and gave him a wary look.  “No, I’m not back on my antipsychotics.”

            “Okay,” Naruto said with a nod.  “You promised that we would talk about it, though.”

            “I’m okay,” I said, reaching out and resting my hand on his knee.  “Sometimes… they… _talk_ to me, but I’m okay.”

            He picked up my hand and kissed the back of it.  “Okay.”

            “So you went and brought back another kid.”

            “Well, Kurumi, Ginnan, and Goma are going in a month, so we’ll have the room.”

            “It’s… decided?”

            Naruto took a breath and nodded.  “Yeah, when I was in Kumo I talked to B.  He agreed to take them on as his genin team.”

            “B did?”

            “Yeah, they’ll have to enroll in the academy and do a placement test.  They’ll graduate if they pass the final exam, or they’ll get put into a class based on their ability.”

            “Kurumi will pass.”

            “Yeah, not sure about Ginnan, though.”

            “Depends what the test is.”

            “Mm.”

            “Goma should pass.”

            “Yeah,” Naruto said, scratching the back of his neck.  “Is this how parents feel when they send their kids off into the world?  All bittersweet?”

            “We are not their parents,” I said.

            “Dammit, asshole, just admit how much you love those kids and are gonna miss them.”

            “Love is a strong word.”

            “You love me.”

            “Yes, and I’m also clinically insane.”

            “Saaaaasukeeeeee.”

            “I don’t want to say it.”

            “Fine, be a turd.”

            “I don’t want it to be real,” I muttered.

            Naruto was quiet at that.

            “Let’s train,” I said, pushing myself to my feet.

            “Yeah?” Naruto asked, his eyes lighting up.

            “Yeah.”

            Fighting felt good.  Fighting without holding back felt even better.

            We’d gathered an audience, but I barely noticed beyond making sure not to blow them up.

            Naruto was starting to be a showoff, with all his clones and his endless chakra.

            I moved like water between his clones, then proceeded to take them all out.

            “Holy shit, bastard, that was awesome!” Naruto called from where he’d been observing on our roof.

            I stared at him.

            “When you did that thing with the handstand, and you flipped the clone on his face with your legs on his shoulders….” he said, gesturing furiously as he drew closer.

            I stared harder.

            “Teach meeeee.”

            “You want me to teach you basic taijutsu?”

            “There was nothing basic about that, you jerk.  You probably stole all those damn moves with your cheating eye.”

            I whirled my sharingan at him.  “Just like you made all those clones with stolen chakra from a tailed beast?”

            “Saaaaaasukeeeee, teach meeeeeee.”

            “You realize that the brats are more mature than you, right?” I said, gesturing towards the kids who were all watching our exchange in awe.

            Naruto pouted.

            I pulled out a cigarette.  “You’re just never going to be as good at taijutsu as I am.”

            “That’s not true!  Look at this body!  Look at these muscles!”

            I looked and shrugged.

            Naruto looked heartbroken.

            I attacked him and he dodged.  “Sloppy.”

            “I dodged it, didn’t I?!”

            “And you thinking that’s good enough is why I always beat you.”

            “Hey, hey, hey now, you most certainly do not always beat me!”

            We bickered while we moved.  Despite my disparaging comments, Naruto kept up with me.  His real body always fought better than his clones.

            I started guiding him, showing him how to move, and he followed easily.

            By the end of it, I was exhausted, while Naruto was bubbling over with excitement.

            “See, I can learn stuff,” he said, grinning at me.

            I glared at him from the ground, too tired to move.  It was a stark reminder that I had been lax with my training the last six months.  Between not sleeping, hearing voices, becoming a temporary alcoholic, going off my medications, then going back on them…  I also hadn’t really left the house in that time period, beyond a few trips to Suna for therapy.

            Naruto grinned blindingly at me, holding out his hand.

            I took it and stood up.

            We walked back to the house together, and I felt almost normal.  I wanted things.  I wanted to train.  I wanted to work.  I wanted a future, and all the stupid medications in the world weren’t going to take that away from me.

            “You should teach me more taijutsu after dinner,” Naruto said.  “And in exchange, I’ll teach you some of my super secret awesome jutsu.”

            “I don’t want to learn any of your useless jutsu.”

            “Bitch.”

            “I can’t help that I’m superior to you in every way.”

            “In your dreams!”

            “What are you two even fighting about?” Karin asked irritably as we stomped into the house.

            “We’re not arguing!” we said in perfect unison.

            “Hoo boy,” she said, shaking her head and walking away.

            “I kicked your ass at the Valley of the End,” Naruto muttered.

            “We were both almost dead!”

            “Yeah, but the kyuubi woulda healed me eventually, while you woulda just died.”

            “You said that he couldn’t heal you!”

            “I was lying to save your ego.”

            “You’re lying now!”

            Naruto got shifty-eyed.  “Maaaaybe.”

            “Idiot.”

            “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it,” Kurumi said to the new brat, patting his head.  “They’re always like this.”

            “We are not,” Naruto protested.

            “We are,” I said, just to be contrary.  I leaned down to pick up the snake that had just slithered into the house behind us.  I pulled the message from its neck, removing the seals with a few hand signs.  “Oh…”

            “What is it this time?” Naruto asked, trying to read over my shoulder, except he wasn’t tall enough for that.

            I didn’t want to say.

            “Hey, c’mon,” Naruto complained.

            “Ino…”

            His face went pale.  “What?  What is it?  Is she okay?  Is the baby okay?”

            “She went into premature labor.”

            “Shit,” Naruto said, already moving towards our room.

            There was a knock at the door.

            Naruto started packing a bag.

            I just watched him.

            “Shikamaru’s here,” Juugo said, appearing in the doorway.

            “Tell him we’ll leave in ten,” Naruto said, stuffing things haphazardly into his bag.

            I started repacking the bag as he dug through the closet for more things to pack.  “I want to go with you,” I said quietly.

            Naruto wrapped his arms around me from behind, dropping his clothes in the general direction of his bag.  “I know, Sasuke,” he said, kissing my cheek.  “I want you to come, too.”

            “You’re the hokage,” I muttered.

            “It’s funny how when I was a kid I thought that meant that I could do whatever I wanted,” Naruto hummed, rocking me side-to-side.  “I don’t think I’ve ever had less freedom.”

            “Then quit.”

            “Still have work to do.”

            “I know.”

            “I gotta go take over for Sakura now.”

            “I know.”

            “I’ll miss you.”

            “I know, already.  Say something worth saying.”

            “You are so mean…”

            “I _know_.”

            “Well, don’t you just know _everything_ ,” Naruto growled, biting my ear.

            “Yesss.”

            “I gotta go.”

            “Then go.”

            “Yeah,” he said, letting me go and shoving the last few items in his bag.

            I watched him move towards the door.

            “Be good,” he admonished me.

            I flipped him off.

            Naruto hesitated.

            “Go help Sakura,” I said, gesturing him away.

            “I just got back…” he said, dropping his bag and coming over to me.

            “Yeah.”

            Naruto rested his forehead against mine.  “I’m kinda scared.”

            I placed my hand at the nape of his neck.  “How uncool.”

            “Shut up, jerk.  If you weren’t so drugged up, you’d be scared, too.”

            “I’d also be really irritated by what you just said.”

            “Well, good thing you’re on drugs, then,” Naruto said, pressing his lips lightly to mine.

            “Good thing,” I agreed, biting him.

            “Come with me to the border?”

            “No.”

            Naruto looked disappointed but nodded.  He grasped my face in both hands.  “I love you so much, Sasuke.  So damn much.”

            “Just go already.  You’re embarrassing yourself.”

            “You know, in Sasuke-ish, that means that you’re the one who’s embarrassed.”

            “‘Sasuke-ish’?  You are ridiculous.”

            It took Naruto another ten minutes to actually leave.

            I watched him go from behind the crowd of his adoring brats, all waving and crying as he left.

            _Things can’t go on like this_.


	5. The First Time, Part 4

            “So you miss Naruto?”

            “I didn’t say that,” I muttered.

            “You haven’t said anything this entire session,” Dr. Nakano said, tapping his pen against his notepad.

            “How lucky for you, you get paid to sit here and do nothing.”

            “Why did you come here today, Sasuke?” he asked, unfazed.

            I sighed, shifting in my seat.  “Juugo suggested it.”

            “Why do you think he suggested it?”

            I stared at him.

            “Shall we go back to Naruto?  That seems to be your favorite topic.”

            “It most certainly is not.”

            “And yet you always seem to respond when I bring him up…”

            “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a terrible therapist?” I asked irritably.

            “Yes, but I believe it was you each and every time.”

            “Well, as long as someone has told you.”

            “Why did you stop taking your medications again?” he asked, pretending to look at his notepad because he knew if he looked me in the eye with a question like that I was likely to snap.

            I ignored him instead.

            “What did you want to get out of coming here today?”

            I thought about it.  “Get Juugo off of my back.”

            “Do you think you’ve accomplished that goal?”

            I wanted to say yes.  “Probably not.”

            “Why not?”

            “Do you have to ask so many questions?” I asked with a scowl.

            “It’s in the job description.”

            I pulled my knees to my chest, dropping my forehead between them.  “He knows me.  He knows what I’m doing.”  I paused.  “Don’t you dare ask me what I’m doing.”

            “Then why don’t you just tell me so I don’t have to ask the obvious questions?”

            “Because I don’t like you.”

            “Then might I suggest finding a therapist that you’d be more willing to talk to.”

            “But then how would you write your book?”

            “What book is that?” he asked, sounding amused.

            “The one you obviously want to write.”

            “Well, you are one of the most interesting ninjas alive.”

            “Do you read those damn ninja mysteries?” I asked suspiciously.

            “Who doesn’t?”

            “No more questions.”

            Dr. Nakano chuckled.

            I sat up straight again.  “I don’t want to be like this.  But I don’t know how to be anything else.”

            He waited patiently.

            “I’m sabotaging myself because I don’t think that I deserve to be happy.”

            “You’ve said that before,” Dr. Nakano said with a nod.

            “No, but I’m really fucking sabotaging myself right now.”

            He looked at me, waiting for me to continue.

            I didn’t.

            _Just leave_.

            _Go._

            _Out of here_.

            _Gone_.

            _Disappeared_.

            The voices were a jumble in my head.

            It was a relief when the session was over.  I left without another word.

            The house was quiet when I got back.  I’d sent Karin and Suigetsu to the Land of Water, Naruto was playing hokage while Sakura stayed with Ino and the girls, and Juugo seemed to have taken all the brats on a nature hike or something.

            I flopped onto my empty bed and pulled out the picture tucked under my pillow.  It was baby Tsubaki, so tiny that she didn’t look real, hooked up to all kinds of tubes, but still gorgeous.  I hadn’t even met her yet and I was already in love.

            I didn’t understand it, really.

            I pulled out the letter that went with the picture.

            _‘You’re such a jerk.  I can’t believe you would say that to me.  I’m sending you this picture against my better judgement.  Love, Naruto.’_

            I didn’t even remember what I’d said.  We’d been doing nothing but fighting in our letters in the month and a half since Naruto had left.

            I was completely unbalanced.  I knew it.  Going off all my medications suddenly had been a terrible idea, but I just couldn’t do it anymore.  I needed to feel things, even if they were bad things.  Tsubaki almost hadn’t made it.  She’d been so tiny when she was born, and she couldn’t breathe on her own.  I didn’t even feel sad when I got Naruto’s letter.  I just thought ‘oh, she might die,’ and made myself a cup of tea.

            I was drinking that cup of tea, thinking about nothing really, and then I’d stood up, got all my pill bottles, and dumped them in the toilet.

            You’re supposed to ween yourself off of medications.  I knew this.  And yet every damn time I just stopped taking them in a sudden fit.

            I got paranoid and anxious.

            I remembered how much I hated myself.

            An explosion of noise told me that Juugo and the brats were back.

            He watched me quietly from the doorway.

            “I want to go to Konoha.”

            Juugo shut the door behind him and approached, sitting slowly on the mattress.  “You know that that’s not going to work out.”

            “Go away.”

            He went silent.

            “Let’s drink,” I said, sitting up suddenly.

            Juugo shrugged.

            I reached under the bed, pulling out my not-so-secret alcohol stash.

            I drank and smoked while Juugo kept me company.  I ended up curled into his side, complaining like a child. 

            Then he put me to bed like a child.

            “I’m not another fucking orphan in this charity case house,” I slurred at him.

            Juugo looked sad as he pushed my bangs out of my face and made sure the blanket was pulled up to my chin.

            “I’m not,” I insisted.  “I’on’t need to be taken care of.”

            “Get some sleep, Boss.”

            It was easy to fall asleep, but then I woke up with my stomach roiling shortly afterwards.  I didn’t want to puke, so I stumbled down to the kitchen to get some water.  I felt sad and lonely, and decided it was the perfect time to send Naruto a message.

            I woke up bleary-eyed and exhausted.

            Juugo was feeding me when one of my messenger birds flew in the window.

            One of the little ones started petting her.

            I untied the message from her foot and let the petting carry on.

            “Oh, fuck,” I muttered.

            “Oh, fuck!” the little girl echoed.

            Juugo shook his head.  “What is it?”

            “Nothing,” I said, wadding the paper up into a ball.

            _‘You know I can’t do that.  Ino and Tsubaki are both still in the hospital, and Sakura needs to be with her family right now.  I know this is hard, but can you please try for me?  I miss you and I will be back as soon as I can.’_

            I vaguely remembered sending Naruto a pathetic note consisting of only two words: _come home_.

            On the one hand, I was glad that he hadn’t given into my drunken request and thrown everything aside to come rushing back to me.

            On the other hand, it really pissed me off that he hadn’t thrown everything aside to come rushing back to me.

            I stayed out in the desert until late into the night, training to the sound of the voices in my head.

            Juugo came to watch me when it got to be after midnight.  I was lying in the sand, staring up at the moon.

            “The daimyo wants to meet you in person,” Juugo said.

            “Tell him to go fuck himself.”

            “Well, I could, but why?”

            “Because I don’t want to go.”

            “You haven’t really left the house for months.

            “Thanks for reminding me of how pathetic and useless I am.”

            “Sasuke.”

            “Yeah, whatever.”

            I was watching myself unravel, and I didn’t know what to do to stop it.

            _Cleanse our family of its shame_.

            “I’m not going to kill myself,” I muttered irritably into my pillow.

            I think the fake ghost of my dead father was disappointed.

            But then I had a better idea.

            I watched all of the kids troop out into the desert with Juugo.

            I slipped a light bag over my shoulder and headed out in the opposite direction.

            Juugo didn’t need to take care of me anymore.  Naruto didn’t need to throw everything away to nurse my codependent tendencies.  All the brats could relax and not be constantly afraid of what I might do or say.  It worked out for everyone.

            In the back of my mind, though, I knew that I was playing games.  That I expected Naruto to realize the error of his ways and come chasing after me.  Kurumi would be with him, promising that she would never leave.  And then suddenly Ino was in my little fantasy, holding a little girl in each arm, and it hurt, it _ached_ that it wasn’t real, that I probably wouldn’t see them again.

            I found myself alone in the woods, a week’s journey away from home.  It was raining, and my body was shaking from the cold.  I felt tired.

            I lay on the ground in the shade of a tree, offering minimum protection from the rain.

            _Worthless._

_Pathetic._

_Trash._

I let my father berate me until it got old.

            _It’s for the best._

_They’re better off without you._

I wondered if my brother would really say things like that to me.

            _No, baby, he wouldn’t_.

            “Mommy?” I whispered, feeling pathetic.

            _Itachi and your father both, they loved you very much_.

            “Then why did they leave me?”

            _Hush, baby._

 _Get some rest_.

            I felt her hand press against my cheek.

            I slept.


	6. The First Time, Part 5

            “Hey, mister, are you awake?”

            My eyes snapped open at the unfamiliar voice, sharingan whirling.

            The girl took a startled step away from me.

            She wasn’t a threat.  She didn’t have any chakra.

            “Where are we?” I asked, but even as the question passed my lips the answer seemed obvious.  We were inside a hollow tree.

            “You were passed out in the woods,” she said, looking nervous.  “I brought you in out of the rain.  You had a fever…”

            “Thank you,” I said, trying to look as non-threatening as possible.

            Naruto always said it made me look more threatening.

            “You have a scary face,” the girl said, sitting as far away from me as possible in the cramped space.  “Ridiculously pretty.  But scary.”

            I gave her a funny look.

            “Don’t try to kill me or anything.  I’ll scream.”

            “What good would that do?” I asked before I could think better of it.  “There’s no one around for miles.”

            “Well it’ll at least hurt your eardrums,” she said, flipping her tangled brown hair over her shoulder.

            “I’m not going to hurt a child.”

            “I’m not a child!” the girl said indignantly.

            “You look like one to me,” I said, then promptly fell back to the ground, exhausted.  I could feel the fever burning through me.

            “Well, you better not be a pervert!” she said, approaching tentatively.

            “Depends on your feelings towards homosexuals,” I said, smiling bitterly as I closed my eyes.

            “Hey, did anyone ever tell you that you look like the Seventh’s concubine?”

            “Concubine?!” I choked out, but I couldn’t open my eyes.

            “Get some rest,” she said, touching my cheek.

            I was somehow nursed back to physical and mental health by a seven-year-old girl.

            “Eat!” she’d command, shoving questionable-looking meat into my mouth that I later learned was squirrel.

            “Sleep!” she’d say next, putting a cool towel on my forehead.

            “Your fever’s gone, so get up!” she finally said

            I groaned, sitting up and letting the warm blankets pool over my lap.

            She eyed me warily.

            Since I was no longer delirious, I could see how she would perceive me as a threat.

            “I’m Sasuke,” I offered.

            She stared at me for a long time.  “So… you _are_ the Seventh’s concubine?”

            “Where are you getting that word from?” I asked irritably.

            “ _The Daily Lightning_ ,” she said, scrambling around until she located a copy of the tabloid.

            I sighed long and loud.  “No, I am not Naruto’s _concubine_.  I am his partner.”

            “Yeah, but when you say _partner_ …”

            “I mean partner?”

            “Yeah, but… like you’re boyfriend and girlfriend, right?”

            “We’re both men, so no, obviously not,” I said with a scowl.  “We’re married,” I added, holding up my right hand.

            “Isn’t it supposed to be on the left?” she asked, squinting at the simple band.

            “I prefer it to be on my real hand,” I said, suddenly feeling self-conscious.  I let my hand move back under the blanket, hiding the ring from sight.  It was something private and important.

            “So did the Seventh really blow your other arm off?” she asked.

            “Do you know my whole life story?”

            “Well, it seems weird that you’d be married to the guy if he blew your arm off.”

            “I blew off his, too.”

            “Okay, see that’s even weirder.”

            “So why are you living in a tree?” I asked, taking a page from Naruto and trying to change the subject.

            “Nowhere else to go,” she said with a shrug.  “So you’re not even mad a little about him blowing off your arm?”

            “Stop asking me questions.”

            “Well, then get out of my house.”

            I looked at her.

            She shifted nervously, but tried to stare me back down.

            I kind of liked her.  I think I even smiled a little.

            “Hey, so what’s a concubine?” she blurted out suddenly.

            “You asked me if I was one but don’t even know what it is?”

            “Well, I thought if you said yes I could figure it out.”

            I rubbed my temple.  I had a headache.

            “So you’re not gonna kill me?” she asked, creeping closer.

            “Why would I kill you?”

            “I dunno, ’cause you’re crazy?”

            I stared at her.

            “I don’t like it when you go all quiet…”

            “I appreciate your help.  I’ll leave,” I said, moving to stand up.  All the blood rushed to my head.  I stood very still, waiting for my vision to clear up.

            “You don’t have to go…” she said slowly.  “I mean, if you’re still not feeling well?  Why were you sleeping on the ground in the rain anyway?”

            “Why do you live in a tree?”

            “I already told you, no place else to go.”

            “Well, same here.”

            “Liar.  You have a… husband…?”

            “Not for long,” I muttered, sitting back down abruptly.  My head still felt swimmy.

            “Did something happen?” she asked.  She was close enough to touch now, leaning forward to study my face intently.

            “Yeah, I fucked up.”

            “You shouldn’t talk like that,” the girl said, shaking her head.  “My mama always used to…  You shouldn’t talk like that.”

            “I’m an adult.  I’ll talk however I damn well please.”

            “Well, it’s not very becoming.”

            “I’m okay with that.”

            “What’d you do to the Seventh?”

            “I broke a promise,” I said flatly.

            “What kinda promise?  Did you cheat on him?  That happens a lot in _The Daily Lightning_.”

            “I ran away,” I said.  Why was I revealing myself so openly to a stranger?  It must have been the fever.

            “You can just un-run away,” she said with a knowing nod.

            I gave her a funny look.

            “All you gotta do is go back home, and then you’re not run away anymore, right?”

            “It’s not that simple.”

            “Why not?”

            I shrugged.  I touched the familiar metal of my wedding band.  “Because I’m crazy.”

            “Ah-HA, so you _are_ crazy.”

            “Doesn’t everyone already know that?  I thought it was a well-known fact that I was sentenced to a mental institution.”

            “What’s that?”

            “A place for crazy people.”

            “Oh…” she said.  “How come you’re not there anymore then?”

            “Lied my way out.”

            “O…kay…” she said.  “But you’re not bad crazy, right?”

            “What other kind of crazy is there?”

            “I mean, you’re not going to kill me, right?”

            “Why are you so fixated on me killing you?”

            “I don’t know, you said that you’re crazy, and you’re like one of the strongest ninjas ever, aren’t you?  And we’re all alone in the woods…”

            “I’m more likely to kill myself than you, so you can relax.”

            “Why would you kill yourself?!” she cried, aghast.

            I lay back down and pulled the blanket over my head.

            “Hey!  Hey, you!  Mr. Sasuke!  You can’t kill yourself!  I wasted all that food on you!”

            I couldn’t stop the little exhale of a laugh that escaped my mouth.

            I stayed in the hollow tree for two more days, continuing to have strange conversations with the homeowner.

            On the third day, I felt good enough to move on.

            “Will you go home?” the girl asked, watching as I slung my bag over my shoulder.

            “I… don’t know…”

            “If you have a home, then you should go to it,” she said, sounding almost angry.

            “Why don’t you go to yours?”

            “I don’t have one!” she snapped.

            I hesitated.  “Come with me.”

            “What?” she said, anger draining into confusion.

            “Stop living in a tree.  I know a place where you can stay.”

            “I like my tree,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest.  “Why would I go with you?”

            “No one should be alone,” I said quietly.  I turned to leave.

            She followed behind me, carting along her meager belongings.

            “Hey, Mr. Sasuke?”

            “Just call me Sasuke,” I said tiredly.

            “Oh.  Uh.  Sasuke.  I’m Mari.”

            “Okay.”

            It was a long journey.  I carried Mari on my back for a lot of it, so we could move more quickly.  It suddenly felt urgent that I get back home.  I didn’t know if I would stay, but I just needed to get there.

            I purposely crossed into the Land of Wind at a checkpoint.  I knew that the news of my arrival would travel ahead of me.

            I could feel Naruto’s anger when we were still half a day away.

            “What’s wrong?” Mari asked, gazing up at me as we walked side-by-side.

            “I don’t want to face the consequences.”

            “You sound like a little kid.”

            “Yeah.”

            “You’re making your house sound scary.”

            “It’s only scary for me.  It’s fine for you.”

            “How can something only be scary for one person and not another one?”

            “Stop asking questions.”

            Juugo came out to meet us.  “You’re okay.”

            “Yeah.”

            “Who’s this?” he asked.

            “Mari,” I said.

            She waved at him cheerfully.

            “Come and meet everyone,” he said, pointing in the direction of the training grounds.

            Mari started to follow him, then realized that I wasn’t coming.  She grabbed my hand.

            “I have to do something.”

            “I’ll come with you.”

            “Have to do it alone.”

            “You’ll come see me after?”

            “Yeah.”

            She let go of my hand hesitantly, then followed Juugo, constantly glancing back at me.

            I walked to the house, feeling Naruto’s chakra burning against my skin.

            “You’re alive,” he said flatly.  He was standing in the living room in full Hokage garb, anger radiating off of him.

            I wanted to apologize.  I wanted to make everything right.

            I stood there silently instead.

            “I have to go back,” Naruto said abruptly, moving towards the door.

            “Why didn’t you just come home when I asked?” I said, feeling defensive.

            Naruto whirled around, his blue eyes on fire.  “Tsubaki had to have surgery.  Something wasn’t connected to the… something… or whatever, and she had to have surgery.  And you know where her mom is right now?  Instead of in her hospital room with her?  In the fucking Hokage’s office, buried in paperwork, because you couldn’t keep a fucking promise.”

            “So it’s all my fault.  Everything’s my fault.”

            Naruto was shaking his head in anger.  “I have to go back,” he repeated, and then he left.

            I sank to the floor, resting my forehead on my knee.  I was feeling things again, that was for sure, and I wanted it to stop.  Not in the foggy haze of medications, though.

            I realized that my whole body was shaking.

            I was overwhelmed, and I didn’t know how to pull through it.  I didn’t know how to even keep breathing.  I was hyperventilating, feeling everything spin out of control.

            “I couldn’t just leave.”

            Naruto was standing in the doorway, looking shaken.

            I stumbled to my feet, throwing myself at him.

            “Hey, hey,” he said, catching me.  “I’m sorry.  Okay?  I’m really sorry.”  He took my face in his hands.  “Breathe.  Come on.  Deep, slow breaths.”

            I tried, still feeling hysterical.

            Naruto breathed slowly.

            I followed him.

            When I was calmer, he sat me on the couch.

            “God, Sasuke.”

            I ducked my face into his neck.  I didn’t want to talk it out, I just wanted to feel him next to me and know that he was here.

            He stroked my hair, sighing.  “I really have to get back.”

            “I know.”

            “What do you want, Sas’?  What can I do for you?”

            “Stay,” I said, pride be damned.

            “You know I can’t do that,” Naruto said, sounding pained.

            “I’m falling apart,” I confessed.

            “Baby,” he said, clinging onto me.  He was crying softly, trying to hide it.  “What can I do?”

            “I don’t know.”

            “Can you give me a week?” he finally asked, getting himself under control.

            I glanced up at him.

            “One week,” he said.

            “One week,” I repeated.

            “Just a week,” he said, thumbing over my cheek.

            We needed to kiss.  I pressed my lips to his, feeling relief.

            Naruto pulled away and buried himself in my neck, pushing his chakra into me.  It stung a little, the last vestiges of his anger, but it was still comforting and warm.

            I rubbed his back, pushing my chakra into him through my fingertips.

            Naruto shivered and clung more tightly.

            We didn’t need words for a while.

            Of course, Naruto could never keep his mouth shut for long.

            “Why did you do it?” he murmured, keeping his face hidden.  “You promised me.  You promised you wouldn’t leave without talking to me.  It’s why I keep my mouth shut about your medications and your lack of therapy sessions and your drinking and your smoking and-”

            “Well maybe you shouldn’t.”

            “…what?”

            “There’s nothing wrong with your ears.”

            “You _hate_ when I say anything.  You always yell about how it’s your body and I don’t understand anything and I’m a big doo-doo head.”

            “I have never in my life uttered the phrase ‘doo-doo head’ until right this moment.”

            “Sasuke.”

            “You don’t have a right to tell me what to do just because we’re in a relationship.”

            “Yes.  I understand that now.  We have come to this conclusion, and I have accepted it.”

            “It doesn’t mean that your opinion doesn’t matter.”

            “Okay, now you’re starting to lose me,” Naruto said, sitting up and finally looking me in the eye again.

            “I’m saying don’t tell me what to do.”

            “Yes?”

            “But you can tell me… what you think…”

            “I can tell you what I think?”

            “Yes.”

            Naruto had that confused look on his face that always made me think I was married to the dumbest guy on earth.

            “Try it,” I suggested.

            “Take your damn medications.”

            “No, see that’s telling me what to do.”

            Now he was getting mad again.

            “This isn’t that difficult,” I muttered.

            “It is when your partner is a damn minefield,” Naruto said with a scowl.

            “Idiot.”

            Naruto sighed dramatically and took my good hand.  “I get freaked out when you’re on that bad mix of lithium and antidepressants, and you go all zombie on me.  I get why you just stop taking your meds because of it.  I do.  But you know that’s not going to fix things, either.  This shit takes time.  We have to work with your doctor and get you the right balance, you know?” he said, squeezing my hand.  “How was that?”

            “Better.”

            “And your drinking is out of control.”

            “Too much like telling me what to do.”

            Naruto rolled his eyes.  “You are very cute when you’re drunk-”

            “You’re trying not to piss me off, Naruto.”

            “Oh, is that what I’m supposed to be doing?” he asked, getting an impish little grin.

            I frowned.

            “Anyway.  I enjoy your company when you’re drinking.  But you never just drink a little and stop.  You always get shitfaced.  I know this is because you are completely terrible at drinking and are already three sheets to the wind one beer in-”

            “Naruto.”

            “The point is, you don’t drink to relax or to have fun.  You drink to escape.  You’ve got that addictive personality, you know with like the smoking… and me…”

            “Did you just insinuate that I’m addicted to you?”

            “Yes.  So.  I’m worried about your liver.”

            “You’re getting worse at this, not better.”

            “I’m telling you how I feel!”

            “I’m sorry I’m so fucked up.”

            “Don’t say that!” Naruto said, catching me in a headlock.

            I pinched him and he let go with a shriek.

            “You’re not-”

            “Is Tsubaki okay?” I asked, cutting him off.

            He blinked.  “Yeah.  The surgery went really well.  That’s what Sakura said, anyway.  And since she’s a doctor and the hokage _and_ Tsubaki’s mother, I believe her.”

            “Good,” I said quietly.

            “It was really scary, though…”

            No matter how much we all agreed that Ino and Sakura were those girls’ parents, and no matter how much we called Naruto their uncle, he was their father.  “Go back to Konoha,” I said quietly.

            “Are you gonna be okay?”

            “No,” I said, shaking my head.  “But it’s just a week, right?”

            Naruto chewed on his bottom lip and nodded.

            “It’s going to be okay,” I reassured him.


	7. The First Time, Part 6

            It took a week and a half.

            “He’s not going to come any faster with you pacing around the room,” Kurumi muttered irritably.

            “Then go somewhere else,” I snarled at her.

            “I was here first,” she said, flipping a page in her book even though I knew she hadn’t actually been reading for at least the last twenty minutes.

            Kurumi had been the only person in the house not to welcome me back.  And yet she always seemed to be wherever I was.  I couldn’t figure out if she was trying to keep tabs on me or what.

            It added to my irritation.

            I was still off of all my medications, which was putting my anxiety and paranoia through the roof.  I wanted Naruto to go to the doctor with me to discuss my options before I made any decisions.

            Mari came in and sat on the opposite side of the living room from Kurumi.  She was still wary of everyone in the house except for me, since she had decided that I probably wasn’t going to kill her.

            I couldn’t imagine what it was like to go through life without chakra in a world full of ninjas.

            “Why’d you go all still?” Mari asked.

            I stayed unmoving.

            “His Naruto-tracker turned on,” Kurumi said, rolling her eyes.

            “What’s that mean?” Mari asked.

            “It means he can feel his beloved rushing towards him.”

            “But how?”

            “I don’t know, some kind of gay telepathy.”

            “Shut up both of you,” I muttered.

            “Why?” Mari complained.

            “Yeah, why don’t you just run outside into the waiting arms of your lover and leave the rest of us in peace?” Kurumi suggested.

            “Shut up,” I repeated, going to the door and standing in front of it, waiting.

            Mari came to stand next to me, but she was too short to see through the glass window on the door.  She tried standing on her toes, then she jumped a little, before finally giving up with a huff and going to look out the living room window.

            Naruto became a blur in the distance, speeding towards us.

            I did want to run outside, but I didn’t want to give Kurumi the satisfaction.  Or Naruto for that matter.

            My pride was always getting in the way.

            I was glad that Naruto barely had any pride.

            He threw the door open and pulled me into a fierce hug.

            “You’re late…” I muttered, trying not to hug him back.

            “I know, I know, I’m so sorry,” he said, nudging his nose into my hairline and sniffing.

            “Stop that…” I muttered, letting one arm come up around him.

            “Man, you wouldn’t believe how hard it was to get Kakashi-sensei and Baa-chan to come back to work,” he said, sliding his face down into my open shirt and motorboating me.

            “I don’t have boobs,” I growled, pulling him back by the hair.

            Naruto grinned at me.  “Stop dressing like you have loose morals.”

            “I’m going to kill you.”

            “Yeah, yeah, heard it all before.”

            There was a line forming to greet Naruto.

            I decided to go upstairs and wait for him to finish.

            Mari followed me.

            “Go meet Naruto,” I said, trying to close the bedroom door in her face.

            Mari just shook her head, sticking her foot in the doorframe.

            “I want to be alone.”

            “I don’t know them.”

            “You don’t know me.”

            “I know all your deep, dark secrets.  You talked in your sleep a lot.”

            I glared at her, but let her come in.  I really had said too much to her in my delirium.

            “Are you happy that your… partner’s back?” she asked, bouncing onto my bed.  “You don’t look happy.”

            “It’s not your business.”

            “I think I was better off in the tree,” she said, flopping onto her back with a dramatic sigh.

            “Then go back to your stupid tree.”

            “Maybe I will.”

            “Don’t,” I said tiredly.

            Mari looked surprised.  “Is it really okay for me to stay here?”

            “Have you not seen all the strays wandering around the house?  One more isn’t going to make a difference.”

            Mari grinned, but then the expression dropped from her face.  “They’re all ninjas.”

            “So?”

            “So I’m not.  I’m nothing.”

            “Don’t be stupid.”

            Naruto chose that moment to come barreling in.  “I am so tired,” he said, flopping on the bed.  Then he glanced to his side, realizing that the other occupant of the bed was not me.  “Who are you again?” he asked, scratching his head.

            “Mari,” she said, eyeing him carefully.

            “Oh, you’re the one who brought Sasuke back,” he said.  He sat up.  “Thanks!”

            “Sure,” she said, sitting up as well and looking nervous.

            Naruto grinned at her.

            I could see the charm slowly seeping in, but Mari had a pretty tough outer shell and was doing her best to resist.

            “Let’s talk later,” Naruto said abruptly as he realized his target wouldn’t be so easy to crack.  “Tell me your life story over s’mores.”  Now he had her moving towards the door.

            “No, thank you,” Mari said.  “My personal life is private.  Be nice to Sasuke.”

            Naruto watched her leave, confused.  “So this is the kind of kid that you pick up off the streets.  And seriously, why do all girls love you more than me?”

            “It’s a little early for love.”

            “Yeah, and yet anything with a vagina falls in love with you at first sight.”

            I stared at him.

            “What?  It’s true.”

            I stared harder.

            Naruto came over to me, clapping me on the shoulders.  “Hi.”

            “Hi.”

            “We have a lot to talk about.”

            “Yeah.”

            “Let’s do it later, I’m freakin’ exhausted,” he said, giving me a push towards the bed.  “We can cuddle, and look at pictures of our beautiful new niece.”

            “That sounds nice,” I said quietly.

            “Mm,” Naruto agreed, pressing a kiss to my cheek.  “Then you can apologize thoroughly for being a rotten promise-breaker.”

            “And what about you?”

            “I’ll apologize for getting sucked into my job and not being there for you when you needed me.”

            “Okay,” I agreed, pulling him into me.  “Where are these pictures?”

            “Here!” he said, pulling them from his pocket.  “Lookit her and those gorgeous eyes.”

            I kissed the top of his head, looking into Tsubaki’s deep blue eyes.

            “Are you being affectionate?” Naruto asked, turning in to kiss my neck.

            “No,” I said, taking the pictures from him and flipping through them.

            “Well, I’m being affectionate,” he said, nuzzling me with his nose.  “Even though you’re a jerk.”

            “You’re the one calling a mentally ill person a jerk.  Real nice, Naruto.”

            “You’re not just a mental case, you know,” Naruto said, looking up at me as he ran his fingers through my hair.  “You are also a jerk.”

            “That’s such a nice thing of you to say, sweetheart.”

            Naruto went red.  “Shut up.  I _am_ being nice.”

            “As I have said, more than once.”

            He bit me on the shoulder.

            “Did you just break the skin?” I asked incredulously.

            “Yeah, that would explain the blood…”

            “You are a wild animal.  Go sleep outside.”

            “No way,” Naruto said, attaching himself to me.

            “I’m trying to look at these pictures,” I said, attempting to move my arms which were now bound to my chest by his hold.

            “Look at me.”

            “Don’t want to.”

            “Sasuke.”

            “What?” I asked, letting my eyes meet his.

            “I love you lots.”

            “Gay.”

            “Duh.”

            “And now you’re a teenage girl.”

            “Shut up.”

            “How do you make such pretty babies?” I asked, wiggling my arm free so I could continue flipping through the pictures.

            “Because I’m ridiculously handsome?”

            “That can’t be right.”

            “Sasuke, you haven’t said a nice thing to me since I came back.”

            “I haven’t said a nice thing to you in years.”

            “That… can’t be true… and yet…?”

            “Can’t think of anything nice, can you?”

            “Give me more time to think!” he exclaimed, sticking his face in mine.

            “I love you,” I said, kissing the corner of his mouth.  I always liked to feel the little upturn under my lips when his face broke into a smile.  “You don’t fix things, but you make them more… bearable.”

            “I’ll take that,” Naruto said, squeezing me into a hug again.

            I gave up on looking at the pictures, hugging him back.

            “I’m the bearer, heh heh,” he said.

            “Oh my god, shut the fuck up,” I muttered into his neck.  Maybe I was feeling a little embarrassed.  For him, of course.

            “We’re gonna be okay, right?” Naruto asked, a twinge of vulnerability in his voice.

            “I hope so.”

            Naruto squeezed me tighter.

            I wished I had a better answer.


	8. The Second Time, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 6 years after Post Traumatic

            “Has anyone ever told you that you are SLIGHTLY INSANE?!” Suigetsu shrieked as we raced through the marsh.

            “Never,” I said.

            Suigetsu guffawed behind me.

            I focused on keeping us moving.  We weren’t being followed, but one could never be too careful.  Especially when one had just stolen a legendary and irreplaceable sword from a very dangerous man.

            Not that I cared.  I lived my day-to-day life knowing that I was superior to every other ninja in every possible way.  I wasn’t afraid of anything.

            Suigetsu seemed to brighten up as we emerged into a clearing.  “Hey, Sasuke, lemme hold it.”

            “No.”

            “Why the hell not?”

            “Because I did all the work,” I said, putting us back on course.  “And you called me insane for it.”

            “You got into a bar fight with Mochizuki Saizo, punched him in the face, put him under a genjutsu, and stole his sword.”

            “You make it sound so easy,” I said.  “Oh, wait, that’s because it was.”

            “You’ve gotten really cocky lately…”

            I threw the sword with perfect precision at his head.

            Suigetsu wasn’t bothered, catching it with sparkling eyes.  “Only one more to go.”

            “You’re going to steal the last of the Seven Swordsmans’ swords from the rokudaime mizukage?” I asked, arching an eyebrow at him.

            “I thought you would do it for me since it’s soooo easy and all.”

            “What’s the benefit to me?”

            “Uh, helping out your buddy Suigetsu to achieve his lifelong dream?”

            “Why don’t you just ask the mizukage to revive the Swordsmen with you?” I asked, slowing us to a walk as we reached the town.

            “Because I want _all_ of the swords,” Suigetsu whined.

            I rolled my eyes.

            “Well, I guess I’ll forgive you,” he said, rubbing his cheek against his new sword.  “I can’t believe you did that.”

            “It’s what we came here for, isn’t it?”

            “No, we had a plan that involved sneaking and conniving.  Then you saw Mochizuki in the bar.”

            “Naruto’s still in his meeting,” I muttered.

            “I don’t want to hear about Naruto!” Suigetsu said, waving the sword around.

            Anyone who hadn’t already been staring was staring now.

            I lit a cigarette, glancing down the street and trying to decide what to do.  I could feel Naruto off in the distance at the daimyo’s residence.  I wanted to be near him.

            I took Suigetsu out for ramen instead.

            Karin found us there, taking in the new sword strapped to Suigetsu’s back with wide eyes.  “I thought you two were just doing reconnaissance.”

            I tuned out while Suigetsu started retelling what had happened.

            “Earth to Sasuke,” Karin said, squishing my nose with her finger.

            I scowled at her.  “What?”

            “I asked you when we’re moving on.  Probably shouldn’t stick around if Mochizuki’s gonna come after us.”

            “He won’t be a problem,” I said with a shrug.

            “O…kay…” she said when I didn’t continue.

            “We’ll leave when Naruto comes back.”

            “Oh, of course,” Suigetsu said.  “Your ball and chain.  Can’t make a move without him.”

            My eyes sharpened on him.

            Suigetsu had been making a lot of complaints about us traveling with Naruto.  It wasn’t like we hadn’t been doing it for years, but lately Naruto and I had been going out of our way to match up our business trips.

            “Is there a problem?” I asked.

            “Uh, yeah, it’s gonna be real tough stealing the last sword from the mizukage with your butt buddy hokage tagging along.”

            Karin cracked up.  “You did not just call Naruto that, oh my god…”

            I stared down both of them.

            “You can beat on him a little, as long as you return him in useable condition,” Karin said, nodding her head towards Suigetsu.

            “Excuse your face!” Suigetsu blustered.

            “Get a room,” I said, getting up.  I hated when people said that to me and Naruto when we were fighting, but since the people usually saying it were Karin and Suigetsu, I felt okay with my word choice.

            “You get a room!” Suigetsu yelled, pointing his finger at me.

            Karin sighed.

            “Since we’re done with our mission, I’m going to go get drunk,” I said.  “Or high,” I added thoughtfully, thinking about the nice opium den down the street.

            “You sure do love getting high for someone who complains all the time about the side effects of the drugs you take,” Karin said, falling into step with me and directing us towards the bar across the street.

            “Yes, it’s true,” I agreed.

            “So I talked to Professor Matsuda,” she said, holding the door open for me.

            “Who that?” Suigetsu asked, snaking through the door behind me.

            “Researcher at the university in Kirigakure,” Karin explained.

            I found us a table, sitting down and signaling the waiter.

            “He agreed to let Taka use his lab for experiments,” she said, eyeballing the sword that Suigetsu was currently caressing.

            “Lots of beer,” I told the waiter.

            He looked confused.

            “Three of whatever you’ve got on tap and a pitcher,” Karin clarified, then shooed him off.  “Why don’t we check out the lab tomorrow, and then head home?”

            “Yeah,” I said.  “If Naruto’s ready to go.”

            “Naruto, Naruto, Naruto,” Suigetsu muttered.

            I kicked him under the table.

            Suigetsu started carrying on, but our drinks arrived, so I didn’t care.  I hadn’t been able to finish my drink at the bar we’d been at earlier, what with the epic battle.

            “Cheers to a mission well done!” Karin said, and we all clinked glasses.

            I was one beer in and feeling quite good about myself and life when Naruto pulled up a chair next to me.

            “Hey, love,” he said, briefly touching my shoulder.  “Karin, Suigetsu.”

            “Naruto,” Suigetsu said, distinctly unfriendly.

            “Hi, Naruto, have a nice secret meeting with the daimyo?” Karin asked.  “Why don’t you tell me every last detail?”

            “What secret meeting?” Naruto replied with a wink.

            “Tease,” Karin said, but she was smiling.

            We didn’t need Naruto as a source of information about the meeting.  We had enough spies in the daimyo’s residence for that.

            “Heard you got into a bar fight,” Naruto said, catching my jaw and turning my face towards him.  He smoothed his thumb over my black eye, pushing chakra into it and immediately mending the bruise.

            “You should see the other guy,” I said.

            “I did see him,” Naruto said, taking his hand away.  “Catatonic.  It was like someone used Tsukuyomi on him.”

            “Oh, my, who could use such a powerful jutsu?” I fake marveled.

            “Who indeed?” Naruto said, squeezing my thigh absently while he took a sip of water.  “Mochizuki’s been taken to prison if you were wondering.”

            “Was not wondering at all,” I said.  “Have a real drink.”

            “I shouldn’t drink,” Naruto said, giving me the side-eye.

            “You’ve finished your work, haven’t you?”

            “Yes…”

            “Then be a man and have a real drink.”

            “I’m being peer-pressured,” Naruto complained.

            Neither of us should actually be drinking.  Me, because alcohol didn’t go well with psychiatric medications.  Naruto, because he was getting to be a borderline alcoholic.

            The borderline alcoholic thing was a joke.  Probably.

            “Karin, help me,” Naruto said as I poured beer into an empty glass.

            “Ughh,” Suigetsu muttered.

            “Quit being so jealous,” I said, kicking him again.

            “Who the hell is jealous?!”

            “I know you don’t like Naruto monopolizing all of our time together.”

            “Who would care about something so stupid?”

            “You,” Karin said, kicking him under the table.

            “Why must everyone beat on me?” he whimpered, rubbing at his shin.

            “Easy target,” we all stated flatly.

            Suigetsu pouted, but stopped being a bitch for a while so we could all enjoy a well-deserved drink or five.

            I liked watching everyone’s face relax as the everyday stress of our lives melted away into a pleasant blur.

            We had a race back to the inn, with me on Naruto’s back and Suigetsu on Karin’s.  It ended up about as well as could be expected, with all of us on the ground, arguing and laughing.

            We went into the inn with a little more decorum and said our goodnights.

            Naruto flopped back onto the futon, and I settled on top of him.  We made out lazily for a while, Naruto half-asleep and me sloppy from being drunk.

            “Hey,” Naruto said, rubbing insistently against me.  “Do you want to…?”

            I hesitated, feeling my cheeks darkening.

            Naruto caught the look in my eye.  “But maybe we should get a good night’s sleep.”

            I felt ashamed.

            “Baby,” he murmured, covering my face with kisses.  “It’s fine.”

            “It’s not fine,” I muttered.  “I want to fuck.”

            “Well, if it’s not happening, it’s not happening,” he said.  He ran his hands up and down my back, caressing.

            “I want it to happen,” I said through gritted teeth.

            “You want me to blow you?” he offered.

            “Do you like sucking limp dicks?” I asked irritably.

            “Well, sure, if it’s yours.”

            “Why do you have to be so… _you_ …?”

            “Who else am I supposed to be?”

            “Go to sleep,” I said, rolling off of him and staring up at the ceiling.

            “We’ll figure it out,” he said, squeezing my hand.

            “We’ve already figured it out,” I said, snatching my hand away.  “It’s the fucking haloperidol.”

            “The alcohol doesn’t help.”

            “Oh my god, _you’re_ not helping.”

            “I know,” Naruto said repentantly.

            I pulled out a cigarette and lit it.  The smoke felt so good burning in my lungs.

            Naruto snatched the cigarette from me.

            “What the hell?” I growled.

            He took a drag, coughing.  “This shit tastes terrible.”

            “Then stop stealing drags!” I complained, taking it back.

            “I figure if I smoke half of your cigarettes, you’ll only die half as fast.”

            “Or, you’re so stressed out that you’re looking for any form of stress relief available.”

            “Well, we haven’t had sex in months, so no stress relief there.”

            “I’m going to murder you in your sleep.”

            “I wasn’t saying it to be mean, I was just saying-”

            “Say less.”

            “You don’t have to be so moody just ’cause your wiener’s broken.”

            “I’m leaving you,” I said, sitting up and throwing my wedding ring across the room.

            “Hey, come on,” Naruto protested, throwing his arms around me.

            I struggled to get him off me.

            “Sasukeeee!”

            “Narutooo,” I growled.  He was fucking strong, but so was I, and I was just about out of his hold.

            “Don’t leave me,” he whined, pushing his chakra into me.

            I struggled a little more just to keep up pretenses before collapsing into him, feeling the warm glow of his chakra inside of me.  “I hate you.”

            “You’re being mean,” he complained.

            “You’re making fun of my erectile dysfunction,” I hissed.

            Naruto snorted.

            “Die in a fire,” I muttered, pushing my chakra back into him.

            It was like completing a circuit.  I could feel Naruto melting into me, completely relaxed.

            We could share chakra seamlessly now, even in battle.  Our chakra had never meant to be separated, and just understanding that basic precept had brought our power to a whole other level.

            It was also good for stress relief and intimacy.

            “It’s not funny,” Naruto said, kissing my hair.  “Except that it is.”

            I bit his clavicle.

            Naruto grunted a little, but the broken skin was already healing under my lips.

            “In what way is it possibly funny?”

            “Because you’re Sasuke ‘I’m So Fucking Perfect, And Also A Sex-Obsessed Maniac’ Uchiha.”

            “I don’t know which part of that statement I’m going to kill you for first.”

            Naruto smoothed his hand down my bicep, making it tingly.  “You’re not going to kill me at all.”

            “I’d like to,” I said, biting him again, harder.

            Naruto hissed.  “Dammit, bastard, that hurts.”

            “Good.”

            Naruto pulled me back down onto the futon, wrapping himself up in me.

            “I’m about as far from perfect as humanly possible,” I muttered.

            “Sasuke, don’t be dumb,” Naruto said, covering my neck in kisses.  Each one tingled with his chakra.  “You are smart and gorgeous and stronger than anyone else, and you’re married to the freaking hokage.  Who, I might add, was recently voted the sexiest kage in the _Daily Rag_.”

            “Oh, you’re right, my life is perfect,” I said, rolling my eyes.  “If only I didn’t hear voices in my head, which make me have to take haloperidol, which means I can’t even muster up the sexual interest to have sex with the sexiest kage.”

            “Wait, wait.  You agree that I’m the sexiest kage?!” Naruto asked, perking up.

            “Idiot.”

            “Are we going home tomorrow?” Naruto asked.

            “Yeah,” I said.  “Karin just needs to take care of something first, and then we’ll go.”

            “Okay,” Naruto said, kissing my cheek.  “Let’s sleep.  Everything’ll look brighter in the morning.”

            I rolled my eyes as hard as I could before rolling onto my side.

            The chakra connection fell apart with a pop.

            Naruto pressed his back to mine.

            The connection resumed.


	9. The Second Time, Part 2

            I enjoyed my cigarette to the end, letting it burn my fingers a little before I finally stubbed it out.  The best part about having Maiko for a doctor was her smoking-friendly office.  I would see her for that reason and that reason only.  All psychotherapy sessions were better with nicotine.

            “Sasuke, stop looking at that cigarette like it’s the most attractive thing you’ve ever seen,” Naruto complained.

            “But it is,” I said, thinking about lighting another one.

            “You’re more attracted to cigarettes than me,” Naruto said sulkily.  “That’s why we don’t have sex anymore.”

            I thought about throttling him.

            Maiko just sat back in her chair with one of those, ‘girl, this is gonna be good’ looks.

            “Naruto, darling, do you need to remind me of that every five seconds?” I asked through gritted teeth.

            “Well, I’m horny as fuck, so yeah.”

            “I _hate_ you.”

            “Don’t say that, you know it makes me feel bad.”

            “I’m sorry, am I making _you_ feel bad?”

            “Yes.  You are.”

            “I’m _so_ fucking sorry then.”

            “Thank you for apologizing.”

            I looked to Maiko for help.  Surely Naruto couldn’t be such an ignoramus.

            Maiko grinned.

            I considered telling her that she was a terrible psychiatrist, but then I remembered that I was allowed to smoke, so I lit up a cigarette instead.  “Why are you such an asshole, Naruto?”

            Naruto looked startled, then sad.  He shrugged.  “I’d rather you be mad at me than mad at yourself.”

            I looked away.

            The office became stiflingly quiet.

            “Well, this is awkward,” Maiko said, lighting her own cigarette,

            “Take me off this stupid medication,” I said.  My throat felt tight, so I spoke quietly.

            “We can start weaning you off it,” Maiko said.  “But everything else is okay, isn’t it?  You’ve found a good balance.  Do you really want to mess with it?”

            “Yes,” I said, my voice cracking a little.

            “We could try you on a different antipsychotic.”

            “No more fucking medicine.”

            I could feel Naruto twitching to reach out for me.

            “Look, you’re in the driver seat, you do what you want,” Maiko said, putting her feet up on her desk.  “But you came to me saying that you were seeing things.  You said you were worried.”

            “I haven’t had a psychotic break in almost four years,” I said, thinking back to that very strange time when I’d stopped taking my medications and run away, only to return home with a stray child.  “I was just being cautious.”

            “But don’t you think that being cautious and taking your meds when you need them is why you’ve stayed healthy?” Naruto interrupted.

            “Don’t talk,” I said, still not looking at him.  I hated him and his stupid, thoughtful ways.

            “I’ve had enough of your disrespect for one day,” Naruto growled.

            “What’re you gonna do, spank me?”

            Maiko threw her head back, laughing.

            Naruto was suddenly gripping my chin, staring me down.  “I just might,” he said, snaking the cigarette from between my lips and taking a calculated drag.  He didn’t even cough for once.

            “I think I read that line in a Kamaboko book,” Maiko commented, still smiling.

            “Yeah, that’s where I got it from,” Naruto said, giving her a dorky smile.

            I shook my head.

            Naruto focused his attention back on me, eyes serious.  “I’d rather you be healthy than… you know.  Us making whoopee.”

            I turned to Maiko to confirm that he had really just said that.

            She gave me a wide-eyed look.

            “I miss Doc Nakano,” Naruto muttered.

            “Dr. Nakano was an asshole who just wanted to make money off of me.”

            “Yeah, sure, but he didn’t gang up on me with you, and that was nice.”

            “We’re not ganging up on you, Naruto,” Maiko said.  “We’re making fun of you.”

            “What the hell is the difference?!”

            “Can we talk about me?” I put in.  “I want off the haloperidol.  Now.”

            “I’ll set up a plan to wean you off,” Maiko said.

            “And how long is that going to take?”

            “It’s a powerful drug.”

            “Maiko.”

            “I’d like to do it over a few months.”

            “I want off it now.”

            “You’re not a child, and you know that you can’t always get what you want.  It’ll be much safer if we take you off of it gradually.”

            “Fine.  Whatever.  Let’s start today.”

            “Okay,” Maiko said.  She drew up a schedule for me to reduce my dosage.

            “Feeling better?” Naruto asked as we walked home.

            “No, not at all.”

            “Just a few more months.”

            I didn’t say anything.

            Naruto started talking about something else.

            I slid my arm around his waist while we walked.

            Home was chaos.  There were kids everywhere.  I was the only adult in the house, which meant if I didn’t feed all of the kids and make sure they went to bed, no one was going to.

            Naruto ran off to do some ‘training’ with the kids as soon as we got home, which I knew was more fooling around than anything else.  Shikamaru came over around dinner time, and the two of them disappeared into our bedroom to have a meeting.  They didn’t come back down until I had all of the kids in bed and was smoking my tenth cigarette of the night.

            “Thank you, baby,” Naruto said, kissing my hair when he spied the food I’d saved for him.  “I’m _starving_.”

            I watched him wolf down his food.  He barely stopped to breathe.

            When he was done, he moved his dishes to the sink.

            I could see the tired sag in his shoulders.

            “Just leave them,” I said, tugging on his arm.  “I kept the bath water warm for you.”

            “I can wash them now,” Naruto said, but he looked nothing but grateful when I dragged him to the bathroom.

            He was in the bath for too long, and I had to go in and wake him up.

            “Sorry,” he said, grinning sheepishly.

            I went to brush my teeth, and when I came back to our bedroom he was dead asleep.

            I tried to sleep, too, but I felt off.  My mind was racing despite the fog.  I ended up getting out of bed and reading down on the couch for a few hours.

            Mari came out to join me when the sun had just started to peek out over the sand.  She curled into my side, her own book open in front of her.

            I caught Naruto watching us from the doorway and raised an eyebrow at him.

            He just smiled and walked into the kitchen.

            I heard the sink running as he washed the previous night’s dishes.  Then he started crashing pans around, making breakfast.

            The house started to come to life.

            “Breakfast is ready!” Naruto called, and the hoard of kids tramped into the kitchen.  “Sas’ I gotta run,” he added as I stepped in behind them.  “I’ll be home super late, okay?  Don’t wait up.”  Then he grabbed my face between both of his hands and planted the sloppiest kiss possible on my mouth.

            “Gross, you’re gonna get cooties!” one of the younger girls cried.

            “She’s not wrong,” I said, touching Naruto’s cheek briefly.  “We’ll see you tomorrow.”

            “Yeah, love you,” he said, moving to leave.  “You kiddos be good, and maybe we can go out for ice cream this weekend.”

            Some of the kids cheered, but most just watched him leave in dismay because now they were stuck with me.

            I picked up the coffee that Naruto had left for me and sipped it, watching the kids quietly eat their breakfast.

            I didn’t hate them.  And I didn’t think that they hated me.  They were just mildly terrified.

            There always needed to be an adult in the house.  That was Naruto’s and my agreement.  We were not their parents, and the brats were free to come and go as they pleased.  But we took these kids in off of the streets so that they could have a safe place to live.  We wanted someone to always be there for them when they needed it, for things as simple as meal preparation and as complicated as dealing with trauma and loss.

            Unfortunately, the person who was usually around was me.

            I did better at home.  I did better with routine.  So I let my team handle most of my out-of-town business.  I could run my empire from Suna just as well as from anywhere else.  And I could take care of the brats while doing it.

            The children’s general impression of me was that I was permanently angry, reeked of smoke, and could set things on fire with my mind.  They weren’t so wrong.

            I still took care of them.  I prepared most of their meals, I did the washing and cleaning or yelled at them to do it properly themselves, and I trained anyone who was willing to brave going out into the desert with me.

            Naruto was loved, and I was feared.

            I wasn’t unhappy with the arrangement.  I didn’t see anything wrong with being feared.

            But I also didn’t mind when Mari slipped her hand in mine and grinned up at me adoringly.

            I liked having her next to me, all sparkling and innocent, while I reined terror on the other kids.

            If I was being honest, things were good.  They weren’t perfect, but they were good.

            Besides the whole sex thing.

            All it took was one little piece to fall out place, and then everything was a mess.

            “Why are you still up?” Naruto asked in the wee hours of the morning, crawling into bed and laying his head on my lap.

            “Not tired.”

            “You didn’t really sleep last night, either,” Naruto said, letting out a big yawn.  “Sorry.  You having nightmares?”

            “No.”

            “Mmkay.  I’m gonna fall asleep, lovey.  But you can wake me up if you mm… thing…”

            He was out.

            I stroked his hair for a while.  He was so tired and stressed lately.  But he still kept doing everything for everyone.

            I slid down into the sheets with him, trying to sleep, but sleep didn’t come.

            “Naruto,” I said quietly.

            He didn’t even stir.

            I felt beyond frustrated.

            I got up and went outside.  It was cold, but I didn’t care.  I tried smoking a cigarette, but when that wasn’t enough I went in to get my small supply of opium.  I waited for the pipe to heat up before breathing in.

            I felt my body relax as I all but melted into the side of the house.

            Life just seemed much better.

            I finished smoking and cleaned up everything, stumbling back inside.  I snuggled into Naruto, spooning him, and drifted into sleep easily.

            “Were you smoking opium again?” Naruto asked me the next morning.

            “It’s not illegal,” I said, squinting into the light filtering through the curtains.  My head hurt.

            He grasped my chin in his hand, staring into my eyes.  “I don’t like it,” he said flatly.

            “Too bad,” I said, knocking his hand away.

            “Let’s not fight,” Naruto said.  He looked worried.

            “You’re the one picking a fight.”

            “I repent.”

            “Oh my god, do not try and kiss me with your morning breath,” I said, sticking my hand over his mouth before he could.

            Naruto whined something into my hand.

            I pulled it away.

            “Closed-mouthed,” he said.

            “No.”

            He pulled me in close, and I could feel his very apparent morning wood pressing into my stomach.  “Sasuke…”

            I was feeling more awake.

            “Spread your legs,” he said, and I did, because sex was something we always agreed on.  No need for pretense when we both wanted the same thing.

            Naruto’s breathing got heavy as he rocked into me.

            I watched him, wanting to feel what he felt.

            “Sasuke…” he said, and I could see the frustration starting to build.

            “Keep going,” I murmured, grabbing hold of his bottom and keeping our pelvises crushed together.

            “I can’t,” he grunted, and I could feel him getting softer.

            I kissed him, tongue and all.  It tasted awful, but I didn’t care.  I wanted to give him _something_.

            “Shit,” Naruto said, pulling away.  “Goddammit.”

            “Naruto.”

            “This sucks,” he muttered, bumping his forehead into mine.  “Sorry.  I don’t know why I did that.”

            “You don’t know why you tried to have sex with me?”

            “Well, yeah.  I know that you don’t want to-”

            “Of course I want to!” I snapped, feeling vulnerable still opened up underneath him.

            “You look miserable,” Naruto said, touching my face gently.  “You look like I repulse you.”

            “Get off of me.”

            Naruto complied, sitting up.  “See?”

            “You don’t see anything,” I said, shoving him.

            He fell off the bed.  “Owwww…”

            “Why are you so pathetic…?”

            “I’m not pathetic,” Naruto complained, bouncing back up and tackling me.  “I’m sorry,” he murmured, smooching my cheek.

            “I miss fucking,” I said, turning my face away from him.

            “You’re coming off the medication.”

            “What if that doesn’t work?”

            “Of course it’s gonna work,” Naruto said, nuzzling my neck.

            “I want to know now.”

            Naruto lifted his head, trying to catch my eye.  “Baby.  Things have been good.  You’ve really been taking care of yourself.  But the past coupla months…”

            “What?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.

            “You know exactly what you’re doing.”

            I let out a long breath.

            Naruto sat up, pulling me with him.  “You know your limits.  Yeah?  So if you want to drink a little and drug a little, I won’t say anything.  But a little’s been turning into a lot lately.  And now you’re talking about just going off a medication that pulled you back together when you were starting to go off the rails-”

            “I wasn’t going off the rails,” I muttered, which was an obvious lie.  Naruto had woken up one night to me sitting in the corner, having a full-blown argument with my dead father.  He hadn’t said anything, just let me finish.  I crawled back into bed with him, crying hysterically and in general bringing shame to the family name.  He held me quietly.  We went to Maiko the next day.  I started taking a new antipsychotic, and the voices and the hallucinations started to fade away.

            As did my sex drive.

            “Do you want me home more?” Naruto asked, smoothing my hair out of my eyes.

            “No,” I said.  “Yes.”

            “We’ll figure it out.”

            “Stop saying that.”

            “Okay, but we’re going to.”

            I let him hug me, drooping my tired forehead against his shoulder.


	10. The Second Time, Part 3

            “I’m the best husband in the world, right?” Naruto said, hugging me from behind as we watched Ino approach.

            “You’re in the top five.”

            “What the hell, who are the other four?!” Naruto cried.

            “Not in my ear,” I muttered.

            “Uncle Naruto!” Yurina cried, running at us.

            “Uncle Sasuke!” Tsubaki cried, jumping down from her mother’s arms and racing after her sister.

            We both caught our girls in hugs.

            “Hi my darling boys,” Ino said, smooching us both on the cheek.  “Thanks for having us over.”

            That was just Ino’s polite way of saying, ‘hey, Naruto, you told me Sasuke was going crazy again, so as requested here I am with his nieces to use as a preventative measure.’

            I couldn’t even be mad about it because it meant I could spend a week with my girls.

            Of course, that led to its own complications.

            Mari was seething with jealousy.

            “You’re important to me, too,” I said, which didn’t satisfy her at all, and in fact seemed to make her angrier.

            Then Karin came back, and the house was overflowing with _females_.

            “Let’s have a girls’ night!” Karin said enthusiastically.

            “We can invite Temari!” Ino chimed in.

            “A bunch of bossy chicks trying to out-yell each other?” Naruto said, making a face.

            “Don’t worry, Naruto, you’re not invited,” Ino said dismissively.  “But Sasuke can come.”

            “Why can Sasuke come?  He hates going out.  He’s terrible company.  Who would want to hang out with _that_?!” Naruto protested.

            “Thank you, sweetie,” I said.

            “Yeah, of course, here to help.”

            “Sasuke’s basically a chick, so he can come,” Ino explained.

            Naruto burst out laughing.

            I kicked him.  Then I turned my death glare on Ino.  I _really_ didn’t like that shit.

            “Come on, Sasuke, you use more hair products than I do,” Ino said.

            “And more beauty products in general,” Karin chimed in.

            “Is it a crime to take care of one’s appearance?” I growled.

            “We said you were feminine, not a criminal,” Ino said.

            “I’m not feminine.”

            “It’s true, he’s really violent,” Naruto agreed.

            “Isn’t like every important woman in your life a little bit violent?” Ino pointed out.

            “Oh… wow, yeah.  So I guess violence equals femininity equals Sasuke?”

            I kicked him again.

            “OW!”

            Somehow I ended up going with the girls into town.  It was probably because they offered to buy me drinks.

            “Hey, it’s Konoha’s two first ladies,” Temari said with a grin when she saw Ino and I.  She looked like she was already a few drinks in.

            “The next person who refers to me as a female will die,” I said flatly.

            “Have a drink, Uchiha,” Temari said, putting a beer in my hands.

            I glared at her, but drank it anyway.

            “Still no first lady in Suna?” Ino asked, slinging an arm around my shoulder.

            I eyed her warily.

            “Gaara’s married to the village,” Temari said.

            “I think he and Juugo would make a cute couple,” Karin mused.

            “…what…?” I said.

            “I dunno, they’re both asexual little weirdos.”

            “Ha, they so are,” Temari said.

            “Why do women have to pair everyone off?”

            All of the girls glared at me.

            “What?” I complained.

            “Why did we invite him?” Ino murmured.

            “Because he’s cute,” Karin said.  “Give him another drink.”

            “Who the hell is cute?” I growled, accepting the drink and taking a long swallow.

            The girls mostly talked about politics and weaponry, interspersed with romantic gossip.

            It wasn’t so bad.  At least I was drunk.

            “Kakashi and Gai are not getting it on,” I said, waving my drink around.  “Kakashi is out of Gai’s league.”

            “Then why do they always act so weird when Sakura and I walk in on them somewhere?  Like they were caught in the act.”

            “Were they caught in the act?”

            “…no…”

            “Maybe they were just having a private conversation.”

            “About what?!”

            “Ninja stuff.  Private ninja stuff.”

            “Like how they’re doinking?” Ino asked.

            “They _are not_ doinking!”

            “We’ll see.”

            “No one wants to see that!”

            “Actually, okay, you’ve got me there.”

            “I always thought Kakashi would go for Sakura,” Karin murmured.

            Ino and I both gave her horrified looks.

            “What?”

            “You are off Team Taka,” I muttered into my beer.

            “Like you could function without me.”

            I stuck my tongue out at her.

            All of the girls cracked up.

            I looked at them sourly.  I didn’t like them thinking that I was cute.  I liked being fearsome and mysterious.  It was proper and befitting of an Uchiha.  Being cute… that was just about the opposite.

            “So, Sasuke,” Temari said, leaning towards me.  “What’s with you and Naruto?  Are you fighting?”

            “Why would we be fighting?” I asked, feeling defensive.

            “Well, he’s obviously not getting any…”

            Ino and Karin both covered their mouths, eyes wide.

            I wished I hadn’t drunk so much.  It was hard to school the emotion off my face.  I was going for ‘blank mask’, but I think it came out more as ‘broken child’.

            “You really are fighting?” she asked, softening.

            “Girl, no,” Karin cut in.  “Sasuke’s new psych meds-”

            “You will not finish that sentence,” I growled, sharingan activated and ready-to-go.

            “Oh,” said Temari.  “Ohhh.”

            I was embarrassed and angry.

            “Sasuke, it’s not a big deal,” Karin said, ignoring my rage.  “I don’t want to have sex with Suigetsu all the time, and I don’t even have a medical excuse for it.”

            “Could it be because you’re dating Suigetsu?” Ino suggested with a snort.

            “We’re not dating,” Karin said, taking off her glasses and wiping them on her shirt.  “But okay, you have a point.”

            “You’re not dating?” Ino asked, cocking her head to the side.

            “We have an arrangement,” she answered clinically.

            “Uzumakis have strange taste in men, hey?” Ino said, poking me in the stomach.

            I was feeling slightly better now that Karin and Suigetsu’s ridiculousness had become the focus of the conversation, so I just scowled at her and went back to my drink.

            Karin and Temari started talking about keeping their men in line, so I tuned out.

            Ino patted me on the head, and I found myself leaning into her.  I spent a lot of time with her and Sakura after Naruto… left.  It was nice having her here, even though all I really cared about was seeing my nieces.

            “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked softly.

            “No,” I answered sharply.

            “Okay, but we all want to talk about it,” Karin cut in.

            “It’s true, I’m vaguely interested,” Temari agreed.

            “Talk about your own sex lives,” I growled.

            “We have been,” Karin said.  “Now we’re bored of it and want to talk about yours.”

            “It’s none of your business.”

            “It was the subject of the most popular book series in the ninja world since _Icha Icha_.”

            “That still doesn’t make it your business.”

            “I have to share a wall with you.  Do you know how many times I’ll be trying to fall asleep and all I can hear is, ‘oh, god, Naruto, yes, right there, yes, yes, yes!’”

            I glared at her to cover up my blush.

            “Karin, come on,” Ino said, giving me a worried glance.

            “No way.  Sasuke’s been sulking for months about this, but he doesn’t have the common decency to fill in all the details.”

            “Oh, I’m so sorry, Karin, what would you like to know?” I asked, shooting death in her direction while staying cuddled with Ino.

            “Well, first of all, since you’re the bottom, why don’t you two just have sex anyway?”

            “Who the hell says I’m the bottom?!” I cried, turning redder.

            “Um, my eyes, every time I’ve ever walked in on you,” Karin said, waving off my protest like it was ridiculous.  “And also my ears, because have I mentioned, ‘ohhh, Narutooo, I want your big dick inside of meeee’?”

            “I have never fucking said that,” I growled.  Which was mostly true.  “Fuck off,” I added for good measure.

            The main reason I didn’t like talking about my sex life was because people made _assumptions_ about things.  Me taking dick seemed to equate to me being passive or feminine or some other kind of homophobic bullshit, when all it really meant was that I liked dick.  It wasn’t like I never topped, but Naruto was such a baby about it with his ‘ow, oh my god, stop’ nonsense that it wasn’t particularly enjoyable for either of us.

            “Sasuke, this might surprise you, but we all know that you’re gay,” Karin stage whispered.

            “That’s not the issue!” I snapped.  “I’m not the _girl_ in the relationship.”

            “No one said you were,” Karin said, rolling her eyes.  “I said you were the bottom.  Is that not the politically correct word?  Do you prefer something else?  The receiver?  The penetrate-ee?  Vestibule of the penis?”

            “How about you don’t say anything at all?” I muttered, too embarrassed to even be angry anymore.

            I realized that Ino was glaring at Karin over my head.

            Temari was enjoying her cigarette.

            I put both of my arms around Ino’s waist, resting my cheek against her full breasts.  I didn’t understand the sexual appeal of boobs, but they were a very comforting place to rest my weary head.

            Ino thumbed my cheek.  “You drank too much.”

            “I’m fine.”

            “Sure you are.”

            “Karin’s being mean to me.”

            “A little bit, yeah.”

            “I’m not being mean!” Karin interjected.  “I just don’t want to watch you keep spiraling.”

            “I’m not spiraling!  Why does everyone think that I’m losing it?  I haven’t heard a voice in my head for _months_!”

            “So you’re not depressed?  You’re not feeling distant from Naruto?  You’re not upset that you can’t go to Konoha and see Yurina and Tsubaki whenever you want?  You’re not anxious about Suigetsu restarting the Swordsmen of the Mist and leaving the Land of Wind behind?”

            “That last one is stretching it,” I muttered.  “And I’m not depressed, I’m just… empty.”

            “That doesn’t sound any better.”

            I finally sat up, fumbling for my beer.  It tasted suspiciously watery.

            “Sasuke.”

            “Fine.  I get it.  You’re right.  Everyone’s always right.”

            “I don’t want to be right, I just want you to take care of yourself.”

            “And I want to not be a fucked-up mess, but that never seems to work out.”

            “Sasuke.”

            “I don’t know what you want me to do.”

            “Well I figured if we talked a little, maybe you could figure out what you need for yourself.”

            I stared at her like she was an idiot.

            “Or something,” she added helpfully.

            “You just want entertainment,” I muttered, finishing my drink despite the lack of taste.

            “Yes, that, too.”

            I smiled a little.  It probably looked like a grimace.  I appreciated Karin’s honesty.  It made her more tolerable to me.

            Ino handed me another beer.  It also tasted suspiciously watery, but it relaxed me.

            “I didn’t think I’d ever even want to have sex in my life,” I mumbled, lighting a cigarette.

            Temari gave me a funny look, but Ino and Karin nodded knowingly.

            “Go onnn,” Karin encouraged.

            “I’m done.”

            “But it was just getting juuuuicy.”

            “How is admitting to not wanting to have sex juicy?”

            “Because then you became a total manwhore.”

            “I think sex is repulsive,” I said.  “And dirty.”

            “Isn’t that why it’s great?” Karin asked with an easy smile.

            We all made faces at her.

            I rested my cigarette against my mouth, fingers brushing my lips.  I waited, then took a drag.  I held the smoke in my lungs, blowing it out slowly.  “I guess what I want to say is that sex has never been sex with Naruto.  It’s the only time that we don’t fight.  Despite what you’ve read, obviously.   And it’s the only time we can both just completely shed these personas we have to wear all day.  It’s an important part of our relationship, and it’s been taken away from me, and I don’t know how to fill that loss.  So yes, I’m having trouble adjusting, but I’m not falling apart, and can you all just kindly fuck off?”

            “Yeah, sure, whatever,” Temari said with a shrug.

            “Consider me fucked,” Karin said.

            I grimaced.

            “Wait, wait, so if sex with Naruto isn’t sex, then what exactly is it?” Ino asked, getting a lecherous look on her face.

            “Don’t repeat any of this to the idiot,” I said, trying to glare her into submission.

            “But it was getting so poetic!” Ino said.  “Too bad Hinata isn’t here.  I think she’s starting to run dry on fresh material.”

            That moved the topic of conversation away from me.

            We all crashed at Temari’s, and headed home the next morning.

            “Hey, Sasuke,” Ino said as we walked.  “I’m only gonna be here a couple more days, but I was thinking maybe we could go out to dinner with the girls?”

            “I’ll stay with the kids,” Karin put in.

            “Sure,” I said, looking between them.  It seemed like they’d already planned it.

            “And after dinner, why don’t we stay at that hot springs hotel at the edge of town?” Ino continued

            I could appreciate how they were trying to be subtle while at the same time completely failing at it.  I wanted to say something snippy, but I decided to be gracious instead.  “That would be nice.”

            “Okay, we’ll have to ask Naruto which day is good for him,” Ino said, giving me a wink and taking my arm.

            “Yeah,” I said.  “…thanks.”

            Ino stood up on her tiptoes and kissed my cheek.


	11. The Second Time, Part 4

            I shifted on my elbows, staring at the decorative hotel headboard.  It was gaudy, and awful, and I hated it.

            “Nothing, Sas’?” Naruto asked from behind me.

            I sighed.

            “You want me to… keep going?”

            “No.”

            “I don’t mind.”

            “I’m so glad you don’t mind eating my ass.”

            “Well I don’t.”

            “Just stop already.”

            Naruto sat back, leaning tiredly on his arms.

            I continued to stare at the godawful headboard.

            “C’mere.”

            “No.”

            “How can I love on you if you’re all the way over there?”

            “Don’t come anywhere near me with that ass mouth.”

            Naruto let out a long-suffering sigh and got up.  I heard him gargle in the bathroom before he came back, lying next to me and pulling me over to him.  “There are other ways to be intimate.”

            I took one look at his exhausted face and held in all my snips and sarcasm.  “Yeah,” I said, touching his face.

            Naruto grinned, rubbing his nose against mine.

            I felt like shit.

            Naruto was focused completely on me.  I knew that he was stressed out beyond belief, with the daimyo of the Land of Water threatening to stockpile bombs, and the raikage refusing to sign the new peace treaty in light of all the protestors against Naruto and Sakura’s reforms.  It seemed like the whole world was turning against him.  Then there were the other everyday problems, like the separation from his children, and his mentally insane partner.

            But Naruto put all of that aside, kissing me adoringly and asking, “What can I do for you, my gorgeous boy?”

            “No.”

            “My handsome gentleman caller.”

            I snorted.  “No.”

            “My Sasuke?”

            “Fine.”

            “Heh.  Mine,” he said, smothering me in affection.

            “Yours,” I said quietly, threading my fingers with his.  “Mine,” I added, bringing his fingers to my lips.

            “Always,” he said.  His lips turned up in the softest smile.

            I curled into his chest so I wouldn’t have to look at him.

            Naruto started humming to himself, stroking my hair and pushing chakra through his fingers.

            I rested my hand on his chest, pushing back.

            “Hey, since we’re already naked and all, wanna take another bath?” Naruto asked suddenly.

            “We already took one…”

            “Hence the ‘another’.  We’re here at this nice hot spring, might as well enjoy it.”

            “That’s not what you want to do.”

            “Yeah, it is.  That’s why I suggested it.”

            “Naruto,” I said, putting a tingle into the chakra I was pushing into him.

            He gasped, eyes going half-mast.

            “Why don’t you do what you want to do?” I suggested, kissing his jawline.

            He tilted my face up, eyes crinkled with confusion.  “I am doing what I want to do.  I’m spending time with you.”

            “Ugh.”

            “Don’t ‘ugh’ at me!”

            “Let’s fuck, okay?  Let’s just fuck.”

            “I would love to, but you know.  It’s hard for me to keep it up when you’re acting like a dead fish.”

            I stared at him, trying to comprehend being called a ‘dead fish’.

            “I told you, it’s okay.  We can be intimate in other wa- holy shit, what are you doing.”

            “Sucking your dick,” I said, staring up at him from between his legs.

            “You don’t have to-”

            “Shut up!”

            Naruto blew air into his cheeks, keeping quiet.

            “I want to do this for you.  I want to.  And you want me to, too, right?”

            He hesitated.

            I breathed on him.

            He started nodding his head vigorously.

            “Then just be quiet and enjoy.”

            Naruto nodded again.

            I circled him with my hand, gripping lightly as I lowered my head.

            “Oh, fuuuuck,” he breathed out, grabbing my shoulder.  I felt his claws cut into my skin.

            I waited until our eyes met, his gone red, and then I moved.  I knew what Naruto liked, knew where to touch and how to use my tongue.

            It had been a while, and Naruto didn’t stand a chance.

            He forced my face into him as he came.  “Holy shit.”

            “You needed that.”

            “Yesss,” he breathed out, petting the hair soothingly that he had been yanking.

            “So all that bullshit about there being other ways to be intimate?”

            “Lies.  Complete and utter lies.”

            “At least you’re finally being honest.”

            “I… yeah…  Okay, not having sex sucks.”

            “I’m sorry.”

            “It’s not your fault.”

            “Uh, yes, it actually is.”

            “Would it make you feel better if I blamed you?”

            “…yes…” I said quietly.

            “Fine, it’s all your fault.  You better blow me ten times a day to make up for it.”

            “ _Ten_?”

            “Or eleven if you’re up to it.”

            I stared at him.

            Naruto smiled, touching my cheek.  “This was what I needed, sweetie, thank you so much.”

            “You’re thanking me for a blow job?”

            “Yes.  That should tell you something about the quality of your services,” he said, pulling me up to him so we could kiss.

            Naruto never cared if I had a mouthful of come.

            We kissed and cuddled for a while, before I decided I couldn’t stand it anymore and went to get ready for bed.

            Naruto followed.  He grinned at me in the mirror as we both brushed our teeth.  He looked… lighter, happier.

            It made me feel like shit.

            Sometimes I wondered why he didn’t just leave me.  I knew that he could now.  I pushed him to it.  Before I tried to kill myself, he would never have left.  But I just kept pushing, trying to find the limit.

            I think our relationship was still alive because of that limit.  But it also made me feel insecure sometimes.  Like now.  Because Naruto could do better, so why didn’t he?

            “Don’t make that face,” Naruto said, poking me in the side.  “What else can we do with our kid-free night?  Oh, I know!  Let’s watch a movie!  With swearing and sexual content!”

            “Wow, Naruto, you really know how to go all out.”

            He stuck out his lower lip at me.  “When do we ever get to just watch a movie together?”

            “Whatever,” I said, stepping back into the room.  “Pick out one that doesn’t suck.”

            “Of course!”

            We cuddled together in our hotel robes, watching a terrible action movie that Naruto insisted wouldn’t suck.  I didn’t really care.  It was fun to needle him.

            I tried to keep the self-doubt at bay.

            It was suffocating.


	12. The Second Time, Part 5

            It was a typical loud Sunday morning as I dragged myself out of bed and down to the kitchen.

            Naruto had a clone cooking breakfast and another clone bandaging up some kind of horrible injury on one of the kids.  The real Naruto was eating breakfast with the other kids, but jumped to his feet when he saw me, ready to smother me with affection.

            “Morning, love,” he said, giving me half a dozen smooches.

            “Morning,” I echoed. 

            His grin could have burned the house down.

            “I made coffee,” he said, bumping his forehead to mine before going to get it.

            I took my seat, and promptly found a hot coffee in my hands.

            Two of the brats were fighting about something, so I glowered at them until they shut up.

            “More eggs?” Naruto asked, nudging my foot with his under the table.

            “Okay,” I said, playing footsie back with him.

            Naruto lit up again.

            We’d been having some kind of second honeymoon lately.  Naruto had decided to fulfill me in every way possible, whether it be making me coffee at all hours of the day, rolling my cigarettes, giving me massages, or running to the bakery and back whenever he thought I might need a baked good to lift my spirits.  He hadn’t nagged me about anything since Ino had gone back to Konoha.  He didn’t look at me judgmentally when I went to the opium shop, and he didn’t bat an eye when I skipped therapy to take a nap.

            All this was on top of his usual 24-7 work that had put giant bags under his eyes and a subtle weariness in his voice.

            It made me feel like shit.

            “So Gaara and I have a meeting with the delegation from Iwa,” he said, fixing a plate for me.  “But I was thinking maybe we could have a late lunch together before your appointment with Maiko?”

            “I’m not going,” I said.  I watched him carefully.

            His brow crinkled.  “Why not?”

            One of the kids started pulling on his pant leg, whining insistently.

            Naruto bent down to talk to him.

            “I don’t feel like it,” I said.

            Naruto glanced up at me.  “Well do you want to get lunch anyway?”

            “Don’t really feel like going to Suna.”

            Naruto gave me a little pout.  “If you change your mind, send me a message, yeah?”

            “Sure.”

            “You’re never home,” one of the brats complained.

            “Hey, the ninja world is in crisis,” Naruto said, ruffling his hair.

            “The ninja world is _always_ in crisis,” the kid whined.

            Naruto grinned, picking him up suddenly and tossing him in the air.

            The kid shrieked with joy.

            “Naruto.”

            He turned his smiling face to me, still holding the boy.

            “I’ll meet you for lunch,” I said.

            His smile got even wider.  He went back to playing with the kid.

            I poked at my breakfast.  I knew that I was testing him by skipping out on therapy and refusing to meet him.  I had to recognize the bad behaviors and change them.  If I could do that on my own, then it wouldn’t matter that I had just pretended to take my pills and made them disappear with a jutsu.

            Recognize the bad behaviors and change them.

            I took all six kids with me to Suna for the afternoon along with Juugo.

            Naruto seemed surprised but pleased when we all joined him for lunch.

            He also looked tired and stressed, all hidden behind a wide smile and an easy laugh.

            “Don’t work too hard,” I said, pulling him aside as we were leaving.

            “I know, it’s just with the Earth delegation…”

            “Are you coming home tonight?”

            “I’ll try.”

            I touched his face, giving him a brief kiss.

            “You’re so cute, bastard,” he said with a grin.

            I frowned.

            Naruto grabbed me in a spontaneous hug, then skipped off to say goodbye to the brats.

            I waited up for him, but he didn’t come home.

            I felt nauseous when I got up.

            One of the older boys (Jun?  Jin?) was up and complaining about the lack of food.

            “Then make it your damn self,” I growled.

            Some of the smaller kids shrank away from me.

            Recognize the bad behaviors and correct them.

            “I need a cigarette and coffee, and then I’ll cook,” I said, moving into the kitchen.

            “I’ll help!” Mari said cheerfully.

            “Thank you,” I said.  I didn’t have to be ruled by my mood swings.

            My mouth felt dry, and I ended up drinking two cups of coffee before making breakfast.  The brats were all wary as I set food in front of them, and I didn’t blame them.  I was a ticking time bomb.

            Quitting all my medications had seemed like a very good idea yesterday.  Now I eyed the bottles lined up at my place at the table.  I just couldn’t accept that I had to spend the rest of my life being controlled by those damn pills.  _I_ was in control.

            Suigetsu was coming down the stairs, scratching his stomach.

            “Run the house today.”

            He looked at me through bleary eyes.  “Me?”

            “You’re the only one here.  Juugo went out this morning and Naruto’s in Suna.”

            “I’ll just wake Karin up…”

            “Do not wake her up, I don’t want to hear all that screaming.”

            “You okay, Boss-man?  You’re kind of pale.”

            “I’m always pale.”

            “Whatever,” Suigetsu said, waving his hand around in a way that I assumed meant that he’d run the house for me.

            I went to my room and locked the door.  I sat on the bed, rubbing my temples.  I looked around the room slowly, letting my eyes focus on everything.

            No dead Uchihas floating around the room.

            I pulled out my pipe and drifted off into a haze.

            “Smells like a temple in here,” Naruto grumbled, nipping my ear.

            I let my eyes flutter open.  “It’s nice.”

            “I’m sure everything is nice to you.  You look relaxed,” he said, scrutinizing my face.  “A little sweaty, though,” he added.  He smoothed my sticky bangs away from my forehead.  “The way Suigetsu was talking, I thought you’d be having an episode.”

            I guffawed.

            “Babe, you are so high,” he said, shaking his head with a little smile.

            “I’m glad you’re home,” I said, touching his face.

            He let out a heavy breath.

            “You’re leaving?” I asked.  I started twirling a blond strand around my finger.

            “Shika and I are heading out to Kumo tomorrow.  You got any business there?”

            “Tomorrow?” I repeated.  “I don’t want to go anywhere.”

            “Okay,” Naruto said, tucking his head under my chin.  “I’d really like it if you came, though.”

            “You should just stay home with me.”

            I felt the chapped movement of lips against my collarbone.  “I would love that.  But ninja world in crisis and all.”

            “Fuck the ninja world,” I murmured.

            “Yeah, yeah.”

            “Your hair is dirty.”

            “Didn’t have time for a bath.”

            “It’s okay.  I kind of like it.”

            I could feel Naruto laughing into my skin.

            “Don’t laugh at me,” I said, but I wasn’t angry.  I was the opposite of angry.  Everything was very, very good.  “You’re pretty.”

            Naruto peeked up at me, a delighted look on his face.  “Am I?”

            “No,” I said quickly.

            He was crestfallen.

            “No, no, I’m lying, you are.”

            “My heart can’t take all this,” he complained, leaning up and kissing my temple.  “I gotta pack.”

            I watched him open up his weapon cache.  It occurred to me somewhere in the recesses of my mind that Naruto was getting into something dangerous.  “Be safe.”

            He flashed me a canine grin.  “Of course, babe.”

            I flopped back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling.

            “You’re really spaced out,” Naruto complained, lying on top of me.  “Pay attention to me.”

            “Heavy.”

            “I’m not that heavy!”

            “Fatass.”

            “My ass is perfect and you know it!”

            I groped it to the best of my ability with my floaty hands.  “Not bad.”

            Naruto cracked up.  “You are too cute.”

            “Mm.”

            “Mm?”

            “Mm.”

            “You sure you don’t want to come?”

            “I can’t,” I said.  I couldn’t remember why not, but it seemed important.

            “Okay,” he said.  He looked so tired.

            “Quit your stupid job,” I said, smoothing my thumb over his cheek.

            “I love my job.”

            “No, you don’t.”

            “Well, okay, no, but I love what I can accomplish, you know?  Sakura and I are really making meaningful changes, and the other villages are following us.”

            “You look tired, sweetie.  And unhappy.”

            “Hey, no, I’m not unhappy,” Naruto said, peppering me with kisses.  “How could I be unhappy when I’m with you?”

            “The fact that I can think of more than ten reasons is worrying.”

            “Sasuke.  Come on.”

            “Can’t come,” I said with a laugh.

            Naruto sat up, straddling my lap and pulling me up with him.  He pushed up my eyelid with his finger, pulling down the lower lid with his thumb.  He leaned in to study my eyes.

            I felt like I was drowning in blue.  “Your eyes are so beautiful.”

            His cheeks tinged red, and he smiled softly as he let go of my lids.  “Thank you.  You feeling okay?”

            “Why, because I said something nice?”

            “Well, there’s that,” Naruto said, pressing his forehead to mine.  “But you always say nice things when you’re drunk.  Or high.”

            “I have to pick and choose when to say nice things.  Don’t want you to get narcissistic.”

            “Thank you, I appreciate you looking out for me,” Naruto hummed, nuzzling my nose with his.  “But like I was saying, your pupils are really small, and your skin is hot to the touch.”

            “I’m fine.  Better than fine.”

            “Okay, just tell me if that changes,”

            “Yeah.”

            “Love you,” he said, pressing his lips briefly to mine before getting up.

            “Where are you going?”

            “Gotta meet with Gaara before I go.”

            “Yeah,” I said, already starting to drift away.

            “Sasuke?  I gotta go.”

            I blinked at Naruto blearily.  “I thought you already went?”

            “I mean to Kumo.”

            “How long was I asleep?” I muttered, rubbing at my eyes.  “My throat…”

            Naruto handed me a glass of water.

            I sat up and drank it in its entirety.

            Naruto was petting my hair, a look in his eyes that I didn’t like.

            “More,” I said, holding out the glass to him.

            “You could ask nicely.”

            “I’ll blow you if you get me more water.”

            “Not that nicely,” Naruto muttered, shuffling out of the room.  He came back with a full glass, handing it to me.

            “Thank you.”

            “Mm.”

            “Did you sleep at all?” I asked.  Gaging the level of darkness in the room, it had to be about five in the morning.

            “Didn’t have time.”

            “And now you’re going to travel all day?”

            “Yep.”

            “Come lay down.”

            “Shika and Temari are coming in like an hour.”

            “Then sleep an hour.”

            “Might as well just push through it and sleep tonight.”

            I glared at him.

            “What?”

            “You are going to take care of yourself and lay the fuck down.”

            “I’d rather spend my time productively-”

            “Naruto.”

            “You’re such a nag, jeez,” Naruto muttered, crawling into bed.

            “That’s hilarious coming from you.”

            “Heh.”

            I pulled the sheet up over his shoulders.

            Naruto nestled into the pillow and sank right into sleep.

            I rolled my eyes and drank my water.  I felt like crap, but I’d slept enough, so I got up and went downstairs.

            When Shikamaru and Temari arrived, I informed them in no uncertain terms that Naruto would be sleeping some more before they left.

            “This idiot could use some sleep, too,” Temari said with a shrug.  “I’m going to do some summoning.”

            “Summoning what?” I asked, but she was already gone.  “Whatever.  Go sleep in one of the empty beds,” I said, gesturing Shikamaru towards the kids’ rooms.

            I started making breakfast.

            Doing the everyday minutiae of life wasn’t a way of appeasing others, it was a way of taking control.  So I did it, because I was in control.

            “Sasuke,” Mari said, tugging on my sleeve while I flipped pancakes.

            “What?” I asked, using a neutral tone.

            “You look upset.”

            “Goddammit, I’m not!”

            Mari looked side to side.

            “I’m fine,” I corrected myself.  “Pancake?”

            She held out a plate and accepted one, though she didn’t look appeased.

            This was never going to work.  I was completely on edge.  I needed my medications to take the edge off, but they took everything else off, too.  I wasn’t willing to give myself up like that anymore.

            Temari came back, looking nonplussed as usual.  “The boys still sleeping?”

            “Yes.”

            “Oh, well, let them sleep.  This shit can’t get any worse if we delay a few hours, can it?”

            “My sources are saying that the protests are still peaceful,” I said, serving her some pancakes.  “Do you really think it’s best to put Naruto in the middle of this?”

            “It’s because he’s Naruto that we’re doing it,” Temari said with a shrug.  “Goddamn, Uchiha, you can cook.  Anyway, put Naruto in front of a crowd and he’ll have them all wrapped around his finger before he’s even finished.”

            “But isn’t that exactly why these rebel ninjas hate him?”

            “Who hates Naruto-sensei?” one of the kids asked.

            “Half of Kumogakure,” Temari said.

            The kid looked appalled.

            I was dissatisfied.

            A rebel faction had started surging to power, mostly in Kumo, but with pockets in all of the hidden villages.  The faction was tired of ‘dictator’ Uzumaki forcing reforms on them.  They wanted to go back to traditional ninja policies, and they wanted Konoha to remove Naruto from power, citing that a village could not have two kages.

            It was all the dumbest shit I had ever heard in my life.

            Naruto was amazing.  Not that I would ever tell him that, but he was.  He had placed a minimum age restriction on all ninja promotions, fighting for kids to just be kids, not child soldiers.  He had pushed for mental healthcare to be more of a priority for all ninjas, and had fought to take away the stigma from receiving counseling.  He and Sakura had even opened up the Council to have a representative from every ninja class, and even a non-ninja representative.

            Also, he saved the world every damn time it was in trouble (obviously with my help).

            But these idiots thought that he had too much power, and that he used that power to manipulate others into following his agenda.

            Which was ridiculous.  Sure, Naruto could whine someone into doing his bidding, just to get him to shut up, but using the threat of his superior strength and chakra to take control of the ninja world as a shadow dictator?

            He wasn’t that smart.

            There were also those who thought that _I_ was controlling _Naruto_ from the shadows.

            That seemed more likely, but those people clearly didn’t realize how mentally unstable I was.

            “You watch his back every second,” I told Temari.

            “Of course,” she said, like it was the most natural thing in the world.  “You could just come with us if you don’t trust me with the job.”

            “That’s not a good idea right now.”

            Temari shrugged.  She didn’t push, though, which was why I found her tolerable.

            When I knew they couldn’t delay their departure any longer, I went to wake up Naruto.

            He was disoriented, and slightly sour about me not waking him up sooner.

            “You have to take care of yourself,” I said, squeezing his cheeks between my hands.

            He pouted.

            “If you do, then I’ll take care of _my_ self.”

            He nodded vigorously at that.

            “Good boy.”

            There was a solemn air as Naruto, Temari, and Shikamaru set off.

            We all watched until they had disappeared over the horizon.

            I went to my room and lit my pipe to take the edge off.


	13. The Second Time, Part 6

            Detoxifying was shit.

            “Sasuke.  I’m not leaving this house with you like this,” Karin said, looming over me while I rested my cheek against the toilet seat.

            “Do your goddamn job, Karin.”

            “You realize there are six children in this house who need looking after?”

            “You hate kids.”

            “I don’t _hate_ them…”

            “I’m fine.  I can watch six brats.”

            “Move away from the toilet and try saying that.”

            “It will pass.”

            “How long since you stopped, Sasuke?  A few days?  You might be in the worst of it, but it’s far from over.”

            “What do you know about coming off of psychiatric medicine?”

            “Uh, well a whole damn lot since I live with you, not to mention that I’m a scientist.”

            “Whatever.”

            “You’re ridiculous.”

            I responded by dry heaving.

            Karin sighed loudly and squatted next to me, patting my back.  “Why do you always have to think that you know best?  If you had just stuck with Maiko’s weaning plan…”

            “It’s my fucking body.”

            “I know this.  I understand.  I do.  Stop shaking your head.  I was a guinea pig for Orochimaru, in case you forgot.  Things for me and Juugo and Suigetsu weren’t like what they were for the Uchiha prince.  We didn’t have our every whim catered to.  We were tortured and experimented on.”

            I was quiet.

            Karin continued to pat my back.

            I ended up putting off sending her to Iwa, against my better judgement.  There were rumblings of another uprising, and I needed someone there.

            But I needed someone here with me more.

            It made me feel weak, but I needed to recognize the bad behaviors and change them.  Sending Karin away when I obviously needed help would just be me continuing my usual bad choices.

            I was perfectly lucid off of my medications.  I was in control.  Everything was going to be fine.

            I just needed to throw up once or twice a day.  And I had a terrible headache.  And my whole body ached.

            I’d been through worse.

            Karin dealt with the kids’ schooling and training, and brought me hot tea while I tried not to look like I was dying.

            Opium helped.

            “You look… better,” Karin commented a few days later, poking and prodding at me.

            I swatted her hands away.

            “Think you can run your empire on your own now?” she asked, sitting on the bed next to me.

            “Of course.”

            “Of course,” Karin agreed.  “Hey, Sasuke?”

            I let our eyes meet.

            “Suigetsu and I…”

            I felt a little stab in my chest.  They were leaving.

            “Don’t look like that.  We’re just thinking of basing ourselves in Kiri.  We’d still report in to you.  We’d still be part of Taka.”

            I didn’t know what to say.

            _Say something honest_.

            “I’d miss you,” I finally said.

            Karin teared up and threw her arms around me.

            “That wasn’t an invitation for a hug,” I muttered, trying to pry her off.

            “I kind of like the new un-medicated Sasuke,” she sniffed.

            “Hn.”

            “It won’t be right away.”

            “I don’t care.”

            “You obviously do, ya big softie.”

            “I take back everything I’ve said in this conversation.”

            “No take-sy back-sies.”

            “Why are you talking like a toddler?”

            “Because you’ve had me watching over your brood all week.”

            “They’re not _mine_.”

            “Oh, I see.  Is that why you don’t bother to learn their names or anything about them?  So then you don’t have to feel responsible for them?”

            “Do you ever say anything that isn’t annoying?”

            “Yeah, all the time.”

            “Why am I never around at those times?”

            “You’re an asshole,” Karin said, smacking me in the arm.

            I frowned at her.

            “Well you are.  Anyway, it’s not looking good in Iwa, so I’ll head out tomorrow.”

            “Okay,” I assented.

            The withdrawal wasn’t as bad now, and I felt like I had overcome something.

            Naruto finally came home, sunny smiles and warm blue eyes.

            The kids went crazy, jumping all over him.

            I was the only one who could see the strain in his every movement.  The reports out of Kumo had not been favorable towards Naruto.

            “Enough,” I said, and the kids all froze.  “Naruto and I need to talk.”

            There were some whines of protest.

            I glared them away.

            “What’s up, baby?” Naruto asked as I closed the bedroom door behind us.

            “You tell me,” I said, studying his strained smile.

            “Whaddya mean?”

            I stared at him.

            It took about five seconds for his bottom lip to start trembling.

            I suddenly found myself with an armful of sniveling hokage.  “Hey,” I said, rubbing his back awkwardly.

            “Why are things like this?” he sniffed into my shoulder.

            “People are stupid.”

            “That’s your explanation for everything.”

            “Yeah, well.  People are stupid.”

            Naruto sniffed loudly.

            “Are you done?”

            “Sometimes I wish you were a little more comforting, ya know.”

            “I’m sorry.  Poor baby.”

            “Are you being sarcastic?  You sound sarcastic,” Naruto said, peeking up at me.

            “I was trying not to be…”

            “Yeah, yeah,” he said, putting his arms around my neck.  “Sorry I broke down like that.”

            “I like when you’re the mess,” I said, pushing his bangs from his eyes.  They’d gotten long.

            “I’m not a mess,” he complained, stealing a kiss.

            “You freak out when everyone in the world doesn’t love you.”

            “Sasuke, those people _hate_ me.  For trying to help them.  I don’t get it, I really don’t get it.  They said that we’re secretly training child ninjas in Konoha while making all the other countries hold back their best and brightest because of the new Chuunin Age Restriction Law.  And they said I’m trying to destroy the clan system.  Just because of the Hyuuga thing, and eliminating the branch house and the main house system.  But Hinata came to me with that!  It was her idea!  I’m not interfering in the clans’ way of doing things!”

            “I know,” I said, sitting him on the bed.  “Naruto.  People are stupid.”

            “You said that already,” he said, pouting up at me.

            I lowered myself onto his lap, resting my forehead against his.  “They don’t like change, even if it’s good for them.”

            “I don’t want to be hated,” he said quietly.

            “Then go downstairs and be with all those brats who love you more than anything.”

            He smiled a little.  “You were supposed to tell me that you don’t hate me.”

            “Now you’re telling me how to comfort you?”

            “As has been previously mentioned, you suck at being comforting, so…”

            “See if I ever try and be nice to you again,” I growled.

            “Nooo, be nice to me, please,” he whined, holding me tighter.

            I finally felt comfortable enough to throw my arms around him and cling.  “I love you,” I mumbled into his hair.

            “I love you, too,” Naruto said, because he always had to say it back, like a compulsion.  “I love you so much, baby.”

            “I’m not an infant,” I said, but my protests were getting tired.  Naruto knew if I didn’t want him calling me something, I would make it so he would never call me it again.  His superhuman healing abilities really came in handy.  He hadn’t even so much as tried to call me his ‘wife’ in years.

            “Mwah.”

            “Gross.”

            Naruto smiled, studying my face.  “Everything okay here while I was gone?”

            “Peachy keen.”

            He paused, looking at me more studiously.

            I stared back.

            “Okay, well I’m gonna go help Tori with-”

            “You’re going to take a nap.”

            “No, but-”

            “Naruto.  Please.”

            “I don’t see what the big deal is…”

            “The bags under your eyes are deeper than Itachi’s.”

            “I cannot possibly look that bad.”

            “Are you saying that my brother looked bad?”

            “No, he was a smoking hottie like you, but-”

            “I’m sorry, did you just say that my brother was a… ‘smoking’… ‘hottie’…?”

            “Well, yeah, but you see-”

            “Lay down.  Now.”

            “Whatever, bossypants.”

            “Why do you talk like a teenage girl?  You are thirty-two fucking years old.”

            “I don’t,” he whined, pulling off his pants before crawling under the sheet.

            “You know what, you’re right, that’s an insult to teenage girls everywhere who have a far better vocabulary and are significantly more intelligent.”

            “Bitch.”

            “Keep proving my point, Naruto.  Keep proving my point.”

            He snored in response.

            I rolled my eyes and went back downstairs.

            He was calmer after his nap, looking slightly less exhausted.  Of course he then opted to spend all his time doing things with the kids.

            I decided to draft Sakura a strongly-worded letter about sending Naruto out to soothe crowds of protestors.

            He came in while I was cooking dinner, stealing vegetables as I chopped them.

            I brandished the knife at him.

            Naruto smiled easily and took it from me, taking over the chopping.

            I felt about a million times better just having him near.  It was annoying how dependent I was on him.  Maiko had suggested I look at it in a different way.  It was comforting to have someone who could make me feel better just by being near.  Then she told me that codependency was awful, and that Naruto and I were the grossest couple she’d ever met.

            I didn’t disagree.

            “Why are you smiling, love?” Naruto asked, pushing a piece of tomato between my lips.

            I chewed on it.  “No reason.”

            “I’m smiling because I’m happy to be home.”

            “Okay…”

            “I saw B and them while I was in Kumo.”

            I was quiet.

            “They’re doing real good.”

            “That’s nice.”

            “Yeah,” he said, giving me a soft look.

            “Maybe they should come visit sometime,” I finally muttered.

            “That’d be nice.  Kurumi said she’d love to see you.”

            Naruto was supposed to be the one with the abandonment issues, not me.  I kept stirring the pot on the stove, not looking at him.

            “Oh, I got you something,” Naruto said, catching me around the waist and kissing my cheek.

            “Was that it?” I asked, looking unimpressed.

            “No, silly, you know I always have lotsa lovin’ for you,” he said, covering my face with kisses.

            I wrinkled my nose.

            “Say, ‘ahhh.’”

            I stared at him.

            Naruto pouted.

            I opened my mouth.

            He grinned, pushing something past my lips.

            I chewed on it thoughtfully.

            “Good, right?” he said, grinning.  “Not too sweet.”

            “It’s good,” I agreed, sucking on the bitter chocolate.

            “I thought you’d like it,” he said.  “I got some sweet ones for the kids.”

            “Thank you.”

            Naruto’s smile lit up his face, and he slipped the open box of chocolates in my pocket before going back to the vegetables.

            Being home seemed to be healing him.  The worry was starting to fade from his face, the tightness in his gait was loosening.  His smiles crinkled his eyes and made my stomach twist in the good kind of knots.

            After the little kids had gone to bed, Naruto decided it was a great time to regale the older kids with stories of his youth.

            “You sound like Lee,” I murmured, nestled into his side on the couch with a book on my lap.

            “I do not sound like Lee!” Naruto cried, flailing around.

            “I’m trying to read…”

            “Then stop interrupting my stories!”

            “Then stop talking about the ‘autumn of your youth’.”

            “Lee says springtime.  It’s clearly different.”

            “Clearly.”

            “Anyway.  Ahem.  Like I was saying.  The Land of Waves.  There I was, facing off with Haku!”

            “I was there, too, idiot.”

            “Read your damn book!”

            “Hn.”

            “Yeah, yeah, so he was using his kekkei genkai.  Those ice mirrors were no joke, but somehow Sasuke could see them, right?”

            “That’s when he awoke his sharingan!” Mari piped in.  She’d heard the story before, but was for some reason not completely bored by it like I was.

            “You got it!” Naruto said enthusiastically.  “So Haku looks into those swirly red eyes, and is like, ‘oh, shit.’”

            “I don’t think he said that,” I interjected.

            “It’s what he was thinking!  God, do you have to keep messing with the flow of my storytelling?!”

            “Sorry, please continue.”

            “Thank you.  Yeah.  So.  Anyway.  He decided that since Sasuke was cheating with his magic eyes, that he’d go after me, the love interest.”

            “You were not my love interest at twelve.”

            “Liiiar.”

            “You’re bad at telling stories…” one of the boys murmured, and Naruto got affronted.

            I pretended to read my book.

            “This is the best part, okay?!” Naruto said, flailing around and making it very uncomfortable to be pressed into his side.

            I slid my fingers into his hair, rubbing soothingly.

            “We’re listening!” Mari said, eyes glowing.  “Haku attacked you.”

            “Right, so he launches his attack, and there’s just no way for me to know where it’s coming from.  I thought it was over.  I thought I was dead.”

            “And then Sasuke jumped in front of you and took the attack!” Mari said.

            “Yes!” Naruto said, taking his hand off of my thigh and grasping Mari’s hand.  “He said that his body just moved on its own.”

            “That’s so like him,” Mari said, the two of them grinning at each other like mad.

            “I thought he was dead.  The light went out of his eyes.  His whole body just went limp.”

            “And then Kurama took over your body!”

            The boys got interested in the story again.

            “Did you use the Nine-Tails Chakra Mode?”

            “This was before Kurama and I were friends,” Naruto explained.  “So it was more of him possessing my body, and making me go batshit crazy.”

            “What?!”

            I listened to Naruto talk, occasionally scratching behind his ear.  He would lean in and nuzzle the top of my head that rested against his shoulder.  My little puppy dog.

            The kids were rapt as Naruto remembered punching Haku through his mirrors and breaking the jutsu.  They weren’t that excited at hearing that I had survived the near-death experience.

            “We already knew that he lived,” one of the boys pointed out.

            “So is that when you knew that you were in love?” Mari asked.

            “It was when I realized how much Sasuke meant to me,” Naruto said, kissing the top of my head.

            “It was when I realized what a hindrance Naruto was.”

            “Oh my god, jerk, say something nice for once!”

            “Physically incapable.”

            “You’re setting a bad example!”

            I looked at the way that Mari’s eyes were shining.  I didn’t like this newfound streak of romanticism budding up in her.  She wasn’t a lost and lonely 7-year-old girl anymore, and someday she was going to grow up and leave the house.

            I was so selfish.

            Naruto yawned loudly.  “I’m going to bed.”

            “But you didn’t finish telling us about Zabuza!”

            “Tomorrow, okay?  I’m beat.”

            “All right…”

            Naruto stood up and stretched.  He looked down at me.  “You coming?”

            I bookmarked the page in my book and followed him up the stairs.


	14. The Second Time, Part 7

            For all Naruto’s protests about being tired, he didn’t seem very interested in sleeping.

            I had barely finished locking the door when he was spinning me around, grasping my face in his hands and kissing me longingly.

            “Hi,” I said when he pulled away.  I touched his cheek, staring into his eyes.

            “Hi,” he echoed.  “I just wanna kiss you, okay?”

            I pressed my lips to his, and he opened his mouth.

            We stood in the middle of the room for a long time, mouths moving slowly while hands wandered.

            “Sasuke,” Naruto murmured, breaking away so he could kiss my neck.

            I cradled the back of his head, lips parted in a pant.

            Naruto paused, glancing up at me.  “You look pretty sexy right now.”

            “I always look sexy,” I said, pinching his nose.

            Naruto grinned.  “Yeah.  Except when you’re having a temper tantrum.”

            “When the hell do I ever have temper tantrums?  That’s your thing.”

            “We’re getting away from the point.”

            “So what’s the point?”

            “The point is, I can work with this.”

            I looked at him, trying to figure out what he was saying.

            Naruto waggled his eyebrows up and down in that awful way that he thought was suggestive.

            I wasn’t even bothered by it.  “Really?”

            “Yeah, as long as you’re not acting like a dead fish,” he said, pressing close so I could feel his interest.  “I mean, if you want to?”

            “I want to,” I said, and I found myself up against the wall, thighs gripped around Naruto’s waist.  I was still flaccid, but I felt different.  Naruto’s kisses made my skin flush.  I touched and I wanted, and it felt good.

            “You seem different,” Naruto said, taking his mouth away from my collarbone.  “I mean, Sasuke Jr. still doesn’t seem interested, but you at least seem interested.”

            “Stop talking,” I said, but I was smiling.

            “Sorry,” Naruto said, kissing my nose.

            I traced my thumb over his upturned lips.

            We were kissing again.

            “Are we doing this here?” Naruto finally asked, breathless and sweaty.

            “Go to the bed,” I said, tracing the shell of his ear with my tongue.

            Naruto shuddered.

            “Don’t want to put out your back.”

            “Bastard,” he muttered, pushing me into the wall a little more roughly than necessary.

            Not that I minded.

            “It was only that one time,” he added, a whine creeping into his voice.  “I’m very strong and masculine.”

            “I can’t touch you the way I want to like this.”

            Naruto already had us at the bed before I could finish my sentence.  He sat on the mattress, and we went back to making out.

            It was easier to push his shirt over his head now.  I kissed his shoulder and down his arm until I reached the edge of his prosthetic.

            Naruto rubbed my back, humming contentedly under my ministrations.

            I felt like I could finally show him how much he meant to me again.  I poured it into every touch of my mouth and hands.

            “Sasuke…” Naruto whispered, his body shaking.  “Hey, I can’t wait anymore…”

            I flicked my eyes up to his from where I was tonguing his bellybutton.  I thought about dragging it out longer, but looking into his imploring eyes, I knew that wasn’t what either of us wanted.  “Lube.”

            Naruto flopped onto his back, letting his hand fumble through the nightstand.

            I tossed off my clothes without any fanfare.

            Naruto sat up, lube in hand, and gaped at me.

            “Have you never seen a naked Uchiha before?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

            “A thousand times,” he said.  “But every time is better than the last.”

            I shook my head.  “Get undressed,” I said, holding my hand out for the lube.  I tried not to blush.  I honestly didn’t know how he could say such ridiculous things completely seriously.

            Naruto pulled off his pants with his boxers, and it was my turn to stare. 

            I fumbled the lube, recovered, and tried to play it cool.

            I knew that Naruto saw, though, from the way that he grinned.  He touched himself, staring at me, and my mouth went dry.

            It wasn’t the most elegant of our couplings.  I should have prepped more, and Naruto should have cooled off a little before I straddled his hips and pushed down.  It didn’t last more than a couple of minutes.

            Neither of us cared.

            He was soft inside of me, but we just stayed holding onto one another.

            “I’m sorry,” he finally said, nudging my nose with his.

            “For what?” I asked.  It was weird having sex and not coming, but I still felt sleepily sated.

            “I haven’t been, you know… _satisfying_ you lately.”

            “Idiot.”

            “What?”

            “Why are you taking the blame for my dysfunction?  That makes me feel even worse.”

            “What…?  But I’m the one who hasn’t…  And I thought…”

            “What stupid things have you been thinking?” I asked, pinching his cheek.

            “Doesn’t matter,” he said, shaking his head ruefully.  “I’ve missed this.”

            I kissed his forehead.

            “You think that the medication weaning is working?” he asked, poking at my penis.

            I swatted his hand away.

            “Sas’?”

            I met his gaze.

            “You stopped taking it completely, didn’t you?” he said, touching my cheek.

            I looked away and nodded.

            “You stopped taking everything?”

            “Is it that obvious?”

            “To me, yeah.  You know that.”

            “Are you going to lecture me?”

            “Is it wrong if I say that I kind of like it?”

            I narrowed my eyes at him.

            “It’s hard to explain, but… I like you being… not happier, I don’t know.  Whatever it is that you are right now.”

            I rested my cheek against his shoulder.  “I like it, too,” I said quietly.  “Don’t make me go back on them.”

            “Babe.  Is that how you feel?  That I’m forcing you to take your meds?”

            “…sometimes…”

            I could tell he was about to cry from the way he stiffened up.

            “I would never… you don’t…”

            “Shh,” I soothed, sitting up again and kissing his forehead.  “I know.  It’s fine.  I know.”

            “I’m sorry…”

            “Don’t be sorry, please.”

            “But I-”

            “Why do you always have to ruin sex by crying?”

            “…rude…”

            “Well it’s true!”

            “Is the sex really ruined?” he asked, giving me a long look.

            “No,” I said begrudgingly.  “But pull out already, I’m sore.”

            “You’re the one keeping me in.”

            I flinched as we separated.

            “Miss me already?”

            “Did you have to come so much?  It’s leaking out,” I muttered, standing up.

            “Really?” Naruto asked, turning me around and prying my cheeks open.  “Oh, shit.  That’s nice, baby.  Really, really nice.”

            “Die in a fire,” I muttered.

            “Why are you so terrible to me?”

            “Because you like it.”

            “I don’t,” he protested, rubbing his thumb against my hole.

            “Enough,” I said, pulling away.  I felt my face flaming red as I yanked on a t-shirt and boxers to go to the bathroom.  I don’t know why I got embarrassed.  I didn’t feel embarrassed.

            Naruto was curled up in bed when I came back.

            I spooned up behind him, nosing the back of his neck.

            “Hey,” he murmured, pulling my hand to his mouth and kissing each finger.  “All cleaned up?”

            “…no…”

            “Heh heh,” he said, turning around and draping his arm over my shoulder.  “Perv.”

            “Who the hell is the perv here?”

            “You, with your butt full of-”

            “Stop talking, Naruto.”

            “Make me.”

            I glared at him.

            He smiled, caressing my cheek.  “Who else is so lucky to still be super attracted to their partner after fifteen years of marriage?”

            “We got married five years ago…”

            “Legally.”

            “Yes, that’s the definition of marriage.”

            “Yeah, but come on.  I would say we got married when the Sage branded us with matching tattoos.”

            “When we were seventeen?”

            “Mm.”

            “You are so dumb.”

            “You have reached your limit for mean comments tonight.”

            “Well, you reached your limit for stupid comments.”

            “Sasuke.”

            “Yes, yes, darling, I understand,” I growled irritably.

            “I just start to feel a little unworthy of you, you know?” he said, looking pathetic.

            “Don’t be s-” I started to say and sighed.  “You’re better than I ever deserved.”

            “Okay, but is this low-self-esteem-Sasuke talking, or I’m-a-motherfucking-Uchiha-bitch-Sasuke?”

            I couldn’t help the laugh.  “The latter.”

            Naruto’s grin reached his eyes.

            I pressed my lips to his, and he pulled me in, pushing his tongue against mine.

            The only sound in the quiet desert night was the wet movement of lips and the faint creaking of the bedspring.

            “Hey, love?” Naruto said, settling his cheek against my chest.

            “Mm?” I murmured sleepily.

            “How are you?”

            “Fine?”

            “Come on, you’ve been going through a lot, and I haven’t really been here.”

            “I’m okay.”

            “Promise?”

            “Yeah.  How are you?”

            “Pretty awful, but tonight made things a little better.”

            “Glad my ass has mystical healing properties.”

            Naruto let out a sudden bark of laughter.  “You say really weird things sometimes.”

            “It’s your imagination,” I muttered.  “You tired?”

            “Exhausted.”

            “Go to sleep.”

            “Too anxious.”

            “Well, then now is the perfect time for a cigarette,” I said, sitting up and pulling one out of my pack.

            “You’re gonna get yellow teeth and black lungs,” Naruto muttered, sitting up with me and kissing my neck.

            I shrugged and breathed in the smoke.

            “You are like the vainest person I know, so how does that not bother you?”

            “I’m not vain,” I said.  “It’s not vanity if it’s true.”

            “Yes it freaking is,” Naruto said, taking a drag from the cigarette before putting it back between my lips.  “Maybe I should buy _you_ a dictionary.”

            I rested my head against his while I smoked.  We hadn’t been this physical in months, and I was soaking it up.

            “I’m serious though,” he said.

            “About?”

            “You’re okay?  What did Maiko say about you going off your meds?  What’s the plan?”

            I didn’t answer.

            Naruto sighed.  “You didn’t talk to her at all?  Have you even seen her since you stopped taking them?”

            I didn’t answer again.

            “Babe.”

            “No lectures.”

            “Too bad.  You’re being irresponsible.  I’ll support you going off your meds, but you need to talk to Maiko.  You know you have to find different coping mechanisms.”

            “I’m coping just fine.”

            “Babe.”

            “I’m fine,” I said, finally pushing him away.  We had left lovey-dovey land and were heading straight for a brawl.

            “Sasuke…”  He could make my name sound like the world was ending.

            I took a deep breath.  Recognize the bad behaviors.  “Let’s go talk to Maiko tomorrow.”

            Naruto relaxed.  “Okay, I have a meeting, but… no, whatever, fuck the meeting.  Whenever you want.”

            “It’s not that serious.”

            “Sasuke.  I want this to work.  Okay?  Let’s do this right.”

            “Fine,” I said.  I stamped out my cigarette in the ashtray.

            Naruto started pushing chakra into me, and I felt it moving inside, wrapping around my lungs.

            “Is the kyuubi the cure for lung cancer?” I asked, nudging him so we could lie down again.

            “I hope so,” Naruto murmured, sinking into the mattress.  His eyelids were heavy.  “You sure you’re okay?  Your insides feel all… jumbly.”

            “Yeah.”

            “Maiko said going straight off the haloperidol without reducing the dosage could make you sick, honey.”

            “Yes.”

            Naruto’s eyes were closed now, but his hand was on my hip, thumb under my shirt and rubbing the skin.  “How bad was it?”

            “Nothing I couldn’t handle.”

            “Karin was here with you?”

            “Yeah.”

            “You’d tell me, though.  Right?  If you couldn’t handle it.”

            “I’d tell you.”

            “Mmkay.  I love you, my feisty Uchiha prince.”

            “Dummy.”

            “Night…” he mumbled, already half asleep.

            I kissed his forehead and watched him sleep.


	15. The Second Time, Part 8

            Maiko was not impressed.

            “You’re really fucking dumb, Uchiha, you know that?”

            Naruto sat wide-eyed in the corner, watching us both.

            “Shut up, Maiko, like you’re even surprised,” I said, taking a long drag from my cigarette.  My hand was shaking, which I found unbelievably irritating.

            “I want you to see a doctor,” she said, scribbling something on a piece of paper and handing it to Naruto.

            Naruto looked confused.

            “To check up on your withdrawal symptoms, possibly prescribe you some medications.”

            “Medications to go off my medications?” I muttered.

            “Aren’t you a doctor?” Naruto asked, scratching his head.

            “He needs a full checkup,” Maiko said.  “Like I haven’t noticed that you already chugged two cups of tea in the five minutes that you’ve been here.  And the way you’re shaking.  What other fun little symptoms do you have?”

            I shrugged.

            “Are you seeing things?  Any psychosis?”

            “No,” I said.

            “Then you’re damn lucky,” she said with an irritated sigh.  “The reason I wanted you to taper off of it gradually is, as I already explained to you in great detail the last time we spoke, the very high risk of a relapse when you quit cold turkey.”

            “Father hasn’t been whispering in my ear,” I said.  “Hasn’t even shown his face.”

            “Thank god for small favors.”

            Naruto looked freaked out.

            “I’m fine,” I said, frowning at him.

            “I trust you,” he said with a weak smile.

            “Do you?’

            “Of course,” he said, coming over to me and resting his hand on my shoulder.  “This is the decision that you made, and I’m gonna support you however I can.”

            “Thank you.”

            “Ugh, Naruto, go away,” Maiko said.

            “What?!  Why?!”

            “I want to talk to Sasuke alone.”

            Naruto looked to me and I nodded.

            Maiko spent the rest of the session making sure that I wasn’t having a psychotic break and that I didn’t want to kill myself.

            I wasn’t and I didn’t.

            I wasn’t happy.  I didn’t feel _good_.  But I felt okay.

            She also called up the doctor that she had recommended to me and set up an appointment later in the afternoon.

            “Did your dick at least get hard after all of this?” she asked as I was getting ready to leave.

            I gave her a sullen look.

            “I could write you a prescription for viagra.”

            “Die in a fire.”

            “Only if you come with me.”

            “It’s been a pleasure.”

            “Yeah, thanks for always being the most interesting patient in Suna.”

            Naruto was waiting for me like a little lost puppy.  “I gotta go to my meeting.”

            “Go,” I said, indulging him in a brief public display of affection.

            “Okay,” he said, tucking the paper that Maiko gave him in my back pocket.  “I’ll meet you after your appointment.  Dunno what Shika’s so worked up about.”

            “Probably because Shukaku’s missing,” I said as we walked.

            “Wait, what?”

            “Heard from a source this morning.”

            “Of course you did,” Naruto said, scratching at the back of his neck.  “Ugh.  This is something big, isn’t it?”

            “Could be.”

            “Come to Gaara’s and wait for me if I don’t meet you at the doctor’s.”

            “Yeah, sure.”

            The doctor gave me a few prescriptions, and marveled at how healthy I was for a pack-a-day smoker.  Maybe Naruto really was onto something with that healing chakra he was always pumping into me.

            Everyone important was at the meeting, but a low-ranking jounin let me sit in the waiting room outside of the kazekage’s office.  I read my book and tried to ignore the constricting feeling in my chest that made it hard to breathe.

            Naruto came out of the office, dragging his feet.  “Hey, beautiful, did you wait long?” he asked, sliding an arm around my waist.

            “An hour.”

            “Is that long?” Naruto asked, scratching the back of his neck with his free hand.

            “Let’s go home.”

            “Mm, what’d the doc say?”

            “That I’m very healthy.”

            “I can’t help but notice that large pharmacy bag you’re carrying.”

            “To make sure I stay healthy.”

            “Good,” he said, fingers digging into my hip.

            I touched his hand and he relaxed a little.

            Shikamaru came over to us.  “Sasuke.”

            “Shikamaru.”

            “Naruto said you already knew about Shukaku.”

            “Yes.”

            “Any leads on his whereabouts?”

            I shrugged.

            “Any leads on his whereabouts, and Naruto is willing to pay you?” he corrected himself.

            “Why do I always hafta pay?” Naruto muttered.

            “Because we don’t have any cash, and I’m not really up to paying with my body,” Shikamaru said.

            “So I’m just a whore to you,” Naruto said, gesturing wildly with his free hand.

            “I haven’t heard anything,” I said.  “Yet.”

            “This is a top priority for us,” Shikamaru said, gaze meeting mine steadily.  “You hear anything…”

            I nodded.

            Naruto was obviously bothered by what was going on, so he talked about ramen the whole way home like an idiot.

            We all knew that the most obvious reason for a missing tailed beast was that someone was collecting them.

            Juugo sent me a message a week later, about rumors of a jinchuuriki in the Land of Earth.

            “I’m probably gonna hafta go myself,” Naruto said, looking tired.

            “It’s just a rumor.”

            “If it’s coming from you, then it’s more than just a rumor.”

            A small anbu team was sent to investigate.

            They didn’t find anything.

            “Maybe he’s just hibernating or something,” Naruto suggested.

            “What does the kyuubi think?” I asked, then just slipped into Naruto’s mind to ask him myself.

            “You could ask before you just come barging in,” Naruto said irritably.

            “Sometimes we get tired,” Kurama said, sizing me up lazily.

            “Is that what you think happened to Shukaku?” I asked.

            “No.”

            Then it was time for the chuunin exam.

            “Come with me, please?”

            “…fine…”

            I joined the caravan of Suna and Konoha ninjas heading for the Land of Water.  Suigetsu was already there, and he had some contacts for me to meet with.  Everything seemed to be working out just right.

            I had a panic attack the first night out.

            Naruto put a genjutsu over us, hiding me away from prying eyes.

            “I want to go home,” I cried into his neck.

            “Shh, okay, baby, okay,” he soothed.  “We can go right now if you want.”

            “Please,” I whispered, clinging to him.  “Please.”

            “Okay, but look at me,” he said, grasping my face.  “Come on, look at me.”

            I was all over the place.  My anxiety was crippling.  I couldn’t calm down.

            Naruto held me and rocked me, humming a stupid song my mother used to sing to me.

            “Why can’t I be normal?”

            “Normal is boring,” Naruto murmured.

            I finally looked up at him, eyes narrowed.  “You like it when I’m a mess.”

            “That’s right, bastard, I love it,” he said, smoothing the hair from my eyes.  “My unreachable, flawless partner isn’t so perfect after all.  And look at you crying.  Ha.  Always calling me a crybaby.  Who’s the crybaby now, Uchiha?”

            The pain in his eyes was tangible.

            “Don’t do that,” I said, a smile hinting at my lips.  “You’re not believable anymore.”

            “Was I ever?”

            “When we were kids, a little bit, yeah.”

            “Imagine if we had been friends when we were little kids…”

            “Why?”

            “Just seems like such a waste.”

            “We’re friends now.”

            “Did you just call me your friend?” Naruto asked with a snort.

            “Can we forget this entire conversation?” I muttered.

            “So you don’t want to go home anymore?”

            I scrubbed the last wetness from my eyes.  “No, I need to go home.”

            “Okay.”

            I looked around the dark tent.  My pack was in the corner.  If I just grabbed that, I could move straight out.

            “Let’s get some sleep first,” Naruto said, following my sightline.

            “You sleep, I’ll go.”

            “I’m going with you.”

            “You have the Chuunin Exam.”

            “They’ll survive without me.  I mean there are _two_ hokages.”

            “I don’t want to be the reason you don’t go.”

            “Then how about being the excuse I need to take a break?”

            I eyed him warily.

            “Come on, sweetness.  Let’s take a power nap and then head home.”

            I let him pull me into his sleeping bag, feeling miserable.

            Naruto passed out, dead asleep.

            I thought about just going home by myself.  It’s what I would usually do, but I knew it would piss off Naruto.  Recognize the bad behaviors and fucking stop them.

But I couldn’t stop.

            I felt like I was enslaved to my diseased brain.  I didn’t want to be lying here, pathetic like a child, begging to go home.  It made no sense to the last shred of me with any dignity.  Why was I panicking?  What was I anxious about?  Why were there tears in my eyes?

            I couldn’t vocalize the answer to any of those questions.  I just knew that I had to get away.

            I thought about all the pills I’d thrown away.  Maybe they hadn’t been so bad.  Everything just felt too raw, and I needed to take the edge off.

            “Sasuke,” Naruto murmured, eyes still closed.  “Your chakra’s hurting me.”

            I was definitely losing control.  “Naruto.”

            He opened his eyes, tired but worried.

            “I can’t stay here.”

            “Okay, let’s go.”

            “You need to go to the Chuunin Exam.”

            He studied my face.  “Probably.  But you don’t look good.”

            “I’ll be fine.”

            “We’re a day’s travel from home…”

            “I said that I’ll be fine.”

            “Well I won’t be,” he said, burrowing into my chest.

            “Why not?”

            “First of all, because I’ll be worried about you.  Duh,” he said.

            I rolled my eyes.  I knew he couldn’t see it, but he knew that I was doing it.

            “And second of all,” he continued, “I don’t want to go by myself…  And don’t make a comment about me being a teenage girl!”

            “Why would I when you did it for me?”

            “I know I’m being childish, okay?  But all those people’s hatred directed at me…  I could deal with it if you were with me, but…”

            “You don’t need me to deal with it,” I said, pulling on his hair.

            “But I feel so much cooler and more confident when you’re with me…”

            That was kind of cute, and I kissed the top of his head.  “Pathetic.  Man up and be the damn hokage.”

            “But why can’t Sakura do iiiiiit…?”

            “I’m gonna go,” I said, pushing him away and moving towards the exit.

            “Okay, be safe. love,” he said, following me outside.

            “Yeah,” I said, pecking him on the lips.

            Sai was watching us from the trees.

            “I’ll be manlier and cooler when I come home,” Naruto promised.

            I snorted and left.

            I was glad he didn’t insist on coming with me.  I needed to be alone.

            There was a town a couple of hours away from our camp.  I made good time, and quickly moved down the darkened streets, looking for what I needed.

            A light blazed in front of the door.

            I stepped inside and was enveloped in a haze of perfumed smoke.

            I just needed to take the edge off.  That’s how I stayed in control.


	16. The Second Time, Part 9

            “Why does shit always happen at the damn Chuunin Exams?” Naruto complained, lying with his head on my stomach, his legs dangling off the side of the bed.

            “It’s a gathering of all the most powerful leaders in the world with minimum security?” I suggested.  I stared up at our bedroom ceiling, rubbing down his bare arm absently.

            “I should put you in charge of security,” he muttered.

            “And I would tell you to not even bother with the international exam, just let the villages deal with promotions in-house.”

            “But it’s really important for like… peace and good will, and all that crap.”

            “Mm-hm.”

            “Anyway, it’s already happened.  Another fucking attack on the arena.”

            “But this girl really had the rinnegan?” I asked.  I’d heard it from Suigetsu, but it was still hard to believe.

            “Best-kept goddamn secret in all of Lightning.”

            “You’ve been swearing a lot lately.”

            “Does it offend it?” he grumbled irritably.

            “No, but I like my sweet Naruto.”

            “Did you really just say that?” Naruto asked, jumping up so he could cover my face with kisses.

            “No,” I growled.

            “You did, too, I heard you.”

            “Can we talk about the rinnegan?”

            “You jealous that you’re not the only one with the rinnegan now?”

            “Of a teenage girl who couldn’t even pass the Chuunin Exam?  I think not.”

            “She only didn’t pass ’cause of the attempted kidnapping.”

            “Wasn’t she under age anyway?”

            “Yeah, but she’s from Lightning, and they still haven’t signed the age agreement, so…” Naruto said with a long sigh.

            “So this unknown Kumogakure female was born with the rinnegan and is now Shukaku’s jinchuuriki?  And some cult-like group attacked the Chuunin Exam and tried to kidnap her?”

            “Yeah, that about sums it up,” Naruto muttered, nudging me onto my side so he could spoon me.  “And Shukaku’s just like, yeah, man it’s totally cool, I want to be trapped inside of her.”

            “What was she like?” I asked, tracing the bulging blue veins popping out of Naruto’s arm.  It was a hot summer night.

            “Whaddya mean?”

            “I mean, what was she like?”

            “A teenage girl?  I dunno.”

            “Was she powerful?”

            “She will be.”

            “Anything else?”

            “What do you want to know, Sas’?” Naruto murmured, nuzzling behind my ear with his nose.

            “Are you getting romantic?”

            “Mm, a little.”

            “Can we finish talking about this?”

            “Yeah, if you’d get to the point.”

            “Naruto.  This girl.  This Getsuko.  Our generation has already played out.  She’s the next generation.  She’s the next power.  This is important.  And also, how the fuck does she have the rinnegan?”

            “Her chakra…” Naruto started and stopped.  He kissed my neck, sucking lightly.

            “You’re acting like me,” I said, pushing his face away.

            “Well, someone has to,” he complained, hooking his arm under my knee and lifting.

            “Fuck you,” I grumbled, but then my eyes fluttered shut as he pressed his body fully to mine.  “It’s just… how did I not know?  About her?”

            “Because A hid her,” Naruto said, anger creeping into his voice.  “Can we not talk about this right now?  I haven’t sorted it all out yet.  And I’m working myself up to a decent half-chub.”

            “I didn’t know that talking about politics and splinter groups was such a turn on for you.”

            “I haven’t seen you for weeks,” Naruto murmured, kissing the sensitive spot behind my ear.  “You could belittle and demean me, and I’d be turned on.”

            “No, see I already knew that you were into that-”

            “I’m not into that!  It makes me very sad and hurts my manly feelings!”

            “So I shouldn’t belittle and demean you?”

            “You should say nice, loving things to me.”

            “Okay.”

            “Okay?”

            “Yeah,” I said, turning my face back towards him.

            Naruto smiled, giving me a little peck.  “I’m waiting.”

            “You’re… not bad,” I offered.

            “Jerk,” he said, pushing my face away.

            “Hey, if you can’t say anything nice either…”

            “My smart, beautiful, wonderful, amazing husband,” Naruto said, kissing down my shoulder.

            “Show-off…”

            “It’s easy, you should try it,” he murmured, rubbing between my thighs.

            I shivered, rocking back into him.

            Naruto went back to kissing my neck.

            We moved together slowly, lazy and relaxed.

            “You’re…” I started to say, but couldn’t think of anything nice that didn’t sound cheesy or trite.

            “Tell me?”

            I swallowed.

            He tightened his grip on my thigh, firm and reassuring.

            “I… like you…” I concluded lamely.

            Naruto snorted, a puff against the back of my neck.  “I like you, too.”

            I could feel the weight of him sliding against me.  I squeezed my thighs closer together and he gasped hot in my ear.  “You’re…” I tried again.  “You’re… everything,” I finally concluded.

            “I’ll take that as a something nice,” he said, threading his fingers with mine.

            I let my eyes slide closed and just _felt_.

            “Hey, love?”

            I opened my eyes, disoriented like I was waking from a dream.

            “Are you… hard?”

            “Huh?” I said, looking down, but I was covered with a sheet.

            “No, really, I think you are!” Naruto said, all excited like a puppy.

            I thought about it, and there did seem to be something going on down there.

            Naruto’s hand got there first, wrapping around me tentatively.

            It wasn’t exactly rock hard, but it was more action than I’d seen in months.

            I found my face being redirected for a quick peck before Naruto disappeared under the sheet.

            “Oh… fuuuck…” I breathed, burying my fingers in his hair.  I threw the sheet away from him with my other hand, watching his blond head move.

            Naruto pulled away with a pop.  “I’ve missed you,” he cooed, nuzzling my erection.

            “Please stop,” I groaned.

            “You want me to stop?” he asked, looking up at me in confusion.

            “Not the blow job,” I clarified.  “The other stuff.”

            “I’m just getting reacquainted with an old friend.”

            “Naruto…ooo… ahh…”

            I didn’t even try to stop him when he kissed me with his cummy mouth afterwards.

            We both passed out, exhausted from weeks of sleeping apart.

            We woke up to one of the little kids jumping into bed with us.  She crawled right into Naruto’s arms, and the two of them went back to sleep.

            I got up and smoked a cigarette, then decided to go downstairs and make coffee.

            “Sasuke!” Mari said, attaching herself to my leg.  “Good morning!”

            “Morning,” I said, patting her on the head.

            “Can we practice taijutsu today?”

            I thought about it for a moment.  “Yeah, sure.”

            “Thanks!” she said, letting go of me and skipping off.

            Karin came dragging down the stairs, looking tired.  “Hey.”

            I handed her a coffee.

            “You’re a prince,” she said, taking a long drink.  “So Naruto came back with two more brats?”

            “Don’t ask,” I said, shaking my head.

            “Where does he keep finding these kids?”

            “I don’t know.”

            “Try and learn their names this time?”

            I stared at her.

            “Okey dokey, boss,” she said, patting my cheek and walking away.

            “Huh?” I muttered, unclear on what she was okaying.

            “Morning, gorgeous,” Naruto said breezily, smooching me on the cheek.  He had that little girl on his hip, and she leaned up to smooch my cheek, too.

            I blinked at her.

            “Thanks for making coffee,” Naruto added, pouring a cup for himself.

            “Can I have some?” the girl asked.

            “I don’t think you like coffee, but you can try mine,” Naruto said, offering the cup to her.

            “I like it!” the girl protested, taking a sip.  She proceeded to wrinkle her nose.

            “Bitter, right?” Naruto said, dumping some sugar into the cup.

            “What are you doing today?” I asked him.

            “Nothing, glorious nothing,” he said, setting the girl down and turning his attention to making breakfast.  “Who wants eggs?”

            “Me!” came a chorus of answers.

            “Juugo and Suigetsu should be back this afternoon,” I said.  “I want to have a meeting about the rinnegan girl.”

            “Yeah, sure, just tell me when,” Naruto said, pulling the eggs from the refrigerator.

            I watched him cook, the kids all clamoring around to get the first omelet.

            Naruto looked happy again, smiling and light.  I wanted him to stay like that, instead of the drained zombie he’d become lately.

            Suigetsu came home first, promptly disappearing into his room.  Karin was nowhere to be found either.

            “Can I have Karin’s room?” Mari complained, tugging on my shirt.

            “What for?” I asked.

            “She’s not using it…”

            “Ask her then,” I said.  “Let’s go train.”

            Mari followed along happily.  She had no intentions of being a ninja, but she liked being able to defend herself.  She was a little budding feminist, though I wasn’t really sure where she’d picked all that up from.

            Two of the little kids came with us into the desert, trying to imitate Mari and I as we trained, though they were really just playing around.  If they’d been a little older, I would have yelled at them.  But there was something nice about little kids playing at being ninjas, giggling and having fun.

            Mari was more serious.  Her form wasn’t bad.  When I told her so, she beamed.

            I don’t know why she respected me so much.  She found me at my lowest, and I never seemed to go up much from there.  In fact, I’d come full circle since we’d met, off my meds and losing my mind again.  Yet there she was, grinning up at me like I was the greatest person to ever live.

            I kind of got why people had kids.  It just hurt too much when they went away.

            Juugo didn’t get back until late.  We all sat together in the living room, Taka and Naruto, ready to discuss the failure that was the existence of Getsuko.

            I was on my fifth cigarette of the meeting.

            “No one knows who her parents were,” Juugo reported.  “She was born with the byakugan, but no connection to the Hyuuga could be determined.  She was found in the woods, alone.  It was right after the Fourth Shinobi World War, and one of the Kumo ninjas found her on the way back.  She brought her to the raikage, and he sent her to be raised in the mountains.”

            “Fucking A…” Naruto muttered.

            I rested my free hand on his knee, squeezing gently while I continued to chain smoke.

            “A teacher in the Land of Earth took her on after she passed the genin exam, and has been training her in secret.  The Land of Earth is also where she encountered Shukaku and became his jinchuuriki,” Juugo continued.  “It seems that the Covenant attacked her, and Shukaku saved her by entering her body.  This is also when she awakened the rinnegan.”

            “I need to know if she has a connection to the Uchihas,” I put in.

            “I can’t answer that for you.”

            “Her chakra…” Naruto started, then stopped.  “I don’t like it,” he finally said.

            “Why, because she’s more powerful than you?” Suigetsu asked with a snort.

            “No,” Naruto said.  “It just… it’s like the opposite of my chakra.  Not in the yin and yang kind of way that Sasuke’s is…  It’s like my whole body rejects it, like the feel of it against my skin burns…”

            We talked around in circles about the girl with the rinnegan.  We talked about the Covenant, a group that Taka had been trailing for a while, unclear on their motives.  They just seemed to be a mercenary group, using their ninja skills for cash.  Had they wanted to sell the rinnegan girl to the highest bidder?

            “Babe, your hands are shaking,” Naruto commented as we went up to bed.

            “I’m fine,” I said, stuffing them in my pockets.  “I want to smoke.”

            “You just smoked like an entire pack…”

            “Not cigarettes.”

            Naruto was quiet as he locked the door.

            I pulled out my pipe and lit it.

            “I’d rather you not do that in our room,” Naruto said, sitting down next to me on the bed.

            “Well I’d rather not go outside,” I said.  “Stop looking at me like that.  I know I’m a drug addict, let’s move on.”

            “You want me to move on from you being a drug addict?”

            “Yes.”

            “Baby, what’s going on?” he asked, tilting my face towards him.

            “Nothing,” I said, pulling away.  “You’re being annoying.”

            Naruto seemed at a loss.  “I’m not being anything.”

            “Then shut up and let me smoke in peace.”

            I should have been suspicious when he actually did shut up.

            The first hit of opium felt like relief.  I breathed out, feeling relaxed.

            Naruto was changing out of his clothes.

            I watched him with a smile, taking another hit before setting the pipe aside.  “C’mere.”

            He turned to me, eyes red and sorrowful.

            “Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked, not quite losing my smile.

            “Everything,” he said, shaking his head.

            “No way, it’s all good,” I said.  I held my hand out to him, and he approached slowly, taking it.  “We’re here.  Together.  That’s so good, Naruto.  It’s so good.”

            “I wish it was that simple.”

            “It is.”

            He hugged me to his stomach, still standing over me.

            I melted into him.

            “Sasuke?  Am I a good person?”

            I looked up at him, laughing.  “Yeah, of course.”

            “I probably shouldn’t be having this conversation with you when you’re getting high,” he said, shaking his head with the hint of a smile.

            “You should be high with me.”

            “Thanks, baby, but I’m okay,” he said, going back to being glum.

            “You’re not okay,” I complained, pulling him on top of me.

            “It’s not a big deal,” he said, giving me a quick kiss.  He shifted, laying his cheek against my shoulder.  “I just wonder if what I’m doing is right.”

            “Of course it is.”

            “Then why is everyone against me?”

            “Who cares what they think?” I murmured, finding myself starting to drift.  “Have some conviction.  Fuck other people.”

            “If you say so,” he said, hugging me.

            “I say so.”

            “Okay.  Fuck other people.”

            “That’s my baby.”


	17. The Second Time, Part 10

            “You went behind my back,” I hissed, cold as ice.

            “Someone had to!” Karin said, throwing her arms up.

            “You had no right!”

            “Look at yourself, you piece of shit!” Karin yelled back.  “You’re smoking every day now!  You’re barely getting out of bed!  You’re depressed as hell, and you’re a fucking drug addict, and I’m not just gonna sit here and watch you destroy yourself!”

            I threw the couch across the room.

            Karin gaped at me.

            “It’s none of your business,” I growled, rage rolling off of me in physical waves of chakra.

            She backed away, looking terrified.

            I was lost, knowing only my fury at Karin for telling Maiko.  For telling _Naruto_.

            I wasn’t that bad.  So I smoked opium.  It wasn’t illegal.  And I got out of bed.  I trained.  Sometimes I ate.  I did.  I wasn’t falling apart.  I was in control.

            The desperate denial that I was in only made me angrier.

            Karin had no right to do this.  Now they were trying to lock me up again.  It was her fault, and I was going to make her pay for it.

            “Sasuke,” she whispered, still backing away.  “I was just worried about you.  I was trying to help…”

            “I’m not going back there!” I shouted.

            “Back where?” she asked, brows drawing together.

            I took another step forward, menacing.

            “I just wanted you to get help,” she whispered, bumping into the wall.

            “I don’t need help!” I screamed, charging at her.

            The natural energy enveloped me, and I felt my chakra draining away.

            I woke up chained to a bed.

            I started screaming.

            “Sasuke,” Juugo said firmly.

            “Please don’t do this, please don’t do thispleasedon’tdothis,” I whimpered, struggling against the binding.

            “You tried to hurt Karin,” he said, touching my face.  His hand was so big.  He was angry, but he kept his touch gentle.

            “I wouldn’t have hurt her, I wouldn’t have,” I whispered.

            Any semblance of control was gone.

            How had I ended up like this?  I’d been fine.  Maybe a little moodier than usual, though as Naruto kindly liked to point out, I was always moody.

            But it had been getting harder and harder to leave the house.

            And then Naruto had gone off to fight the Covenant and gotten himself stupidly injured.  He would be fine, but he was in a hospital in Kumo.  And I knew if I’d been there, it wouldn’t have happened.  And that made me feel even more trapped in the house.  I was a prisoner.  I was always a prisoner.  So I got high and escaped, but a hit wasn’t taking me very far, and a few more weren’t quite enough, and I was getting lost in a haze and I was trapped trapped trapped-

            “This isn’t what we wanted,” Juugo said quietly.  “Karin and I were going to talk to you tonight, together.  Talk to you about those rehab pamphlets you found.  As a family.  No one was trying to check you in anywhere.  Maiko suggested trying the outpatient program.  We didn’t want to do this.”

            “Then don’t,” I gasped out.  My whole body was shaking.

            “You tried to hurt Karin,” he repeated, taking his hand away.

            “Don’t go,” I said, panicking.

            “Of course not,” he said, pulling up a chair next to my bed.

            “Where am I?” I finally asked.

            “Suna Specialist Hospital.”

            “…the mental institution?”

            “Yes.”

            “Do I have to stay here?”

            “Yes.”

            I started getting hysterical again.

            A nurse came in and injected me with something.

            Everything went black, and then I was awake again, and Juugo was asleep in the chair next to me.

            “Help me,” I whispered, struggling against the chains.  The feeling of being tied up was bad enough, but feeling my chakra being drained just put me in a state of complete helplessness.  I wasn’t going back to all those years in Konoha, a neutered animal wasting away into nothing.  I had my life back.  No one was taking it from me again.  “Help me!” I screamed, struggling.  The chakra inhibitors burned into my skin.  I remembered Koneko’s body falling, the smell of burning flesh, my eyes burning, the pain…

            “Sasuke.”

            It was Maiko, standing in the doorway.

            “Please don’t do this, please don’t do this,” I pleaded.

            She looked pained.

            Juugo was awake now, giving me the same look.

            “Fuck you and your pity!”

            I raged and I fought and I screamed and I was sedated, and then I woke up calm until I panicked and raged and fought and screamed and was sedated again.  Sometimes I got sick.  Sometimes I activated my sharingan and had chakra-absorbing chains burn into my flesh.  Sometimes everything just hurt and all I could do was cry.

            The voices that I’d been ignoring for months started whispering louder and louder.

            Naruto appeared at some point.  He put cool towels on my forehead, and babbled nonsense at me while I hurled abuse at him.

            I didn’t know how many days passed.

            At some point I got moved into a special room.  There were seals built into the walls that drained anyone’s chakra who entered.

            “This is better, right?” Naruto said, petting my hair.

            I hurt too much to get out of bed.  I did, however, feel better not being handcuffed and chained.

            “When can I go home?” I asked, my voice barely audible.  My throat was raw from screaming.

            “When you’re calm,” Naruto said, smiling at me sadly.

            “I’m calm,” I whispered.

            “You seem okay right now,” he agreed.

            “Then take me home,” I rasped.

            “Baby,” he said, shaking his head.  “There’s a hole in our living room.”

            I vaguely recalled the couch smashing through the drywall.  “I didn’t mean to.”

            “What if one of the kids had been there?”

            “They weren’t.”

            “This isn’t just about you.  This is about our whole family, everyone under our roof.  And right now, I can’t say that everyone is safe with you home.”

            I was glad that he looked miserable saying it, because he was the worst kind of traitorous asshole.  I refused to speak to him for the rest of the time that he was there.

            It was killing him, but he stayed and fixed my pillows, and tried to get me to eat, and cleaned up my puke until visiting hours were over.

            I wondered if the chakra drain hurt him as much as it hurt me.  Then again, he could just walk out of the room whenever he wanted.

            Naruto came back the next day.

            I was feeling more lucid and slightly less horrible, though they were still keeping me pumped up on some kind of sedative, and the opium withdrawal hadn’t quite finished with me.

            “How are you?” he asked as the guard let him in.

            “Shitty.”

            “You look it,” he said, trying to smile.  He came over to me, touching my cheek.

            I couldn’t help but lean into it.  “I hate you for making me stay here.”

            He flinched, pulling his hand away.  “I know.”

            We both fell quiet.

            “I didn’t know it was this bad,” Naruto finally said.  “I knew you were struggling, but I didn’t think…  You promised you would tell me if things got bad.”

            “Things weren’t bad.  I had it under control.”

            “You call this control?!” Naruto asked, his tone rising in frustration.

            “No,” I said, my voice cracking.

            He looked away, rubbing absently at where his arm met his prosthetic.  “What happened?”

            “I don’t know.”

            Naruto sat down on the chair next to my bed.  It was nailed to the floor, like all of the furniture in the room.  He looked at me for a long while before crumbling into a sobbing heap.

            “Naruto…”

            “I can’t do this,” he gasped out between sobs.

            I was frozen, terrified.

            “Sasuke,” he said, still a mess but struggling to look up at me.  He held out his arms.  “Come on.”

            I was confused, but I threw myself into him, clinging.

            He kissed my hair, getting it wet with his snot.

            I clung harder.  I couldn’t look at him.

            “I can’t do this.”

            Was it over?  Was this his breaking point?

            It was all so pointless.  I’d been fine, and then just for a little while I wasn’t, and now everything was fucked.

            I thought about my brother.

            My parents, dead on the floor.

            “Hey.”

            I found myself being swallowed up by blue eyes.

            “I’m sorry,” he said with a shaky laugh, holding my face carefully between his hands.

            “You have nothing to apologize for.”

            “I’m supposed to be the together one.”

            “No one thinks that you’re together,” I tried to joke, but I was shaking.

            “Don’t destroy my self-image,” he murmured, pressing his nose to mine.  “I am sorry, though.  I’ve kind of… taken a… whatsit, sabbatical from work.  I mean the whole Covenant thing is wrapped up, so I think I should just focus on you right now, ya know?”

            I loved and hated the sound of that.  “You should focus on you,” I said quietly.

            “Me?” he said, squinting his eyes at me.

            “I’m sorry I fucked everything up,” I muttered, burying my face in his neck.

            “Hey… well, okay, maybe you did a little…”

            I let out a little laugh that was half a cry.

            “But we’ll get through it,” he said, patting my head.  “We always do.”

            “Two broken halves don’t make a whole.”

            “Why do you have to be so melodramatic?” he asked.  He pushed me off of his lap and made me get back into bed.  “You’re not broken, you’re just a little… messed up?”

            “That sounds so much better.”

            “Yeah, doesn’t it?  ’Cause something that’s messed up can be put back together.”

            “I’m not going back on those medications.”

            “What are you going to do instead?”

            I didn’t have an answer for that, but I did have a sudden stomachache that had me rushing off to the bathroom.

            Juugo came in to find me lying on the floor, cheek pressed to the cool tile.

            “Withdrawal,” Naruto said with a shrug.  “Sasuke, I’m gonna go work on the house, okay?”

            I waved him off.

            “I’ll be back in a couple of hours,” he said, lying on the floor next to me and giving my nose a brief kiss.

            I watched him go, then went back to feeling horrible.

            Juugo started reading a book.

            I stayed curled up on the floor for a while, then rushed to the bathroom again.

            Juugo glanced up when I appeared in the doorway again.  “Everything okay?”

            I stared at him.

            He shrugged and went back to his book.

            I dragged myself to the bed.  I flopped down heavily, groaning.  My body ached.  My stomach was a mess.  And Juugo was angry at me.

            “I’m sorry,” I said.  It was all I had to offer.

            “I appreciate that, but it’s not enough.”

            I curled up into a ball, pulling the blanket on top of me.  I was shivering from the cold.

            Neither of us said anything, and I drifted asleep a few times, only to be woken up by the pain.

            Naruto came back after lunch.

            My tray was on the table, untouched.

            “I’m eating your pudding,” he declared, opening it and digging in.

            “I’ll go now,” Juugo said, standing up.

            “See you at home,” Naruto said.  He had a chocolate stain around his mouth.

            I didn’t say anything.

            “That was so good,” Naruto said.  He patted his stomach contentedly.  “You gonna try to eat something?”

            “No.”

            “You’re gonna get all skinny and gross again.”

            “Did you just call me gross?”

            “Yep.”

            “My stomach hurts,” I said pathetically.

            “Yeah, well, that’s what happens to drug addicts.”  He was trying to sound teasing, but he was serious.

            I decided I deserved it and stayed quiet.

            I felt the mattress dip under Naruto’s weight.

            “I’m angry and I’m being petty, okay?” he said, stroking my hair.

            “You’re fine.”

            “I think we all just kinda feel… unprepared?  Like no one saw this coming, and we’re all raw and stuff.”

            “I get it.”

            “Good, ’cause I don’t.”

            “What can I do to make this right?” I asked.  It was hard to say.

            “Just focus on getting better.”

            After the worst of the withdrawal stopped, Maiko started talking the future with me.

            “In order for you to be released, I’m recommending that you go on a mood stabilizer, antidepressant, and antipsychotic.”

            I couldn’t even feel betrayed.  I’d done this.

            “I’m not saying this is forever,” she said.  “I want you to be able to live your life medication-free.  But it’s going to take a lot of work to get to that point.  Do you understand?”

            “I understand that I’m a slave to this disease and I’m never going to get ‘better’.”

            “Yeah, that’s true,” she agreed.  “You already knew this.”

            “I thought I could control it.”

            “You know that you can’t.”

            “But if I… if I was stronger… better…”

            “You still couldn’t do a fucking thing.”

            “I don’t want to accept that.”

            “Well, too bad.  Take your damn meds when the nurse brings them to you.”

            I did.


	18. The Second Time, Part 11

            Karin came to see me the day before I was going to be released.  I’d been in the hospital for almost a month, and I hadn’t seen her even once.

            “You look… less crazy…” she concluded.

            What looked like a burn scar was wrapped around her neck, and I had this sudden flash of grabbing her by the neck right before Juugo knocked me out.

            Karin followed my gaze.  “Sakura said if I stop in Konoha, she can probably fix the scarring.”

            I didn’t know what to say.  I hadn’t meant to do it, but saying that would be akin to avoiding responsibility.  I’d done it, and there was no taking it back.

            “This room is awful,” Karin said, rubbing her arms.  “How can you stand it?”

            “I don’t have a choice in the matter.”

            She shrugged.  “Guess not.”                                                                          

            We both regarded one another silently.

            Karin, like Naruto, never could stand the silence for long.  “You and I aren’t good right now.  Do you get that?”

            “Yes.”

            “Do you get that you scare me?”

            “Karin…”

            “You’re too fucking powerful to be that fucking crazy.  You’re a ticking time bomb, and I don’t want to be around when you go off.”

            “I understand,” I said, trying to sound flat.  The medications helped.  It was hard to feel much of anything on them.

            “No, you don’t,” she said, frustrated.  “I love you, Sasuke.  So much.  But how many times do we have to go through this?  When you ask for help, does it cost you something?  Why do you hate doing it so much?  Because when you do ask for help, you get it.  And things are good.  Things have been great the last four years.  Look at what you’ve done with Taka.  Look at what you’ve done with your little ragtag bunch of orphans.  The world is better for having you in it.  But then you go and act a fool and ruin everything, and for what?  Is it your pride?  I don’t get it.”

            “I don’t get it either,” I said quietly.  “I don’t know how things got so out of control.  I don’t know how I could…”

            She watched me.

            I met her gaze.  I wanted to say so many things, to express to her how important she was to me and that I knew how badly I’d messed up.  It was like there was a wall between my head and my mouth, though, and no words came out.

            “I’ll be waiting for you at home,” she said, standing up.

            “Thank you,” I managed to say before the door was closed.

            Karin’s mouth upturned before she disappeared.

            Juugo came to take me home the next day.

            I sat in the wheelchair and let Juugo push me towards the front door.

            “Where’s Naruto?” I asked, like a reflex.

            “I told him to stay home and relax.”

            “And he agreed?” I asked.  I would have looked surprised if I was capable.

            “I think Naruto has realized that if he doesn’t take care of himself first, then he can’t do anything for you.”

            “I’ve only been telling him that for twenty years,” I muttered.

            “You’re both slow learners.”

            The walk from Suna to home seemed longer.  I hadn’t been eating or exercising properly, not to mention all the stomach issues I’d been having.

            Juugo was a silent, steady rock beside me.

            “I think you should take over Taka,” I finally said.

            “Don’t be ridiculous.”

            “You’ve been running things since I went to the hospital.  It makes sense to just continue.”

            “Sasuke.  You’re perfectly competent at your job.  That’s never been an issue.”

            “Who’s going to want to do business with me now?”

            “No one knows what happened,” Juugo said.

            “Then how did you explain my absence?”

            “Said you were sick and in the hospital.”

            “And you don’t think that everyone could read between the lines?”

            “The only people who notice how erratic your behavior gets are the people who know you well.  Which is a very small number of people.  Of course there are rumors, but they’re not substantiated, and it all just plays into the mythos that is Uchiha Sasuke.”

            I thought about it.  “I still don’t think that I’m fit to lead Taka.”

            “We’ll talk about it later.”

            I didn’t know when Juugo had gotten so assertive.  Or talkative.  But then we went back to our usual silence.

            Naruto and the kids were all out at the training grounds, while Karin and Mari were back at the house.

            Mari gave me a tentative look, trying to size up how crazy I was.

            I waited, and then she gave me a running hug.

            “You’re so dumb,” she said.

            I had the feeling I was going to be taking a lot of abuse over the next few days.

            “Don’t scare us like that again,” she said, her face still attached to my stomach.

            “I don’t want to,” I said, which was the best I could offer.

            “I said don’t do it!” she snapped, stomping on my foot.

            “Ow,” I said flatly.

            “Yuck, you are way too medicated,” she observed.

            “I know, right?” I agreed.

            “Does that mean I can say whatever I want and you won’t get mad?”

            “Why don’t you try it and find out?” I suggested.

            Mari looked me up and down, then thought better of it.  “Can I have Karin’s room?”

            “She’s sitting in the living room, why don’t you ask her yourself?”

            “Kariiiin!” she yelled, still attached to me.

            I pushed her away.  “Talk like a normal person.”

            “I was?”

            “I’m going to lie down.”

            “Oh.  Are you feeling okay?” Mari asked, worry creasing between her eyebrows.

            “Yeah, it was just a long walk,” I said, moving towards the stairs.

            “Oh… kay…”

            I crawled into bed, feeling exhausted.

            When I woke up, it was dark.

            “Hey, did I wake you?” Naruto said from where he was rummaging through his weapons drawer.

            “What time is it, eight?” I asked, sitting up.

            “Mm, just about,” he said, coming over to me.  “Welcome home.”

            I found myself wrapped in a hug.  “Thanks for letting me come home,” I mumbled into his stomach.

            Naruto pet my head like I was an animal.  “I made dinner.  If you want some?  It’s just curry, nothing fancy.”

            “I should eat.”

            Naruto looked down at me, eyes faintly glowing in the dark.  “Come downstairs.  Say hi to everyone.”

            “They’re not all terrified of me?”

            “Well, Mari isn’t.”

            “Maybe it’s better if I don’t.”

            “Don’t be stupid, Sasuke.  This is your home.  This is your family.  That hasn’t changed.”

            “Hasn’t everything changed?”

            “Nah,” he said, rocking me side-to-side.

            “That’s all you have to say on the topic.  ‘Nah’?”

            “Mm.”

            “I’m toxic.”

            “Only sometimes.”

            “Do you think your life would be better without me?”

            “No,” he said, pinching my cheeks.  “Easier, definitely.  But not better.  I’d be like half a person.”

            “You won’t know until you try.”

            “I have tried, in case you forgot.  It was always like something was missing, and I couldn’t quite be at ease.  I never feel right until I’m next to you.”

            “That sounds like a psychological issue.”

            “Yeah, probably.  But you complete me.”

            “Gross.”

            “And you love it,” Naruto said, suddenly throwing me over his shoulder.

            “What the fuck-!”

            “We’re gonna eat curry now.”

            “You’re not going to carry me-”

            “Watch me,” he said, giving me a sharp spank.

            I spanked him back in retaliation.

            “Save some of that for later,” he said, moving down the hallway to the stairs.

            “Put me down if you want to live to see later.”

            “Yeah, yeah,” he said, dropping me on my feet.  He started moving down the stairs, but I caught his arm.

            “Is there really going to be a later?” I asked.

            Naruto turned around slowly.  “Babe.  Of course there’s going to be a later.  You gotta stop this self-doubt thing.”

            “But I ruined everything.”

            Naruto sighed, coming back up the stairs.  “Listen to me, please,” he said, putting his hands on my shoulders.  “It’s… hard to deal with sometimes.  You do things that are crazy and awful and hurtful and scary...  And I can’t just say, ‘well, you have a disease, so it’s okay.’  It’s not.”

            I felt myself crumbling.

            “Listen to me,” Naruto repeated.  He tightened his grip on my shoulders.  “How long has it been since we left Konoha?  Like ten years?”

            “Eight,” I mumbled.

            “Yeah.  So in those eight years, how many times have you done something… you know, over the line?”

            “Every day?”

            “Stop that.  I’m being serious.  Okay?  I’ll tell you my answer.  Twice.  The time you went off your meds and ran away, and this time.  Two times in eight years, ya know?  I’m not saying that it doesn’t matter, but when you look at it that way, it’s such a small part of our life.”

            “But-”

            “Sasuke.”

            “You don’t deserve this.”

            “It’s not like all of our problems are because of you.  I keep promising to be home more.  I saw you coming apart, and I knew that I should be here, but it was always one thing after another that I had to deal with.  I think I’ve finally realized that it’s just never going to stop.  Maybe it’s time to let someone else step up and save the world.”

            I studied his face.  He didn’t look as tired as usual.

            “I want to be home with my family,” he continued, cupping my face.  “I’ve been pushing all this responsibility on you to take care of everything here, and… I know that hasn’t been helpful.  I can’t keep prioritizing all the politics and whatever over you guys.  Okay?  I get it now.  I’m here.  I’m not going anywhere.”

            I didn’t know what to say to that.

            Naruto threw me over his shoulder again.  “Curry time.”

            I started yelling at him as he carried me down the stairs, only to suddenly realize that we had an audience.

            The kids were peeking out at us silently from the doorway.

            “Put me down,” I muttered.

            “Never,” Naruto said cheerfully.

            I could have made him, but I didn’t think that would do much for my image rehabilitation.

            “Hey, kiddos, look who’s home from the hospital,” he said, swinging me around to show them.

            “Naruto-sensei, shouldn’t you be… careful?” one of the kids said.

            “Yeah, wasn’t Sasuke-sensei real sick?  You shouldn’t just be playing around like that.”

            Naruto, looking chastened, put me down at the bottom of the stairs.

            “Thanks, brats,” I said, and the two kids grinned.

            “Shouldn’t you be in bed?” Naruto asked, trying to recover his authority.  Not that he had any to begin with.

            “We wanted to say goodnight to Sasuke-sensei,” one of the kids said, pouting.

            I wished I bothered to know their names.  “Good night,” I offered.

            “Good night!” they chorused.

            They continued to stare at us.

            “Go to bed already!” Karin yelled from the kitchen.

            The kids scampered away.

            “Is there still rice in the rice cooker?” Naruto asked as he stepped into the kitchen.

            “There’s a little bit,” Mari said.  “Sasuke, are you gonna eat?”

            “I guess.”

            “It’s not, ‘I guess’,” she scolded me, scooping some rice into a bowl.

            Karin took the bowl from her and added curry.  “Sit.”

            “I’m not a dog,” I muttered.

            She put the bowl on the table, sighing dramatically.

            I sat down and started eating.

            Naruto sat next to me, one foot up on his chair, resting his arm on his knee.  He dropped his other hand on my thigh.

            “Do you have any table manners?” Mari huffed, swatting at his knee.  
            “What’re you, my mother?” Naruto complained.

            “Might as well be!”

            “You’re like… twenty years younger than me…”

            “It’s all about mental age,” she said, knocking her fist against her head.

            Naruto squinted at her, like he thought she might be making fun of him, but he wasn’t quite sure.

            “Thank you for taking care of the house, Karin,” I said.

            She gave me a small smile.  “It’s not a problem.”

            “I’ll be home tomorrow,” Naruto said.  “Planning to be home for the rest of the week.”

            “You don’t have to be,” I said.

            “Yeah, but I told you, I’m cutting back on Hokage work,” he said, rubbing his thumb against my leg.  “I’m not gonna let this job kill me like….”

            I rested my hand over his, squeezing.

            Mari looked between us curiously.

            “I’ve got the bath warmed up,” Karin said to her.

            “But I wanna sit with Sasuke.”

            “Do whatever you want, kid.”

            “I would kill for a cigarette,” I muttered.

            “What, babe!” Naruto cried, looking aghast.  “You were doing so good with the patches.”

            “I wasn’t doing well, I just didn’t have another option in the hospital,” I said.  “And also I was more focused on what felt like my body trying to destroy itself than my need for nicotine.”

            “Is there nothing I can do to get you to stay on the patches?”

            I raised an eyebrow at him, chewing slowly on my rice.

            “Smoking is gross,” Mari chimed in.

            “Yep,” Karin agreed.

            “Very,” Naruto said, scowling.

            I got up and started looking at the usual places that I had cigarettes squirreled away.  I wasn’t surprised to find them all gone.  I was betting all my booze and drugs were gone as well.

            “I thought you were quitting,” Naruto said, pointing to the trash can.

            “Even my tobacco and rolling paper?”

            He started to look sheepish.

            I sat back down, feeling irritated.

            “You want a new patch?” he offered, holding one up.

            I held out my arm, frowning.

            He carefully worked the old patch off of my arm and put the new one on.

            “Thanks,” I muttered.  I didn’t want to be so moody, but even psychiatric medication couldn’t do much to dull the irritation.  I’d just spent weeks in the hospital coming down from opium, which was right after I’d spent weeks coming off of all of my medications, only to be forced to go back on all of them.  And then everyone in the house had stolen my cigarettes.  I hoped they didn’t expect me to be nice.

            But looking around the table, of course they didn’t.  This was Naruto, Karin, and Mari.  They all knew me.  It didn’t mean that they were going to put up with shit, but they weren’t going to expect me to be someone I wasn’t.

            “You look weird,” Mari commented.

            I turned my narrowed eyes on her.

            “Well, you do,” she said, getting to her feet.  “I’m gonna take a bath now.”  She came around to my side of the table and threw her arms around me.

            I had my spoon half-raised to my mouth, and strained to make sure none of the curry spilled on me.

            “Tell Karin to give me her room,” she whispered into my ear.

            I watched her skip off to the shower room.

            “She looks so much happier now that you’re home,” Naruto said, kissing my cheek.

            “I’m trying to eat…” I muttered, spoon still in the air.

            Naruto took the spoon from my hand and tried to feed me with it.

            I stared at him.

            He grinned.

            I took a begrudging bite.

            Things felt okay.  I was irritated, but in that hazy, medicated way that wasn’t real anger.  Karin was giving me tentative smiles.  I wanted a cigarette more than anything, but it seemed like we were going to survive this.

            I woke up in the middle of the night.

            There it was again.

            It took my mind some time to sort out that it was Naruto, sniffing long and slowly.

            “Naruto,” I said, touching his shoulder.  He was on his side, facing away from me.

            “Go back to sleep, love,” he said, his voice shaking.

            “Naruto,” I repeated, pulling more forcefully on his shoulder so he’d roll over.

            He looked at me with bleary eyes.

            I felt like the shittiest person alive.


	19. The Second Time, Part 12

            I sucked on my third cigarette of the session, while Naruto stared out the window.

            “You two are really lame,” Maiko finally said.

            “Are we boring you?” I asked.

            “Yeah, pretty much.”

            I shrugged.

            “Ugh,” Naruto said.

            I ignored him.

            “This seems really healthy,” Maiko commented.

            “We’re fine,” I said.

            “We’re okay,” Naruto said with a tilt of his head.

            “I’m convinced,” Maiko said, rolling her eyes.  “Did anyone tell you that you both look like shit?”

            “Hey, everyone keeps saying how much happier I look,” Naruto protested.

            “You look… lighter,” I agreed.  “But you look like you’re not sleeping.  Because you’re not.”

            “I sleep!”

            “After you stay up half the night crying.”

            “I don’t cry!”

            I stared at him.  It was always easier to confront each other at therapy.

            “I…” Naruto trailed off, turning back to the window.  “I’m having a hard time, okay?”

            “Then stop acting like you’re not,” I muttered.

            “You’re having a hard time, too.”

            “Yeah, and everyone knows it,” I said with a shrug.

            “Stop shrugginggggg,” he complained.

            I shrugged.

            “You did that on purpose.”

            I shrugged again.

            “Do you see what I have to put up with?” Naruto complained, turning to Maiko for sympathy.

            “An impeccably handsome partner with a penchant for shrugging at nonsense?” Maiko said.

            “Why do I even come here?” Naruto muttered.

            “So we can work through our problems,” I said, nudging him.

            Naruto sighed, reaching his arm over the back of my chair.

            “You’re doing the same thing you did when I…”

            “Ran away?” he concluded for me.

            “Yeah.”

            “I know,” he said, pressing his lips to my cheek.  “I’m sorry.”

            I shook my head.  “What are you apologizing before?  This is all because of me.”

            “Is it, though?”

            I already knew that Naruto was blaming himself, but hearing him allude to it out loud stung.  “Yes.  Of course it is.”

            “I should have-”

            “No.”

            “But I didn’t even-”

            “No.”

            “Sasuke, let Naruto speak,” Maiko interrupted.

            “I already know what he’s going to say.”

            “Well maybe he needs to say it.”

            “Yeah, Sasuke, maybe I need to say it,” Naruto mumbled, tugging on my sleeve to get me to look at him.

            I did.

            “I should have known better,” he said quietly.  “I mean, you actually fucking told me that you were a drug addict, and I just ignored it.”

            “I wasn’t being serious.”

            “You were being serious.  You’re always serious.  Uchihas don’t joke, and all that.”

            “Naruto.”

            “I should have said something.  I should have done something.  I should have fucking noticed.  I mean, god, even Juugo and Karin noticed.  I’m supposed to be the person who knows you best, and I couldn’t even see you drowning.”

            “You noticed,” I said with a shrug.

            I felt his arm tense around my shoulder.

            “You kept saying things, you said I was spiraling.”

            “Yeah, but I didn’t know how bad it was.”

            “Because I didn’t let you know.”

            “But-”

            “Do I have to keep listening to this?” I complained to Maiko.

            “If you love and respect Naruto, it’d be nice, yeah.”

            I leaned my head back tiredly.

            “Sasuke, I’m not…  I don’t know.  I guess the point is that I should have been there for you, and instead I was off chasing the Covenant.”

            “It’s not your job to hold me together.”

            “Maybe it’s not my job, but it’s like my hobby.”

            I looked at him.

            He grinned.

            “You can’t blame yourself for the stupid things I do,” I said, rubbing at the tension in my eyes.  “I stopped taking my medications.  I started smoking opium every day.  I hurt Karin.  All of that has nothing to do with you, and when you try to blame yourself for it, it makes me feel even worse.  So stop already.”

            “It’s not that easy,” Naruto said, giving me a rueful smile.

            “I do wish you were home more,” I finally said.  “But even if you were, it wouldn’t have changed what happened.  The second I started thinking that I was in control…  I’ll never be in control.”

            “I don’t agree with that.”

            “Well it’s the truth.”

            Naruto leaned into me, and I put my arm around him.  “I wish I could make things better for you,” he murmured.

            “It doesn’t work that way.”

            “I know.”

            I squeezed his shoulder.  “Stop carrying the world on your shoulders.”

            “If I don’t, then who will?”

            “Narcissist.”

            “No.  Nuh-uh.  You do not get to call me a narcissist, you self-loving jerk.”

            “At least you’re not being boring anymore, but you’re kind of being ridiculous,” Maiko put in.

            “How… what…  You are not being a good therapist!” Naruto complained.

            “I’m a fantastic therapist,” Maiko said.

            “Then therapize!”

            “Okay,” she said with a shrug.  “You two have certain behavioral patterns that you keep repeating.  Maybe you should try not doing that anymore.”

            “You are the WORST THERAPIST!” Naruto yelled in his way that wasn’t really angry and just seemed comical, except it was in my ear.

            I elbowed him.

            “OW!”

            “Baby,” I muttered.

            “I’m gonna pretend that you mean that in the cute boyfriend way.”

            “You keep living in your delusional little world,” I said.

            “Thank you, I will,” he said, pulling me towards him and smooching my cheek.

            “Are you listening to what Maiko’s saying?” I asked, feeling myself getting sucked in closer to him.

            “Blah blah blah, figure out your own problems and then pay me for not doing anything.”

            “Damn, you’ve figured me out,” Maiko said with a grin.

            “Why don’t you just tell us about our bad behavior patterns so we can all go home early?” Naruto suggested.

            “The journey is more important than the answer.”

            “Stop being vague!  Nothing you say means anything!”

            I could tell that Maiko was having a grand time, and Naruto loved getting riled up, but I actually wanted to talk about our problems for once instead of everyone just joking around.  “Everything is going well, and then I stop taking my medications because I think I don’t need them anymore.”

            “See, Sasuke gets it,” Maiko said.  “So what do you do, Naruto?”

            “I don’t know, why don’t you just tell me?  Or is it that you don’t know and just expect me to do your work for you?!”

            “You put the whole world on your shoulders and think that you have to save everyone,” I said.

            “Sasuke, you have to let him think it out for himself a little.”

            “He’s too stupid, and I’d like to hurry this along.”

            “Rude,” Naruto growled, pulling away from me.

            “Okay, then.  I use insults to distance myself from showing how much I care about the idiot.”

            “Oh, Sasuke, you are just so delightfully self-aware,” Maiko said.  “And yet you never change any of your behaviors despite understanding perfectly why they’re not right.”

            “Because I’m a horrible person.”

            Maiko and Naruto looked at each other, then suddenly both rolled their eyes.

            I did not like this new alliance.

            “Naruto, what do you think about what Sasuke’s saying?”

            He scrunched up his brow.  “Whaddya mean?”

            “You’ve heard him say that he stops taking his meds because he thinks he doesn’t need them anymore, and that he insults you so that he doesn’t have to admit how much he loves you.  How does that make you _feel_?”

            “You’re using fake psychobabble again,” Naruto said.  “But I guess it makes me… I dunno.”

            “Good talk,” Maiko said.  “We’ve only got five more minutes, you know.”

            “What am I supposed to say?” Naruto muttered, scratching at the back of his neck.

            “Something,” I said, kicked his chair.

            “I love you?” he offered, giving me doe eyes.

            I glared at him.

            “I do, though,” he said quietly.  “I guess when you go off your meds, I feel kind of lost?”

            “That’s a good start,” Maiko encouraged.

            “Okay, so it’s like I don’t know what I should do,” Naruto continued, getting warmed up.  “I can’t tell you to take them, ’cause that’ll just piss you off and make sure that you never take them again.  And it’s not like…  I dunno, I kind of like you off of your meds?  Minus the instability and insanity.  But I feel like I’m trapped?  I don’t know.  So then I bury myself in my work, ’cause I don’t know how to help you?  Is that what I do?”

            “I don’t know, is it?” Maiko asked.

            Naruto turned to me pathetically.

            I took pity on him.  “There’s no right answer, Nar’.  I just want us to not… make the same mistakes over and over.  I don’t want to keep doing this to you.”

            I found myself being pulled over the arm of my chair, into Naruto’s chair.  He needed physical reassurance, so I bumped my forehead to his, looking into his eyes.

            “I don’t want to keep letting you down,” he said.

            “Oh, boy, look at this Hallmark moment.”

            We both turned to glare at Maiko.

            “No, you’re both getting sappy and all ‘this is my fault’, ‘no, no, this is all my fault’, ‘no, no it’s me’, and you really need to stop that shit.”

            I went back to my chair, but we were still holding hands.  We really were the grossest couple, and I simultaneously did not mind it and thought it horrific.  “That’s exactly what I don’t want,” I said.

            Naruto tilted his head towards me.

            “What’s that?” Maiko asked.

            “For Naruto to keep blaming himself for this.”

            “Naruto, do you blame yourself?” she asked directly.

            “Yeah, of course,” he said, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand over and over.

            “That’s so stupid,” I said.

            Naruto made a face at me.

            I thought he might sleep that night, but of course he didn’t.

            “Baby, why’re you up?” I complained, pawing at him.

            “You’re so cute when you’re half-asleep,” he said, a laugh in his voice.  He touched my head, still sitting up.

            “Come back here,” I growled.

            “Can’t sleep.”

            “Who said anything ’bout sleepin’?”

            “Oh, are you seducing me?”

            “Iono, is it working?”

            “Crap, you are so cute right now.”

            “I’m not cute, I’m sexy.”

            Naruto laughed at me.

            I was starting to wake up, so now I was mad.

            He finally came back to bed, giving me a smooch.

            I wrapped myself around him, feeling insecure.

            “What’s wrong, love?” he asked, burying his nose in my hair.

            “Nothing…”

            “’Kay.  Wanna have sex?”

            “Better not,” I said, sighing.

            “Your stomach’s still messed up?”

            “Yeah.”

            “I could wear a condom.”

            “First of all, that’s disgusting.”

            “How is it disgusting?  Who cares if I get sh-”

            “Second of all, where the hell are you going to get a condom in the middle of the night?”

            “Borrow one from Karin.”

            “Are you going to give it back?”

            “Get one from Karin.”

            “Ugh.”

            “We could do other stuff.”

            “No,” I said, feeling depressed.

            Naruto pulled me closer.  “We’re gonna get through this.”

            “Yeah.”

            We both stayed awake into the early hours of the morning.


	20. The Second Time, Part 13

            The front door opened and closed, and then Naruto was suddenly flopping at my feet, resting his chin on my knee.

            I closed my book, petting his head.  “What’s wrong, puppy?”

            His stormy face suddenly lit up with a smile.

            I didn’t mean to say such stupid things, but they made him happy, so sometimes I let them slip.

            “I missed you,” he murmured, rubbing his cheek against my knee.

            “You’ve only been gone a day.”

            “It was a very long day,” he said, starting to get upset again.

            “Was the raikage mean to you?” I teased.

            “Fuck A,” Naruto muttered.  “Can’t fucking wait for him to step down.”

            “Don’t think his replacement will be any better.”

            “Ugh.  Ughhhhhh.”

            I rubbed behind his ear and watched his leg twitch.  I half-smiled.  “Are you going to say anything comprehensible?”

            He looked up at me with big blue eyes.  “It doesn’t matter.  They’re assholes.”

            “So it was about me?”

            Naruto sighed.  “They think you’re dangerous.”

            “I am dangerous.”

            “Yeah, but like they think you’re out-of-control, out-of-your-mind dangerous.”

            “I’m also both of those things.”

            “No, you’re not,” he said, voice getting firm.

            I shrugged.

            “I trust you again,” he said, staring up at me.

            “Thank you,” I said, a little knot catching in my throat.

            “I do,” he reiterated.

            I looked away from him.

            “Let’s go to bed,” he finally said, standing up.  “It’s late.  Were you waiting up for me?”

            I nodded, letting him pull me to my feet.  I reached back for my book to take upstairs with us.

            Naruto stopped in the kitchen for a glass of water, and knocked back a sleeping pill.

            We went up to bed, Naruto resting his head on my lap while I read.  I listened to his breathing even out.  When I was sure that he was asleep, I put my book on the nightstand and turned the light off.

            It had been a couple of months since I’d come home, and things finally felt like they were going back to normal.  By that I mean that life was no longer completely awkward.

            I pressed my back to Naruto’s, falling asleep.  I proceeded to sleep for the next twelve hours, only to be rudely awakened by Mari and Ao yelling at me about something that I couldn’t be bothered to listen to.

            “Are you listening to me?!” Ao shrieked.

            “Not at all,” I said, pulling the blanket over my head.

            “Sasuke!” Mari yelled, jumping up and down on the mattress.

            “I’m trying to sleep,” I growled.

            “You can’t sleep forever!”

            “I can damn well try.”

            “Baby, can you get up and help me, please?” came Naruto’s voice.

            I peeked out of the blanket.

            Mari was bouncing in front of me, while Ao loomed with her arms crossed.  Naruto was behind them, wearing an apron and looking frazzled.

            “It’s early,” I complained.

            “Yeah, I know, sorry,” Naruto said.

            “It’s lunch time, you zombie!” Ao exclaimed.  She was new and not used to my marathon sleeping.

            I climbed out of bed crankily.  “What’re you three doing?”  Then I really looked at Naruto, and realized that his arm was attached to his apron with colorful-looking string.

            “Macramé!” Mari and Ao said cheerfully.

            “Macramé,” Naruto said glumly.

            “Why are you teaching them macramé?” I muttered, pulling on a sweatshirt and following them down the stairs.  “Where’s Juugo?”

            “Juugo-sensei took the little kids for a nature walk,” Mari explained helpfully.

            “They have to learn macramé for the new home ec curriculum,” Naruto said.  “And I thought, ‘how hard could it be?’”

            I pulled him towards me by the front of his apron, half-smiling while I freed his arm with a kunai.

            He gave me puppy eyes.

            “Pathetic,” I said, kissing his nose.

            “Jun’s still trying in the living room,” Ao said, tugging me away.

            Jun was sitting on the floor, colored threads strewn around him while he played a handheld game.

            “Cigarette,” I said, holding my hand out.

            Mari handed me one, and Ao lit it.

            “What are you teaching these kids?” Naruto growled, smacking me on the butt.

            “Good manners,” I said, raising an eyebrow at him while I took a drag.  “Okay, let’s try this from the beginning.  Do you even have an anchor?”

            “What’s an anchor?” Mari asked.

            I eyed Naruto.

            He batted his eyes at me.

            “The literal beginning then,” I said, wondering how I’d suddenly become the resident expert in macramé.  Naruto and the kids sat in a circle on the floor around me and studiously listened to my instruction.

            They all did a passable job, so I made them cookies while they finished up.

            “What grade do I get?” Naruto asked, putting his hideous orange and purple bracelet on my wrist.

            “Mediocre,” I said, eyeing it like it smelled bad.

            “Well, it’s our new engagement bracelet.”

            “We’re already married.”

            “I’m renewing our vows.”

            “With _this_?” I asked, shaking my wrist at him.

            “I made it with love.”

            I rolled my eyes and took a cookie off of the cooling rack, stuffing it in his mouth.

            “Mum,” Naruto said with his mouth full.

            I patted his head and moved to look back on the three kids.

            Ao and Jun both held up their mostly finished bracelets, while Mari held up her change purse.

            I looked over them all carefully before assessing, “Good.”

            The three beamed.

            We sat at the table and ate cookies.

            “Why do you know how to macramé?” Naruto asked, eating more than his fair share of cookies.

            I swirled my sharingan at him.

            “Okay, but when would you ever see someone just making macramé?”

            “Why do you know how to bake so well?”

            “Well, there was this old granny in the Land of Wind-”

            “Exactly.”

            “Baking is more common than weird forms of knitting.”

            “Shut up and eat your cookies.”

            “Rude.”

            “So sorry.”

            “I’m going to accept that despite how sarcastic you sound.”

            “Thank you.”

            “Do you two ever stop fighting?” Ao asked, stealing a cookie from right in front of Naruto.

            “We’re not fighting, we’re communicating,” I explained.

            Naruto was too busy pouting over his lost cookie.

            When Juugo came back, he offered to take the kids out to play.

            Naruto and I watched them all go off into the desert from the doorway.

            “You’re a good daddy, you know,” Naruto said, leaning his cheek on my shoulder.

            “I’m not anyone’s father.”

            “Okay, but you’re a father figure.  And you’re good at it.  All stern and gruff, but gently offering encouragement when needed.  Very masterful stuff.”

            “What are you even talking about?”

            “I love the way you are with the kids when you’re not high or drunk or hungover or crazy.”

            “So, 5 percent of the time?”

            “Sasuke.”

            “Are you grabbing my ass while trying to have a serious conversation with me?”

            “A little bit, yeah.  Sorry.”

            “Are you now grabbing it with both hands?”

            “Yeah, uh… have I told you that your ass looks fantastic lately?  Because seriously.  Damn, baby.  You’re lookin’ good.”

            I levelled him with a stare.

            “Not to say that your butt doesn’t always look fantastic.  Besides the times that you’re all skinny and sickly-looking, and it gets all boney.  Which is cute in its own way.  But you know.  I like it a little thick and juicy.  And right now… yeah.”

            “Are you trying to tell me that I’m getting fat?”

            “NO!  Well, yeah, a little, but in a good way.”

            I moved away from him abruptly, kicked him out the door, and slammed it shut, clicking the lock into place.

            Of course, he just used his father’s damn transporting technique to get into the bedroom ahead of me.

            I frowned at him.

            “Sasuke, you’re not fat at all, come on,” he complained.  “But you gotta admit, you’ve been getting a little soft around the edges-”

            “It’s the medication!” I snapped.

            “-and it’s super freakin’ sexy, and I would hit that in a minute.”

            “Why do you talk?  At all?  You should just stop doing it permanently.”

            “You like it when I talk.”

            “I most certainly do not.”

            He pinned me against the wall.  “You do.”

            I reversed our positions.  “Do not.”

            Naruto responded by grabbing my ass again.

            “Are you a child?” I asked, exasperated.

            “Nope, these are definitely the opposite of childish thoughts,” he hummed, working himself up to a good fondle.

            “Do you like me again?” I asked.  I didn’t mean to sound so pathetic.

            He paused in his sexual harassment, but his hands were still resting there lightly.  “Do I make you feel like I don’t like you?”

            “No,” I lied.

            Naruto bumped his nose to mine.

            I pressed him more firmly against the wall, closing my eyes.  I wanted to put it into words, but I didn’t know how.

            Naruto changed his hold to a hug.  “Things are okay between us, right?”

            “Are they?”

            “Things are good on my end.  I mean, I was about to tear your clothes off five seconds ago...”

            “Great, you want to fuck my fat ass.”

            “Love, come on.  God, you’re vain.  You’re gorgeous.  You’re the most handsome guy I have ever seen in my life.  You’ve gained what, ten, fifteen pounds?  And you’re _still_ the most handsome guy I’ve ever seen in my life.  In fact, your sexiness rating has skyrocketed.  You are at like max attractiveness right now.”

            “Go date Chouji.”

            “Ughhh, yooooou,” he said, squishing my face.  “What are you upset about?  Be clear.”

            “Nothing,” I mumbled.  “Nothing, really.  I’m happy.”

            Naruto laughed at that, a sharp burst.  “That sounded believable.”

            “I just don’t understand why you stay with me,” I finally said.

            “Your self-esteem is low today,” he commented, grabbing my butt again.  “Are you actually worried about the weight you’ve been gaining?  I thought you’d be more worried about that acne you’re hiding with a henge.”

            “Die in a fire.”

            “See, you stay with me even though I always say the wrong thing.  We both have our faults.  We both accept each other.  It’s all really nice and beautiful.”

            “Naruto.”

            He looked at me, eyes probing.  “Sasuke, love.  We’re okay.  Right?”

            I nodded, keeping him pinned to the wall.  It felt safer.

            “I loved watching you with the kids earlier,” he said quietly.  “Just reminded me how much I love you.”

            “Why does dumb shit like that make you love me?”

            Naruto made a face at me.

            “This bracelet is hideous,” I added, flexing my wrist where my hand rested against the wall over his shoulder.

            “Now, see,” Naruto said, backing me up.  “I loved you with the kids, but you were a complete jerk to me.  And you’re still being a jerk to me, even when I’m trying to cheer you up.”

            “How was I a jerk to you?” I asked, getting defensive.

            He backed me up some more, and I let him.  “Because you were patient with them, and offered them advice and stuff on their projects, but you just kept insulting me and telling me that everything I did was terrible.”

            “It was terrible.”

            “Sasuke.”

            I sighed.  “I don’t know how to be nice to you.”

            “You’re nice to me sometimes.  When we’re alone.  And you’re orgasming.”

            I gave him a look.

            Naruto turned us around, sitting on the bed.

            I stood between his thighs, looking down at him.

            “I’m not trying to pick a fight.  I told you we’re okay.  It’s just… you know.  Something to think about,” he said, taking my right hand and kissing the back.

            “We keep having the same fights…”

            “We’re not fighting.”

            “Naruto.”

            “What?”

            I threw my hands up in the air and yelled.

            He blinked slowly.  “You okay there?”

            “No!”

            He watched me quietly, waiting.

            “I’m not… good enough… for you…” I said slowly.

            “Sas-”

            “All I do is bring you down, and you’re the fucking sun.  I’m blacking out the fucking sun.”

            “Sas-”

            “Just leave me, Naruto, please.  Get rid of me.  Throw me in the trash where I belong.”

            “No.”

            “What the hell do you mean, ‘no’?”

            “Don’t wanna.”

            “Idiot,” I said, hitting him in the chest with my fist.  “Then I’ll leave.”

            He had me on the floor before I’d even finished speaking.  “You don’t do that.  You don’t threaten me like that.  You do not.  If you want to leave, then we can talk about it, but you don’t just…  You don’t just…”

            I cradled his crying face against my chest, staring up at the ceiling.  We were drowning each other.  It was time, I decided.  I had to leave for a while and see the world again.  “I’ll come back,” I whispered.

            Of course there’d be obstacles.  It wasn’t exactly a good time for me to be travelling in a world full of drugs and temptation.  I was far from stable.  And I looked like shit, no matter what Naruto tried to say.

            “We’ll meet at Orochimaru’s in six months,” I said a month later as I shouldered my bag.

            “That’s such a long time,” Naruto complained, leaning over Mari so he could kiss my cheek.

            Mari stuck her tongue out at him.  “Sasuke’s gonna be all mine, all that time.”

            “Yeah, have fun with that,” Naruto said, not offering up any jealousy to appease her.  “You’re gonna have to drag him out of his sleeping bag every morning, make his coffee, fight with him to take all his meds, drag him away from the bars, rub his back when he has nightmares-”

            “I’m not doing any of that,” Mari said flatly.  “He can make coffee for _me_.”

            “That’s right, Mari-darling, fight the patriarchy,” Karin said, patting her on the shoulder.  “If Sasuke’s too much of a princess, just get Juugo to take care of it.”

            Mari nodded solemnly.

            I scowled at Karin as she went in for a hug.

She hugged me anyway.  “If you need anything, you send a messenger.”

            “You, too,” I said, touching her shoulder begrudgingly.

            “Why you touchin’ my woman?” Suigetsu said, punching me in the arm.

            “You’re admitting she’s yours?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

            “Crap.”

            “We’re going now.”

            “Mari!” Ao cried, throwing herself at the older girl.

            “Sasuke-sensei,” Jun said, giving me a firm handshake.

            “I miss you,” little Yuka said, eyes all watery.  Naruto had found an adoptive family for her, so she’d be gone by the time I got back.

            We started off.

            We weren’t on some epic journey.  I wasn’t even completely sure where we were going.

            Mari curled her fingers in mine as Juugo moved ahead, leading the way.

            “It’s a nice day,” Juugo commented.  A bird landed on his shoulder.

            I glanced back at the kids and Naruto, all still standing in front of the house, waving.  I waved once, then straightened up.  “Yeah, it is,” I agreed.

            “That’s the nicest thing I’ve ever heard you say,” Mari said with a snort.

            “Try and keep up, runt,” I said, picking her up and leaping into the sky in a blur of motion.

            Mari shrieked excitedly, and the three of us pushed forward, losing sight of the house.


	21. The Last Time, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 9 years after Post Traumatic

            “Naruto!” I shouted, trying to reach him before he hit the ground.  Instead, I was sent flying in the opposite direction.

            Naruto’s body bounced and rolled along the ground, limp and lifeless.

            “Shit,” I hissed, catching myself on a tree and pushing off of it.

            Sasayaki came at me again, her collarbone bulging out of the skin, while Kasai moved towards Naruto.

            I dodged the bone shrapnel that shot at me, but just barely.  There was no way she was letting me by.  “Kurama!” I roared, pushing my sharingan into my voice.

            The fox awoke with a snap, Naruto’s body jerking out of the way from Kasai’s attack.

            “Shouldn’t you be thinking of yourself?” Sasayaki murmured in my ear.

            “I was,” I said, pushing her into another dimension.

            She stumbled into the watery-looking world, confused.

            “You didn’t do your research,” I said, landing easily beside her.

            The two had taken us by surprise at home.  All we’d had time to do was get Juugo out with the kids.  We’d taken a lot of hits protecting their escape, but now things were going to be on my terms.

            “I know all about you,” she countered, regaining her composure.  “You’re the hokage’s guard dog.  Mentally unstable.  Haven’t been a player since the alphabets attacked Konoha all those years back.”

            “Were you even alive then?” I asked, distracted by some dirt under my nails.  It was too deep in to dig it out with another nail.

            “Yes,” she said, exasperated.

            She couldn’t have been more than a teenager.  Young people were so easy to throw off balance.

            I smiled, thinking about how easy it was to rile up Naruto when we were kids.

            “We’re fighting here,” she snarled, shooting more of her bone fragments at me.

            I dodged them lazily.

            She fumed, her attacks getting sloppier.

            I suddenly moved in close, engaging her in hand-to-hand.  I was starting to feel embarrassed about how much trouble she and her partner had been giving us before.  Sure, her kekkei genkai was troublesome, but mine was so much better.

            “Don’t underestimate me,” she whispered, her punch to my stomach suddenly turning to a bone sword to the gut.

            I took a stumbling leap away from her, holding the bone in my stomach.  “Shit,” I muttered, feeling the warm blood already covering my hands.

            She grinned triumphantly.

            Susanoo surrounded me like a shroud.

            “Naruto beat Kimimaro when he was thirteen,” I said, giving her a bored look despite the profuse bleeding.  “I kick an adult, super-powered Naruto’s ass on a regular basis.  Your parlor tricks do not impress me.”

            “The fact that you think that I’m anything like Kimimaro shows that you know nothing of me,” Sasayaki said, holding up her arms and pushing out her wrist bones.

            “Sasayaki, possibly the last survivor of the Kaguya Clan, previously believed to have been exterminated,” I said, launching an attack.  “Your branch of the clan separated from Kimimaro’s clan decades ago and stayed hidden in the mountains of the Land of Snow.”

            She attacked with her bones, penetrating through Susanoo.

            I pulled away, pushing a chidori into the bone fragments.  “Your bone technique is closer to Kaguya’s than the kekkei genkai of Kiminaro,” I said.  “So you probably think that you’ve already won,” I continued, finally pulling the bone out of my stomach as it crumbled in my hand.

            “So you’re not as dumb as you look,” she said with a grin.

            “Clearly you are,” I said, watching the clone that she had stabbed crumble as the bone disintegrated it into ash.

            The real me was behind her, pushing my sword into her back.

            “It’s really unpleasant to win by my partner’s technique,” I muttered, pulling the sword out and watching her slump forward.  “I didn’t hit anything vital,” I added, picking up her limp body and transporting back to the real world.

            “A little help here?” Naruto cried, pinned down by both Kasai and a new assailant.

            “I expected you to have this wrapped up by now,” I said, taking my time to chain up Sasayaki.

            “You are such a turd,” Naruto muttered, continuing his taijutsu on two fronts.

            I was surprised his clones weren’t swarming all over the place.

            As if on cue, they appeared, freeing the real body from his two opponents.

            “Who’s the new one?” I asked, taking out a cigarette and lighting it.

            “Are you freaking kidding me?!” Naruto cried incredulously.  “Get in here!”

            “Looks like you’ve got it covered,” I said.  I took a slow drag.

            The new kid freed himself from the clones and launched a sword attack at me.

            “Interesting,” I said, stubbing my cigarette out on my sword and tucking it behind my ear.  I raised the sword to parlay.

            The kid wasn’t bad.

            In fact, he was actually pretty good, and I was working up a sweat.

            “So you’re Mizuhiro,” I said, falling back to ready an attack.

            “Suigetsu told you about me?” he asked, shark-like teeth gleaming as he grinned.

            I moved swiftly, catching the thinnest cut of flesh with the tip of my sword.  “Said he was considering you for the revived Swordsmen, so I was expecting more.”

            “Sasuke, stop being a cocky bastard!” Naruto yelled across the desert at me.

            “You do your fight and I’ll do mine,” I yelled back.

            Kasai and Mizuhiro both exchanged looks and imperceptible nods, suddenly moving towards one another.

            I didn’t need to look at Naruto.  He was beside me in an instant, both of us already moving through the seals.  At the final one we locked fingers, releasing what Mari had termed our ‘bigass fire tornado’.

            Whatever Kasai and Mizuhiro had been about to do was forgotten as the two of them scrambled to escape.

            “You worried me there a little,” Naruto murmured, squeezing my hand.

            “You’re the idiot who let himself get knocked unconscious by _amateurs_.”

            “I was trying to protect the kids!”

            “I know,” I said, squeezing his hand back.  “They’re started to look a little singed.”

            “They’ll be fine.  I think.”

            “Naruto-sensei!”

            Our heads both whipped around as Getsuko ran towards us.

            “What the hell, Getsuko, get outta here!” Naruto cried, aghast.

            “Ungrateful, stupid, pig-headed-” I muttered.

            “I’ll get her, you take care of this,” Naruto said, leaping away from me.

            Kasai and Mizuhiro were both trapped in the whirlwind.  I did a seal, rendering them both unconscious as I dissipated the jutsu.

            “I want to learn that one next,” Getsuko said, landing next to me.

            I frowned at Naruto.

            He gestured helplessly.

            “They were after you,” I said.  “Why would you come back here?”

            “Well I figured if they beat the two of you, they’d make a beeline for me with Juugo and the kids next, and I didn’t want to put them in danger,” she reasoned.

            “Go back to Juugo until we have them in custody.”

            “It’s fine, isn’t it?” she said, gesturing towards the unconscious bodies.  “I want to help.”

            “You would be the most help by going to Juugo and watching over the kids,” Naruto offered with a charming smile.

            Getsuko ignored him completely, leaning over Kasai and Mizuhiro.  “How did you render them completely unconscious?” she marveled, waving her hand in front of their eyes.

            Naruto grabbed her arm and tugged her away.  “It’s not safe, yet.”

            “I don’t need to be protected,” she said, shaking her head.

            “Well until we know why they’re after you, you do need to be,” Naruto said.  “Come on, now, let’s go-”

            I shoved them both out of the way, a scream of pain ripping out of my throat.  I caught Sasayaki’s eye from across the desert, digging through her mind for her darkest memory.  She was chained up in a cave, water dripping from the ceiling.

            ‘Again,’ her teacher said.

            Sasayaki screamed and cried as her bones hardened and shot out of her body.

            I almost trapped her there, then thought better of it, instead sticking her in a kitchen with her mother, the two of them covered in flour and laughing as they baked cookies.

            “Sasuke,” Naruto said, pulling me out of it.  “Show me where she got you,” he said, untying my belt and sliding my top down my shoulders.

            Getsuko was silent beside him, eyes wide.

            “It’s not that bad, it just grazed me,” I said, following his hand with mine, pulling the bloody cloth away from my side.  The bone she had shot had sliced right under my rib.  The skin looked ashy and strange, and it was bleeding profusely.

            Naruto started healing me, his face creased with worry.

            “It didn’t hit anything vital,” I said.

            “That’s what you’re always saying, and it doesn’t stop me from worrying, you crazy bastard.”

            I suddenly swayed on me feet.

            Naruto caught me and sat us both down in the sand.  “Sasuke.”

            “I’m okay.”

            “I don’t believe you for a second,” Naruto murmured, pushing more chakra into me.

            “I’m sorry,” Getsuko whispered.

            “It wasn’t your fault,” Naruto said easily.

            “You distracted us, and gave that Kaguya girl the opening to attack,” I said.

            “Sasuke.”

            “Stop babying her.”

            “I’m not babying anyone but you!” Naruto said, his chakra going hot and angry.

            I winced.

            “Good,” he muttered, but I felt him calm down.

            “Is she really out?” Getsuko asked, casting a nervous glance towards Sasayaki.

            “Fuck if I know,” I muttered, getting my cigarette from behind my ear and lighting it.

            Naruto took a drag from it, then handed it back to me.  He kept his hand on my side, pushing chakra into my wound.

            “It’s fine,” I said, waving him away.

            “It looks really not fine,” he growled at me.

            “Can I help?” Getsuko asked, looking uncomfortable.

            “No,” I said flatly.

            “Gaara’s coming,” Naruto said.  “He’s a couple of miles off.”

            “He took his damn sweet time.”

            “Sas’, you’ve been really bitchy today.”

            “Get away from me.”

            “I’m healing you!”

            “Stop.  You look awful.  I don’t need your chakra.”

            “You do so,” Naruto said, swaying next to me.

            I took his hand off of my side forcefully.  I touched my hand to his forehead.  “You’re burning up.  And Kurama is complaining up a storm.  Rest and wait for Gaara.”

            Naruto obviously wanted to protest.

            I pulled him into me, cradling his head under my chin.

            He relaxed into me, his body shaking from exhaustion.

            I cast a wary eye around at our attackers.  They all seemed to be out.

            Getsuko was just standing in the middle of the desert, looking clueless.

            “Sit,” I told her.

            “But I…?”

            “Sit.”

            Getsuko sat next to me cautiously.

            The rustling of sand reached my ears.  Gaara would be here soon.

            “If Naruto tells you to do something, you do it,” I said.

            “I don’t need to be protected.”

            “You keep saying that, and yet last I checked I just saved your ass from getting turned into ash.”

            “I could have dodged…”

            “No, you couldn’t have,” I said coldly.

            “Shukaku would have helped me.”

            “Well he didn’t, I did.”

            Getsuko stared down at the sand.  “Why do you hate me?”

            “Oh, for…” I started, then just let out a frustrated growl.  “You’re such a child, Getsuko.”

            Naruto suddenly felt cold against me.

            I pushed some chakra into him, not that I had much to spare.  “Naruto.”

            He stirred a little

            I pet his head, then flinched as the ash from my cigarette dropped on his back.  “Shit,” I muttered, swiping it away.  I pulled the cigarette from my lips, putting it out in the sand.

            Getsuko started crying, big fat tears falling from behind the curtain of her black hair.  She kept her sobs silent, the only hint of them the shaking of her shoulders.

            “I can’t really deal with you right now,” I said.

            That seemed to make her cry even harder.

            Gaara appeared over the horizon with the cavalry.


	22. The Last Time, Part 2

            “She’s just a kid, and you’re freaking awful to her,” Naruto reprimanded me from his hospital bed.  “I don’t know why you’re such a misogynist.”

            “I’m not a misogynist, I hate everyone,” I muttered.

            “No, you’re extra horrible to women.  Is that a gay thing?” he mused.

            “Yes, Naruto, it’s a gay thing.  All homos hate women.”

            “That doesn’t sound right,” he said, creasing his forehead in concentration.

            “Ugh, go back to sleep.”

            “I feel fine.  Can I leave already?  I just needed to recover some chakra.”

            “Rest.”

            “Okay, well if I hafta rest, you hafta go make nice with Getsuko.”

            “God, let’s just go then,” I said, standing up.

            Naruto caught my hand.

            I looked at him.

            “How’s your side?” he asked.

            “It’s fine,” I said.  “I’m not the one who got checked into the hospital.”

            “’Cause I healed you.”

            “Yes, baby, because you wasted your chakra on healing my non-life-threatening wound and wore yourself out.”

            “’Cause I love you.”

            I squeezed his hand.

            “Do you love me, too?” he asked, giving me puppy eyes.

            My gut reaction was to tell him no, just to watch his face fall.  “Yeah, I do.”

            He grinned.  “You loooove me.”

            “Don’t remind me.”

            “I’m gonna.”

            “Are you feeling okay?” I asked, freeing my hand and touching his forehead.  He didn’t feel cold anymore.

            “Yeah, completely back to normal.”

            “Okay,” I said.  I let my hand slide to his cheek, cupping it briefly.  “I’ll go find a nurse.”

            I was only a few steps from the room when Gaara came around the corner with his entourage.

            “Sasuke, can you join us?”

            I followed them back into Naruto’s room, despite the itch to smoke a cigarette.

            “Gaara!  Kankuro!  Temari!” Naruto said, his voice too loud.  “Sasuke!” he added as I came in behind them.

            It was simple and to the point.

            “We’re going to Kumo to meet the raikage,” Kankurou explained.  “These attacks have been increasing, and they all lead back to Lightning.”

            “You’re coming,” Temari said, looking at Naruto.

            “Am I?” he asked, scratching the back of his neck.

            “We need all the diplomacy we can get.”

            “So you want _me_?”

            “Yes.”

            “What about Getsuko?”

            The three siblings exchanged looks.

            “She can’t stay here,” I said firmly.

            “Sasuke.”

            “No way in hell.  Our _home_ has been attacked twice since she got here.  Take her back to Kumo, and she can be their fucking problem.”

            Naruto turned to the other three with a strained smile on his face.  “Can you excuse us a moment?”

            When they were gone, he let loose.

            “We don’t turn our backs on kids who have nowhere else to go!  I don’t know what your damn problem is, but Getsuko became our responsibility when she asked us to train her and we agreed!  She is being _hunted down_ , and you want to just abandon her?!  This is extra shitty, even for you.”

            “Are you done yet?”

            “Just getting warmed up.”

            “Well can you please stop?”

            Naruto took a breath.  “Yeah.  Sit.”

            I sat down on the mattress next to him.

            Naruto rested his hand on my leg, and I could see him visibly reigning in his temper.  “Okay.  Sorry.  Tell me?”

            “I don’t know what there is to tell.”

            “Sasuke, come on.”

            “What?” I said, getting angered myself.  “You know her chakra makes me sick.  It makes _you_ sick.  The way it burns into my skin.  It just feels wrong and I can’t trust her.  I don’t want her around our kids.”

            “People used to hate me, too,” Naruto said.  “Because of Kurama.  They hated this power inside of me.  I couldn’t understand-”

            “Okay, fine, yeah,” I said.  Guilt pooled in my belly.  “I get it.  But she can’t stay at our house, Naruto.  I know we keep arguing around in circles, but think of Mari.  Think of Riki and Kanon.  They can’t defend themselves.  We’re putting them in danger.”

            “We could travel with her.  Train her.”

            “Is that what you want?”

            “What options do we have?”

            When we didn’t agree on things, it was hard to compromise.  I looked at him, pathetically wanting to be held.  It would have eased the tension.  I didn’t understand why being around him made me so childish.

            Naruto caught my look and rubbed my thigh soothingly.  “We can talk more later, yeah?”

            I shrugged.

            “I’ll take that as a yes.  Are you coming to Kumo with us?”

            “I think I should run up some leads on this new group that’s targeting Getsuko.”

            “Not in Kumo?”

            “Not in Kumo.”

            “We’ll take Getsuko with our group, and Juugo can stay with the kids?”

            “I’ll ask him.”

            “Are you two done with your domestic squabble?” Temari asked, barging back in.

            “We were just having a discussion,” Naruto said, still rubbing my thigh.

            “Yeah, sure,” Kankurou said.  “A discussion with yelling and violence.”

            Gaara looked at us apologetically as he came back into the room.

            “There was no yelling or violence, thank you very much,” Naruto said.

            “Shikamaru and I never fight,” Temari commented offhandedly.

            Naruto snorted.  “’Cause he’s totally whipped.”

            “You and he aren’t so different,” she said, smirking.

            Naruto looked confused.

            “I’m going to run up some leads on this new group, and Naruto will take Getsuko to Kumo,” I said.

            “Will you be ready to travel by tomorrow morning?” Temari asked, eyeing Naruto up and down.

            “Yeah, I feel fine,” he said.

            “Then it’s settled,” she said, leaving abruptly.

            I squeezed Naruto’s hand, then stood up.  “I’ll look for a nurse.”

            “Thank you, Sasuke.”

            When I came back to the room, Gaara and Naruto were leaning into one another, Naruto talking excitedly while Gaara nodded along with a sage-looking smile.

            “The nurse said she’ll be in shortly,” I said.

            They both startled at my voice, Naruto rubbing the back of his neck.

            I used to get jealous, but it got exhausting with how many ‘close’ friends Naruto had.

            That didn’t stop me from sitting pointedly on the bed between them.

            “Thanks, love,” Naruto hummed.  He had a little smirk on his mouth, and I realized I’d overplayed my hand.  “Did you find the nurse in the smoker’s lounge?” he added, breathing in the smoke from my hair.

            “Best place to find a nurse.”

            “Best place to smoke a disgusting cigarette or twelve.”

            “I should be going,” Gaara said, rising to his feet.

            “Aw, don’t get chased off by Sasuke’s uncontrollable jealousy,” Naruto complained.

            I elbowed him in the stomach.

            “Jeez, bastard, take it easy.”

            “Temari and Kankurou are waiting,” Gaara offered, moving towards the door.

            “I’ll see you tomorrow morning, then!” Naruto called after him.

            “Of course.”

            I waited until Gaara was gone to elbow Naruto again.

            “Hey,” he protested.  “You’re doing nothing for your abusive image here.”

            “No one’s here to see,” I growled, giving him a punch in the arm.

            “I’m being abused behind closed doors,” Naruto said, pretending to cry.

            “Naruto.”

            He stopped immediately, smoothing my hair from over my rinnegan.  “Where’s that nurse at, I want to go home and have hours of goodbye sex.”

            “Really?  Hours?” I repeated, raising an eyebrow.

            “Hours,” he confirmed, suddenly getting very serious.

            We were in a slightly compromised position when the nurse finally came in.

            “I’m pretty sure I did not sign you off on that kind of rigorous activity yet,” Nurse Arai said, clucking her tongue.

            “But I’m fine,” Naruto complained, completely unperturbed that his hand was still on my ass.  “And it’s Sasuke’s fault anyway.  He was makin’ eyes at me.”

            “Sasuke, is this true?” she asked, gasping in mock horror.  She moved over to Naruto’s monitors and started checking his vitals.  “Were you making… _eyes_?!”

            “I don’t make eyes,” I said flatly.

            “Yeah, sure you don’t,” she said with a snort.

            We had been spending far too much time in this damn hospital, and the nurses were getting far too familiar with us.  They used to be right and proper afraid of me, and now they were cracking jokes at my expense.

            I shifted away from Naruto and stood up.

            He whined a complaint, air groping my butt.

            “Must be nice to be young and in love,” Arai said, shaking her head with a sentimental smile.

            “Who’s young?” Naruto said with a snort.  “Sasuke turned _thirty-six_.”

            “Child, if you think that’s old…” Arai trailed off, pulling his IV out with no gentleness.

            “But he’s practically _forty_.”

            “Your birthday is next month, idiot,” I pointed out.

            “But until then, I’m still in my early thirties.”

            “You might as well not bother to get discharged, sweetie, because you’re just going to end up back in that bed.”

            “Are you threatening me?” he asked incredulously.  He turned to Nurse Arai.  “Did you hear _that_?  He just threatened me!”

            “Hey, you married him,” she said with a shrug.  “Okay, you’re looking good, so I’ll get the doctor and you should be able to get going shortly.”

            “Thank you!” Naruto said, clasping her hand in both of his.

            “Silly boy.”

            Naruto grinned.  “Sasuke, get ready for hours of sweet, sweet lovin’.”

            “Uh, I said you were being released, not that you should act a damn fool,” Arai said.  “You still need to rest.”

            “He’s not going to rest if you let him out of here,” I said.

            “I rest!  I’m a rester!  I’ll rest so hard!”

            “I’ll leave him in your perfectly capable hands,” Arai said to me, making her exit.

            “Did you not want a night of sweet, sweet lovin’?” Naruto asked, sticking out his lower lip at me.

            I walked over to him, touching his hair briefly.  “You need to stop overdoing things.”

            “I’m not-” he started to protest, then went quiet when his eyes met mine.

            “Are you really thinking about a successor?” I asked.

            “I’m considering my options.”

            “Consider harder,” I said, tapping him on the shoulder with my fist.

            “You just want me to be a stay-at-home mom while you earn the bread.”

            “Yes, that’s my dream,” I said, rolling my eyes.

            “Just like I thought,” Naruto said, taking my hand and turning it over, running his thumb along the sun tattooed on my palm.  “Can we go home now?”

            “Soon.”

            “I’m worried about Getsuko.”

            I sighed.

            “Sasuke.”

            “She should stay here in Suna tonight,” I said.  “She’ll have the kazekage and his entourage to watch over her.”

            “Sasuke.”

            We stared at each other.

            “Hey, the doctor’s on his way,” Nurse Arai said, coming back into the room.  “Once he gives you the okay, we’ll sign the paperwork and wheel you out of here.”

            “Thanks,” Naruto said with a strained smile.

            Arai looked between us for a moment.  “Are you two actually fighting?”

            “We fight all the time?” Naruto said with a shrug.

            “Yeah, but you don’t actually fight,” she said, still looking between us.  “I’d give you a minute, but here’s the doctor.”

            “Hello there, Naruto,” Dr. Ishi said as he breezed into the room.

            I gestured to Naruto that I was going to smoke a cigarette, and he nodded.  When I came back, he was getting into a wheelchair, ready to go.

            We stopped at the kazekage’s office.

            Getsuko was waiting, looking like a lost puppy.

            “We’re going home,” Naruto said, gesturing for her to follow us.

            I looked at him.

            “We’re going home,” he repeated.

            Getsuko looked between us uncertainly before coming to join us.

            Naruto thanked the sand shinobi who had been watching her, shaking his hand.  “Did Gaara tell you what’s going on?” he asked when he rejoined us.

            “We’re going to Kumo?”

            “Yep.”

            We walked silently back towards home until Naruto couldn’t take it anymore.

            “This thing between you two is driving me crazy!” he yelled.

            We both stopped walking and looked at him.

            “Sasuke, she’s a kid!  And she came here to learn how to use the rinnegan, and you haven’t even helped her once!”

            “I’ve been busy,” I said, pulling out a cigarette.

            “And oh my god, you’ve been smoking like two packs a day, enough already,” he said, snatching my lighter from my hand.

            I glared at him.

            “And Getsuko, you…  Actually, I can’t really think of anything.  Just try to get along with Sasuke, yeah?  He seems all strict and awful, but he’s very sweet and affectionate deep down… very deep down… and that mostly only applies to sassy little girls and me… but the point is…  What was the point?”

            “Did you forget about her almost getting you two killed by coming back to the fight against your orders?” I asked.

            “Well, to be fair, I don’t think either of us would have died from that bone attack since we’re both jinchuuriki.  In fact, we probably could have healed much better from it than you, so you pushing us out of the way was kind of… I don’t know, pointless?”

            I leapt away from them, heading home in what I hoped didn’t look like a sulky rush.

            Juugo was at the training grounds when I got back, sitting in the sand and watching some of the kids spar.

            I liked having conversations with Juugo because I never needed to explain anything.

            “You want to go to the Land of Water?” he said.

            “I want to leave tomorrow.”

            “I can stay here with the kids.”

            “Thank you.”

            Juugo looked at me, then tilted my head to rest it on his shoulder.

            Kanon came running over.  “Sasuke-sensei!”

            I patted her on the head.

            She took that as an invitation to climb on my lap.

            I stared at her.

            “That was really exciting!  We had to run away from the bad guys!  And there were all these explosions!” she said, grinning up at me.

            “You weren’t scared?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

            “No way!  Nobody can beat you an’ Naruto-sensei!”

            I had a brief moment of sentimentality and returned the hug I was being given.  “Of course they can’t,” I said, lying easily.


	23. The Last Time, Part 3

            I’d been away from home for almost three months, and the sight of our house in the distance tightened my chest.

            I ignored the feeling and continued my leisurely pace, finishing off my cigarette.

            The house was dark.  I went inside, moving up the stairs more by feel than by sight.

            Naruto was sprawled across the middle of the bed like usual, with Kanon curled against his chest.  A flash of blue met my eyes as I closed the door.

            “Sorry to wake you,” I said softly, bending down to kiss him.

            “No, I’m glad you’re home,” he murmured sleepily against my mouth.

            “I wanna kiss, too,” Kanon said, sounding as sleepy as Naruto.

            I eyed her, then leaned across Naruto and gave her a peck on the cheek.

            She grinned, closing her eyes and nestling back down to sleep.

            I took off my clothes and put them into the hamper.  Then I picked up all the clothes from the floor and put them into the hamper.  I fumbled through a drawer for one of Naruto’s t-shirts before coming back to bed, nudging aside my partner who had fallen back asleep.

            “Hi, my beautiful boy,” he said, making room for me.

            “Hi,” I said, mirroring Kanon and nestling against his chest.

            He kissed the top of my head, humming contentedly.

            I woke up to Kanon scrambling over us and running off to play.

            Naruto rolled over, kicking a leg over me and pulling me closer.

            “I missed you,” I admitted quietly.

            “I missed you, too, love,” he said, pressing his nose into my hair and breathing in.  “So much.”

            “Can we just stay home today?”

            “That sounds very, very good.”

            I woke up a second time when Mari came barging in.  “Are you just going to sleep away the whole damn-”  She stopped at the foot of the bed.  “Sasuke?”

            “Sasuke’s back!” Naruto announced, squeezing me.

            “So now I have not just one, but two adults lazing around while I take care of their children?” Mari asked, glaring at us.

            “Yes,” Naruto said.

            Mari was trying to be mad, but then she finally just tackled me in a hug.

            “You’re too old to be getting into bed with us…” I muttered.

            “Sasuke, you’re such a pedophile,” Naruto said, nuzzling me.

            “Pedo,” Mari agreed, huggling me from the back.

            “How the hell am I the pedophile?!” I growled.

            “You tried to bed me when I was a teenager,” Naruto said.

            “When did I try to _bed_ you?!”

            “All the time.  With your sexy eyes and your revealing clothing.  Can you really call something that covers so little a ‘shirt’?”

            “I’m the same age as you.”

            “Ah, but that’s not true.  You’re the older man.”

            Mari giggled.  “Old man.”

            I made disgruntled sounds while letting the two of them smother me with affection.

            “Okay, time to get up,” Mari said, sitting up and smacking me on the ass.

            I turned around and stared at her.

            She grinned.

            “I don’t know how I feel about that,” Naruto said, putting a possessive hand on my butt.

            “There’s enough Sasuke to go around,” I muttered, nestling back into his chest.

            They both cracked up.

            “Hey, Mar’, can you give us a minute?” Naruto requested.

            She must have made some kind of disgusted face.

            “Not a sex minute, a minute minute,” Naruto clarified.

            “Sure, but you better come help me correct everyone’s schoolwork, ’cause I have my own to do, you know.”

            “Of course.”

            Mari shut the door behind her.

            Naruto focused his attention back on me.  “Hi.”

            “Hi.”

            “How are you?” he asked, running his fingers through my bangs.

            “Fine.”

            “I’m asking for real.”

            I looked into his eyes, then reached up to bury my own fingers in his hair.  “I’m okay.”

            “You haven’t been drinking?”

            “No,” I said.  I wanted to give a flippant answer, but I’d been known to grab a drink when out of town and feeling depressed.  I hadn’t for a while, but not long enough to play it glib.

            “Okay,” he said, giving me a little peck on the mouth.  “Drugs?”

            “No.”

            “Good,” he said, giving me another peck.  “You been depressed at all?”

            “A little.”

            He gave me a more lingering kiss.  “I wish I could do something about that.”

            “You can’t,” I said.  “But I feel better being home.”

            “I feel better when you’re home,” Naruto said softly.  “I just don’t feel right without you next to me.”

            “That’s disgustingly codependent.”

            “We’re talking about your issues here, not mine.”

            “You brought it up.”

            “Yes, and I regret it.  Back to you, my love.  Any hallucinations?”

            “No.”

            “Headaches?”

            “Frequently.”

            He started making his ‘when you hurt, I hurt face.’

            “They’re not bad,” I said.  “No stomach problems, no nausea.”

            “And you’re still taking your antipsychotic?”

            “I’ve got a couple weeks’ worth left, and then I am officially weaned off of all of my medications.”

            “I’m so proud of you, baby,” Naruto said, smooching me.

            “It’s not an accomplishment,” I said, rolling my eyes.  “How are you?”

            “Okay,” he said.  “A little lonely.”

            “Have you been sleeping?”

            “Yessir.”

            “Crying?”

            “I’m very manly, Sasuke.”

            “Naruto, we’re supposed to be honest with each other.”

            “How is saying that I’m manly not honest?!”

            I stared at him.

            Naruto glanced to the side.  “Sometimes I just…”

            I stayed quiet, trying to drain the teasing from my face.

            He sighed.  “I haven’t been crying.”

            “I don’t like when you’re depressed,” I said, playing with the hair that curled slightly around his ear.

            “I’m okay, Sasuke,” he said.  “I promise.”

            We looked into each other’s eyes, both seeming to let out a breath.  We were here, we were together, and things were okay.  The ninja world was in crisis, and I could feel Getsuko’s chakra thrumming up through the floorboards, but the ninja world was always going to be in crisis, and we were always going to have something to fight about, and it didn’t matter.

            Kanon came bursting into the room with Riki.  They danced around the bed, Kanon informing us that we were in trouble.

            “I’ll go get yelled at by Mari,” Naruto said, getting up.

            Riki followed Naruto out of the room, while Kanon started bouncing on the bed.

            I finally gave in and got up.

            It was quieter than I expected as we went down the stairs.  Everyone was engrossed in their schoolwork.

            Sanma, one of the older boys, looked up when I came into the living room.  “Sasuke-sensei, welcome back,” he said.

            I nodded at him.  He had an affinity with fire and was a quick study.  I didn’t mind training him.

            “Let’s go outside and play,” Kanon said, tugging on my arm.  She and Riki were still too little for school.

            “Play?” I repeated.  I didn’t play.

            “You’re suppose ta say ‘train’,” Riki whispered to her.

            “Sorry, let’s go outside and… _train_ ,” Kanon said furtively.

            Naruto snorted from where he was helping Ao at the kitchen table.

            I felt like I was being had, but went outside with Kanon and Riki anyway.  I taught them some basic hiding maneuvers and had them attempt to disguise their presences from me.

            “So you played hide and seek?” Naruto asked, grinning as he stirred a pot on the stove.

            “I just explained to you… goddammit, we did play hide and seek.”

            Naruto let out a bark of laughter, setting down his ladle to wrap his arms around my waist.  “You just got played by a couple of preschoolers.”

            “I’ve brought shame and dishonor on the Uchiha name,” I said.  My hands continued to move, forming hamburger patties.

            “I keep telling you that you should take my name,” Naruto hummed into my ear.

            “So I no longer bring shame and dishonor on the Uchiha name?”

            “Mm-hm, you can bring all the shame you want on the Uzumaki name.”

            “Uzumaki Sasuke?” I said, wrinkling my nose.

            “Shit, I think I just came a little,” Naruto said, smiling into my neck.

            “I will never take your name, but thanks for the offer to let me tarnish it.”

            “Meanie.”

            “Not like you were volunteering to take my name.”

            “You want me to?”

            “No.”

            “Can we help?” Mari asked, coming into the kitchen with Ao.

            “Sure, dish out the rice and set the table,” Naruto said, going back to his soup.

            “Okey dokey!” the two girls giggled.

            I finished up the salad preparations, arranging everything in a big bowl.

            There was a commotion out front, and then Jaga came bursting into the door.  “Juugo-sensei’s back!” he said excitedly.

            “Right on time,” I said, putting the salad on the table.  I walked to the front door, watching as the kids cheered and climbed all over Juugo.

            I’d told him over and over that he didn’t have to stay here, that he was under no obligation to me.  He could go out and live his own life however he so chose.

            _“This is where I want to be,”_ he always answered.

            I smiled as our eyes met.

            Juugo smiled back, small but warm.

            “Lunch is ready!” Naruto called from the kitchen.

            The kids all seemed more interested in Juugo than eating, and it took some herding to get them inside.

            “I think they like Juugo more than me,” Naruto said, squinting his eyes at the pile of kids attached to Juugo.

            “Maybe,” I said, and Naruto pulled a face.  “But they love you both.”

            “Sapppppy,” Naruto said, grinning.

            “Hn.”  I took my seat next to him.

            “I’m staaaarving,” Ao commented, grabbing the salad and dishing some onto her plate.

            “I don’t like onions,” Riki complained as he examined his soup.

            “But those are the onions that the great Uzumaki Naruto chopped for you with love,” Naruto tried to appeal to him.

            Riki didn’t look convinced.

            Juugo finally made it to the table, and we could start eating.

            I looked around and had a sudden out-of-body experience.

            A little house in the middle of the desert, full of unwanted children.  My partner next to me, being made a fool of by a child.  The noise, the mess, the fighting.  Juugo across from me, almost smiling.  Mari laughing at a joke.  Kanon making animal noises for no discernible reason.

            Naruto poked me in the side.  “Where did you go off to?”

            “Just thinking,” I said, eyes meeting his.

            He gave me one of those smiles-for-no-reasons, and I found myself smiling back.

            “I love when you do that,” he said quietly, cupping my chin and thumbing over my upturned lips.  Then he let go, turning back to his food and back to his battle with Riki to eat his soup.

            For the first time in twenty years, I was about to see the world through completely unmedicated eyes.  I was about to wake up in the morning and just be me.

            I wasn’t sure if I wanted that.

            But I wanted this.  This weird family of mine.  I wanted it.

            And that’s all that mattered.


	24. 10 Years Later, Happily Ever After, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 10 years after Post Traumatic

            It was another hot summer day, so Juugo and I had walked the kids down to the oasis.  I sat on a rock, my feet dangling in the lake while I smoked a cigarette.  The kids had dragged Juugo into the water, and they were having swimming races.

            Mari swam over to me, leaning her arms on the rock.  “Hey, whaddya want for your birthday?”

            “I don’t need anything.”

            “Yeah, but I asked what you wanted.”

            “A quiet house filled with respectful children who clean up after themselves?”

            “You’re not even taking my question seriously,” she said, making a face at me.

            “You’re not taking my answer seriously,” I said, kicking some water at her.

            Mari shrieked.

            “I’m sorry, did I get you wet?”

            “I would drag your sorry ass into this water if I knew that you wouldn’t be a bitch about it for the next twelve months,” Mari declared.

            “Why don’t you try it?”

            “I think I just clearly explained why.  You.  Bitch.  Twelve months.”

            “Naruto doesn’t like when you talk like that,” I said, kicking some more water lazily in her direction.

            Mari dodged it, laughing.  “Well he’s not here.”

            “He’ll be here by dinnertime.”

            “Oh, is your Sasuke sense tingling?” she asked.

            “That, and I got a message when he crossed the Wind border.”

            Mari’s eyes crinkled in a smile.  “You look happy.”

            “I most certainly do not.”

            “Must be nice,” she said wistfully.  “To love someone so much.”

            I looked away, hoping my face wasn’t as red as it felt.  “You’re fifteen now.  Why don’t you start dating?”

            “Who am I supposed to date?” she asked with a snort.

            “I don’t know, find someone in town.”

            “Long distance?”

            “My partner has been in Konoha for the last three months, the couple hours to Suna doesn’t seem that far.”

            “So you wouldn’t go all freaked-out-dad if I brought a boyfriend home?”

            “I wouldn’t,” I said.  “Can’t speak for Naruto.”

            “He would definitely freak out,” she laughed.

            “Whatever makes you happy, Mari,” I said, reaching over and patting her on the head.

            “Lame,” she said.  She ducked under the water and swam off.

            I couldn’t disagree.  I kicked at the water, feeling antsy.  I wanted to blow things up, I decided.  If Naruto hurried back we could fight for at least a good hour before dinner.  I tried to keep the stupid, happy smile off of my face.  I focused instead on Naruto’s face when I tried out my new attack on him.

            “God, you’re creepy,” Ao complained, swimming by me.

            After everyone had had their fill, we walked back to the house.  I needed to read over some intel before I went to the Land of Water.  I’d been waiting for Naruto to come back before I left.

            “Is Naruto-sensei back yet?” Tokibi whined, scratching at my door.

            “No,” I answered irritably.

            “When’s he gonna be heeeeere?”

            “I don’t know, go outside and wait for him.”

            Footsteps thundered down the stairs.

            It was another hour before I knew that he was coming.

            I kept reading the same page in my brief over and over, before finally giving up and sealing the papers away.

            I went outside, sitting on the little bench that Naruto had made.  I lit a cigarette.  The twins were running around in the distance, while the three little ones skipped around the house.  Mari and Ao were sunning themselves, and Juugo and Sanma were off on their own, meditating.

            It was all incredibly dull.

            “Naruto’s coming,” I called to Jaga when he came closer.

            His face lit up, and he took off back into the desert.  It was the wrong direction, but I trusted that he’d figure it out eventually.

            I could feel my pulse speeding up.  I was itching for… something.

            I smoked another cigarette.

            There were joyful shrieks in the distance.

            The little kids caught on, and raced out into the desert.

            They all loved Naruto so much.  Even Mari and Ao, who were trying to play it cool, ended up moving towards the parade of children.  Sanma followed them, while Juugo came over to me.

            Naruto finally appeared, weighted down by all the kids hanging off of him.  Apparently there had been some kind of race, and Naruto had lost.

            “I demand a rematch!” he cried, his eyes smiling while he tried to act disappointed.

            “Don’t be such a sore loser,” Mari said with a snort.  She turned to Ao, rolling her eyes.

            “I’m not a sore loser!” Naruto cried, flailing around.

            “You’re so embarrassing.”

            “Naruto-sensei’s embawassing!” Mikio declared.

            I stood up, deciding it was time.

Juugo followed at my side like a shadow.

“Wow, looks like all the brats have got you figured out,” I said, staring Naruto down.

            His eyes met mine, and he gave me a flash of his canines.

            That was all the warning I got before he attacked.

            It wasn’t difficult to counter.  He wasn’t taking this seriously yet.

            When we were far enough from the house, I pulled out my new move.

            Naruto’s eyes went huge as the wall of fire started to entomb him.  Then he grinned, right before he disappeared behind the flames.  It took him a while to emerge, a little singed, but laughing.  “Holy crap, bastard.  I guess we’re doing this for real.”

            Our fists met in an attack, and we quickly leapt away from one another.

            I felt alive.

            We fought until we couldn’t move, both staring up at the sky and gasping for breath.

            Naruto got pig piled by the kids again, so I stood up on my own and stretched.  My lower back was aching.

            “You shouldn’t let them run all over you like that,” I said to Naruto when he finally emerged from the pile of shrieking children, worse for the wear.  “They should show you respect.”

            “Respect is boring,” Naruto said, squeezing my hand back.

            I realized that I’d taken it without even thinking about it.

            “Anyway,” he said.  “Hi.  I missed you.”

            “Lame,” I said, trying to keep my face stoic.

            “Shut up, you missed me, too.”

            “Did I?”

            “You did.”

            “Maybe a little,” I acquiesced.  If by a little, I meant that being without him was like being without air.

            “Ha.  You liiiike me.”

            “Don’t remind me.”

            “You loooove me.”

            “Ugh.  Go wash up.”

            “Come with me?”

            “No,” I said.  I had to start dinner.  We had a house full of active children who’d been swimming and playing all day.  I could only take so much ‘I’m huuungry, when’s diiiiinner?!’ whining.

            Mari and Ao came to help me, but they kept looking at me and giggling so I sent them away to pick vegetables in the garden.

            Juugo came in and made some tea, then made me sit and drink it while he took over cooking.

            The girls came back, but Naruto and the boys were all still in the bath.

            “What are they even doing in there?” Mari muttered, dumping some carrots in front of me and then squeezing me from behind.  “You look so cute.”

            “The fuck?”

            She pressed a sloppy smooch to my cheek.

            I turned to glare at her, rubbing away the saliva with my hand.  I held it out in front of me disgustedly.

            Both girls laughed.

            Mari got me a napkin and a pump of antibacterial.  “Clean freak.”

            “It’s not my fault you’re all filthy animals,” I muttered.

            The girls laughed harder.

            I didn’t see what was so funny.

            We finished cooking and setting the table, only to find that there was still no one to eat.

            Juugo and I served ourselves, while Mari went to yell at the boys in the bath.

            “Do you want me to come with you?” he asked, chopsticks poised to eat but eyes fixed on me.

            “No, it’s better if I go on my own.”

            “Be careful,” he admonished.

            I knew that I was going into something dangerous.  “Suigetsu and Karin will be with me.”

            Juugo nodded and resumed eating.

            The kids begged Naruto to play after dinner, despite the bags under his eyes and the droop in his shoulders.  All they saw was his smile, which brightened all the more when they focused on him.

            The house was quiet with all the kids outside.

            Juugo and I sat at the kitchen table, playing shogi and quietly discussing my trip to Water.

            “If Kuromoto is there…” he said.  I knew he wanted to come with me.

            “I think it will just be another abandoned lab.”

            “He has them all over the world.”

            “Seems so.”

            “He has to be in one of them.”

            “We’ll see.”

            I’d asked Orochimaru a year ago if he knew where all these children with rare or previously-believed-to-be-lost bloodline limits were coming from.

            _“Did you really think that I was the only person who collected power?”_ he’d asked, flashing me a smile.

            While all the other hidden villages were wasting their time, running around like chickens with their heads cut off, Taka zeroed in on the Kuromoto family.  Of course, I had sources that the villages wouldn’t touch, outsiders who were considered ‘villains’ by most of the idiot sheep.

            The Kuromoto family had been collecting rare bloodlines since the days of the first ninjas.  And their cloning techniques were far beyond anything Orochimaru had been able to do.

            “But they’re not immortal,” he’d said, his point of pride.

            “So Getsuko and the others are clones?” I’d asked.

            “Most likely.”

            I’d been tracking the Kuromoto’s abandoned labs, but had yet to find an active one.  I wanted to have a chat with one of the Kuromotos about the attacks that had been carried out on my family.  I wanted to do it before any of the villages got to them, though there didn’t seem to be much danger in that.  Naruto had pointed them on the right track, but they still didn’t know what I knew.

            “It’s past the little kids’ bedtime,” Mari announced to me and Juugo as she trekked over to the front door.

            “Get Naruto, too, while you’re out there,” I said.  “It’s past his bedtime.”  I couldn’t imagine how tired he must be.  I’d expected us to have sex two or three times before he gave in to exhaustion, but at the rate he was going my expectations were declining.

            Naruto and the kids were playing hide-and-seek, and apparently were refusing to come in until everyone was found.

            Mari had been studying the art of intimidating others into doing your bidding by observing me, but she still wasn’t quite there, so I had to go outside and rescue her.

            “If you don’t find them in the next ten seconds,” I said.  It was all that was needed to have everyone scrambling into the house.

            “Megalomaniac,” Naruto hummed, face turned to mine as we walked into the kitchen.

            I sat him at the table and pressed a mug of tea in his cold hands.

            He gave me a grateful smile.

            I passed tea around to the older kids, then went to wash the kettle.

            “Did you work on your Katon with Sasuke?” Naruto asked Sanma.  “Yeah?  How’d it go?”

            “I’ll show you tomorrow,” Sanma said, and I could hear his grin.  The brat wasn’t bad at fire jutsu.

            “Let’s play cards!” Tokibi declared loudly.

            “Old Maid?” Naruto asked through a yawn.

            “No cards for you,” I said, taking his empty mug.  “Bed.  Now.”

            “But it’s not even my bedtime,” he complained, undermining his point with another giant yawn.

            “Yeah, it’s not bedtime,” Jaga protested.

            “Naruto.”

            If I didn’t take care of him, he’d run himself into the ground.

            We tucked the little ones in and finally headed up to bed.

            I had to baby my stupid exhausted partner, from picking out his pajamas to practically brushing his teeth for him.  Then he tried to step to me for taking care of my appearance.

            “It wouldn’t kill you to moisturize,” I muttered, thumbing some cream around his eye.  “You’re starting to look like an old man.”

            “They’re called laugh lines,” he said, poking me in the stomach.  “They make me look friendly.  Approachable.”

            I rubbed the cream around his other eye, knowing it was futile.

            He put his hand on my waist, pulling me in with his dopey smile.

            “What?” I muttered, feeling my cheeks heat up for no reason.  I made sure that the eye cream had been rubbed in evenly.

            “You’re cute.”

            “Ugh.”

            “I missed you,” he said, kissing my nose.

            “You said that already.”

            “Yeah, well, I did.”

            “I know,” I whispered, and I knew that he knew that I’d missed him, too.

            He hugged me tightly, then let go and headed back to the bedroom.

            I locked the bathroom door behind him.

            In life, it was easy for me to take, harder to give, and the opposite could be said for Naruto.  He just gave and gave of himself, never asking for anything in return.  Our sex life tended to be about me.  Naruto liked to pleasure me, and I liked to be pleasured.  It worked perfectly well for us, but I’d been trying to make things more about Naruto.

            So I took a little breath and started preparing.  I gripped the counter with me free hand, chewing on my bottom lip.  I had just about no patience for this, but I thought of my sleepy Naruto and the look in his eyes when he realized that everything was prepped and ready to go.  Then I really lost all patience, washed my hands, yanked up my boxers, and hustled back to our room.

            I closed the door behind me, feeling the silencing jutsu activate with the lock.  Naruto had laughed at me when I’d put up the jutsu, but I didn’t want anyone listening in, especially now that Mari and Ao had moved to the second floor.  Was this a result of Karin mocking me mercilessly, probably.

            “Baby,” I said into the dark, peeling off my clothes and tossing them perfectly into the hamper.  “Baby,” I repeated.

            He gave a little snore in response.

            I glowered at him.

            No reaction.

            “Are you seriously sleeping right now?” I growled.

            “I thought you told me to go to bed?” Naruto mumbled, squinting an eye open.  He was all sleep-mussed and precious.

            “Naruto.”

            “You’re all ‘go to beeeed, Naruto, it’s your bedtiiiime’.”

            “Naruto.”

            “You’re so bossy, jerk.  I’ll have you know I’m the hokage, the boss of the whole damn Le- hey, are you not wearing any pants?”

            I frowned at him.  Obviously, I wasn’t wearing any pants.  Or anything.

            “Did you not want me to sleep?” he asked, but the look in his eyes was starting to change.

             “You have been gone for three months,” I said, getting on the bed and straddling his waist.

            “Yeah,” he said, running his hands up and down my bare thighs.  Then he yawned again.

            I looked at him.

            “I’m sorry!  I’m just really tired.”

            “That’s fine, just lay there and make me do all the work like usual.”

            “Hey, now, you don’t… it’s not like… I um…”

            “Are you at least a little hard?”

            “…yes…” he said, even as I was finding the answer myself.

            We moved together, Naruto following my rhythm.

            His hand came up to my cheek, and I held his palm to my lips, kissing the moon tattooed there.  We were whispering stupid things back and forth, declarations of love and eternity, and the look in Naruto’s eyes was getting stronger and stronger until I found myself on my back as he took control.

            I was lost in the frenzy, just _feeling_ until everything exploded in a sea of stars, and still I _wanted_ and I _needed_ , trying to keep us together.

            “Hey, hey, hey,” Naruto said, gently stopping me with a rueful smile.  “No way, no more sex, I can barely move.”

            “You don’t have to move…”

            “You are _insatiable_.”

            “You’re just lazy.”

            “Lazy?!” he cried, offended.  “ _Lazy_?!”

            “And noisy.”

            He growled and bit me, which was a dumb thing to do if he wanted me to calm down.

            I dug my nails into his back, making him gasp.

            “Sasuke, hey come on, seriously, I’m tired,” he said, even as his hips were moving with mine.

            I looked into his eyes and I could see how exhausted he was.

            Sometimes I wondered if things would have been different if he’d stayed in Konoha.  I wondered if this exile he had been pushed into because of me was taking its toll on him.  But every time I tried to picture him behind the hokage desk, he just seemed like a prisoner.  Naruto would never have been happy going down that route, and the one thing I could be sure of was that he was happy here in our home.  It was his respite from the politics and the bullshit, the place where he smiled and laughed and got to be who he was supposed to be.

            So I took a breath, giving him a hug before letting go.

            Naruto kissed my forehead and sat up with a long yawn.

            I lit a cigarette and we shared it.  All the while Naruto insisted that we were quitting for real this time.  I nodded along, knowing that he’d give it up at the first sign of stress.  I got to keep some of my vices.

            “Hey, I’ve got pictures!” he said suddenly.

            I gave him a funny look, wondering where this non-sequitur was going.

             “Of your nieces, _your nieces_ ,” he explained.

            “Why didn’t you say so sooner?” I asked, getting up to throw on some clothes and go to the bathroom.

            Naruto was still pawing through his bag, looking for them when I came back.  “Ah- _HA_!” he finally said.  He cuddled into me while I flipped through the sizable stack of pictures.

            My heart felt too small as I stared at the two little girls.  They were both part-Naruto, and I could see him in them, as clear as day.  I could have looked at those pictures all night, but my partner was falling asleep and I took pity on him.  I put all but one of the photos away, tucking it into the corner of the mirror.  It was Naruto, Yurina, Tsubaki, Ino, and Sakura, all laughing and looking happy.  I wanted to look at my Konoha family every morning when I got up.

            “You don’t have to sleep,” Naruto said, poking me when I got back into bed with him.  “You’re not tired, right?

            “I want to be with you,” I said, turning off the light and wrapping myself around him.  We usually slept back-to-back, but sometimes I allowed cuddling under duress.  “I have some business in the Land of Water.”

            “Hm?” Naruto murmured.  He was already half-asleep.  “When?”

            “I was just waiting for you to get back,” I said. trying not to suffocate him with my clinginess and probably failing.

            “I’ll come with you.”

            “Unnecessary.”

            “Aw, baby, come on, I miss you…”

            “I’ll be back in a few weeks,” I said.  I kissed his forehead, trying to soak him in.

            “’Kay…” Naruto said.  I could feel his fingers tightening on the front of my t-shirt.  Then the grip slowly went slack as he passed into sleep.

            I cupped his cheek, then started tracing his cheekbone with my thumb, his jaw, his chin, his lips.  “I love you,” I whispered to him, pressing our foreheads together.

            Sleep crept up on me slowly.

            I woke up in the morning with a kid in each arm.  I promptly went back to sleep.  When I finally got up it was almost noon.  I threw a bag together and got ready.

            Naruto was at the training grounds, watching Sanma and Ao with a strange expression.

            “Deep thoughts?” I asked, coming up beside him.

            “As a matter of fact, yes,” he said.  “You going now?”

            “Yeah, I want to meet Suigetsu and Karin before sundown.”

            It always took a long time to say goodbye.  I had to remind Naruto not to drink with Gaara (nothing good ever came of it), say goodbye to the brats, and leave Juugo his marching orders.

            Part of me didn’t want to leave, but the other part craved the outside world, craved the upcoming battle and the unravelling of secrets.

            I’d be home soon.


	25. 10 Years Later, Happily Ever After, Part 2

            “Sasuke-sensei’s home!” Kanon cheered.

            “Yeah, whatever,” I muttered, walking into the house with her attached to my leg.

“My baby!” Naruto cried, dropping what he was doing and running at me.

            I stuck my arms out, stopping him in his path.

            Naruto flailed around, trying to reach me, but I held him off with my hand on his face.

            “I’m taking a bath,” I said, pushing him away.  I removed Kanon from my leg, went to the changing area in front of the boys’ shower, and locked the door.

            It was a relief to wash all the dirt and grime away.  I’d ended up travelling through a storm, and I just wanted to be clean again.  I sank into the bathwater gratefully and closed my eyes.

            When I felt human enough, I got out and got dressed.

            It had been a very trying three weeks.

            It was still pouring out, so the kids were spread out through the living room and their bedrooms.  Naruto was hosting a card game at the kitchen table.

            I sat down next to him, where a cup of hot tea was waiting for me.

            “Hi, love,” he said, leaning in to kiss me, then turning back to the game.  “Go fish.”

            Ao looked like she was about to put a chidori through his face.

            I sipped my tea.

            Mari came in and draped herself around me.  She pressed her cheek to mine, jaw tensed like she wanted to say something.  She seemed to think better of it, gave me a squeeze, and moved on.

            Naruto reached over to put his hand on my knee, and I pushed him away.

            He gave me a look.

            I sipped my tea.  I could feel my leg starting to jiggle under the table.

            Everyone’s laughter was like nails down a chalkboard.

            I went up to my room for a cigarette.  I lay on the bed, watching the smoke curl up towards the ceiling.

            “What’s wrong?” Mari asked, creeping into the room.

            I had locked the door behind me, and wondered how she’d gotten it open.  “Nothing.”

            “Why are you so impossible?” she complained, tackling me.

            “You’re going to set yourself on fire,” I said, reaching over to stick my cigarette in the ashtray.  “Off.”

            She hugged me tightly.

            “Why must you all insist on expressing your infatuation through physical means?” I growled, removing her from me.

            “Infatuation?!” Mari sputtered, looking offended.

            “It’s tiresome,” I added.

            She smacked me on the shoulder.  Hard.  “Did you relapse?” she asked, narrowing her eyes at me.

            “No,” I said, trying not to sound defensive.

            “Oh my god, you want to do drugs again.”

            “Shut up.”

            “You do!  You want to go to a seedy opium den and… I don’t know, do whatever it is that you do at a seedy opium den!”

            “So?”

            I got smacked again.

            “Are you okay?” she asked.

            “Your weak body can’t hurt me.”

            “That’s not what I meant!” she said, eyes narrowing.

            “Yeah, Mar’, of course,” I said, flicking her forehead.

            “Okay,” she said, not looking like she believed me, but leaving me alone anyway.

            “Why are you being so moody, gorgeous?” Naruto asked, waking me up with kisses up my stomach.

            “I’m not being moody,” I said with a scowl.

            Naruto blew a raspberry on my abs, then pulled my shirt back down.

            “No, keep going,” I complained.

            “You’re so damn bossy,” he grumbled, but he pushed my shirt up again, giving my skin the softest of kisses.

            I started shivering.

            “God, you’re sexy,” Naruto hummed into my chest.

            “I thought I was bossy.”

            “Apparently I like that in a man.”

            “Yeah?” I said, pulling on his hair.

            Naruto made a little whimpery sound that made me want to do very nasty things to him.

            I conveyed this with my eyes, and was immediately rejected.

            “Ao made dinner for your homecoming,” he said, sitting up.

            “…why?”

            “She missed you and is happy that you’re back.”

            “Ao couldn’t care less if I was here or not.”

            “How many times do I have to remind you?  She’s a _female_ , Sasuke, of course she’s in love with you.”

            “Not every female I meet is in love with me,” I said, smiling because I knew I was lying.

            “Well you’re mine,” Naruto said, shimmying up my body and planting a sloppy kiss on my mouth.  “So when are you going to do all those things your eyes just promised me, hey?”

            I touched his bare arm, enjoying the skin-to-skin contact.  “We’ll see.”

            “Sasukeee, you looked like you were having really naughty ideas.”

            “Maybe you shouldn’t have ruined the mood then.”

            “How did I ruin the mood?!”

            “Like how you ruin everything,”

            Naruto frowned at me.

            “Okay, fine, you don’t ruin everything.  You just ruin our sex life.”

            “Excuse me?!”

            I stared at him.

            “Baby!” he said, looking affronted.

            “Don’t you ‘baby’ me,” I said.  “Falling asleep in the middle…”

            “That was only one time!”

            “Never forget.”

            Naruto looked at me, eyes going thoughtful.  “Am I not…  I mean… are you _dissatisfied_?”

            I looked back at him.  “No,” I finally said.

            He looked relieved.

            Maybe I was too mean to him sometimes.  “I wish you weren’t always so tired.”

            “Me, too,” he said, gnawing on my nose.

            “Weirdo,” I said, wrinkling it.

            “I wanna eat you up.”

            “I thought Ao made dinner.”

            Naruto dug his teeth in.

            “Freak…” I muttered.

            “You should get fat again,” Naruto hummed around my nose.  “We went at it like rabbits when you were fat.”

            “I wasn’t fat!”

            “Fine, when you were a chubbo.”

            I growled at him.

            Naruto grinned, flashing his canines.  “You were so sexy…”

            “You are incomprehensible,” I informed him as I pushed him away.  I sat up, trying to smooth out my bedhead.  “And you barely touched me the first few weeks I started gaining weight.”

            “Because you were being weird!”

            “Oh, of course, it was because of me,” I said, rolling my eyes.

            “Why are you picking a fight about something that happened five hundred years ago?!”

            “Because it makes you angry.”

            “You, sir, are such a bitch.”

            “This is how you welcome me home?”

            “No, I welcome you home with love and affection, which is rejected by your cold-hearted bitch-assedness.”

            I shifted so we were eye-to-eye, and slid my arms over his shoulders.

            As expected, Naruto turned into a puddle, ducking his head and smiling.

            Anyone who knew us well knew that no matter what awful things we said to each other, we weren’t actually arguing.  This here and now wasn’t a fight.  The words were just there filling the space between us until they didn’t need to be there anymore.

            Naruto pressed his lips to my collarbone.

            I closed my eyes, cradling his head to me.

            “Are you staying home for a while?” he asked into my skin.

            “Yeah, are you?”

            “Mm, unless something happens with the bloodline limit kids.”

            “Karin and Suigetsu are out investigating.”

            “Can we just leave it all to them and stay here forever?”

            “Yeah.”

            Naruto exhaled a laugh.

            I stroked his hair and kissed the top of his head.

            “You okay, Sasuke?  You been drinking?”

            I was quiet.

            Naruto lifted his head, his expression gentle.  “Have you been drinking?”

            “A little,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady.

            He gave me a peck on the lips.  “Drugs?”

            “No.”

            He gave me another peck.  “Depressed?”

            “Yeah.”

            He hugged me.  “You been sleeping?”

            “Not so well.”

            “Nightmares?”

            “…yeah.”

            “Headaches, nausea, that kinda stuff?”

            “No.”

            He pulled back a little and kissed my forehead.  “Do you think you’re going to keep drinking?”

            “I don’t want to,” I said quietly.

            “But you can’t help it?”

            “Let’s just stay here for a while, okay?  Not even go into Suna.  Just stay here.”

            “I’m here for you, love.  No matter what.”

            “Sap,” I said, pushing his face away.  “How are you?  Have you been sleeping?”

            “Yep.”

            “Have you been sleeping at inappropriate times?”

            “Yep.”

            “I’m sorry I drank.”

            “Do you want me to ask you about it?”

            “No,” I said, shaking my head.  I paused.  “I was just… stressed.”

            “Is this about Getsuko and Kakashi-sensei?”

            “Oh my god, don’t fucking remind me.”

            Naruto half-smiled, touching my hair.  “Why are you so mad?  ’Cause they beat you to that abandoned lab?”

            I scowled at him.

            “I love when you pout,” he said, his smile turning full-fledged.

            “Who the hell is pouting?!”

            “I’m Sasukeeee, I have the best intel network in the wooooorld,” Naruto said, trying to sound snooty.

            “That’s a terrible impersonation.”

            “I got outsmarted by my pervert teacher and the little girl I haaaate.  Oooohhhh, look at poor meeeeeee-shit!”

            I had pushed him off the bed.

            “You are so mean!” he yelled.

            “Getsuko isn’t a little girl, you know.”

            “That’s what gave you so much offense that you inflicted bodily harm on me?!” Naruto cried, standing up and giving me a push.

            I flopped back on the mattress, staring up at him.

            “But she is a kid, ya know?”

            “She’s going to be twenty next month,” I said, wanting to stop the argument and move on to more interesting things, but I just couldn’t help myself.  Backing down from a challenge from Naruto was never an option.

            “We were such kids at twenty,” Naruto said, shaking his head.

            “You thought you were an adult at twelve.”

            “Just because someone thinks they’re an adult, doesn’t make them one.”

            “I’m so glad you agree, seeing as how you have the misguided notion that you are somehow an adult now.”

            “I’m an adult!  I’m very adulty!  I’m rated triple X!”

            “I don’t know why I engage you in these idiotic conversations,” I said, turning my face to the side.  “Can we just fuck already?”

            “Who says we’re going to?!”

            “You ruin everything…”

            “Dinner should be ready soon, I can smell it.”

            “You’re choosing food over me throwing myself at you?”

            “To be fair, you’re not throwing yourself so much as just lying there expecting me to do all the work.”

            “Excuse me?”

            “Ya heard.  You’re lazy.”

            I sputtered at that.

            “We’ve got ten minutes,” he said, finally straddling my lap.  “Hi.  Welcome home,” he continued, kissing me softly.

            “Hi,” I said, keeping his mouth close so I could breathe him in.

            His hand moved between us slowly.

            My eyes slid shut, but I forced them back open.  I wanted to watch his face.

            “Does that feel good?” he asked, voice low.

            “Obviously,” I said.  I tried not to sound so breathy, but it wasn’t working.

            He caught my face with his free hand.  I felt the familiar warmth of his chakra buzzing through the prosthetic.

            I brought the hand to my lips, kissing the palm.  I knew he couldn’t feel it, but he still smiled, his eyes crinkling in genuine happiness.  I loved his prosthetic as much as any part of him, and suddenly wanted to shower it with affection.

            Naruto ducked his head down into my shoulder shyly.

            “No,” I said, flicking his cheek until he looked at me again.

            “No what?” he asked, eyebrows drawing together.

            “I want to see you.”

            He took in a sharp breath, sitting up straight.

            I kissed his knuckles one-by-one.

            “I’m gonna get spoiled,” he said quietly.

            “It’s okay every once in a while,” I said, wrapping my free hand around his and squeezing.

            “Sasuke…”

            “Don’t get come on my clothes.”

            “See, you and your OCD are what ruin sex, not me.”

            “Don’t stop that hand,” I complained, moving it for him.

            “Well I don’t want to come all over your pristine white shirt.”

            “Then take it off?”

            “Both of my hands are kinda occupied…”

            “Lazy.”

            “You’re actually mad about that, aren’t you?”

            “I’m not mad,” I muttered, because I was obviously mad.  I wasn’t _lazy_.  _Naruto_ was _lazy_ , and how dare he say that I was.

            Now he was grinning down at me, because he could read me like a book.

            I let go of his hands and turned my head to the side.

            “No pouting,” Naruto said, pushing my shirt up my chest.  He started moving his hand more vigorously.

            I kept facing away from him, but reached for his hand again.

            “Why do you have to be so _you_?” Naruto complained, nuzzling my cheek in the afterglow.

            “I thought you loved me,” I replied, which was the best way to end any of these kinds of arguments.  Naruto always took his love to Rock Lee levels.

            “I love you more than ramen,” he said fiercely.

            “Be still my quivering heart.”

            “I think you need a time out.  Or a spanking.  Oh, yeah.  Definitely a spanking,” he said, getting a faraway grin.

            “Like you’re actually going to deliver on that.”

            “Oh, I’m gonna.”

            I looked at him.

            “I am…”

            “When this whole bloodline kids thing is done...”

            “Yeah, yeah, I’m handing in my retirement.”

            “Even if the elders reject your idea for an elected hokage.”

            “Even then.”

            “We should go down to dinner before some errant brat comes in here looking for us,” I said, sitting up.  I pulled my shirt down.  It was all wrinkly, and was that a stain?  “Did you get your goddamn spunk on my shirt?”

            “What?!  How do you even know it’s mine?!  It’s probably yours!” Naruto protested, flailing around.

            I sniffed at it.  “No.  It’s definitely yours.”

            “How the hell can you tell by _smelling it_?!”

            I took off my shirt and threw it at him.

            “What, is this supposed to prove something?” he asked, sniffing at the spot.  “Oh.  Okay, fine, maybe it was me.”

            “I asked you for one thing.”

            “I’m sorry,” Naruto said, looking penitent.  “You just make me come so hard…”

            I was trying not to laugh as I changed into a new shirt.  “You’re dumb.”

            Riki threw the door open suddenly.  “Dinner time!” he announced, then ran away.

            “Let’s go,” Naruto said, hugging me from behind.

            I leaned my neck back and kissed his cheek.

            He grinned and went ahead of me.


	26. 10 Years Later, Happily Ever After, Part 3

            “So you saw Getsuko-neechan?” Ao asked excitedly.

            “Don’t fucking remind me,” I muttered.  We had easels set up for ‘art class’ out by the oasis.  Usually I found painting soothing, but today I had somehow stabbed my paintbrush through the canvas.

            “Are we supposed to do that?” Sanma asked, pointing to my paintbrush and looking confused.

            “No, you are not supposed to do that,” I snarled.  “Are you three trying to be as irritating as possible today?”

            “Yes,” Ao and Mari agreed, while Sanma looked affronted at being lumped in with the girls.

            “How about we all just shut up and paint?” I suggested, dislodging my paintbrush.

            “I want to know about Getsuko-neechan,” Ao complained.

            “What do you possibly need to know?”

            “Uhh like how is she?  How’s her training going with Mr. Kakashi and Ms. Hyuuga?  How come she was in the Land of Water?  Did she cut her hair like she said she was gonna?  Did she make any friends in Konoha?”

            “Why do you care about any of that?” I asked, trying to fix the hole in my canvas with a jutsu.

            “Because she’s my friend.”

            “Jesus Christ.”

            “What?!”

            “Are you in love with her?”

            Ao gave me a strange look.

            “Sorry.  Flashbacks,” I said, shaking my head.

            “What, did Naruto-sensei used to say that to you?” Mari cut in, looking amused.  “I’m making out with you because you’re my friend!”

            “You’re not that far off,” I muttered.

            The girls cracked up.

            Sanma seemed hyper-focused on his painting.

            “Tell us!” Ao said, eyes sparkling.

            “Do your damn painting,” I said.

            She started slopping her paintbrush around the canvas.  “I’m doing it, so tell us.  What’d he used to say to you?”

            I lit a cigarette and stuck it between my lips so I could go back to painting.  “He chased me halfway around the goddamn world.  And when I asked him why, he said it was because we were friends.”

            “When was this?” Mari asked, looking inquisitive.  She knew about most of my life from when I’d left Konoha the second time, but before that only bits and pieces.

            “A long time ago.”

            “You are a terrible storyteller,” she complained.

            “This is art class, not story time.”

            “Were you guys dating then?” Mari asked.

            “No.”

            “I can’t imagine you not dating,” Ao said, scratching her head.

            “We started dating when we were… twenty.  The first time, anyway.  It didn’t last very long.”

            “So you were just friends until you were twenty?!” Mari asked.

            “Yeah.”

            “I have so many questions…”

            “And I have no answers.”

            “Sasukeeeee.”

            “I went to train with Orochimaru when I was thirteen,” I started, because I didn’t want to hear the whining.

            Mari nodded.  She knew that much.

            Ao looked interested.

            Sanma didn’t look up from his canvas, which probably wasn’t conducive to his art since we were supposed to be painting the oasis in front of us.

            “Naruto didn’t… agree with my decision.  He spent three years training to force me to come back to Konoha.”

            “That sounds like sensei,” Ao said with a snort.  “So then when he finally found you, he was like, ‘come back home BECAUSE YOU’RE MY FRIEND!’”

            “It’s like you were there,” I sighed.

            “So was he in complete denial about being in love with you, or was he just trying not to freak you out?”

            “Think about it.”

            “Denial, huh?”

            “For the next four years.”

            “But what about you?” Mari asked.  “When did you know?”

            “Know what?”

            “That you loved Naruto-sensei.”

            “Who says I do?”

            Mari and Ao both groaned, and even Sanma side-eyed me.

            I ashed my cigarette.  “After Kaguya.”

            “When you two fought side-by-side to defeat the most powerful ninja to ever live?” Mari asked dreamily.

            “Well, after that, and after we fought to the death and blew off each other’s’ arms,” I said, hoping to put a damper on romanticizing my past.

            “And as you lay dying, you confessed your undying love for each other?!” Mari exclaimed.  She was in rapture.

            “No,” I said disgustedly.  “I just… realized, is all.”

            “That you loved him?” Mari prodded.

            “Yes, that I loved him.”

            Ao and Mari squealed.

            “What is wrong with you two?” I muttered.  “You know, I had a psychotic break after that and had to be locked up in the mental hospital for the next three years.”

            “So love drove you crazy?” Mari asked with a crooked little grin.

            “More like Naruto drove me crazy.”

            Mari poked me in the arm.

            I glared at her.

            She went back to pretending to paint.

            “So after you went crazy, Naruto finally proposed to you?” Ao asked.

            “No, then he forced me to move in with him, gave up his life so he could serve my every whim, and kept insisting that it was because we were friends.”

            Ao cracked up.  “It’s like the _Midnight Ninja Mysteries_ , only more ridiculous.  Oh my god, I can’t even.”

            “So when did Naruto-sensei finally come out of his deep denial?” Mari asked.

            Having the girls pry into my romantic history wasn’t a problem.  Talking about leaving Konoha for Orochimaru was fine.  Making jokes about me being crazy didn’t bother me.  But admitting how I’d manipulated and emotionally blackmailed Naruto sat like a rock in my stomach.

            “When I hurt him,” I said, and left it at that.

            “You hurt him all the time,” Ao said.  “What’s so-”

            Mari glared her into silence.

            “I expect everyone to be finished within the hour,” I said, lighting a new cigarette.

            “I want to hear the rest of the story,” Ao complained.

            “And I want to go the fuck home instead of standing around in the desert painting vegetation.”

            “You want to go home to your _loverrrrrr_ ,” Ao crooned.

            “Your water looks like a blueberry, add some damn white.”

            She rolled her eyes, but stuck her brush in the white paint.

            “What are you even doing, give me that,” I said with a sigh, taking the brush.  I stroked it over the canvas, showing her how to make movement in the water.

            “Why are you so good at everything besides being nice?” she muttered, taking the brush back.

            “It’s a gift,” I said flatly.

            “Who kissed who first?” Mari asked, holding up her canvas for my inspection.

            “Why does that matter?” I asked.  I took her brush and added some texture to her plants.

            “I dunno, it just seems important.”

            “It’s not,” I said.  “And it was me, obviously.”

            Mari started imitating my strokes.  “So Naruto-sensei was awoken from his denial with a prince’s kiss?”  She gave me a shit-eating grin.

            “You need to stop,” I said, rolling my eyes.  “Don’t romanticize our terrible relationship.”

            “Well what other kinds of examples are being set for me?” Mari asked.  “Do you want me to romanticize Suigetsu and Karin?”

            Ao made gagging noises.

            “No one was suggesting that,” I said.

            “No one ever would suggest that,” Ao agreed.

            “I just think it’s beautiful that even a crotchety cave troll like you has someone who makes you all sunshine and light,” Mari said.

            I stared at her.

            She grinned.

            I stared harder.

            She didn’t give in.

            “Crotchety cave troll, really?” I finally said.

            “Remember when I rescued you from your insanity and took care of you in my cave?”

            “It was a tree.”

            “Same diff.”

            I examined Sanma’s painting.  Even though he was the youngest, his was miles above the girls’.  Maybe because he was actually doing the assignment instead of carrying on about nonsense.

            He smiled a small, tight smile when I told him it wasn’t bad.

            We walked back to the house, the girls still cooing over the ‘undying’ love between Naruto and I.

            “What’s wrong, grumpy?” Naruto asked while he worked on dinner.

            “Nothing.”

            “Try saying that without a snarl.”

            I scowled at him.

            “Better, but we’ve still got some work to do.”

            “You’re prettier when you smile,” Kanon informed me from where she was attached to Naruto’s leg.

            “I don’t want to be pretty,” I said.

            Naruto snorted.  “Sure you don’t.”

            I went outside to smoke.  I felt like I had a lot on my mind, but as I stared out into the desert, everything went blank.

            “You feel distant,” Naruto said through a mouthful of toothpaste as we got ready for bed.

            “I don’t mean to be.”

            He spit into the sink and rinsed out his mouth.  “Okay,” he said, kissing my temple.

            I handed him some floss.

            Naruto sighed and started sliding it between his teeth.

            “Are you flossing when I’m not here?” I asked suspiciously, even though I already knew the answer.

            “Yeeeeess…” he said in a completely unbelievable way.

            I shook my head at him in the mirror, radiating disapproval.

            “My teeth are fine,” he protested.

            I put away my skin products and went back to the bedroom.

            “They are!” he complained, following me.

            “You had two cavities at your last checkup,” I said.

            “What difference would _flossing_ even make?!”

            I rolled my eyes, getting into bed.  I was always right, and Naruto was always wrong, and he should just accept it.

            Naruto spooned up behind me and threw an arm over my waist.

            “Uh-uh, no,” I said, shrugging him away.  “You’re a fucking furnace.”

            “But I want a cuddle!”

            “I don’t mean to belittle you for your lack of physical affection and bonds as a child, but seriously.  You are going to be thirty-seven next week.  Have you still not gotten over it?”

            “Nope,” he said, smooching the back of my neck.  “Can you at least turn around, then?  We can have some pillow talk.”

            “Why can’t you just be normal and want to fuck?” I muttered, rolling over to face him.

            “Hey, come on, everyone wants you for your body,” Naruto said, grinning at me.  “I’m the only person who wants you for your effervescent personality.”

            I glanced at the word-a-day calendar on his nightstand.  Sure enough, it said ‘effervescent’.  “Turn off the light, idiot.”

            “That’s Idiot Baby to you.”

            “Did you really just say that?” I said, shaking my head as I watched him stretch to turn off the light.  “I mean, did you even think about what you were saying before the words left your mouth, or was it as exciting a surprise for you as it was for me?”

            “You’re getting real nasty with all that sarcasm,” Naruto said, shuffling his pillow right next to mine so he could stare directly into my eyes.  “I’m sorry, did you want to…?”

            “It’s fine.”

            “I mean, you say the word, and I’ll be up and ready to make sweet, sweet love all through the night.”

            “Why do you have to make sex so repulsive?” I asked irritably.  “God, we’re a fucking middle-aged married couple with a failing sex life.”

            “We had sex last night,” Naruto said, rolling his eyes at me.  “Several times.  And it concluded with you all ‘I love you baby so much,’ with your slack jaw and your googly eyes.”

            “I do not recall any of this.”

            “You know, it’s gonna be ten years in April since me and Sakura started the whole co-Hokage thing.”

            “Ten long, long years.”

            “I think the Elders are willing to have the extended Council vote on my replacement then.”

            “If we wrap up this damn bloodlines thing?”

            “If we wrap up this damn bloodlines thing.”

            “And then you won’t be so miserable and tired all the time?” I asked quietly, looping a finger in the collar of his t-shirt.

            “I hope so,” he said, tilting his chin down to kiss my finger.  “But I’m not miserable.”

            “You’ve never seen yourself doing paperwork.”

            “Okay, I am in fact miserable when I’m doing paperwork.  But I’m not miserable when I’m helping people.”

            “You’re miserable when you’re helping people and they all stab you in the back like ungrateful idiots.”

            “Okay, yeah, but I’ve thickened my skin a little to that.  I know that all I can do is what I believe is right, and if other people don’t agree-”

            “Then fuck them.  You’re amazing.”

            Naruto yanked me into a hug.

            “No, I already told you-” I tried to protest, but then I felt the slight tremble in his arms and hugged him back.  “You’re a furnace, Naruto.”

            “Am I setting you on fire?” he asked, leaning back so he could waggle his eyebrows at me.

            I pushed him away by his face.

            We settled in to go to sleep.

            “Hey, babe?”

            “Hm?” I mumbled, already half asleep.

            “I think Kakashi-sensei is going to come up for my birthday.”

            I groaned.

            “Don’t be like that,” he said, poking me.

            “So Getsuko is coming?”

            “Yeah.”

            I made a face at him.

            “It’s gonna be her birthday, too, you know,” he said.  “The big two oh.”

            “Remember how you molested me in the name of friendship on your twentieth birthday?”

            “…yes…”

            “Just checking.  But why would Getsuko want to spend her birthday at a ramen festival?”

            “Uh, because it’s awesome.”

            “Whatever.  It’s fine.”

            “Okay.  You and Kakashi-sensei are okay, right?”

            “Oh, we’re just fucking peachy.”

            Naruto sighed.

            Kakashi and I had had a very long conversation when Naruto and I brought Getsuko to the border to leave in his care.  It was after the Elders had just upheld another vote keeping me barred from Konoha.

            “What possible reason is there to still keep me out?” I’d asked, pissed off at the news.

            Kakashi looked me dead in the eye and said, “You think you know everything, Sasuke.  You think you’ve got the whole world under your microscope.”

            “And?”

            “You still have enemies in Konoha.”

            It felt like the layers of that corrupt village would never finish peeling off.  To hear how keeping me locked up and keeping my chakra blocked had all been done to protect me was too fucking much.

            “You were killing me.”

            “They would have actually killed you.”

            “Who is this mysterious fucking _they_?”

            He just shook his head.

            Then he’d shown up in Water with Getsuko, beating me to Kuromoto’s abandoned lab.  It was just adding insult to injury.

            I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about Kakashi.


	27. 10 Years Later, Happily Ever After, Part 4

            “It’s hot,” Kanon complained from my shoulders.

            I ignored her complaint and continued walking.

            “It’s hot!” she yelled over to Naruto.

            “Yeah, but think of all the yummy ramen we get to eat!”

            “I want miso!” she declared.

            “That’s my girl!”

            “Almost there,” Ao said, letting a little excitement show through her usually stoic teenage exterior.

            “Oh my god, what am I gonna order first?” Naruto said, taking the excitement to whole new levels.

            “It looks packed,” Mari said to me.

            “They went all out for the twentieth anniversary,” I said, eyeing the stalls of ramen that seemed to stretch as far as the eye could see outside the walls of Suna.  The ramen festival was held every year on October 10th to commemorate the end of the Fourth Shinobi World War.  It was really preposterous.

            “There’s Karin and Suigetsu,” Sanma said, pointing them out.

            “Naruto, happy birthday!” Karin said, throwing her arms around him.

            “Thank you,” he said, hugging her back while keeping Mikio balanced on his shoulders.

            “Sasuke, what up,” Suigetsu said, slugging me on the shoulder.

            I stared at his hand.

            He held it up, trying to look innocuous.

            “Did you find anything?” I asked.

            “Did you get any messages saying that we found anything?”

            I stared at him.

            “Okaaay, I’m gonna go over here now,” he said, shuffling over to Naruto.

            “I see you’re still a surly bitch,” Karin said, smooching me on the cheek.

            “Must you?” I asked, wiping away the slobber.

            “Oh, I must,” she said.

            “You haven’t found anything?” I asked, setting Kanon on the ground.  “Here, go get in line,” I said, handing her some money.

            Kanon grinned and scampered off with Naruto and the twins.

            “It’s like there’s nothing to find,” Karin said with a sigh.

            “Mari, we’re meeting back at the front gate at two,” I called to her.

            “Yeah, yeah,” she said.  She waved as she and Ao disappeared into the crowd.

            “What does that mean, ‘nothing to find’?” I asked, turning my attention back to Karin.

            “There is no damn trace of the Kuromotos.”

            I was annoyed.

            “God, you are terrifying,” Karin said, shaking her head but not flinching away from me like she had for so many months.  “Look, when we find something, we find it.”

            “I want it to be over,” I said.

            “Is Naruto really going to quit being Hokage after all this?”

            “That’s what he said.”

            “I think that will be really good for the two of you,” she said thoughtfully.  “But until then…”

            “Let’s eat some ramen,” I said, getting into line.

            The ramen festival wasn’t so bad.  Everyone looked happy.  The food itself was decent.

It was nice to just sit back and relax.

            I didn’t know why the knot in my stomach kept twisting and twisting.

            Naruto was sitting with Shikamaru and Gaara, eating bowl after bowl of ramen while talking and laughing.  He caught me watching him and his expression softened.

            I flipped him off as he blew me a kiss.

            “When are you supposed to meet the Sixth?” Juugo asked.

            “I’m not sure, Naruto’s the one with the details,” I said.

            “It’ll be nice to see Getsuko.”

            “Will it?”

            “Yes,” Juugo said firmly.  “It will.”

            “Maybe,” I acquiesced, pushing my empty bowl of ramen aside.

            All of our heads shot up at the suffocating feeling of power.

            Naruto’s eyes were bleeding red, nine tails swaying behind him.

            “Naruto?” I said, quickly moving through the crowd towards him.

            “Something’s wrong,” he said, his voice all guttural.

            “It’s coming,” Gaara whispered, suddenly shrouded in sand.

            Confusion and panic was starting to spread.

            Kakashi was racing towards us as fast as he could with a limp, blood pouring from a wound on his head.

            I caught Naruto’s two fingers in mine, the seal already formed.

            “Get the kids,” we both yelled in embarrassing unison to Juugo.

            Kurama picked us up and took off at a run, Gaara flying beside us.  When we reached Kakashi, Kurama scooped him up as well.

            “What happened?!” Naruto asked, pushing some chakra into his head wound.

            “Don’t waste your chakra,” Kakashi said, pushing his arm away.  “Hanabi’s holding her back, but I don’t know how long she’ll last.”

            “Holding who back?” Naruto asked.

            The chakra burned into my skin, making me want to scratch at it until it was gone.

            I put more chakra into Susanoo, dulling the effect.

            “I don’t understand, I mean…” Naruto trailed off, looking distraught.

            “She’s not Getsuko anymore,” Kakashi said.

            Naruto turned away from him, his hand going to his forehead.  “Fuck.”

            “Start from the beginning,” I said, letting Naruto have his emotions.  We were almost to the battlefield.

            “The headaches have been getting worse,” Kakashi said.

            “I thought the treatment that Sakura did helped?” I asked.

            “It did, until last week, and then the headaches were back with a vengeance.”

            “But you decided to travel all the way to Suna anyway?”

            “Getsuko said she wanted to say happy birthday to Naruto.  She wanted to see Mari and Ao and the other kids.  She wanted to see you for some reason.”

            I sighed.  “So then?”

            “They’re beyond that sand dune,” Gaara interjected.  “What are we up against here?”

            “Getsuko… transformed,” Kakashi said, thinking about his words carefully.  “She got a headache and she just…  She collapsed to the ground, and her hair went white and her third eye opened.”

            “No,” Naruto said.  “No, no, no.”

            “Fuck me,” I muttered.

            “Born twenty years ago, right after the war,” Gaara said quietly.

            Maybe we’d always known.  The way her chakra burned along the skin, the faint familiarity of it.  Like we’d felt it before.  Something so obvious yet so impossible.

            “I think Kaguya’s chakra was reincarnated into Getsuko,” Kakashi said, finally putting it out there.  “And now it seems that some part of her life force has woken up inside of her, taking control of her body.”

            “We’ll set her free,” Naruto said, setting his jaw resolutely.

            It was easier said than done.  Fighting the most powerful ninja to ever live without any killing intent was an improbably uphill battle.

            “How did you beat her last time?” Hanabi asked, her chest heaving with every breath.  “Didn’t you use a seal?”

            “If we do that, we seal Getsuko away, too,” Naruto said.

            “Maybe we should start considering that option,” I said as Gaara was flung over our heads by the new Getsuko-Kaguya hybrid.

            “She’s my disciple,” Hanabi said, narrowing her eyes.  “The greatest ninja I’ve ever trained.”

            “And the biggest threat to the world,” I said.

            “Sasuke,” Naruto said, looking like he was about to fall apart.

            “We can’t keep this up,” I said, watching Temari and Shikamaru struggling in the fight.

            “If we can just get her unconscious, maybe we can-”

            “You can’t save everyone!” I snapped.

            Naruto caught his head in his hand again, closing his eyes tightly.

            “I’m going back in,” Hanabi said, dashing off to the fight.

            “We don’t have to kill her,” Naruto finally said, turning his fierce eyes on me.

            “Then what do we do?”

            “I don’t know yet,” he said, reaching for my hand.

            I took it and we plunged back in.  I was willing to follow his lead, but I was also formulating a backup plan.  I needed him to do the Chibaku Tensei, and that wasn’t seeming like an option.

            “Someone call for backup?” Sakura said, landing on Kurama’s shoulder.

            “Where did you come from?!” Naruto cried.

            “Konoha,” she said flatly.

            We watched as Ino and Chouji rushed to Shikamaru, helping him off of the ground.

            “Is that really Getsuko?” Sakura asked, eyes squinting into the distance.  “She looks like… Kaguya…”

            “Glad you’ve gotten up to speed, Seventh,” I said, rolling my eyes.

            “Rude,” she said, giving me a playful shove.  The worry in her eyes was obvious.

            More and more ninjas kept pouring into the battle as it carried on into the night.

            Getsuko was silent, fending off anyone who came near her, a serene smile stretched across her lips that didn’t quite look right.

            It was starting to get hopeless, a sea of wounded with not enough healers.

            “If we could push Kaguya’s chakra out of her…” Naruto mused, panting and exhausted beside me.

            “She’d die, Naruto.  That chakra is every bit a part of her as Asura’s is a part of you,” Ino said.  Her hands glowed as she healed the gaping wound on Chouji’s side.

            “There must be something we can do!” he shouted, frustrated.

            “Why is she doing this?” Hanabi muttered, chewing harshly at the skin around her thumbnail, tearing it off.

            “She’s chaos incarnate,” Shikamaru said with a shrug.

            In the distance, the sand siblings seemed to be containing Getsuko, but it wouldn’t matter without a final solution.

            “She’s a twenty-year-old girl who loves being a ninja and drinking tea,” Hanabi said irritably.  “How has Kaguya been able to take her over so completely, erasing any trace of Getsuko?  The stupid Shadow Hokage hasn’t been possessed by Asura, and the unbalanced nut job hasn’t been possessed by Indra.”

            “Does she realize that other people hear her when she’s talking?” Ino said, rolling her eyes.

            “Yes, she does,” Hanabi snapped.  “I’m just pointing out that this doesn’t make any sense.  What is her purpose?  She’s not even saying anything, just attacking us.”

            Our counsel was interrupted by the arrival of B and his team.

            “Happy birthday, Naruto-sensei!” Ginnan said, throwing his arms around him.

            Naruto looked surprised, some of the resignation draining from his face.

            “What can we do to help?” Kurumi asked.

            “I don’t know,” Naruto said, shaking his head.

            Kurumi touched my shoulder.

            I rested my hand briefly over hers before moving away.  “Hyuuga.”

            “What?” she asked irritably, but she was already following me.

            “How do we stop Getsuko?”

            “Well, gee, if I knew that, don’t you think I’d have already done it?”

            I looked at her.

            She looked back.  She really was nothing like Hinata.

            “This can’t keep dragging out.  It could get dangerous,” I said.

            “It already is dangerous!” Hanabi snapped.  “We’ve got three freaking kages here, two jinchuurikis, and all the top ninjas from Konoha and Suna, and she’s holding us off like it’s child’s play!”

            “Naruto and I can seal her.”

            “Oh my god, we all know how much you can’t stand Getsuko, but really?  You’re going to kill her?”

            “I didn’t say that.”

            “The seal will kill her.”

            “I’m asking you if there’s a way to seal her without killing her.”

            “What, am I some expert on Six Paths sealing techniques?”

            “You’re a respected scholar, and you have the byakugan.”

            “You actually care about my opinion?” she scoffed.

            “We have to save Getsuko,” I said firmly.

            That gave her pause.  “I thought for sure that you’d be advocating to just get rid of her.”

            “That is the best option.”

            “Okay…”

            “It would kill Naruto.”

            “Ahh, it all becomes clearer,” she said, shaking her head.  “You two really are… ugh.”

            I lit a cigarette.  “We need to come up with a solution-”

            “Sasuke!  We’re in the middle of a battle!  Put that out!” Naruto yelled from across the dune.

            “-fast,” I concluded, ignoring him.

            Hanabi looked between us, faintly amused.

            “So?” I prodded.

            “Getsuko knew that you hated her.”

            “Do we really need to rehash this?  I never hated her.”

            “You drove her out of Suna.”

            “It wasn’t safe to have her there.”

            “You couldn’t stand being around her.”

            “Of course I couldn’t!  Her chakra is like fucking poison!”

            Hanabi tilted her head to the side.  “How can you say that?  When I feel her next to me, I feel more powerful.  I feel uplifted.”

            “You weren’t in the war.”

            “Did you always know?  That she might be Kaguya?”

            “No, I never thought…  But her chakra.  I could never put it into words, but…  It just reminds me of being… weak.”

            “I want to talk to her.”

            “Okay?”

            “You will stop her long enough so I can talk to her, and I will get through to her and make her stop this.”

            I let out a sharp laugh.  “You sound like Naruto.  Are you going to Talk no Jutsu her?  You honestly think that can work?”

            “We won’t know until we fucking try, Uchiha.”

            “Fine,” I said.

            Naruto and Sakura were on board.

            “We haven’t fought as Team Seven in forever,” Naruto said, grinning.

            “Nice of you two to include me for once,” Sakura said, rolling her eyes.

            “Is everyone prepared?” I asked, looking back at Ino, Chouji, and Shikamaru.

            “Let’s do this,” Ino said, propping Shikamaru up.

            “We’re going to save Getsuko,” Hanabi said, her eyes burning.

            And off we went.


	28. 10 Years Later, Happily Ever After, Part 5

            The plan was carried out with mathematical precision.  Sakura and Chouji were the decoys.  Shikamaru caught Getsuko’s shadow long enough for Naruto and I to perform a modified seal, binding her to the earth.  Ino performed her Mind Body Switch Technique, her body trapped in Shikamaru’s jutsu as Getsuko awoke in it.

            “Getsuko,” Hanabi said.

            Ino’s head tilted to the side as she stared at her, unspeaking.

            “Come on,” I said, pulling Naruto away.

            He looked confused.

            “Leave this to Hyuuga,” I said, taking him to Getsuko’s body.

            “I don’t know how long I can stay in here,” Ino said, voice strained.  “This chakra…”

            “Hold on, baby,” Sakura said gently, taking her hand through the twisting tree roots that held her to the earth.

            The sun was slowly making its way to the top of the sky.  The battle had already been going for a day, and everyone was exhausted.

            “I should go over there-” Naruto tried to say, watching the exchange between Hanabi and Getsuko.

            “Leave it to Hyuuga,” I repeated, pulling him close and forcing him to rest.  I pushed chakra into his back, rubbing it in with soothing strokes.

            He kissed my collarbone, his own chakra tingling through my skin.  “Do you think Getsuko will be okay?”

            “Of course,” I lied.

            I felt his body relax into mine, going into that sleep-like state he had mastered that helped him rest but also let him leap back into action at a moment’s notice.

            Sakura cast me a nervous look.  I could see Ino struggling beside her, her face covered in perspiration.  “If this goes wrong…” Sakura said softly.

            We enveloped Sakura between us while Naruto reached to pile his hand on top of Sakura’s and Ino’s.

            “She’s coming back!” Chouji shouted, which was all the notice we got before Ino’s body shook violently and seemed to collapse despite the roots supporting her.

            Sakura and Naruto kept holding her hand.

            “Getsuko?” Naruto said.

            Getsuko slowly opened her eyes.  She looked at each one of us carefully, then closed her eyes again.  “She’s here, too,” she said, a voice straining through the vocal cords that weren’t her own.

            Hanabi and Kakashi were approaching.

            Getsuko sighed, shrugging off the roots holding her shackled.

            The three of us drew up, ready for a fight.

            “We’ve reached a truce!” Hanabi called, still at a distance.

            Getsuko shrugged.

            “Damn, Naruto, Hanabi outtalked you,” Sakura said.

            I let out an exhale of air.

            Naruto elbowed me.

            “But you’re not Getsuko,” Sakura said, watching as the girl brushed the sand from her clothes.

            “I told you, she is also here.”

            The three of us exchanged looks.  This Getsuko/Kaguya hybrid was creepy as fuck.

            “So you’ll hold to the terms that we agreed on?” Hanabi asked as she glided up beside us.

            Getsuko shrugged.

            “How’s Ino?” Sakura murmured to Kakashi.

            “Fine,” he said.  “Chouji and Shikamaru are with her.”

            Sakura nodded.

            “What were the terms?” I asked.

            “She’ll stop fighting us if we stop fighting her,” Hanabi said.

            “Does she want to take over the world again?” Naruto asked, eyeing her suspiciously.

            “I never wanted to take over the world, I just wanted to make it right,” Getsuko said.  “Anyway, I’ve enjoyed the last twenty years watching the world through this girl’s eyes.  I’d like to continue watching.”

            “Can we talk to Getsuko?” Naruto asked.

            “Maybe someday.”

            “I’ll be taking responsibility for her,” Hanabi said.  “She’ll continue living in the Hyuuga compound.”

            No one felt resolved as Hanabi and Kakashi took Getsuko back to Konoha.

            “What did this battle even mean?” Naruto asked quietly.

            “Hanabi has a plan to seal Kaguya’s consciousness into Getsuko like a jinchuuriki seal,” I said.

            “What?!  When did this happen?!” Naruto cried.

            “She and I worked everything out.”

            “But are you sure that will even work?” Sakura asked.

            “No.”

            Naruto flailed around.

            “Anyway, she’s not fighting us for now,” I said.

            “I should go back to Konoha,” Naruto said, shaking his head.

            “Leave it to Hanabi.”

            “Why do you keep saying that?!”

            “It’s good practice for her.”

            “Practice for what?!”

            “She’ll make a good hokage.”

            “Oh HO!” Naruto declared.  “So that’s what this has all been about.”

            Naruto didn’t get his chance to complain as all the other ninjas started gathering around, and explanations had to be given.  Gaara arranged for a kage summit in Suna, so Sakura and Ino decided to temporarily stay with us until the meeting was over.

            “Is your mom okay with the kids?” Naruto murmured as we walked back.

            “Yeah, of course,” Sakura said.  “They miss you.”

            “I miss them, too.”

            I sent word ahead to Taka that they could come back home from the Kazekage’s where they’d been waiting out the disaster.  We still beat them to the house.

            “Where are we going to put all these people?” I muttered, moving through the bedrooms.

            We ended up moving the little kids into our room, so Ino and Sakura could sleep downstairs, and Naruto begged and pleaded with Ao to share a room with Mari so Suigetsu and Karin had a place to sleep.  Then B and the brats showed up, which took more negotiation.

            Naruto and I ended up with four kids in our bed.  Naruto was content to be pig-piled, while I longed for personal space.

            “Why are there so damn many females in my house?” I complained as I went down the stairs the next morning.

            “Misogynist pig,” Ino said, giving me a good-natured smile.

            “Glad to see you’re in the kitchen where you belong.”

            Ino flipped me off while flipping pancakes.

            “Good morning, love, you’re up early,” Naruto said, looping his arm around my waist and kissing my cheek.

            “Hard to sleep,” I muttered.

            “Poor baby.”

            “Shut up and die.”

            “You still talk to Naruto like that?” Kurumi asked, clucking her tongue.

            “All the time,” Mari informed her.

            “He knows that I mostly don’t mean it,” I said, glowering at them as I sat down.

            “He does mean it,” Naruto said glumly.

            “Say something nice to him, ya jerk,” Ino put in.

            “Yeah,” Sakura agreed.

            “Yeah,” all the other girls agreed.

            “Females,” I muttered.

            I got kicked for that one, and I didn’t even know who it was.

            “Say something nice to your partner,” Sakura said.  The ‘or else’ was implied.

            I caught Naruto’s arm, pulling him down to eye-level.  I leaned in and whispered in his ear.

            His lips slowly rose in a smile.  He turned to face me, touching our foreheads together before moving over to the coffee maker.

            Sakura, Ino, and Mari all looked like they’d just seen two baby animals hugging or something equally ridiculous.

            “What’d you say?!” Ao demanded.

            “None of your business,” I said.  If I was going to say something nice, it was for Naruto’s ears only.

            “What’d he say?!” she said, turning to Naruto.

            “Something nice,” he said, and went back to humming while he fixed the coffee.

            “Damn, Sasuke, you’re smooth,” Ino said with a snort.

            “You should try it sometime, Ino-pig,” Sakura said.

            Naruto made the most hilarious ‘I can’t believe she just said that but I love it’ face.

            I gave him a half-smile, and he smiled back.

            “Tch,” Ino said, turning off the stove.  “Where is everyone supposed to eat?” she asked, eyeing the crowded table where the kids were already chowing down on pancakes.  Most of B’s team had yet to make an appearance, nor had Karin and Suigetsu, and Sakura was sitting in Naruto’s chair.

            “We can share,” Kanon said, grinning at Ino and scooting over in her seat.

            “Thank you,” Ino said, clearly getting sucked in by Kanon’s charm.

            “What about me?” Naruto asked, passing out coffees.

            “Oh, dear,” Kanon said, looking around the table.  All the other kids were too busy stuffing their faces to stop and think about their teacher.  She turned to me and stage whispered, “Naruto-sensei’s gonna feel bad if you don’t let him sit with you.”

            “We’re too big to share a chair,” I replied.

            “But you like sittin’ on his lap!” she said.

            “Since when?” I tried to protest.

            “You do like that,” Naruto said, grinning.

            “Sit on the floor,” I told him.

            “Booooo,” Sakura said.

            “So mean,” Mari complained.

            “Spousal abuse,” Ino contributed.

            “When are you leaving again?” I asked.

            “Well, the tsuchikage won’t be here until tomorrow, so…” Ino informed me.

            “Thanks for the grub,” Jaga and Tokibi chorused, standing up suddenly and dashing off.

            “Problem solved,” Naruto said, taking one of the empty chairs.  “Don’t be too disappointed that you don’t get to sit on my lap like you love so much, Sasuke.”

            I thought about threatening him, but I didn’t want to get yelled at by the girls anymore.  It was annoying.  I let out a sniff of disdain instead and drank my coffee.

            “Hey, save any for us?” Ginnan asked, leading his team into the kitchen.

            “I made a mountain,” Ino said, gesturing towards said mountain.

            “Where were you guys?” Naruto asked.

            “We went for some morning training and rapping,” Goma said, taking a seat as Sanma got up.

            “Best way to start the day,” B said.  He proceeded to bust out a rhyme.

            The house was in chaos.  There were people everywhere, and they were all insistent on _talking_.  Why couldn’t people just sit quietly without needing constant verbal confirmation of their existence?

            “You look tired, love,” Naruto commented later in bed, straddling my lap and pulling off my glasses.

            “I was reading,” I informed him irritably.

            “Get some rest, I want you at the kage meeting tomorrow,” he said, kissing the corners of my eyes.

            “Oh, am I invited?” I asked.  Gaara allowed me into meetings, but the raikage and the tsuchikage usually refused.

            “We need to hear about your progress on the Kuromotos, and about Hanabi’s plan,” he said, shifting and leaning against the headboard next to me, trying not to disturb the kids.

            Riki, Kanon, Mikio, and Gobo were all pretending to be asleep.

            “And only I am uniquely qualified to speak on those topics?”

            “Mm-hm.”

            “Fine, whatever.”

            “Thank you, darling,” Naruto hummed, kissing my cheek.  “Let’s get some sleep?”

            The bed felt very narrow despite its large size.  I really was looking forward to all of our house guests leaving, no matter that I actually was glad that they were here.

            Naruto’s steady breathing seemed to lull me and the fake-sleeping kids all off to sleep.

            I woke up in a state of terror.  I was trapped, and there was his face, and something about my brother stabbing me, and Kaguya killing Naruto, and everything just jumbled up and I was screaming and panicked and trying to escape.

            “Shhh,” Naruto said, rocking me back and forth as I tried to fight out of his arms.  “Sasuke, it’s me, it’s Naruto, okay?  Shhhh.”

            I slowly came back into myself.  “Naruto,” I whimpered into his neck.

            “I’m here,” he said, rubbing my back.  “I’m right here.”

            I took a deep breath and relaxed.

            It was about then that I realized that someone else was crying, and there were little whispers of, “it’s okay,” and “don’t be scared anymore.”

            “Fuck,” I muttered.

            Naruto patted my head.  “I’m gonna let that foul language slip on account of what you’ve just been through.  You okay, sweetie?  You haven’t had a bad one like that in forever.”

            “I’m fine,” I said, trying to push away from him.

            He held me securely to his chest.

            Mikio stopped crying, and I could see him eyeing me suspiciously from the corner of my eye.

            “See, Sasuke-sensei’s okay now,” Riki said, mimicking Naruto and petting Mikio on the head.

            “He just had a bad dream,” Kanon said.

            Mikio nodded his head slowly.

            Naruto had pulled him out of an abusive situation with his clan elders, and it made me feel like shit to see the fear in his eyes again.

            “I’m sorry I scared you,” I said, my throat still raw, making my voice crack.

            Mikio emerged from his little huddle of friends and hugged me.

            I was confused.

            “Let’s all go back to sleep, okay?” Naruto said, grinning for everyone.

            I didn’t really want to go back to sleep, and stayed seated on Naruto’s lap.

            “I knew you liked sitting there,” Kanon said knowingly as she wiggled under the blankets.

            Naruto cracked up, squeezing me in a hug until I smacked him.

            “Sensei, we’re trying to sleep,” Riki complained.

            “Yep, I know, sorry,” Naruto said, pulling me back into bed with him.  “Good night, guys.”

            “Night,” they chorused, all still huddled around Mikio, trying to make him feel safe.

            “This okay?” Naruto murmured, lying on his side and cuddling me into his chest.  He was like a wall between me and the kids.

            I nodded my head.

            “Okay,” he said, working his magic fingers into my neck and pushing some chakra in.

            I woke up to Mikio worming his way in between us, cuddling into my arms.


	29. 10 Years Later, Happily Ever After, Part 6

            I woke up the second time that morning to sun streaming through the window.

            “Mornin’,” Naruto said, kissing my eyelids.

            “What are you still doing in bed?” I asked, scrunching my nose as I opened my eyes.

            It was too early in the morning for that look of pure adoration coming from my partner.

            I squinted at him.

            “I didn’t want you to wake up alone,” he said, giving me a closed-mouth kiss.  “Besides, the kids finally got bored and went away, so I have you all to myself.”

            “Fuck me,” I muttered, digging the heel of my hand into my eye.

            “Is that a request or are you still regretting last night?”

            I leveled him with a stare.

            He kissed my cheek.  “Don’t be embarrassed.”

            “Who said anything about being embarrassed?”

            “Because I know you, and I know that look, and I’m telling you that you don’t have to be embarrassed.”

            “I’m not,” I muttered, hiding my face in his chest.

            Naruto hummed to me while he stroked my hair.

            “I’m not a child,” I finally said.

            “I know,” Naruto said, continuing to baby me.

            I held onto him for a little longer.  Then I started to get suspicious.  “Why has no one busted down the door to wake us up?”

            “Well, that’s the great thing about having a house full of guests,” Naruto said.  “They cook and clean and child rear.”

            I looked up at him.  He looked more relaxed than usual, but his eyes were full of worry and stress.

            “Hey, why don’t we go to see Maiko today?” Naruto suggested.

            “Because you have a kage meeting?”

            “Oh, right.  That.  Well we can go before.  Or after.  Or during recess.”

            “I thought you’d be more fixated on Getsuko.”

            “I am freaking out,” he informed me.  “But you don’t need me piling that on you.”

            “I’m fine.”

            “Sas’, you’re not fine.  We just fought a very long battle against someone who could actually kick our asses, and then instead of coming home to our usual routine we’ve got a house full of guests and four little kids in our bed, and I know that kind of stuff puts you on edge.”

            “Thank you for your analysis, Dr. Maekawa.”

            “I do pay attention during therapy.  Sometimes.”

            “I’ll even out after they leave,” I said.

            “Yeah,” Naruto said, pushing my bangs off of my forehead.  “You have the best bedhead right now.  You look so stupid.”

            “Excuse you.”

            He grinned.

            “Naruto?”

            “Mm?”

            “Nothing,” I mumbled, burying my face in his chest.

            He sang to me quietly.

            “I love you,” I finally said.

            “I love you, too, Sasuke,” Naruto said, kissing the top of my head.

            “Then stop your awful caterwauling.”

            “You _like_ my singing,” Naruto said, affronted.

            I did like it.  I pinched his gut.

            “Hey!”

            “You’ve really been letting yourself go lately,” I said.

            “Even if that was true, which it _is not_ , I am still damn sexy.”

            “You are,” I agreed, and promptly found myself flat on my back under him.  “Did I say that you could do that?”

            “I don’t need permission,” Naruto said, grasping my chin as he pressed his lips to mine.

            I allowed it.  Then I more than allowed it, opening my mouth and pulling him in greedily.  I just _wanted_ , until a singular thought brought me back to reality.  “Your breath is terrible.”

            “Yours isn’t any better!”

            We glared at each other, then both turned to the nightstand.  I sat up, Naruto already opening the bottle of mouthwash that I kept in the drawer.  He took a swig, then passed it to me.

            “Let me never shame you and your obsessive compulsive ways again,” he said after he spit into the cup I left on the dresser.

            We gravitated into one another again, exchanging slow kisses.  I loved the shape of his mouth against mine, the slide of his tongue, his soft sighs.  I grasped his face with both of my hands, trying to tell him how precious he was to me without having to say it.

            “I know,” he murmured into my mouth.  He kissed me again.  “I know.”

            After I had gotten that out of my system, I let Naruto lay his head on my chest while I stroked his hair.

            “I can’t believe no one has come in here to bother us,” I finally said.  “Don’t you need to be at an important meeting?”

            “Ugh,” Naruto said.  “Can I just stay here?  I miss morning cuddles.”

            “When the hell did we ever have morning cuddles?”

            “When we first got married,” Naruto said, and I could feel his cheek moving in a smile.  “When we had the apartment.”

            I found myself smiling, too, much to my chagrin.  Life seemed so much easier back then.  Root had been extracted from the ANBU, and there were no longer assassins from Konoha hunting me down and trying to kill me.  In fact, there weren’t any crises at all.

            Gaara helped us find an apartment in Suna with two vacancies, one for us and the kids and one for Taka.  It was a little run-down, but it worked for us while Naruto built the house.  He was taking frequent trips to Konoha, trying to work out the transfer of power and the semantics of two hokages.  I was the breadwinner of the family, taking on mercenary jobs with Taka.  I felt like a human being again after being so useless for so long.

            When we were both home, we were together and we were stupidly happy.  I was on a good balance of medications, and hadn’t started having all the physical problems that came with being so medicated for so long.  We really did have morning cuddles, now that I thought about, and afternoon cuddles and evening cuddles.  We were in our honeymoon phase, even though we didn’t get married on paper until almost a year later, right before Naruto and Sakura’s inauguration.

            Naruto becoming Hokage changed everything.  He became overworked.  He was always fighting to make people’s lives better, and he was being criticized and attacked for it.  It took its toll.

            I kissed the moon tattooed on his palm.  Palms were a terrible place for a tattoo, and we had to keep going to get them touched up, but I liked the pain of the needle in my hand, branding me, branding Naruto, tying us together.

            “Sas’?”

            “Hm?”

            “I want to quit,” he said quietly.  “I _do_.  But-”

            “I don’t want to have this argument again.”

            “Babe, come on.  Like with everything that’s just happened with Getsuko?  And we still haven’t found the Kuromotos and figured out what they’re up to.  I can’t just abandon Konoha now.”

            “There’s always going to be _something_ ,” I said, frustrated with having to repeat myself for the millionth time.  “The best thing that you can do right now is train up the next generation.”

            “I _know_ , but I think I need to give it time, you know?  At least get this thing with Getsuko taken care of.  I mean, this could be it.  The end of the world as we know it.  It’s freakin’ Kaguya.  For me to just up and quit now of all times…”

            “It’s the perfect time for a new leader to come up.”

            “In the middle of this crisis?”

            “Yes.  And also, if the world is going to end, then why are you going to waste the rest of the time that you have left fucking miserable?”

            “I’m not miserable,” he said, not very convincingly.

            “I will give you morning cuddles,” I said flatly.

            “Are you trying to bribe me into quitting?”

            “Yes.  I will also wear those godawful lacey panties you love so much anytime you ask.”

            “You are lying to me right now,” Naruto said, but he was peeking up at me in clear interest.

            “I just want you to be you again,” I said, ignoring the tightening in my throat.

            “Oh, baby, come on,” he said, taking my face in his hands.  “I’m always me, I’m just kinda, you know, me light right now.”

            I half-smiled at that.

            “I’ll think about it,” he said, kissing my nose.  “I’ll really th-”

            “God, enough already,” Sakura said, throwing the door open.

            I stared at her.

            Her eyes narrowed in suspicion.  “Are you two _doing things_?”

            “What kinda things?” Naruto asked, turning his neck so he could waggle his eyebrows at her.

            “No,” I said.

            She seemed to find that answer acceptable.  She closed the door and sat on the bed.  “Look, we need to go to Suna.  Like now.  Important kage meeting.”

            “Let’s be late and say we were rescuing an old lady’s cat from a tree,” Naruto said, pulling Sakura into a Naruto and Sasuke sandwich.

            “There are no trees in the desert,” I muttered.

            “No imagination,” Sakura said.  “Why am I in bed with you two?”

            “It’s like old times,” Naruto said, cuddling her.  I might have been jealous if it wasn’t Sakura.  Somehow she just seemed to fit in between us.

            “Are you going to step down?” I asked her.

            “Haven’t decided,” she said, running her fingers through my hair.  “Ino and I are still talking about what the best option is for us.”

            “Sas’ and I are doing the same,” Naruto said.

            “Oh, no, Naruto, you should quit immediately,” Sakura said.

            I smirked.

            “What the hell, Sakura?!  I thought we were the greatest Hokage team to ever live!”

            “You’re the only Hokage team,” I muttered.

            “Of course we are,” Sakura said, patting him on the head like a dog.  “But being the hokage is draining the life out of you.”

            I gave him a meaningful look over Sakura’s buxom bosom.

            Naruto pouted at me.

            Sakura smiled at the exchange.  “Ino and I have…  It’s been tough.”

            “You’ve been fighting?” Naruto asked with round eyes.

            “You two don’t have the market cornered on fighting.”

            “We try,” I said.

            “We haven’t been fighting lately,” Naruto protested.

            I stared at him.

            “What, I mean we were fighting about Getsuko, and I guess you won that one,” he said, annoyance creeping into his tone.  “Even though I still think we need to protect her, no matter if she’s housing the most powerful demon ninja to ever live.  And then we fight about my job, which is barely even a fight.”

            “Barely even a fight,” I agreed.  “And we never say things against the other’s point of view just be contrary.”

            “Yes?” Naruto said, trying to figure out if I was being sarcastic.

            Of course I was being sarcastic.

            “You two seem good,” Sakura said, ruffling our hair.

            “Do we?” Naruto asked, still confused.

            “I like being Hokage,” Sakura said quietly.  “I’m good at it.”

            “You are,” I agreed.  “You don’t cause constant international incidents.”

            “I have not… it’s been at least a year…” Naruto tried to protest.

            “And you can do paperwork without crying,” I continued.

            “I was cutting onions.”

            “On your paperwork-?” I started, then just shook my head.  “The point is, if you think this is what you want to keep on doing, then keep doing it,” I said.  “Not you, Naruto.  I’m obviously talking to Sakura.”

            “I want to spend more time with the girls…” Sakura said.

            “Hey, so I was thinking if I retired,” Naruto started, then glared at me.  “That’s a big _if_ , Uchiha, a big giant _if_.  So anyway, if I decide to retire, I want to build an addition on the house, and then you and Ino and the girls can come anytime you want and have a nice place to stay.”

            “So you started thinking this last night?” I asked.

            “Yes, oh my god, why are there so many freaking people in our house?”

            I reached over Sakura and poked him in his side.

            “Hey!” he protested, his voice going higher.

            “Don’t flirt across my body,” Sakura said, but she was smiling.

            “Should I be concerned about finding two men in bed with my wife?” Ino asked, coming in.

            “That sounds salacious!” Karin said, following in behind her.

            “You’re all welcome to join us,” Naruto said, gesturing grandly.

            “No, they’re not,” I muttered.

            Karin and Ino both hopped onto the small bit of unoccupied bed.

            “Are the hokages playing hooky?” Karin asked.  “Ninja world in crisis and all.”

            “It’s always in crisis,” Naruto muttered, curling himself around Sakura.

            “It is, isn’t it?” Sakura agreed.

            “Oh, my god, get your asses up,” Ino said, shoving Naruto, which pushed Sakura into me and had me almost falling off the mattress.

            Good thing I was smooth as fuck.  I filled my hands with chakra and attached myself to the mattress.

            “You shouldn’t have done that,” Karin informed Ino.

            “I need a cigarette,” I muttered, instead of getting mad.

            “Grossss,” they all chorused at me.

            “Why do none of you smoke?” I asked incredulously.  I started fumbling for a cigarette and lighter in the nightstand.

            “Naruto smokes,” Sakura said.

            “Sakura!” he shrieked, flailing around and trying to dispel her words from our ears.

            I smirked, sticking a cigarette between my lips.

            “Ugh, don’t light that,” Ino complained.

            “I already can’t smoke in my damn house, now I can’t smoke in my own room?”

            “It’s gross,” Sakura said, moving away from me.

            I snapped my finger with a fire jutsu and lit the cigarette with my fingertip.  I breathed in, the smoke, holding it in before exhaling slowly away from everyone.

            “Goddamn it, are you smoking like that in front of the girls?” Sakura growled.  “No more smoking in front of the girls!  It’s a wonder every person in Suna isn’t a smoker after being subjected to such displays.”

            I shrugged.

            “We’re quitting when I retire!” Naruto declared.

            “Yeah, sure,” I said.

            Then the yammering herd finally left me in peace to smoke my cigarette and start my day.


	30. 10 Years Later, Happily Ever After, Part 7

            We all stood around Getsuko’s unconscious body, waiting.

            “Do you think it’ll hold?” Sakura finally ventured.

            “If it doesn’t, we’re fucked,” Kurotsuchi commented.

            “Thank you for your invaluable input, Tsuchikage,” Q said.

            Everyone stared at him.  A had finally stepped down as the raikage, and Kumogakure had put a young unknown in his place.  It was like having your bratty kid brother tag along everywhere, or so Itachi would probably say.

            “When does she wake up?” Hanabi asked, crouching down beside Getsuko and smoothing her white hair from her eyes.

            “Probably days,” Sakura said.  “Or months.  Or hours.”

            “You guys are really nailing it today,” Q said.

            I blew the smoke from my cigarette in his direction.

            He coughed and glared at me.

            I shrugged.

            Naruto elbowed me, but looked amused.  Then the look drained from his eyes as he refocused on Getsuko.

            “We’ll take her to a secure facility,” Kakashi said softly from where he was sitting at the edge of the crowd.

            I looked at him.  “You will not seal her eyes.”

            “As long as it’s not necessary.”

            “You will not seal her eyes,” I repeated, a growl rumbling up my throat.

            Naruto took my hand and cradled it to his chest.

            Kakashi gave me a sad smile.  “It’s interesting how you’ve changed.”

            “How the hell have I changed?” I asked petulantly.  Kakashi still made me feel like a child.

            “Let’s go, Hanabi,” he said.

            Hanabi moved to pick up Getsuko.

            “That girl is a citizen of the Land of Lightning and you’re not taking her anywhere,” Q said.

            The other kages had expressions with varying degrees of annoyance.

            Sakura groaned, dropping her head in her hands.  “We already decided-” she started.

            “No, _you_ decided,” Q said.  “The Konoha alliance, always doing whatever Naruto says.”

            “I didn’t say anything,” Naruto said, his voice calm, but the red glow around his body giving away his anger.

            “Everything always has to revolve around Konoha like it’s the center of the world, and it’s not,” Q said.  “She’s ours, and you have no right to take her.”

            “Your country _abused_ her,” Naruto spat out.

            I caught his arm and pulled him back.  “Let’s go.”

            He turned to me, confusion muddling his anger.

            “We’ve done everything we came here to do,” I said.  “Kaguya is sealed inside Getsuko, and there isn’t anything else for us to do.”

            “But-” he tried to protest.

            “Leave it to them,” I said, pulling his arm sharply.

            He could have resisted, but he let me pull him.  “Sasuke, we can’t just-”

            “Listen to your girlfriend, Naruto,” Q said.

            “I will eviscerate you,” I hissed, my hands already forming a jutsu.

            Naruto pulled me back this time, murmuring soothing nonsense.

            B, who had been silent the whole time, stepped beside Q.

            Hanabi cradled Getsuko protectively in her arms.

            “Leave it to them,” I said, embarrassed that I’d let that little upstart get to me.  Seriously fuck him, though.  _Naruto’s girlfriend_.  I was projecting an air of calm, but anger was thrumming through me.

            Naruto surprised me by suddenly doing the Advanced Flying Thunder God Technique, transporting us back home.

            “You listened to me,” I said, trying not to sound shocked.

            “I don’t know if it was the right thing to do,” Naruto said slowly.  “Should I go back?”

            “ _No_.”

            “Sasuke…”

            “The world needs to learn how to survive without you.  If it can’t, then oh well.”

            “Did you really just ‘oh well’ the end of the world?”

            “You’re going to die eventually, you know.”

            “Oh.  My.  God.”

            “I just want you to stop inflating your self-importance.”

            “You are the worst husband in the world.  Like in the actual world.”

            “Good.”

            “What the hell do you mean, ‘good’?!”

            “You’re back,” Juugo said from the doorway.

            “We are,” I agreed.

            “Sasuke wants me to _die_!” Naruto exclaimed, gesturing wildly.

            “I didn’t say that I wanted it, I said that you were going to.”

            Juugo’s brow furrowed.  “Did something go wrong with the seal?”

            “Huh?” Naruto said.  “No, that was fine.  Probably.  We left after it was done.”

            “So it’s over?”

            “As long as Kaguya doesn’t break out of the seal,” I said.  I sat down on the bed abruptly, feeling my leg buckle.

            “Hey,” Naruto said, sitting next to me and pulling my right leg up across his lap.  “Does it still hurt?  And don’t say it’s fine.”

            “It’s not bad.”

            “That isn’t funny, jerk,” he complained, pushing my bloody pant leg up and rubbing over the ashy gash on my leg with his chakra.  “Why didn’t you tell me it was this deep?”

            “We had other things to worry about,” I said, trying not flinch as the bone started to reset itself.

            “Should I go slower?”

            “No.”

            Naruto went slower anyway, trying to make it hurt less.

            “Did you get a boo-boo?” Mikio asked, appearing out of nowhere and peering at my leg.

            “Yeah,” I said.

            “It must hurt a lot,” he said.  He climbed up onto the bed and hugged my waist.

            “Naruto’s making it better,” I said, resting my hand on the top of his head.

            “I’ll give you my hug power.”

            “Thank you.”  I wasn’t even being ironic when I said it.  I had become the kind of person who appreciated hug power.  It was awful.

            One kid quickly turned into two, and then the whole brood was crowded into our room.

            And then the night went on like we hadn’t just fought an epic battle to save the world.

            I smoked my after-dinner cigarette outside with Juugo, talking business.  The brats ran around like zoo animals, Naruto in the thick of it, disturbing the desert quiet.

            “Is everything really okay?” Juugo finally asked.

            “As okay as things will ever be,” I said.

            “How was Getsuko?”

            “Unconscious.”

            “But she’ll be okay?”

            “She should be,” I said.  “The seal that Hanabi created… she’s not bad.”

            “You could say that she’s good.”

            “I could.”

            Juugo shook his head.

            “She would make a suitable hokage,” I offered.

            “Is Getsuko staying with her?”

            “I think so.”

            “It would be nice if Getsuko came and visited once she’s recovered.”

            I shrugged.

            “I think the kids would like that.  And I would, too.  We all care about her.”

            “Yeah, I got it.”

            “You care about her, too.”

            “What’s your point?”

            “Sasuke, your act is getting a little tired.”

            “Fuck you.”

            Juugo shrugged.

            “I don’t have an act,” I muttered.

            He snorted.

            “Did you just _snort_ at me?”

            Juugo smiled.

            I bumped shoulders with him.

            He surprised me by pulling my head to rest on his shoulder.  “Stop being so reckless.”

            I cast my eyes up at him.

            “You’re always coming home hurt…”

            “Because I’m the only one with the balls to fight a little girl.”

            “Only you would call the most powerful ninja in existence a little girl.”

            “What is going on here?!” Naruto demanded, glaring at us.

            “I’m stealing Sasuke from you,” Juugo deadpanned.

            I smirked.

            “How could you?!” Naruto mock-cried, throwing his arms around my waist.

            His nonsense was immediately ended by a pig-pile of children.

            I limped a little as I went up the stairs to bed.

            “Let me see,” Naruto said, pawing at my pajama pants.

            “This is the worst seduction you’ve ever tried.”

            He leveled me with a look.

            I lifted my hips and slid the pants down very slowly.

            Naruto looked away and swallowed.

            “Pervert,” I said.

            “You’re the one putting on a show!”

            I stretched my leg out to him.

            He rubbed it, pushing some healing chakra into it.  “I don’t have a lot left,” he said apologetically.

            “It doesn’t hurt much now,” I said.  “It’ll heal on its own fine.”

            “I don’t want you to hurt at all.”

            “You are so cheesy.”

            “How is that cheesy?!”

            “Hey, you’re using too much chakra,” I said, pushing his hand away.  “I’m okay.  I’m not just saying it, I am.”

            “Okay,” he said, leaning in to kiss me.  “I know you’re really strong and not fragile at all, but I just worry irrationally.”

            “You are certainly irrational,” I agreed.

            “You’ve been so feisty since you went off your meds,” he said, getting into bed.

            “And your masochistic ass loves it,” I said, deciding not to take offense at the word ‘feisty’.

            “God help me, it does,” he sighed into his pillow.  “You’re so smart and quick and clever.”

            “Yes,” I agreed.

            “And so easy to seduce with compliments.”

            “Like you ever even try to seduce me.”

            “Your cracks on our sex life are starting to hurt me.”

            “Everything I do hurts you,” I muttered, rolling over and spooning him.  “You know how I feel about you.”

            “Yeah, it’d just be nice if you said it once in a while.”

            “Gross.”

            “You are so mean.”

            “I know.”

            “If you know the problem, then correct the behavior!”

            “Don’t wanna.”

            “You are too cute sometimes,” Naruto said, cradling my arm to his chest.

            “’M not cute,” I murmured, sleepily nipping at the back of his neck.

            Naruto turned over, pressing his forehead to mine.  “Whatever the word is then.  You make my insides go all fluttery.”

            “You are so gay.”

            “Uh, duh.”

            “I’m glad you’re gay,” I hummed.  “I thought you were straight for so long.”

            “I thought so, too,” he said with a little laugh.  “But who wouldn’t go gay for Uchiha Sasuke?”

            “I know I would,” I said, half asleep.

            Naruto’s laugh rumbled through his chest.

            In the morning, he promised me that he was retiring.

            “I can be a stay-at-home dad,” he said, and he looked happy about it, happier than he’d ever looked about being the hokage.

            “You don’t actually live with your children,” I pointed out.

            He looked at me aghast.  “Don’t let our kids hear you say that.”

            I rolled my eyes.

            “But hey, so Kurotsuchi was telling me about this boy from their village.  He’s a chuunin, has a strong affinity with wind.  She said he’s looking for a teacher…”

            “You’re a good teacher,” I said, kissing his temple and leaving it at that.

            It took time.

            Naruto kept running back to Konoha to hover over Getsuko’s shoulder.  When he accepted that the seal was working and that she wanted him to stop stalking her, he decided to hover over Hanabi’s shoulder while she started preparing to take his place.  She pretty much chased him out of Konoha.

            “She told me that I’m _meddlesome_ ,” he complained.  “And a _micromanager_.  I don’t even know what that means!”

            “You’re stepping down next month,” I said.  “Maybe you should try, you know, stepping a little farther away.”

            “But they _need_ me!”

            “I need you.  These kids need you.  Konoha doesn’t give a fuck about you.”

            “Why do you have to be so damn cynical?” he complained.

            I stared at him.

            Naruto sighed, running his fingers through my hair.  “If you’re gonna keep growing it, you should put it in a ponytail.”

            I raised an eyebrow.

            “It’d be hot.”

            I raised the other eyebrow.

            He grinned at me goofily.

            I rolled my eyes.

            “Hey,” he said, his grin getting wider.

            “What?”

            “Guess who’s coming to my retirement-slash-Hanabi’s-coronation?”

            “Should I care?” I asked dismissively.

            “It’s you, stupid,” he said, brows knotting in irritation.

            “Oh, okay then, let me just cross the border and watch all the ANBU try and subdue me.”

            He grabbed me by the hair, enough to feel it but not enough to really hurt.

            My breath sped up a little.

            “I am telling you that the Counsel is going to overturn your exile,” he said, face close to mine.

            “That’s not possible,” I said.  Kakashi had told me as much.

            “All things are possible when Naruto is the hokage.”

            “You’ve been the hokage for ten fucking years and you haven’t been able to get the Counsel to budge.”

            “Why are you being such a jerk today?”

            “I wasn’t aware that making honest statements made me a jerk.”

            “Sasuke,” he whined.

            I took a breath and let it out.  I could feel his fingers pressing into the back of my neck, and I wished he’d pull harder.

            “You’re having weird masochistic thoughts,” he said.

            “So?”

            He kissed my nose, letting go of my hair.  “You better start packing for Konoha.”

            “It’s not for a month,” I said.  “And who says I even want to go?”

            “Yurina and Tsubaki,” he said, walking away.

            Of course I went.


	31. 10 Years Later, Happily Ever After, Part 8

            Our entire family was there to watch Naruto pass that fashion faux pas of a hat over to Hanabi.

            “And now Naruto-sensei will stay awake in the bath?” Mikio asked from my shoulders.

            “Probably,” I said, watching as Hanabi turned from the crowd to say something to Sakura, the words ‘Shadow Hokage’ emblazoned on her back with no number.  She’d be leaving the village soon, protecting Konoha from the outside like Naruto had done.

            Like Itachi had done.                               

            “This is really boring,” Ao complained.  “How many more speeches are they going to do?”

            “Like a million,” Suigetsu groaned.  “Can we sneak out?”

            “I’m all for it,” I said.  Despite being allowed into the village, I hadn’t exactly received a warm welcome.  Same old Konoha, full of glares and hostility.  Ditching their most important ceremony seemed to send the right kind of ‘fuck you’ message that I was going for.

            “Won’t Naruto-sensei be mad?” Sanma asked, looking between us all nervously.

            “He probably made a clone so he wouldn’t have to stand through these dumb speeches either,” Ao said.

            As soon as she said it, I narrowed my eyes at the Naruto standing on stage.  “No, it’s really him,” I confirmed.

            “But you thought it might not be,” Ao said with a laugh.

            “I can’t deny that,” I said, eyeing a way through the crowd.  “Come on.”

            Sanma seemed conflicted.

            “I’m staying,” Juugo said, resting a hand on Sanma’s shoulder.

            I gave him a nod, and led the rest of the group out of the crowd.

            Of course we were stared at the whole way, but it felt so nice to be out of there.

            “God, I hate this stupid village,” I muttered.

            “Then how come you wanted to come so badly?” Mari needled me.

            I thought of my poor, poor nieces, who were trapped on the stage with their moms and dad, forced to be the good hokage kids.  This whole ceremony was a waste of my time, and I wished it was over.

            “I need a cigarette,” I said.

            “Gross,” Mikio said, pinching my cheeks.

            I couldn’t even be mad at him.  I really and truly had gone soft.  If the me at sixteen could only see me now.

            We truly knew nothing as kids.

            I decided to scare the people of Konoha instead.  Most were at the ceremony, but I stared down the few passersby that we saw as we moved into the town.  They stared at the ground nervously, walking as far away from me as the width of the street allowed.

            All the shops were closed.

            “I hafta pee,” Riki said.

            “I want cotton candy!” Kanon declared.

            “Cotton candy!” the twins agreed.

            This was almost as annoying as the ceremony.

            Then Suigetsu strangely came to the rescue, getting Riki an alley to pee in and distracting the others with a game of tag spread out across the empty town.

            “When did Suigetsu get good with kids?” I asked Karin.

            “I think he’s practicing,” she said, staring out into the town from the stoop we were sitting on.

            “For wha-” I started to say, then recoiled.  “Are you serious?”

            “I’m knocked up,” she said, touching her stomach.

            “Congratulations?”

            “Yeah, I don’t really know how I feel about it either.”

            “Aren’t you kind of old to have a bab-” I tried to say and got kicked in the head.  “Bitch.”

            “The only bitch I see here is you.”

            “Fuck,” I said.

            “Fuck,” she agreed.

            “Go away so I can smoke.”

            “Maybe I’ll just follow you everywhere you go.”

            “Did Naruto put you up to this?” I asked suspiciously.  “Did you get pregnant just to stop me from smoking?”

            “That seems more likely than the reality of the situation,” she said with a sigh.

            “You’re really keeping it?”

            She touched her stomach again, leaving her hand there as she looked down at it.  “It’s weird, but I feel kind of attached to the little mutant.”

            The ceremony ended, and Konoha slowly came back to life.

            Naruto was mad that we’d left, while also weirdly elated by his newfound freedom.

            “Sakura’s having a party,” he said, suddenly swooping me into a kind of waltz in the middle of the hotel lobby.  “Let’s go, okay?”

            “When did you learn how to dance?” I asked suspiciously.

            “I have lots of hidden talents.”

            I used my sharingan to follow him.  “No, I have lots of hidden talents.  You need a pat on the back and a sticker for every little thing that you accomplish.”

            “You make me sound really needy,” he complained, dipping me.

            I glared at him.

            He grinned, pulling me back up.  “Yurina’s taking a dance class and I was her practice partner this week.”

            That sounded adorable, and I needed to see it in person so I could take hundreds of photos and hoard them under my pillow.

            “You look like you just thought something horrible,” Naruto said, bringing our waltzing to an end and poking my nose.

            “I did,” I said, shaking my head.  “Why does my mind go to such horrific places?”

            “Did you really think something awful, or were you thinking about how cute Yurina and I must’ve been dancing together?”

            “Are we going to this stupid party or what?”

            “Yeah, where are our kids?”

            “Playing with Suigetsu,” I said, gesturing vaguely.

            Naruto gave me a confused look.

            “Yeah, he’s suddenly decided that he likes children.  Don’t ask, you don’t want to know.”

            Naruto made some clones and sent them off in different directions while we headed towards Sakura’s.

            We walked how we often walked around Suna, fingertips laced and shoulders brushing.

            Konoha wasn’t Suna.

            Of course, no one dared say anything.  Even if Naruto had just finished retiring an hour earlier, he was still their beloved hokage.

            But they didn’t need to say anything.  The obvious disgust, the averted eyes, the constant whispering while eyes darted towards us and quickly away.

            “Why am I here?” I muttered, taking my hand from Naruto’s.

            He snatched my hand back.

            I frowned at him.

            He frowned back.  “Come on,” he said, pulling me along forcefully.

            I glared death at the next idiot who made a face at us.

            He stopped walking and just stared at me like a terrified animal.

            I smiled, and that set him running off.

            “Don’t terrify my citizens,” Naruto said, pulling my hand up and kissing the knuckles.

            “Fuck them,” I replied.

            “Let’s just get to the party, okay?”

            I hated being in Konoha.  It made me feel weak and cornered.  It also brought up unwanted memories of my family.

            “We should go to your parents’ graves,” Naruto said, reading my mind like usual.

            “Yeah,” I said quietly.

            “We can go to mine, too,” he added.  “I think they’d like to see you.”

            “Dead people can’t see things, dumbass.”

            “Don’t be an asshole just because you’re stressed.”

            “Sorry.”

            He squeezed my hand, accepting my apology.

            “Sasuke-senseeeei!” Mikio cried, attaching himself to my leg.

            “What?” I asked, picking him up and sitting him on my shoulders again.  It made it easier to walk.

            “We had so much fun with Suigetsu,” he said happily.

            “With Suigetsu?” Naruto asked, confused.

            “Yeah!” Kanon said, holding her arms up to Naruto.

            He picked her up and put her on his shoulders.

            “Whatta ‘bout me?” Riki complained.

            “I’ve got ya, kid,” Suigetsu said, scooping him up.

            Riki cheered.

            “When did you become the child whisperer?” Naruto asked.

            “I’m great with kids,” Suigetsu said.

            We arrived at the hall, and the kids scampered off to play with the other kids at the party.

            “Is it okay if I drink?” Naruto requested, eyes lingering on the beer being passed around.

            “Yeah, as long as you stay away from Gaara,” I said, casting my eyes towards the kazekage.

            “Aw, come on, we’re not that bad,” he complained.

            “You and Gaara drinking together is the most annoying thing I have ever experienced in my life,” Temari said as she and Shikamaru came in with their son.

            “I feel like you’re exaggerating,” Naruto protested.

            I took a beer from the waiter and handed it to him.  “No shenanigans.”

            “Yeah, yeah, yeah…”

            Of course there were shenanigans.  Fortunately, Sakura put a stop to their plot to fill everyone’s drinks with exploding streamers.

            I sat as far away as possible and smoked my cigarettes, telling anyone who wanted to know that we were getting a divorce in the very near future.

            “Stop telling people that you’re going to divorce me!” Naruto yelled as Shikamaru dragged him over to me.

            “I gave you one task, Naruto.  One fucking task.”

            He went all penitent.  “I’m sorry, baby,” he said, climbing in my lap and throwing his arms around my neck.

            “I’m not taking responsibility for him,” I informed Shikamaru, who was trying to walk away.

            “He’s not my problem anymore,” he said with a shrug.

            “Dammit, Nara!” I growled as he disappeared back into the party.

            Karin snorted.  She and I had just formed a little alliance of non-drinkers, but apparently she was no longer to be trusted.

            “Go get him some water,” I said to her.

            “Get it yourself.”

            “With this 200 pound tumor?” I said, gesturing towards the man attached to my body.

            “You’re a big strong man, I’m sure you can handle it.”

            “I need a cigarette,” I muttered.

            Karin pointed to her stomach.

            Naruto looked between us, confused.

            “She got knocked up,” I said.

            Naruto detached himself from me to go over to Karin, wrapping her in a hug.  “Can I touch it?” he pleaded.

            “It’s still the size of a peanut,” she said, but let him touch her stomach anyway.

            Naruto looked so happy.  “Hey, little cousin,” he said into her stomach.  He and Karin had been able to figure out that Naruto’s mom and Karin’s dad had been first cousins, making them second cousins.  Since neither of them had any actual family, it seemed to please both of them to finally have someone.  “Are you gonna get married?”

            “Heck no,” Karin said.

            “Why not?” Naruto asked.  “Marriage is great!”

            “What’s so great about it?”

            “Tax breaks!”

            Karin snorted.  “Is that why you married Sasuke?”

            “Uh, obviously.”

            I went to get Naruto some water and smoke a cigarette.

            “Sasuke.”

            I stared at the fifth hokage, eyebrow raised.

            “Come have a drink with us,” she said, gesturing towards where Kakashi, Shizune, and a masked ANBU were sitting.

            “You realize I’m a recovering addict?”

            “Who isn’t?” she said, sitting back down and pouring herself more sake.

            I considered walking back to Naruto and Karin, but I wasn’t one to run away from something.

            Kakashi passed me some tea.

            I lit a cigarette, taking a drag before taking a sip.

            Kakashi was looking at me in a sad, paternal kind of way.

            I’d once thought of him like a father, but that had been several lifetimes ago, and now we barely spoke.

            “I don’t want anything to happen to you while you’re in the village,” Tsunade finally said.

            I stared at her.

            “Kakashi told you that you still have enemies here.”

            I shrugged.  “I have enemies everywhere.”

            “They’re not happy that you’ve been allowed back,” she said.

            “And just who is this mysterious ‘they’?” I asked, tired of the games.

            “Several members of the elected council,” she said.  “Mostly people from old clans, bearing a grudge against the Uchiha.”

            “Did you have a detailed listing for me?” I asked.  This whole conversation was boring.

            “These are credible threats on your life, Sasuke,” Kakashi said.  “We’re afraid they’ll go after your family to get to you.”

            “I will slit the throat of anyone who tries.”

            Kakashi shook his head.  “You’re too cocky, sometimes.  You and Naruto haven’t had any peers for a long time, but now there’s Getsuko.  Who knows what other powers are going to start emerging?  You’re not untouchable, and you need to realize the risk that puts everyone around you at.”

            “Thanks for your concern,” I said, finishing off my tea.  “If you don’t have anything useful to actually say…?”

            “There’s a faction forming against Naruto,” Tsunade said, eyes boring in me.

            “The Ninja Freedom Alliance,” I said.

            “They’ve been making overtures to the old families here in Konoha.”

            That I hadn’t known.  “Are we supposed to be afraid of them?” I asked, trying to play it off.

            “Yes,” the both of them said, faces serious.

            “We will always fight for the two of you,” Kakashi said.

            “Like how you fought so hard to take those damn seals off of my eyes?  Like you fought so hard to let me back into the village?” I asked, bitterness creeping into my voice.

            “Yes,” he said, his voice breaking.

            “Just like how he fought for those things every damn chance he had, just like how he stood up against everyone who spoke out against you,” Tsunade put in.  “You don’t know a damn thing about how this village operates.  You have no clue how hard this man has fought for you and protected you.  The only reason you are alive today is because of him.”

            I looked away, watching my cigarette burn its way towards my finger.

            “Good evening, young Uchiha!” Gai said cheerfully as he rolled up to our table.  He continued smiling, oblivious to the tension.

            “We’re done, right?” I said, standing up.

            Kakashi was giving me that _look_ again.  “Be careful,” was all he said.

            I went back to Naruto and Karin, plunking a water between Naruto’s hands.

            “But I don’t wanna mess up my buzz,” he complained, putting the water down and pulling me onto his lap.

            I stared at him.

            “I miss drunk Sasuke.”

            I stared at him harder.

            “I do.”

            “You’re the one who made me go to rehab!” I snapped.

            “Well, yeah, ’cause you could never just _stop_ , you know,” he said, rubbing one of his hands up and down my side.  “But when you’d only had a coupla drinks, when the night was still young…  You were so damn _cute_.  All open and vulnerable and honest.”

            “Good thing you put a stop to that shit.”

            “I regret it.”

            Karin was giving him an incredulous look.

            “Come on, you loved drunk Sasuke, too.”

            “Drink your water,” she said, pushing the glass towards him.

            Naruto sighed and took a drink.

            “Oh, hey, Ino!” Karin said, standing up as the other woman walked by.

            Ino turned and waited for Karin to join her, then the two walked off together.

            “We’re really unpopular,” Naruto said glumly.

            “Then maybe you shouldn’t try putting things that explode in people’s drinks.”

            “It seemed like a good idea at the time!  It woulda been hilarious!  Even Gaara thought so!”

            “So help me god if I see you two drinking together even once for the rest of this trip.”

            “I’m sorry,” Naruto murmured into my ear.  He let his hands slide down my back and settle in for a grope.  “Hey, so Sakura and Ino said that all the kids could stay at Hokage Tower for a little sleepover.”

            “Do they realize how many children we have?”

            “They even invited Shika’s kid, and Chouji’s, and Kiba’n’Hina’s.”

            “That doesn’t seem chaotic or insane at all.”

            “Mm,” Naruto said, giving me a spank.

            “What the hell?!” I said, pulling away and sitting on my own chair.

            “You are wearing something very naughty right now,” he said, his eyes squinting in a grin.

            I flushed.

            His grin widened.  “It’s getting late.  We should get back to the hotel,” he said, reaching out and rubbing my thigh.

            “You are so damn handsy when you’re drunk,” I muttered.

            “Yeah,” he agreed happily, pulling me to my feet.  “Let’s go.”

            So we went.


	32. 10 Years Later, Happily Ever After, Part 9

            The hotel room was quiet.  The previous night, we’d had the littlest ones all running around and jumping on the beds.

            Now it was just us.

            “So, are you going to pass out?” I asked, watching Naruto flop onto the bed.

            “No!” he said, even though he sounded exhausted.

            “I’m going to brush my teeth,” I said, ducking into the bathroom.

            I was halfway done when Naruto dragged himself in, leaning on my shoulders heavily.

            “Drink more water,” I scolded him.

            “Yeah,” he said, kissing my neck.  “Where’s my toothbrush?”

            I handed it to him.

            We brushed and flossed, and I washed my face.

            “When’re you gonna undress?” Naruto hummed into my ear.

            “I figured I’d just sleep in my clothes tonight.”

            “You are such a goddamn tease,” he growled, pulling my backside flush against him.  “Wearing those all night.  How am I supposed to concentrate?”

            “Wearing what?” I said, shifting away from him and going back into the room.  “Do you think Kanon will be okay without her bear?” I added, picking up the stuffed animal from her bed.

            Naruto made a clone and had him take the bear.  He leapt out the window and disappeared.  “Enough distractions.  I wanna see.”

            “Too bad you can’t always get what you want.”

            “Sasuke!” Naruto cried, pouncing on me.

            I let him pin me to the bed.

            He stared down at me, his breathing erratic.  His fingers fumbled at the button of my pants, undoing it after a few failed attempts, and then easing the zipper down.  His breath caught, the look in his eyes reverent.  “Fuck.  I can’t believe you really wore them.”

            “I said I would, didn’t I?” I said, looking away from him and not blushing.  My stupid partner had some really stupid fetishes.

            “Yeah, but you always try and weasel your way out of it,” Naruto said, trying to shimmy my pants down.

            I lifted my hips, and he pulled them partway down before getting distracted, gaping at me.  “Enough,” I said, kicking my legs a little.

            Naruto shook his head, breaking the trance.  He tugged my pants off and tossed them on the floor.  “You are incredible, Sasuke.”

            “Because I wore a pair of stupid lacey underwear?”

            “They are not stupid, and yes.  Yes, exactly.  You look… yes.  I like this.  I like this very much.”

            “At least someone is enjoying himself,” I said, still not looking at him.

            “I think you’re starting to enjoy it,” Naruto hummed, rubbing his nose against the lace.  “Oh my god, this is so… yes.”

            I ran my fingers through his hair, getting a grip.  Naruto was breathing heavily, and I could feel his hot breath on my skin through the little perforations in the lace.  There was a little twitch.

            He started mouthing along the outline.

            My fingers tightened in his hair.  “You’re getting them wet.”

            “That’s okay,” he said, licking up the front.

            I shivered involuntarily.

            “I wanna see them soaked,” he said, opening wide and continuing to mouth his way up.

            I rolled my eyes, even as goosebumps rose up on my arms.  “No dirty talk.”  He was awful at it.  Except when he wasn’t.

            “You love it,” he murmured into the lace.

            “I love you,” I said, feeling stupidly sentimental.

            I could feel him smile, a little puff of air escaping his nose.  “I love you, too, Sasuke.”  He slithered up my body to steal a quick kiss.  “Thank you for this nice present.”

            “Dummy.”

            He looked at me.

            I kissed his nose, then directed him back where I wanted him.

            “So gorgeous,” he murmured, rubbing the lace with his palm.

            My hips rocked in response.

            Naruto’s lips parted in a pant.  He started moving his hand rhythmically.

            The lace felt rough against my sensitive skin, and it made my eyes glaze over.

            “Fucking gorgeous,” he repeated, pulling at the elastic, reaching in.

            I closed my eyes, digging my fingers into the mattress.  My back arched, my breath building into a crescendo until all I could do was cry out.

            Naruto wanted to kiss afterwards, and I let him because I was feeling hazy and relaxed.  “This is nice,” he said, licking my nose.

            I hummed in response, running my fingers lazily under his shirt.  “You should get naked,” I finally said.

            “Oh, did you want to feast your eyes on my manly body?” he asked, sitting up and peeling off his shirt.

            “No talking,” I admonished him, reaching out a hand to touch his abs.  He really did have a fantastic body.  It kind of pissed me off, to be honest.  Naruto got to spend years training, while I was battling drug and alcohol addiction, an eating disorder, and a variety of other mental problems.  I’d gotten into shape and was all solid muscle mass now, but I’d never be as perfectly crafted as him.

            At least I could still kick his ass.

            Naruto looked down at my hand, watching it trace the edges of his six-pack.  “I wish I didn’t drink so much…”

            I hooked a finger in the waist of his pants and tugged them down.  “You’re not interested in me?”

            “Of course I’m interested,” he whined, helping me work his pants to his knees.  He stretched out his legs and kicked them off the rest of the way.

            I sat up, wrapping my arms around him.  “You don’t seem very interested.”

            “I told you, I drank too much!” he said, catching my face in his hands.  “There’s a lil’ somethin’ goin’ on though…” he added, pressing his mostly soft member into mine and rocking lightly.

            “Very little,” I said, giving him an unimpressed look.

            “I wanna cum inside you so bad right now,” he murmured.

             “What are you saying?” I muttered, pushing his face away from me.

            “Sorry,” he said quickly, resting his hands on my hips and fingering the lace.  “I really shouldn’t have drank so much, but…”

            I kissed his shoulder, then his neck.

            Naruto’s hand went to the back of my head, fingers digging into my hair as he made a satisfied little growl.  His other hand went down to my ass, gripping tightly.

            I pushed him flat on his back.  We settled into languid, open-mouthed kisses while our hips moved together slowly.

            That went on for a while, until Naruto started pushing the lace aside and pressing his finger inside.  From the first pressure, he immediately got more aggressive.

            “I want you on your hands and knees,” he growled, the kyuubi rumbling through his voice.

            “You’re gonna have to work for it,” I said, staring him down.

            A hand traced up the column of my throat.  “No, I don’t.”

            “Wow, you quit your job and in less than a day you already have your balls back?”

            “I never lost them,” he said, giving me a challenging look.

            “Ha,” I said, but I could feel his hand still pressed to my throat.  A warning.

            Naruto would never hurt me without my permission.

            I always gave permission.

            He regarded me with red eyes.  The line between Naruto and Kurama was almost nonexistent.  It didn’t really matter, though.  The kyuubi was a part of Naruto that made him who he was.

            I trapped his arms over his head, watching.

            He clearly didn’t want to be under me anymore, but he was biding his time.

            I licked the corner of his mouth.

            He growled and nipped at my tongue.

            It was all a well-choreographed dance.  The steps were more or less the same as always, though this was probably the most interesting sexual encounter we’d had in months.  Maiko told me that she preferred reading Hinata’s trashy novels to hearing about my actual sex life.  Naruto and I tended to be mutual blowjobs and missionary position types, rather than fucking in enemy lairs and shadow clone multiple anal penetration types.

            Also, the one time we tried the clone thing, it just ended with all of them arguing about who got to do what, and not even noticing when I left the room annoyed.

            After that, we stuck to our nice, boring kinks, until Naruto became a zombie, and then I just took anything I could get.

            Now here he was, finally free from the shackles of Konoha.  I looked into his eyes and I saw the faintest spark of the fire that used to burn there.  I also saw worry and fear.

            “Hey,” I said, letting go of his wrists so I could touch his face.

            “Hm?” he said, happy to have his hands back so he could grope me.

            I framed his face in my hands.  “Why are you thinking about anything besides me right now?”

            “You are such a cocky bastard…”

            “I mean it, love.  Stop thinking about useless-”  I found myself on my back.

            “As you wish,” he said.  But he was still thinking.

            “I’m proud of you,” I offered quietly, staring up into red-tinged blue eyes.

            “For running away?”

            “For moving forward.”

            “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

            “You never do.”

            “That doesn’t reassure me.”

            “I believe in you.”

            “Why are you being so nice and supportive?” he asked suspiciously.

            I soured.  “Can’t I be fucking supportive of my partner because I love him?”

            “No,” Naruto said.  “That doesn’t sound like you at all.”

            This was why I didn’t bother.  But I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

            Naruto’s expression softened when I didn’t rip his head off.  “I’m sorry.  Thank you.  If you’re actually being serious, then your words mean a lot to me.”

            “’ _If’_?” I repeated, my eye twitching.

            He smiled sheepishly.  “Because you’re serious, your words mean a lot to me,” he corrected himself.

            I sniffed disdainfully.

            “Don’t be like that, sweetie,” he said, nuzzling my cheek with his nose.  “I’m sorry.  You’ve been so nice to me lately.  I’m just not used to it.”

            “Well don’t get used to it.”

            “Nooo, Sasuke, c’mon, don’t say that.”

            “Can we continue all ready?” I asked, rubbing my leg between his.  “Before you completely ruin the mood?”

            “There’s the nasty Sasuke I know and love.”

            “Oh.  My.  God.”

            “Whaaat?”

            “Usuratonkachi.”

            Naruto laughed and cradled my cheek in his hand like it was the most precious thing in the world.  “Haven’t heard that one in a while.”

            “Drinking decreases your IQ.”

            “Can’t really argue with that,” he said.  “Man, did me and Gaara really try to explode everyone’s drinks?  It seemed like such a great idea at the time.”

            I decided that we were good, and kissed him so we could move on and have further intercourse before he fell asleep on me.

            Naruto seemed amenable to the idea.  With a little maneuvering he had me on my hands and knees.  Then he seemed to stop.

            “Could you do more than just look?” I complained, turning back to glare at him.

            Naruto looked mesmerized.

            “For fuck’s sake.”

            He blinked, casting his eyes over to my face.  “Huh?”

            “Less looking, more touching,” I commanded.  “And tonguing.”

            He gave me a very devious grin and hooked the edge of my underwear with his thumb, pulling it aside while simultaneously opening me up with both thumbs.

            I dropped my forehead to the mattress, chewing on my bottom lip while he worked his tongue around me.  I relaxed and just felt good for a while.

            “You okay, Sas’?” Naruto paused, checking in.

            I approximated a nod, my whole body jell-o.

            He rubbed up and down my back with the back of his hand, knuckles dragging against the notches in my spine.  “Want me to keep going?”

            I gave another lazy nod.

            Naruto delved back in.

            I rubbed my cheek against the sheets, eyes half-closed.

            He stopped abruptly.

            I turned to frown at him.

            “Look, I’m completely hard!” he said, gesturing proudly.

            “Congratulations,” I said.  “Idiot,” I added for good measure.

            Naruto pouted.

            “Were you going to do something with that, or is it just for display?”

            “Oh,” he said, perking up.  “Well, I dunno, you seemed to be enjoying yourself.  Did you want to keep going, or did you want the _full Uzumaki_?!”

            I dropped my forehead back to the mattress.  “Please stop calling your penis the full Uzumaki.”

            “What?!  Come on, it’s funny!”

            “Hilarious.  I just can’t stop laughing.  I think I’ll go jerk off in the shower now.”

            “Noooo!”

            I looked back at him, trying to glare and not smile at my idiot of a partner.

            “You want to laugh,” he said, grinning at me.

            “I want to fuck.”

            He bit his lip at that.  “Yeah?”

            I raised my hips higher and stared at him, waiting.

            From the look he was giving me, I had the feeling it wouldn’t be lasting very long.

            The lace slid down to the top of my thighs and I felt the first brush, then a push.  He leaned his whole body over mine, wrapping one arm across my chest and holding me as he started to move.

            I kept myself braced on my right arm as I moved my left hand.

            Naruto was his usual noisy self, filling the air with ‘I love you’s, grunts, cries, and odes to lace panties.  He finished with a sharp jerk, hot and sticky inside of me.

            His hand found mine, waiting for my answering cry.

            I sank into the mattress, feeling satisfied.

            Naruto followed me, nudging my nose with his.

            I looked into his eyes and smiled, nosing back.

            Naruto shifted to nuzzle my cheeks.  His nose grazed mine again, then nuzzled at my forehead.

            I caught my fingers in his hair, feeling content.

            “Let’s go wash up,” he said, giving me a last solid nuzzle before sitting up and slapping my bare ass.

            I eyed him.

            He grinned.

            I shifted, peeling off the underwear and throwing it at his head.

            He let them hit him in the face, grinning even wider.

            “Go warm the shower up,” I said.

            “Yessir,” he said, going off to the bathroom with a spring in his step.

            I blinked.  “You’re not going to pass out now?”

            “Nope!” he said.  The shower started running and I could hear Naruto gargling.

            I got up, eyeing the sticky mess on the bed.  I made a face, pulling the sheet off and dumping it on the floor.  I walked over to the bathroom.

            Naruto was brushing his teeth again.

            I put my arms around his waist, resting my chin on his shoulder.

            He flashed me a grin in the mirror.

            “You seem different,” I said.

            “More virile?” he suggested.

            “Actually, kind of, yeah,” I agreed.

            He gave me a kiss on the cheek, leaving a trail of toothpaste.

            I made a face and wiped it off.

            “Shower looks nice and steamy,” he said.

            “Mm,” I agreed, pulling away and giving him a smack on the ass.

            He started, spine going straight.

            I pulled back the curtain and stepped over the tub to get into the shower.  “Coming?” I asked.

            He nodded, quickly spitting into the sink and rinsing his toothbrush.

            I held my hand out to him, and he took it.

            It felt like a new beginning.


	33. 10 Years Later, Happily Ever After, Part 10

            I woke up feeling like I was on fire.

            “Naruto,” I muttered, trying to shake him awake.  He was curled up into my chest, his arm around my waist like a vise.  He’d had nightmares during the night and couldn’t fall back asleep until I’d coddled him.  Unfortunately it was summer, and it was too fucking hot to be that close.

            “Sleepy,” came his response as he tightened his grip.

            “Babe, come on,” I said, giving him a stronger shake.  “Even _I’m_ awake.  It’s time to get up.”

            “But I’m sad.”

            I sighed, petting his head.  “I know,” I said, thinking back to a few hours earlier when he’d been crying ‘Jiraiya’ into my arms.  “I know.”

            “I feel dumb,” he mumbled into my chest.

            “Well,” I said.

            “Watch it.”

            I tilted up his chin and gave him a chaste good morning kiss.  “I think it’s normal to be thinking about your teacher when you’re about to go on your first training trip with your own apprentice.”

            “That sounds like some Maiko psychobabble,” Naruto said, poking my face with his nose.

            “Obviously.”

            He tucked his head back under my chin.

            “It’s too damn hot,” I complained, trying to push him away.

            “Are you gonna be okay while I’m gone?” he asked, ignoring me.

            “Uh, yeah.”

            “I’m worried about this thing between you and Kuromoto Akio.”

            “I can handle a mad scientist.”

            “He wants your eyes.”

            “Well I want his head on a platter, so…”

            “That’s kind of disgusting.”

            “All he has is his little clone army, Naruto, the man isn’t coming anywhere near me if he knows what’s good for him.”

            “He’s pissed that you found his lab.”

            “And he can keep being pissed when I find his new lab and blow that one up, too.”

            “See, I don’t want you making him angrier right now when I’m not here to protect you.”

            “When have I ever needed your protection?”

            “I’m sure I could come up with an example if I had more time.”

            I scoffed at him.

            “I could!  But that doesn’t matter!  The point is, I am going to be away for six months training with Sora, and I don’t want to have to be constantly worried about you.”

            “Then don’t be.”

            “This from the guy who’s always jumping in front of attacks meant for me.”

            “My body just moves on its own.”

            He laughed at that, pressing a kiss to the bottom of my chin.  “I know that you are one of the most powerful ninjas alive, I just can’t help but worry irrationally about you.  Especially when you’re purposely picking fights.  You’re a cocky bastard with no fear.”

            “How is that a bad thing?”

            “Hey, remember the time that Root guy poisoned you?”

            “No.”

            “Whaddya mean, ‘no’?  You were pretty much dead!”

            “Okay then.”

            “You make me significantly less attracted to you when you act like a turd.”

            “Good, because it’s just going to be you and your hand for the next six months.”

            Naruto sputtered at that.

            I gave his hand a pacifying squeeze.  “You know that you don’t have to worry about me.  About anything.  So just go and do what you need to do.”

            “Maybe I’m saying that I’m worried about you because I’m actually worried about myself and being a horrible teacher,” he said glumly.

            “That makes sense,” I agreed.

            He made puppy dog eyes at me.

            “I know you and Sora haven’t really hit it off, but that’s why you’re going on this trip, right?” I said, pressing closer.  I’d gotten to the point that I was so hot and sweaty that I no longer cared about being near the furnace that was Naruto.

            He clung to me like a child.  It was just so endearing yet simultaneously annoying.

            “Where are the brats, anyway?” I asked, suddenly suspicious.

            “Do you really not remember what today is?” he asked, perking up.

            “Huh?” I said.

            “Happy birthday,” he said, giving me a squeeze.

            “Oh, shit, I forgot.”

            He laughed at that.  “I know you want to forget, ’cause you’re basically forty and all.”

            “You keep saying that every year, and yet I’m still not forty,” I said, nudging him.

            “If you round up, thirty-eight is definitely forty.”

            “If you round up, then so is thirty-seven, dumbass.”

            “I’m not as old as you!”

            “And yet you look ten years older, how unfortunate…”

            Naruto sputtered for a while, then forced me into a cuddle.  “I was s’posed ta get up early and get the surprise ready.”

            “Then get up, it’s hot,” I said, trying to extract myself from his persistent hold.

            Naruto made a clone and sent him off.  “Okay, now we can relax.”

            “Who’s here?” I asked, feeling the ebb and flow of someone else in the house.

            “Don’t worry about that!” he said, trying to distract me by flailing around and making me hotter.

            “Is that my surprise?” I asked, trying to distinguish the chakra signatures from everyone else’s.

            “Ya know, I’m leaving in a week,” Naruto said.  “Don’t you want to make every moment count?”

            “Yes, so I want to annoy you by ruining your surprise,” I said, giving him a kiss.  “Oh, yes, keep making that expression, it’s the best send off.”

            Naruto’s brow was creased in annoyance.

            I gave him another kiss to make him smile, hand trailing down his hip.  “Wait, what’s this?” I asked, pausing and tracing the outline of his underwear around the top of his leg.  “When the hell did you put these on?” I asked, laughing.

            “A ninja never reveals his secrets,” Naruto said.

            “You teach people your techniques all the time…”

            “But not my change-your-underwear-in-the-middle-of-the-night techniques.”

            “You are so dumb,” I said, still laughing.  “Why would you even…?”

            “’Cause it’s damn sexy,” he said, shimmying down his sleep shorts.

            I rested my hand on the lacey panties and just kept laughing.

            Naruto looked ridiculously pleased with himself.

            Our mouths met without a thought.

            “Your breath is terrible,” Naruto murmured, but kept kissing me.

            “Yours is worse,” I retorted, but kept kissing him.

            He really did look damn sexy in those panties, not that I would ever vindicate his ridiculous fetishes.

            Things were progressing despite the morning breath problem, when Naruto’s body gave a shudder indicating that his clone had returned to him.

            “Okay, birthday boy,” he said, making himself decent.  “Time to start the day!”

            I let him lead me down the stairs, where all the rugrats were waiting at the bottom.  They held up a banner that read, ‘Happy Almost-Fortieth Birthday!’

            I elbowed Naruto in the side.

            He grinned.

            “You don’t look forty,” said Aiko, our latest addition.  She gave me a bright, gap-toothed smile.

            “Because I’m not,” I said.

            She looked momentarily confused, then nodded like she understood.

            “Uncle Sasuke, Uncle Sasuke!”

            I’d known that she was hiding behind the couch, but seeing Tsubaki pop out, long blonde hair everywhere and blue eyes sparkling, made my chest feel a little tighter.

            “Happy birthday!” she said, jumping up into my arms.  She covered my cheeks in kisses.

            “We were supposed to jump out together,” Yurina complained, coming out from behind the couch.

            Tsubaki flashed her sister a smug look and kept her arms locked around my neck.

            I kept one arm around her back and held the other out to Yurina.

            Yurina for her part understood that Uchiha hugs were rarely offered.  She quickly forgot her annoyance with her sister to scramble over to my side and wrap her arms around my waist.  “Happy birthday, Uncle Sasuke,” she said in her solemn way.

            “Mari and Sanma made breakfast,” Naruto said, wrapping all three of us in a brief hug.

            “It’s almost lunchtime,” Yurina pointed out.

            “Don’t worry about that,” Naruto said, pushing her towards the kitchen.

            We all squeezed around the kitchen table, the kids chattering up a storm.

            “Happy birthday, Sasuke,” Ino said, coming up behind me and ruffling my hair.

            I glowered at her.

            She just smiled, tucking a lily behind my ear.

            “What are you doing?” I muttered, shaking my head.

            “Don’t you miss working at the flower shop?”

            “No,” I said flatly.  I got up and put the flower in some water.

            “I help mom with arranging now,” Yurina said, looking pleased with herself.

            “She won’t let me help at all,” Tsubaki stage whispered to me, her chair pulled up next to mine as she invaded my personal space.

            Naruto and Sora stood in the doorway, disagreeing about something like usual.

            I wasn’t worried.  I knew that the Naruto charm would eventually seep in, and Sora would grow to respect him as his teacher.  Of course it was once again me, and Naruto’s association with me, that had started the problem.

            I didn’t let it bother me.  Naruto had done everything he had wanted with his life without being held back by me.  I wasn’t a hindrance to him.  He wasn’t a hindrance to me.  What more could we possibly want?

            “If it’s my birthday, can I at least smoke my morning cigarette at the table?”

            Everyone started yelling at me.

            I scowled at them.

            Only Aiko flinched, while everyone else carried on with their anti-smoking propaganda.

            I was definitely losing my touch.

            But maybe it didn’t matter anymore.

            Yurina and Tsubaki ended up staying for the rest of their summer vacation, and were there to say goodbye when Naruto and Sora left.

            I had meant to just watch them go, but Naruto had to make a scene.  He swept me into his arms, declared his undying love, and planted a messy smooch on my mouth.

            “Hurry up and go,” I said, pushing him away.

            I got puppy eyes from Naruto and some boos from our audience.

            “Be safe, idiot,” I muttered, pulling him in close by the front of his shirt.

            “Yeah, of course,” he said, still giving me puppy eyes.

            “We’ll be waiting for you,” I said, bumping our foreheads together before letting go.

            “You two are always going your separate ways,” Mari observed as we watched them disappear over the horizon.

            “It’s the only way we don’t drown one another.”

            Mari paused.  “Do you mean that literally or figuratively…?”

            “Sadly, both,” I said with a sigh.

            Mari shook her head, sliding an arm around my waist and leaning her head on my shoulder.

            When they were definitely gone, the feel of Naruto’s chakra no longer dancing over my skin, I got up.  “Have any messenger birds come in today?”

            “No,” Mari said, standing up with me.

            “Karin should have checked in by now,” I muttered.  “Can you get a bird ready to send to Water?”

            “Of course,” she said, bounding off to do so.  Mari had gotten a little less sarcastic and a little kinder since Ao had left for Kumo.  Me letting her into the family business probably helped.  She would never be a ninja, but I trusted her completely, and that was all I really needed from an assistant.

            Juugo and the rest of the kids were walking (or skipping or running) back from accompanying Naruto and Sora off.

            “I think we’ll go on a nature walk this afternoon,” he informed me.

            “Did you want to go after lunch or bring food with you?” I asked.

            “Picnic!” Riki said, looking excited.

            “Yeah, picnic!” Aiko agreed.

            I looked over the ranks of kids.  Only Sanma, Aiko, and Riki, with the temporary addition of Yurina and Tsubaki.  There seemed to be fewer and fewer orphans for Naruto to randomly find lately.  It made the house quieter, but I couldn’t complain.  I also had the feeling that Naruto would be returning from a six month trip with at least a couple of kids in tow.

            “Are you coming, Uncle Sasuke?” Tsubaki asked with her sparkling eyes.

            “I have some work to deal with.”

            “Just for a little while,” she begged, hanging on my arm.

            I could say no to her, but I found I didn’t want to.  “Come help me make everyone’s lunchboxes.”

            Tsubaki laced her fingers in mine, and then there was a fight over my other hand.  It was just so bizarre.  I was someone who people lusted after, sure, but I wasn’t someone who people loved, especially not children, who tended to find me terrifying.

            It was a new identity.  Someone who could love and be loved.

            “You’re in the way,” I growled at Riki as I tried to open the fridge.

            He just laughed at me, making blocking the fridge a game.

            I picked him up and tossed him over my shoulder.

            The girls all started shrieking, “Me, next!  Me, next!” while Riki lavished in his upside down position.

            I opened the fridge, trying to remember what I’d even needed.

            Aiko, who still wasn’t quite sure of me, pushed the fridge door closed.

            I stared at her.

            She swallowed.

            I picked her up and threw her over my other shoulder.

            She squealed with delight.

            “How am I supposed to get any work done?” I muttered.  I went to open the fridge again, despite being weighted down by the two brats on my shoulders.

            Tsubaki and Yurina caught my arms, hanging on tight and laughing hysterically in that free way that only children could manage.

            “You think this is funny?” I growled.

            They all nodded vigorously, still laughing.

            My heart was full.


	34. The Last Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 11 years after Post Traumatic

            I watched Sora as he meditated under the waterfall.  I had to give it to him, he certainly had more patience than I’d had at that age.  Still, I could see the cracks starting to form.  He was most definitely about to lose his mind.

            I lay back on the warm rock, sunning myself.

            “ _Sen_ seeeeei!”

            “That doesn’t sound like meditation,” I said, staring up at the clouds.

            “It’s freezing!”

            “Yep,” I agreed.

            “Then why are you making me stand here?!”

            “Builds character.”

            “ _Sen_ seeeeeei!”

            “Do you want to complain or do you want to train?” I asked, sitting up and staring at him.

            “This isn’t training!”

            “Why are you so… belligerent…?” I said, sounding out the word slowly.  It had been in my word-a-day calendar.

            “You said that you would teach me Sage Mode!”

            “Ha, like you’re ready for that.”

            “I am!”

            “Then quit complaining and keep meditating.”

            Sora fumed silently.

            I went back to enjoying the warm sun.

            He and I were actually getting on much better, now that we were into month five of our training trip.

            When Sora first came to be my disciple, he’d said that it was under protest, and that he was only doing it because the Tsuchikage made him.  He thought that I was some has-been who now spent his time making up unfair age restrictions and shacking up with a known criminal.

            Maybe he wasn’t so off in his thinking.

            But I definitely wasn’t a _has-been_ , and when he saw me fight he got significantly more interested in training with me.

            The kid was prickly.  His mom had died in the Yuuyake attack on Iwagakure fifteen years ago, and his dad had lost the will to be a parent after that.  Sora had to take care of his dad and his younger brother, even though he was just a little kid himself.

            I could empathize with him, but he didn’t want that.  He wanted everyone to think that he was tough and impenetrable.

            He was a brilliant ninja.  He picked up on things quickly.  We’d breezed through the rasengan.  He wanted to learn Sage Mode.

            I think that’s all he thought that I had to offer him, and once he’d learned that, he’d be done with me.

            That way of thinking assured me that he wasn’t ready.  We’d get there eventually, but we weren’t there yet.

            I sat up, watching the anger twitching across his face as he tried to refocus.

            Someone was coming.

            The chakra curled around me, settling at the base of my spine, warm and familiar.

            I continued to watch Sora, waiting for when he noticed it.

            His eyes shot open.  “Sensei!” he said, leaping from the water.

            “How many?” I asked.

            He looked nervous, but he anchored himself in my calm.  “It feels like one, but… something’s off.”

            “There’s two,” I said.

            “I…” he said, face scrunching up in concentration.

            “Can you figure it out?”

            “It’s like… the other one… they don’t have any chakra?”

            “Bingo,” I said, and then I couldn’t contain myself any longer.  I jumped to my feet, dashing off towards the two approaching figures.

            Sora followed behind uncertainly.

            “Saaaaasssssuuuukkkkeeee!” I cried, throwing myself into his arms.

            He dodged and I crashed into a tree.

            Mari cracked up.

            Sora looked mortified.

            I played it cool.

            “Moron,” Sasuke muttered.

            “Who the hell are you calling a moron, jerk?!” I raged, trying to tackle him.

            He dodged again.

            Oh, no.  Now this was war.

            Sasuke looked startled when I took him down in full Sage Mode.

            I felt briefly gratified.

            Suddenly I was being hugged.

            “I missed you,” he whispered, only loud enough for me to hear.  Then he flipped me over his head.

            “Can you show me your camp?” Mari asked Sora, ignoring us.

            We bounced from tree-to-tree, trying to get the advantage.  I lost track of anything that didn’t involve kicking Sasuke’s ass.

            It ended, like usual, in a nebulous kind of draw, with both of us bleeding and exhausted.

            “What are you doing here?” I finally gasped out as I army-crawled over to him.

            “Had some business.”

            “In the middle of this forest?”

            “Nearby.”

            “So you made sure to come and find me.”

            “You’re hard to miss, pumping out all that wasted chakra.”

            “You’re silly,” I said, climbing on top of him and trying to make up five months’ worth of kisses.

            Things got a little more heated than expected, and it unfolded like a chapter in the _Midnight Ninja Mysteries_.

            “That was embarrassing,” Sasuke mumbled, picking leaves out of his hair.

            “Yeah, I don’t really see the appeal,” I agreed, brushing off the dirt from my butt.  Then I looked at him and went all goofy.  “Well maybe I see it a little.”

            Sasuke sighed and started picking leaves out of my hair.  “Your stupidity is rubbing off on me.”

            “Let’s go find the kids, yeah?” I said.  I hoped they were far, far away.

            “Naruto.”

            “Hm?”

            Sasuke shook his head at me and zipped my fly.

            “Heh, thanks Sas’.”

            “That’s what I’m here for.”

            I was feeling weirdly shy but happy after not seeing him for so long.  I took his hand, and when I felt him squeeze back, I couldn’t contain my smile.  “Why are you here, though?  And why’d you bring Mari?”

            “She wanted to come,” he said, giving me a look like he thought I would understand why that might be.

            “How come?” I asked, staring at him blankly.

            “Why do you never notice anything?”

            “What am I supposed to be noticing?!”

            “Sora isn’t bad-looking.”

            “Are you hitting on my apprentice?!”

            “Oh, for fuck’s sake, Naruto.  Mari has a crush on Sora.”

            “Whaaaaaat?!”

            “You have terrible observational skills for a ninja.”

            “Wait, and they’re alone right now?  What if Mari is taking advantage of my innocent boy?!” I cried, suddenly worrying about the purity of my student.

            “Wouldn’t a normal person be worried about the sixteen-year-old girl in this situation?”

            “Mari can take care of herself,” I said, waving it off.  “But _Sora_ …”

            “We better hurry back then,” Sasuke said, not hurrying.

            I was feeling vague paternal urges to run and protect Sora, but I also felt warm and glowy holding my hubby’s hand.  I decided that Sora needed to learn how to defend himself from all threats, including sarcastic Maris with tons of attitude, and that it would be a great learning experience for him.

            We walked in comfortable silence back to the camp.

            Sora and Mari were sitting on the boulder that hung over the lake, legs swinging.  They seemed to be having a perfectly innocent conversation, but when Sora felt us approach, he leapt away from Mari.

            “Well, that’s not suspicious,” Sasuke said.

            “Oh my god, they like each other,” I marveled.

            “Like I just told you.”

            “Yeah, but isn’t Mari kinda young for him?” I asked, scratching at my five o’clock shadow.  I tried picturing 19-year-old me with 16-year-old Sasuke.  I promptly realized that he would have eaten me alive.  “Well, actually, isn’t he kind of young for her?”

            Sasuke laughed a real laugh, not his usual ‘you are such an idiot’ laugh.

            I grinned.  I was so glad he was here.  I could have lived through six months without him, I just didn’t want to.  And he could have gone through six months without me, but apparently he didn’t want to either.  It pleased me.

            “Did you have a nice fight?” Mari asked.

            “It’s always enjoyable to kick Naruto’s ass,” Sasuke said, reaching for a cigarette that wasn’t there.  He frowned, rubbing at the patch on his arm.

            I had the feeling he would be smoking again in days.  I also had the feeling that I had just been insulted.  “Who kicked whose ass, bastard?!”

            He grinned at me.

            “I think both asses were equally kicked,” I offered, sliding an arm around his waist and pulling him in so I could nuzzle his neck.

            “Pathetic,” he said.  He didn’t pull away.

            “Why are you two so weird?” Mari complained, hopping down from the rock.  She gave Sasuke a very specific look.

            “We’re not weird, we’re adorable,” I protested.

            “If you say so,” Mari said, her eyebrows shooting up.

            “Why don’t you and Sora go and… gather some firewood?” Sasuke said.  He gave Mari a long look.

            “What, do you need some alone time?” she asked, laughing as she moved towards the tree line.

            Sora looked to me.

            “Go ahead,” I said.

            They both disappeared into the woods.

            “Why are you sending them off?” I asked.  I started poking him.

            He swatted my hand away.  “I’m Mari’s wingman.”

            I cracked up.  “How do you even know that word?”

            “Tch.”

            We climbed on the rock that the kids had vacated.

            “How long are you staying?” I asked, rolling up my pant legs so I could stick my feet in the water.

            “We’re just stopping by,” Sasuke said.  “Don’t want to disrupt your training.”

            “Stay forever,” I said, leaning in suddenly to kiss him.

            “Can’t,” he said, lips moving against mine.

            “Boo.”

            “Did you just boo me…?”

            “Mm.”

            Sasuke looked out over the water, eyes fixing on the waterfall.  “Maybe we could stay the night.  We need to get an early start, though.”

            “Yes, yes, okay, a great plan,” I said, nodding enthusiastically.

            He bumped his shoulder into mine.

            I felt like there were a million things I wanted to talk about.  In fact, I was still talking when Sora and Mari came back a suspiciously long time later with suspiciously little firewood.

            After lunch, Sora and I usually did hand-to-hand training.  “Why don’t you spar with Sasuke?!” I asked cheerfully.

            Sora made a face.

            Mari looked at him.

            He had a moment of panic, looking between me and Sasuke.

            “This’ll be great practice,” I said, slapping him on the back.

            Sora didn’t look so certain.

            Sasuke shrugged and went for a cigarette.  He scowled when Mari snickered at him.  He tossed the cloak that he was wearing at her.

            She caught it, giving a wolf-whistle.

            Of course Sasuke had to be wearing one of those ridiculous open shirts of his.  “Are you not up to it?” he asked, giving Sora a sexy cock of his head.  Or maybe that was just my interpretation.

            Sora shifted uncomfortably.  “Are you?” he finally shot back, leaping up into the air.

            “Let’s see what your mini-me has to offer,” Sasuke said to me.  He followed Sora.

            Mari and I found a seat to watch.  She actually knew a lot about ninja techniques, especially but not limited to taijutsu.  She watched with an interested look on her face, which occasionally transformed into awe when either Sasuke or Sora did something especially extraordinary.

            “Is he your boyfriend?” I asked suspiciously.

            “I’m trying,” she said, unembarrassed.

            “I don’t know how I feel about that.”

            “Well you better figure it out quick.”

            Mari had these little mannerisms that always reminded me of Sasuke, like the tilt of her head, or the barb in her retorts.  She would probably be the closest thing he’d ever have to a child, and that made me both happy and sad.

            Anyway, she was ours.

            “Whoa,” she breathed, watching Sora’s rasengan crash into Sasuke’s chidori.

            I felt a swell of pride, watching my student use my father’s jutsu.  His rasengan wasn’t quite like mine, or my father’s, or Jiraiya’s, but it was a part of something, a tradition, a heritage.  It meant something, to see my student using a rasengan against Sasuke.

            I didn’t know exactly what that was, but it was definitely something.

            Mari squeezed my hand, a look of adoration on her face as she stared ahead.

            I wasn’t sure who the look was aimed at, but I squeezed her hand back and enjoyed the fight.

            Sasuke was a good sparring partner.  He didn’t pull any punches, and he could be a showoff, but he wanted a good fight.  He wanted his opponent to fight their best, to strive harder, to reach farther.  God I loved my flawed but perfect partner.

            I probably had the same stupid expression on my face as Mari.  The fact that we could still be together now after all these years was just incredible to me.  Maybe it was so because I knew our relationship wasn’t a given.  I knew that I could leave him.  I knew that he could leave me.  But so far we’d both chosen to stay and fight for the relationship.

            So yeah, I made dreamy expressions in his general direction.

            “Gross,” Mari muttered, elbowing me.

            “You’re making the same face!”

            “I am not!  How dare you?!”

            “Mari’s in _loooooove_.”

            “Tch.”

            “Ugh, when are you gonna grow out of this awful teenage phase?”

            “When are _you_?”

            Sasuke stopped mid-jutsu and just burst out laughing.

            Sora stumbled, confused, and then Sasuke took him out with a punch to the gut.

            “That’s playing dirty,” I complained.

            “Boo,” Mari said.  “Don’t use my wit as a tactic.”

            “He left himself wide open,” Sasuke said, putting his nose in the air.

            “Ow,” was all Sora had to say on the topic.  Then his clone leapt out of the earth in front of Sasuke, rasengan ready to go.

            “Shit,” Sasuke said, barely getting away.

            “Yay!” Mari cheered.

            “That’s my boy!” I hooted.

            I’d been feeling kind of lost since I’d retired, but watching Sora fight…

            That night I was ready to sleep well.

            “Come cuddle,” I urged Sasuke, who pushed me away with an annoyed look.

            I pouted at him, but he ignored me, putting his sleeping bag near Mari’s.

            I was already half-asleep when I heard his bag flop onto the ground next to me, and I felt the warm press of his back to mine.

            “Why do you always have to be so contrary?” I asked, smiling as I felt myself drift.

            “To keep things interesting.”

            Somehow in my life with Sasuke I’d saved the world a bunch of times, run away from my problems and lived in a constant state of denial, dealt with some of my anger and abandonment issues, impregnated two lesbians, achieved my lifelong dream of becoming the hokage, achieved Sasuke’s lifelong dream of retiring from being the hokage, taken part in the co-raising of countless adorable yet fresh-mouthed orphans, and taken on an apprentice who didn’t really like me but was starting to come around, all the while my partner was battling depression and post-traumatic stress disorder, getting addicted to alcohol, getting addicted to opium, getting addicted to cigarettes, getting me addicted to cigarettes, escaping from a village where seemingly endless secret factions wanted to kill him, starting the most successful intelligence-gathering network in the ninja world, becoming the sole breadwinner of our family, falling in love with countless adorable little girls, and doing it all while looking incredibly sexy.  We both did, really.

            Our life would definitely always be interesting.

            I pressed my back more securely into Sasuke’s and slept soundly.


End file.
